Editor's note: this story contains scenes of non-consentual or reluctant sex.
*
I hadn't seen my sister in about 8 months since I had gone to university. And honesty I had been a terrible son and brother in that time. There was no effort on my behalf with phone calls and texts. Just a ghost. Don't get me wrong, I had a load of fun... but eventually when the dust settled (usually on my laptop keys) I just felt a bit empty.
My sister Hattie was a year younger than me. She had just turned 18 and not yet at university but had already been accepted on an unconditional offer the next year. She was a bit of a prude and annoyingly smart. I had missed seeing her the first time I went home for a family barbecue because she was at an open air gig with friends. Lots of family stayed over that night (most of them drunk) and I ended up staying in Hattie's room. The double bed in my old room had been taken by Aunt Maureen and Uncle Dave. My experience in Hattie's room was a strange one. Not only being at home again after being so free at university but also sleeping in a small room with a single bed. It wasn't too dissimilar from the student life. I changed a bit that night. Everything was so similar but then looked so different afterwards.
I was tall but not particularly athletic. Long and dark I suppose. Not fat but not ripped either. Solidly average. The girls at my campus did not seem to respond to my 'conversational' approach to interaction. They were more interested in one word sentences and hearty, guttural mumbles that would preferably end in "bro". Naturally, I had not yet perfected this language and so remained on the outside of the 'potential-sexual-escapade pool' for my first year in higher education. I was funny though. I made people laugh. But only people I knew. People I was comfortable with.
Hattie had a string of relationships over the 2 years she had been dating (or allowed to be dating). Our parents were not too strict on boyfriends and girlfriends and allowed the guys to stay round in the family home if they'd been dating for at least 6 months. I'm sure Hattie fudged the figures at times with that rule. I could not keep up with the names of her assignment buddies. It helped that she was incredibly smart (at least for our family) ad got the grades. I still remember vividly the night our parents were out. As an older brother, the noises I heard coming from her room on a research day with one assignment buddy. The worst thing. I didn't walk by or tell my parents, I listened. I strangely found it fascinating. I hadn't had sex yet. Why would I. I was 17 and awful with women. This was the closest thing to the live porn I watched every night. It didn't make sense to stop and listen but then it didn't seem to make sense to move on.
So I listened. There were your usual audible cliches through the door. Wet slaps, smacks, groans from both parties (more from Hattie). But the strange thing. My sister would say these random one liners to this guy. Who I will never know to this day (never saw him). Things like "Tell me a fact stupid boy?"... to which there was no response. And then "Hey, dum dum! You're fucking me. Entertain me!". and then "How was public school?". "Talk to me about public school dummy!"
It was insane. I left after 5 minutes and could never look at my younger sister the same again. Just one year younger but so much more advanced and sexually confident (and active) than myself. I did not even feel remorse as I touched myself to the thought of her that evening. Those odd sexual words I didn't quite understand.
I hadn't mentioned any of this to Hattie. We led a normal family life. We lived together, chatted in passing and carried on our normal teenage lives. Here comes the bit. It had been 8 months and I had visited home again for the second time. Hattie was there this time and we both have a lovely Sunday dinner at the table with our parents. Four of us. We had split 3 bottles of red and being honest, dad and I had the lion's share. Dad was done (myself also) and Mum and dad went up to bed at 9/10pm because they had work in the morning. Naturally, being the silly unemployed bums we were. Hattie and I did not. Instead we moved on to the sofa in the living room, cracked another bottle of wine and threw on a movie. I still remember the movie. Magic Mike (her choice, obviously).