My Boy

The first thing I did when I got to the hotel room was throw up. There wasn't much to puke up, I hadn't eaten much. It still stung my throat and coated my tongue with the disgusting taste of stomach acid. The second thing I did was brush my teeth.

The last time someone had caught Jesse and me we were torn apart for two years. I couldn't take that again, especially with so many unanswered questions, and so much confusion.

I paced across the hotel floor, my stomach still twisting and flipping uneasily. I felt like I needed to vomit again but there was nothing left in my stomach. What did Jason want to say? What could he possibly say? Would he tell my mother? Would my father find out that Jesse and I were... fucking again?

My phone buzzed and I couldn't make myself look at it. I kept it my pocket while I paced.

Should I tell Jesse? What if he left without a trace again? What if he blamed it on me? Was it my fault that we were caught?

My phone buzzed again.

I groaned and pulled it out of my pocket, but instead of looking at it I threw it into the drawer of the bedside table.

Maybe I should just leave. Maybe that is what would be best. I want to be with Jesse, more than anything. But I can't just be around for him whenever he wants a casual fuck. I'm just not cut out for that. Maybe I can't be the brother that he needs anymore.

The thought made my heart ache painfully in my chest. This relationship has destroyed me. I don't even know who I am anymore, and I certainly don't know who Jesse is. And yet, in spite of all the pain, I just can't stay away. Thinking about leaving and ending this, never seeing him again, never kissing him again... I don't know how to do that.

So much of our lives Jesse and I have been apart and it's always so painful. It wasn't easy being apart when we were teenagers and it was Hell being apart after we became lovers. I don't know how to survive it again; I don't know how to resist him.

There was a sharp knock at the door, and it knocked me out of my reverie. Maybe there were worse things than just not seeing Jesse again...

My hand was shaking as I opened the door to my hotel room, and I was both relieved and terrified to see Jason standing there by himself. He must've not told my mother.

"Hey Mikey, can I come in?" His tone was... not what I was expecting. I was expecting something harsh, or snide perhaps. But the expression on his face and the tone of his voice reminded me more of a sympathetic high school counsellor.

I stared at him, perplexed, and then finally nodded. I stood aside to let him in and shut the door behind him as he sat at the little breakfast table.

"Take a seat, kiddo." He said, with a small frown on his face. He looked like a dad who was about to have "the talk" with his son.

"Uh, okay." I mumbled, sitting down. Normally I would've taken offense to both the nickname, and the slightly (albeit unintentionally) patronizing tone of his voice. I was too nervous to take offense and too confused about the situation to address him or begin the conversation.

We sat awkwardly in silence for a few minutes.

"So...what do you want to talk about?" I asked finally.

"I saw you and Jesse kissing." He blurted out. My cheeks flushed, my guess was that he saw other things as well.

"Ok. What do you want to do with that information?" I continued. It seemed like this guy had no game plan, I was confused as to why he wanted to talk to me about it when it seemed like he didn't really have any desire to destroy me over it.

"I think it's very inappropriate. Jesse's engaged and Claire seems like a very nice young woman." Jason finally continued. I sighed deeply. Here we go.

"I mean, if you two are going to do that then Jesse should call off the wedding. It isn't fair to Claire, or her family." Jason rubbed his face. He seemed actually more uncomfortable than I was. I stared at him in disbelief and amazement.

Am I in the fucking twilight zone?

"I mean, it's one thing if you're in a, you know, in a, like, open relationship or whatever young people do, but, but, he's going to be married. It's just, it's not, you know, it's not fair. You know what I mean?"

I was baffled.

"I mean, I know that you guys maybe shouldn't be doing what you're doing, but you're adults and it's not my place, so I can't, you know, I can't speak to that. And it's not as if you two can have, you know, kids or anything so, but really, it's not right to, to, well, you know. And I think about how I felt when my first wife cheated on me, and I know that it hurt your mom a lot when your dad cheated on her, so, so, you know, you're an adult and you have to be responsible."

"I mean, it's not as if... you didn't... I mean, you both were... adults, right, kiddo?" Jason asked, this new thought suddenly coming into his head. It was as if I could almost see some invisible entity shoving it's cock through his ear and fucking his mind.

"No, no. It was never like that." I said quickly. Jason's breathed a sigh of relief.

"We... it started two years ago, when he began attending school with me," I explained, trying to leave out as many details as possible, without being so vague that he might think something sinister about my sexual relationship with Jess. "We were both adults."

Jason rubbed his forehead and looked contemplatively at the table.

"If you've been doing this for two years than why is he engaged to someone else?"

I felt like Jason's questions were too personal and too irrelevant. But I knew that I had to be cautious and somewhat open with him, so he could calm down enough and hopefully keep what he saw to himself.

"Well, Jesse and I... I guess we didn't work out like how I thought we would. It was going really well, and I thought we were both happy but then we just... separated." I didn't want to talk about this, especially not with some random asshole that was screwing my mom and had no real investment in Jesse or myself.

"Why?"

"Well, my dad caught us and that was the end of it, I guess." I said curtly.

"Oh." The pieces seemed to click in Jason's head because he didn't ask more questions.

"It doesn't matter. What happened today, well, that was the last time, ok? Jesse and I aren't going to do anything like that again. It's over now." I said. I was trying to sound detached but I don't think it worked. There was pain in my voice, and even if counsellor Jason was totally clueless, I knew he would pick up on it.

"You didn't react how I thought you would." I mumbled, trying to steer the conversation away.

"Well," Jason took a deep breath, "you're an adult and so is Jesse. I just don't want anyone to get hurt. That includes you, too. And you know, everyone has different customs and taboos, you know. In half the world it isn't even illegal. I think it's odd and I wouldn't do it, but, you know, I also think popcorn is too salty, so what do I know?" Jason shrugged.

In half the world it's not illegal...

"Look, I should get going. I... I won't tell anyone. And I hope, whatever happens, you can find a way to navigate things ok. Just, keep in mind what I said, alright?"

"Alright." I said. I walked him to the door.

"Oh, and Mike, something else to keep in mind," Jason looked at me and his face turned very serious and steely, "I really hate your father." He winked, and then left.

I stood frozen by the door, listening to his retreating footsteps.

What the fuck just happened?

My phone buzzed from inside the drawer so I was forced to get over the incredibly strange interaction I'd just had with Jason.

I was a bit worried I would open my phone to a bunch of strange messages from Jason, he seemed the type who would do something like that. He seemed to have some kind of Jekyll and Hyde thing going on. Every interaction I've had with him he's come across as a bit inept and try-hard. But that look he gave me right at the end of the conversation... what a creep.

Thankfully, they weren't from Jason, they were from Jesse.

Hey, can I come over earlier? Claire's going out with her girlfriends tonight, so I'll be free after dinner.

Mike, you there?

Hello?

Why won't you answer me? Are you ok?

I'm coming to the hotel. Please text me back. I'm worried about you.

He had sent the first text over an hour ago. I should've checked my phone earlier. I felt bad for making him worry about me like that.

Sorry, I'm fine, I'm waiting for you.

I sighed and set my phone down on the table. I felt uneasy, I knew I needed to talk to him about what happened with Jason, but I really didn't want to. I tidied up the hotel room to try to occupy myself while I waited for him.

I don't know what I want and I don't know what I should do. Well, I do know what I want, I just don't know how to get it. Between the options that I have, staying out here and seeing Jesse on the side, or going back home and not having any real relationship with him... they were both just too hard. The two years that I'd been without him felt so empty. I felt like I was just a shell of myself, like I was some kind of weird zombie. I didn't want to go back to that.

Maybe it would be different this time, maybe knowing how he feels, knowing where he is and what he's doing, maybe that could offer me some sort of bitter closure to this whole mess. Could that really be enough?

Could I live five hours away from him, knowing that he wants to be with me? Would I be able to stay away? Right now, it feels impossible.

There was a gentle knock at the door, and in a combination of reluctance and excitement I let Jesse in.

"Mike!" He hugged me. "I was getting worried about you! Why didn't you respond to my messages sooner?" He shut the door behind himself, but I locked it.

"I was... visiting with someone." I said solemnly. Jesse raised an eyebrow but didn't ask any questions. He smirked at me then, and sat on the bed expectantly, dropping his bag on the floor beside him.

"Come here." He grinned up at me.

"Jesse, I really need to talk to you." I sighed, sitting next to him on the bed.

"It can wait, can't it?" He smiled, before pressing his lips to my cheek. He kissed me there a few times, before his lips trailed to my mouth. I didn't kiss him back.

"No Jesse, we need to talk first." I turned my face away from him.

"What do you want to talk about?" He asked softly. It seemed like he was nervous about something. I couldn't think what he might be nervous about, it seemed like he had all the control in this situation, so I don't know what I could say that could even upset him.

"Is it about who was over here?" He asked. I turned back to him again to study his face. His blonde hair was tousled, there was a look of apprehension on his young face and it made him look beyond his years.

"Yeah, Jess." I said, stroking his cheek.

"Was Daniel over here?" He blurted out. I looked at him quizzically. Why would he think that?

"No, he wasn't. Why do you ask?" Jesse's face calmed.

"Because I saw the way he was looking at you today. I thought there might have been something going on between the two of you. He wouldn't stop staring at you throughout the whole game, didn't you notice?" Jesse smirked, "Not that I blame him."

He leaned in close to me again and kissed my cheek, while he moved his hand over my pants, to rub my crotch. I exhaled slowly, leaning into him.

"Yeah, I could tell he was staring at me a lot too." I murmured absentmindedly, "I think it was just because of the irony of the situation."

Jesse chuckled, unbuckling my belt.

"Oh yeah?" He asked, between kisses, "what's ironic?"

"Well, we weren't expecting to see each other again after last night, and then it turns out we're both in the same wedding party." I don't know why I was saying what I was saying, it was mostly mindless babbling, I was incredibly distracted by what Jesse was doing.

"What do you mean?" Jesse's hands stopped and his voice became a bit more serious.

"Well, Daniel and I hooked up and it was just ironic that we-"

"You and Daniel did what?" Jesse's eyes turned sharp, he looked so much like our father when he was angry it was jarring.

"We-we hooked up Jesse. I didn't know who he was, obviously." I spluttered.

"You. Had sex. With Daniel." Jesse said.

"Yeah, but I didn't know-"

Jesse stood up and walked away from me. His face was turning pink, his fists were clenched. I looked at him bewildered. I didn't understand his anger.

"You... selfish asshole." Jesse seethed.

"Excuse me?" I stood and walked behind him.

"You fucked someone else? You actually kicked me out of here last night and then went and fucked someone else?" His voice started low, like a growl and quickly escalated into a shout.

"You selfish piece of shit! How could you do that?" He shrieked, pushing me away from him.

"I'm selfish?" I asked incredulously. I laughed.

"Don't you fucking laugh at me Michael. Don't you fucking laugh at me." He growled.

"So why is it that you can fuck whoever you want, but if I do it then I'm an asshole? Huh? Fuck you, man." I managed not to raise my voice too loud, but it was laced with anger.

I was taken completely by surprise when Jesse's fist shot out from his body and connected with the side of my face. I groaned, falling back onto the bed, clutching my face. Jesse climbed on top of me, and raised his fist again.

"You fucking stupid dick! You absolute cock!" He cried, slamming his fist down onto my chest. Jesse wasn't anywhere near as strong as me, and I could tell he was out of his mind. What he was saying wasn't even making any sense and just slammed his fists into my chest over and over while he screamed at me.

"You have no fucking idea how anything works, you big dumb prick! You haven't had to deal with any of this shit, but I have and you don't even know! And then, and then you go and fuck some random asshole just because you're mad? You're mad?! You don't have any right to be mad, you selfish dick!"

"Jesse, stop!" I said reaching for his hands. He ignored me and kept going, and then he landed another punch on my face.

"That's it!" I hissed, grabbing at him. I bucked my legs, and sent him flying onto the bed beside me. He growled at me and tried to regain his position, but I pushed him down.

"How dare you call me selfish Jesse?! I wasn't the one who left in the middle of the fucking night and disappeared for two years. I wasn't the one who fucking got engaged to someone else! I wasn't the one who lied about my feelings the entire damn time!" I snarled. Jesse kept trying to hit me, to get on top of me, but I knew he didn't stand a chance. He was fighting hard but I've always been stronger than him. It had always been important to me to never resort to physical violence in any confrontation, but now, I just didn't care. I hit him. I smacked him across the face and when he kept fighting, so did I.

"You fucking used me, Jess." I grunted, pinning him to the bed. A wicked idea flashed through my head. "Now I'm going to fucking use you."

Jesse's eyes met mine and he knew instantly what I meant. He snarled at me, and fought harder against me. Let him fight, he won't win.

My hands moved to his shirt, and I ripped it open while Jesse tried to push me off of him. I was straddling his hips, and I with my height and musculature I weighed considerably more than him. It wouldn't be easy for him to get away.

While I worked on the button and zipper of Jesse's pants he landed another blow on my face, so I backhanded him in return. I was surprised he was still fighting so hard, he was still shouting expletives at me and insulting me as much as he could between gasping for breath and trying to beat the shit out of me.

I climbed off of him, but only to rip his pants and boxers off. He jerked his legs away, trying to kick me. He landed a good kick on my torso, and then attempted to roll off of the bed. He got away, it looked like he was planning on darting around the bed to the other side, but I lunged for him, and knocked him to the ground. I was laying on top of him, pressing his head to the floor.

"We can do this on the floor or we can do this on the bed Jesse, but either way, we're fucking doing this." I snarled in his ear. He shot his elbow up, and it hit me in the sternum. That knocked the wind out of me, and while I tried to get my breath back, Jesse hit me again and managed to knock me off of him.

When he stood up I was surprised that he didn't try to run away or leave, but instead he climbed on top of me again. This time instead punching me he grabbed for my shirt and fought it off me. I laughed loudly at him. He was trying to fight me for dominance.

I bucked my legs up, putting him off balance, and then I hit him to the side and he toppled off me. I managed to get up before he could, and I gripped his hair and forced him up, and then threw him onto the bed again. My breathing was ragged, my heart was racing. I stood in front of the bed, watching him regain his composure. And then time seemed to slow down.

I undid my zipped and pushed my pants down and he stared at me, and licked his lips. I smirked and sauntered onto the bed.

"Are you going to behave now?" I asked, moving towards him on the bed. He gave me a grim smile and boxed my ear. I howled in pain and that was when I truly decided that enough was enough.

I threw him back, climbed on top of him and gripped his throat with both hands. I dug my elbows into his arms, and pinned his pinned his thighs down with my shins.

"Don't make me fucking choke you Jesse." I warned, tightening my grip for just a second. Jesse gasped for breath.

"You lose. I'm in charge here. And you're fucking mine, Jesse."

I pushed his legs open and moved between them. I kept one hand on his throat and with the other I pulled him down towards me, lining up my cock with his ass. His hands moved to my shoulders and he tried to push me away but fighting had taken a lot out of him and he was too weak to do much of anything.

"Don't make me force you Jesse, just submit to me." I said. Jesse glared up at me with contempt.

I shifted, pressing my cock against his tight little hole. I was so hard, Jesse was too. I slowly, slowly, pushed the head of my cock into his ass. He gasped and jerked up, he looked as if the wind had been knocked out of him. That's what I wanted. No prep, no lube, just my bare cock inside his ass.

"Fuck," he groaned, gritting his teeth. I kept pushing, very slowly, deeper and deeper inside of him.

"Please," he gasped, "please, there's lube in my bag, please Mike."

I stopped, but didn't pull out of him. I cautiously reached down beside the bed and grabbed his bag, and then handed it to him. He seemed relieved but didn't say so, and he quickly pulled out a small bottle of lube and handed it to me.

"Please, Mike." He whispered, out of breath. He dropped his bag onto the floor. I reluctantly pulled my cock out of him, and poured a gracious amount of lube on it. I lined my cock up against his ass again, and once again, slowly pushed the head in.

"Ready, Jess?" I asked. He nodded, and his eager submissive eyes seemed young again. He looked like my little brother.

I slammed my cock deep all the way inside him.

He groaned again in pain, his hands moved to my forearms and he gripped me. I went fast and hard and rough. This wasn't about him. This wasn't about me. It was about us together. He needed to know that I was the one in charge, I was going to call the shots from now on and I was done being fucked around with.

"Fu-u-u-ck," Jesse moaned as I forced my cock rapidly in and out of his tight ass. I squeezed his throat again, just for half a second, just to remind him that I was there. After a few moments I felt his legs locking behind me, pulling me in. His hands moved up to my shoulders, his head rolled back, and he just let me fuck him, hard and fast and savage, just the way I needed to fuck him. Just the way he needed to be fucked.