WORDCOUNT: 4,200 words
The below is a work of fiction. All characters are over the age of 18.
--------------------
Kathy's phone buzzed. Her heart sank when she looked at the screen. The caller ID identified the number as her son's high school. Again. She answered, anxiety climbing up her throat.
"Hello," she said, knowing what was likely to be coming.
"Good afternoon," a stern male voice greeted her, "This is Assistant Principle Connors. Is this Mrs. Walsh speaking?"
Kathy sighed. Frustration bottomed out in her stomach. He knew goddamn well it was her answering her phone. These calls had been happening on and off the past two months. Her fear was that this would be the call.
"It's been Miss Dunning for some time, Assistant Principal Conners, but yes, it's me. May I assume Finn is sitting in front of you?"
"No, he is not at this time, although he is in the office," Assistant Principal Conners replied, "We are having some serious issues with him. Things are spiraling out of control. At this point, there needs to be more intervention and a pathway forward. Finn is moving in the wrong direction to the point of being a possible danger to the other students.
Kathy knew. Boy, did she know. Her beautiful, sweet son was a loving child, attentive, polite, and a model of good behavior at school... until two years ago. He hit 16 and issues reared their ugly heads. Now he was a senior, so close to finishing school, and trouble followed him. Fights, arguments with teachers, two suspensions so far. Kathy's fear was a trajectory into crime, drugs, and real violence. The fights had been what Finn's friend, James, described as "pushy-pushy's" with no one throwing punches but how long until Finn tried to really hit someone? He also had his 18th birthday several months ago and Kathy worried about trouble with the law.
Skip the "tried as an adult" part of legal proceedings. Finn was now an actual adult in the eyes of the court.
"Mis Dunning," Assistant Principal Connors continued, "I had a student approach me concerned about Finn and how he has been closing himself off to others, going his own way, shutting down to teachers. If I may be very frank, he's starting to fit the profile of a high school student shooter."
Kathy's hands trembled. Her son was a good boy. He wouldn't shoot up a school. Only a few years ago he was rescuing baby ducks from the pond behind their house when they fell in a drainage sewer and couldn't escape.
"Our in-school counselor has been unable to reach him and there seems to some block, something that's causing all this internal pressure. The counselor went so far as to call it rage. I know Finn does not care for team sports but is there any other outlet he can use to burn off the pent-up internal pain he's suffering? Make no mistake, he is suffering, Miss Dunning."
"I understand, Mr. Connors, and I appreciate the concern."
"It's beyond concern, Miss Dunning. At this point, we are taking serious consideration that there may be physical violence. Does Finn have access to firearms, guns, or explosives at your house?"
"No, he does not," Kathy said, proud that at least that would be going right.
"Does he have any other way to exert physical or mental energy? Is there anything else he can do? The emotions seem bottled up and with enough pressure, violence may feel like the only relief."
Kathy didn't know. Her son had shut down around her, walled her off the past year. He rarely engaged with her. The divorce was hard on him but he didn't let anyone know until well after it was finalized. Dad was long gone, of no help, and Kathy had very little in the way of resources to support her son. Assistance Principal Connors knew that and was trying to be supportive.
Talk continued. The county could provide some resources, but budget cuts limited them on how much they could serve Finn. Hopefully there'd be some way to help him before potential danger turned into reality.
Kathy ended the call, sat at the kitchen table, and cried. She had very little discretionary income, she couldn't even locate Gregory, her ex, much less figure out how to ask for help. Her son mattered more than any pride she might have asking for assistance from the county. She needed a way to help her boy.
--------------------
The bedside clock glowed 1:27 in the darkness of night. Kathy had never fallen asleep, despite taking a gummy to slow her mind. Her thoughts swirled through her head, not letting her have any rest.
Finn had come home after school, refused to answer questions, just said his day was fine. He ate dinner, went to his room, completed his homework, and stayed away from her.
She listened to him after he turned his lights out. She could hear him thrashing in his bed, crying out every so often, and she wanted to help. She hadn't gone into his bedroom after lights-out in two years, respecting his privacy, but now she decided she needed to be more active.
She opened the door.
"Finn?" she called out quietly. No movement. Heavy, uneven breathing came from the bed. She walked up to his bed, leaning over him. The street light shined through the curtains, providing enough for her to make out his outline, see how tightly his body was tensed. He was face-down in the mattress, and looked uncomfortable even asleep. She put a hand on the bed sheet. It was wet from sweat, feeling like he was soaking through everything with perspiration. The sheets were kicked down to his knees and ankles, twisted and tied around his feet.
She tried to straighten out the sheets, free his lower body, when a thought occurred to her.
If he's planning something, it'll be on his phone, she thought to herself.
Kathy hadn't checked Finn's phone since he got it at 15. He had never given her good reason to do so and she wanted healthy boundaries and expectations of privacy.
But the assistant principal had called with concerns about real violence against classmates and teachers. This was extraordinary times and she needed to ensure he wasn't looking up homemade bombs, or chatting about death threats. She felt it was within reasonable expectations for her, his mother, to see what her son was doing.
The first few texts weren't anything special. He was talking to his friends about the shows they watched, the video games they played sometimes, and a few YouTube streamers. There was nothing of concern there.
He had a number of tabs open on the internet browser and Kathy flipped through them, fearing finding something offensive or distasteful. Would she run into his digital porn stash? Was he watching terrible things? She forged ahead, needing to know if he was searching for bombs or guns.
Kathy didn't find anything on bombs or guns. She didn't find porn either. She did find something that confused her. What was NoFap? She went through the websites, the boards, and got an idea very quickly.
Was Finn's inner turmoil a result of resisting masturbation? Why wouldn't he just jerk off? Kathy had had enough high school and college boyfriends to know the sexual need to release was very real. And her son was attempting to deny human nature? That had to be a contributing factor to why he was suffering and struggling so much. It didn't seem healthy to her to reject masturbation. Their household wasn't particularly religious, she didn't teach him body shame or that sex was bad or mysterious or scary. She tried to be as open as possible and allow him the space to understand all elements of his life without judgment, sex included.
He was 18 and trying hard (she allowed herself a smile at that) to deny his sexuality. That simply seemed unhealthy to her.
Kathy put his phone down on his nightstand, making sure to have everything in order. If he asked, she would fess up and tell him she looked and that she was worried. They could talk about it if it got that far.
He rolled over, face up. Kathy saw the movement and glanced down. She could see the front of his basketball shorts tenting out, his erection poking up under the elastic of the waist. The material strained to keep him contained.
Well, that was the problem right there, she thought. She had no plan for how to bring it up with him. He didn't have a girlfriend; he had never had one as far as she knew, and she couldn't think of any good way to encourage him to find relieve for himself without sounding like a perv.
She pulled the sheet up from his legs to his chest to cover him. His body bucked just as her hand passed over his crotch. The back of her hand accidentally made contact with the very hard skin of his erection under the shorts. He let out a yelp, his whole body bouncing once.
Everything stopped right then. Kathy froze, the sheet still in her hands, over his body.
"Finn?" she breathed finally. No response. She repeated herself louder. Still nothing.
She shook him by the shoulder but Finn was fast asleep, long gone. She glanced by his water bottle next to his lamp and saw the bottle of melatonin. The cap was unscrewed so he must have helped himself earlier in the evening to go to sleep. Uncertain, Kathy pulled the sheet up over his body. A sigh and a shiver passed through him as the linen slid upward over the crotch of his shorts. She covered him, making sure her boy was warm while he slept.
She turned to leave the room and stopped. The melatonin was highly effective on Finn. Nothing short of a dump truck running into the house, or an atomic blast, would wake him up.
She debated, torn.
I love my son, she thought to herself, and he badly needs help.
Maybe this was the solution. It was unlikely she could afford psychologists or medication for the long term and using drugs for a short-term resolution didn't feel helpful.
She turned pack and pulled the sheet back down to his knees, exposing his body from the thighs upward. A light sheen of sweat covered him and his fists were clenched, his whole body rigid. How could he get real rest if he couldn't be relaxed even after taking the melatonin?
I can do this, she thought, it's simple biology and will help. He needs to be able to sleep to be healthy.
