As the weekend approached, and with it my sister's return home from university, I thought long and hard about how mother and I should manage our new found passion with Jane in the house. Mother's bed was my bed now and I was reluctant to give it up for appearances sake. Mum was understandably apprehensive about Jane finding out and terrified that she would give the game away as soon as she opened her mouth, or just by her guilty look. My thoughts, on the other hand, meandered, ebbed and flowed. I found myself less and less worried about Jane finding out and increasingly preoccupied with how I could control and orchestrate the means of her discovery. I told myself that this family had had enough of secrets and deceit and that it was only right that she should know that mum and I were now enjoying a sexual relationship. But ironically, in thinking that, I was actually deceiving myself. What I really wanted was to involve her in the taboo.
At first I thought about how Jane could be drawn into the secret, without being involved in the incest. I had no immediate desires to have a sexual relationship with my sister. I had never harboured any secret attraction to her (like I had towards mum). But that is not to say she was unattractive. She had a good figure, blemishless, if lightly freckled, fair skin and long and uncontrollably curly ginger hair ("A living testament to our family's Scottish heritage and a fearless spirit to match!" My dad would say). Jane was tall, maybe 5,10 or 5,11, she stood proud and presented confidently her stature, shapely breasts, slim waist, peachy arse, firm elegant thighs and long legs.
"So why," I hear you ask, "could she not find a boyfriend?" There were reasons. Firstly she had an air of aloofness about her that could be misunderstood as critical, arrogant and, or abrasive. My friends were scared shitless of her when we were all at school together. But I knew she wasn't any of those things underneath the demeanor she projected. Secondly she presented as a very imposing figure physically that could be perceived as intimidating. And thirdly she would not suffer fools gladly, or tolerate twats and was bloody fussy about what company she kept, making it hard to get to know her, or for her to make friends, and adding to her air of aloofness.
As siblings we had had our normal rivalries, competitive squabbles and irritable interactions, when we weren't trying our best to be civil to each other at our parents' requests. It had always been like that until Jane went to university and absence made the heart grow fonder and being civil to each other became a lot easier and more natural. It still didn't occur to me to fancy her though.
The more I thought about it the more I convinced myself that it was virtually impossible to involve Jane in the taboo without involving her in the incest, or at least offering her the opportunity. She was due to get home about 10pm on Friday night and by Friday afternoon I had come up with a plan that I shared with mum.
I began. "Are you still worried about Jane coming home?"
She nodded, nervously.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because I might give away our secret." She replied hesitantly.
"I think you my have already done that." I said, referring to her mishap on the phone.
Mum looked panicked and became tearful.
"It doesn't matter." I reassured her with a hug and kiss.
"We don't want any more secrets dividing this family. It is not ours to keep from Jane."
Mum drew back and looked at me, surprised and shocked, her mouth open but with no words uttered..
"We are going to let her find out and we will deal with the consequences."
"But...she won't understand! I can't lose my daughter!"
"Then we must help her understand and let her make her choices. But mum we must offer her the opportunity of joining us, if that's how she wants to share our secret."
"She will never agree to that!" Said mother.
"I know, but we must give her the invitation, she must not feel excluded from the new family situation." I replied.
Still tearful, mum nodded in agreement.
"Okay, so this is how we will start the conversation..." I continued.
Jane arrived home shortly after 10pm and we all hugged supportively, it being the first time we were all together since dad left. Mum had made sandwiches and we sat around the kitchen table eating them accompanied by mugs of tea. The conversation started with mum asking Jane how college was going and what was new.
"Nothing much," Jane replied, "working hard with my studies and doing my clubs and teams for a bit of social life. Now I do netball, volleyball, book club, poetry club and just joined the debating society."
That figures, I thought, as mum and I knowingly glanced at each other momentarily before turning back to Jane.
"No boyfriend yet then?" I asked as I always did.
"No," she said with a shake of the head,
"You'll have to give me some tips mum!" She said with a wan smile.
Our mother replied. "I'm not sure I have much advice to give, I didn't choose the right husband, did I? And I never took a lover to satisfy my needs all the time your dad didn't."
"Well we can try together now, can't we mum?" Jane said with a smile.
I must admit, I had never heard her talk so candidly, she was almost flirting!
"Anyway, what have you two been doing since dad left with his true love?"
It seemed like the perfect moment and I began the conversation mum and I had planned.
"Well, there have been some pretty big changes, I'm sharing mum's bed now."
There was a pause.
"Eh?" Said Jane eventually.
Another pause.
"Er, sorry, say that again!" She added.
"Your brother and I share my bed now." Said mum, I was impressed with the confidence in her tone.
"Why?" Janes asked with a frown deepening on her forehead, a look I knew too well!
But mum intervened before I could answer. "Because he is the man of the house now and I have been so lonely for so long!"
The frown relaxed as the penny dropped and she looked at us open mouthed.
"On the phone the other night... you were... Oh my god, you two are fucking!"
"We are," I said, "and we needed to tell you. No more secrets!"
"Well, you'll have to keep that a bloody secret!" She said scornfully.
"No!" I replied as calmly as I could, "We all will!"
"You mean me too? Keep your dirty little secret? Why should I"?
Her eyes were burning, her face flushed.
"Because it's a big secret and we are family!" Said mum.
"What about me? It's alright for you two, all cuddled up in bed! While you push me away like a fucking gooseberry!"
"We don't want to do that." Mum said. "There is room in my bed for you too!"
Jane was astonished! "You mean a threesome? Fucking hell! What is wrong with you two, have you gone completely mad since dad left with his midlife crisis bitch?"
"Not a threesome, a family," I said, "Sharing a deeper intimacy. Jane, honestly, it's beautiful between mum and I, come and see!"