Diane leaned over and turned the radio up. It was an old 80's song she used to love. Out of touch by Hall and Oates. She used to sing this song at the top of her lungs in the car and dancing around her bedroom as a girl. She hoped the melody would bring some joy to this sullen drive. But she found it was not having the affect she was hoping.
Her three boys sat in the truck staring blankly out the window. She'd made several attempts to start conversation, but their combined mumbled replies gave the signal they couldn't be less interested.
She tried not to blame them. After everything they'd been through, they had a right to hate her.
They were young when she and her husband split up. She had a drinking problem in her younger days. She was a wild one. And one dark night driving them home from a football game she drove straight into a tree. Adam, her oldest, was only 12 at the time. Brian had been 10, and her baby Luke was only 8.
It was a miracle they'd survived. Adam had broke his nose and fractured his eye socket. Brian had a concussion. Luke snapped his collar bone on his seat belt.
Police arrived at the scene and found an empty whiskey bottle in the back seat. Her blood alcohol level had been 0.18. The arresting officer said it was the highest he'd seen in a dui incident.
Which awarded her no favors in the courtroom. Her ex husband filed for divorce the next morning as she was being arraigned. The boys were still in the hospital. She didn't even remember it. But she hated herself deeply for it ever since.
As did her ex husband. He'd filed successful petitions with the court to deny her visitation rights even after she finished her jail sentence. She did two years in a women's work facility for three counts of endangering a child and a dui. Her public defender said she was lucky. She'd been a beautiful trophy wife to a rich man, she didn't have a dime to her own name. And with his separation went all her finances. No lawyer. No bail. She'd written multiple letters but each was returned to sender unopened. She didn't blame them. She was unforgivable.
But that night changed her. She'd always felt she loved her boys. After that night, she knew she'd only loved herself up to that point. As the years without them went on, her longing for her children deepened. But they wanted nothing from her. Their father never let them forget that night and what she'd done. She guessed she would've done the same.
That was 10 years ago now. Adam was in the middle of medical school. Brian was studying to be an art major. And Luke had just been accepted into Ivy League.
She'd successfully finished her parole. They even commended her change of character and hard work. She'd worked as a waitress amongst other things for some time. She'd been saving her paid time off for this very occasion.
A few months ago she'd reached out to each of them, they'd always been very close. They had a break from school coming up. And she reached out with all her heart to have just a couple weeks with them. An isolated cabin near Vancouver, where they could build a fire and be outside in the great outdoors just like they used to love.
And to her elation, they said yes. It was time to give her a chance.
But none of them were very enthusiastic. She'd picked them up in Seattle and begun the drive, one she thought would be filled with conversation. But instead she'd been given silence. Their conditions were they had no desire to discuss that night. No apology. No explanation.
She'd burst into tears when she first saw them and clung to them as if her life depended on it. But there hadn't been much response.
So she drove and respected their silence.
Diane fought back tears being in the same car again. Luke made a joke about trusting her to drive but Adam shut him down with a look. And not another was heard.
They pulled into the cabin, up a long dirt road, surrounded by trees. She was told the nearest house was a mile north through the trees.
There was a large wrap around porch with a swing on the front. It was a spacious cabin, only diminished by the large timber surrounding it.
"We're here!" She said excitedly. Adam simply opened the door and stepped out to survey the property. He was large for his age and muscular. He'd played football in his youth and held onto his passion for fitness. They all had been athletic. Brian had been a track star that still held the record in the mile run at their high school. And Luke had been a point guard on the basketball team. Different in their own way but very similar. As kids they were thick as thieves. Watching them now, it seemed that hadn't changed.
Diane walked to the bed of the truck to gather her luggage. Her Adam stepped up and politely took it from her but still with distance.
"Thank you baby." He winced at the last word but made no remark.
Brian and Luke stood in front of the cabin in admiration.
"Not bad!" Brian had always been an easy going spirit.
"Is there cell reception up here?" Luke was holding his phone in the air like an antenna.
Brian laughed and smacked the back of his head. "Dude! No phones up here. Just enjoy Mother Nature and forget about all this new age bullshit."
Luke was not happy with this response but his phone was tucked away and he gathered his bags.
Diane followed behind them, admiring the young men her little boys had become.
"Everybody pick your room. The master is upstairs with a balcony. Adam, you should take that." Her offer was an olive branch. Every move she made was an olive branch at this point.
"What?! No way. You paid for this place, you should take the master." Her Adam was always such a kind hearted boy.
Luke was laughing and bumping Brian. "Uh oh, you know what happens to girls on balconies!"
Brian blushed and punched his arm. "Would you shut up! Mom is right there!"
They didn't seem to notice, but her heart skipped a beat. She hadn't heard him call her mom in a decade.
She struggled to hide her emotions and simply ran with it. "But is he wrong? If your girl gets you a room with a balcony you'd better understand the assignment."
All three boys jaw dropped and stared at her in disbelief. Luke was the first to erupt in laughter. Then Brian followed suit. Even Adam looked down trying to hide as he did the same.
She'd made headway.
The cabin was spacious on the inside. An open floor plan with a kitchen to the left, the island separating the living room, which had a large leather sofa with its back to the kitchen, facing a round black shag ottoman and a fireplace. Above the fireplace was a large TV. And adjacent to it was the stairs leading up to the master bed.
The far wall was floor to ceiling windows. Leading out to the back porch that looked off into a sunken fire pit. And there was a hot tub.
"Damn!" Luke called out to hear his own echo. "Not bad at all!"
The boys had shuffled off to find their rooms and explore the cabin. Diane made her way upstairs to her master bedroom. It was spacious. Large log bed with an antler chandelier, a smaller fireplace of its own and a bear rug in front of it. The bathroom was tucked into the corner, and on the far wall was sliding door leading out to the balcony.
She stepped outside and took it all in. Here she was, this hidden paradise alone with the only three people she'd ever wanted to see in the world. It was surreal. How many days and nights had she thought about this very moment.
She shuffled downstairs to find the boys exploring the rest of the cabin and rummaging through the kitchen.
"Steaks, ribs, burgers. They hooked us up nice!" Brian looked like he'd found his own paradise."
"They better have, they said they'd have it stocked but we'll probably have to make a grocery run eventually to keep you boys fed. What should we start with?"
Brian insisted on cooking. Evidently it was one of his past times. "If I need a ramen from the jail bird, I'll let you know!" He laughed sarcastically. She laughed at that too. It should have stung but he'd said it with warmth and a light heart, not malice. Dinner did give them some conversation. They talked about school, their life goals. Love lives. She finally felt peace, like she was home for the first time in a very long time.
"Sun will be going down soon. We should start a fire."
"Whoa, look at this!" Brian pulled what looked like a panel on the wall and opened into a fridge. "Yes!!!" He reached in and pulled out a handful of beers.
Her heart stopped, she hadn't drank since that night.
"No, no, no. I can't."
Brian was unfazed. "What?! You have to drink with us!"
Her blood ran cold looking at those bottles. Like she was back in the car that night.
"You can't drink here dumbasses." Adam, the stoic leader always the voice of reason.
"Come on, we're in the middle of nowhere and we aren't going anywhere. It's not our first beer, man."
"That's not the point." Adam hissed quietly.
"It's fine honey. I've been working as a waitress for almost 8 years. I've been around plenty of drinks." She was trying to calm herself.
"No way!" He stepped forward and held out a beer. His normal sarcastic demeanor had faded. A man stood in its place. "We chose to trust you coming out here. To leave it in the past. It's not haunting us anymore. So drink with us. We're burying this tonight."
The room had gone quiet. Brian stood before her. Clearly not backing down. She shouldn't. But what would it hurt? To him it was some odd symbol that it never happened. As if her abstinence was a reminder.
She reached out and took the drink. It was a coors banquet. She wondered if she remembered what they taste like.
With that they all took a drink and shuffled outside. Luke had a handful more for spares.
Adam started the fire and they sat around admiring the fading sun. Talking about nothing and everything. Soon dark crept upon them and their conversation faded.
"It's getting cold! You know what that means?" Brian paused for suspense before turning to Luke. "Hot tub time!" With that he shoved his brother playfully off his chair and sprinted back to the house cackling. Luke chased after him and Adam simply shook his head before going to his room to change. Diane sat by the fire in silence thinking about how much they'd grown. Still playful boys. But also now young men. She'd missed so much, now she wanted to relish in every moment. She hated how fast the evening passed. She didn't want this night to end.
The clamor returned as her sons hustled back inside and eased themselves into the tub.
Luke stopped at the edge. "What are you doing?"
"Just enjoying the scenery."
"Well enjoy it from in here!"
She shuffled slightly. "I didn't bring any swimming trunks."
"You have underwear don't you?"
"Luke!" Adam smacked him and headed inside.
"What?! We've all seen panties before! Get in here!"
She hesitated and headed over to the hot tub. Slipping off her sweater to reveal her black sports bra, and sliding her leggings off nervously.
Brian whistled in approval. "Damn, mom!"
She'd always been beautiful. She was a cheerleader in high school, and being a trophy wife upon marriage, expected to maintain her appearance. Her husband had bought her breast implants that gave her 34 DD's.
After her release she'd used exercise as a coping tool. She had a slim waist and a toned large ass. For years she'd maintained her body. It was a natural part of her mentality she always carried.
