"Full disclosure," Mom began. "This is going to be a strange conversation."
She seemed nervous. More so than I'd ever seen her before. Her gaze kept switching between me and Tess, my twin sister. She'd mentioned the night before that she needed to talk to the both of us about something serious, a suggestion, apparently. Tess and I had theorised about what it could be, but neither of us had a clue.
"So, your nineteenth birthday is coming round quickly..."
Right, something about a party? But that's months away and we never have big celebrations or anything.
"And I thought we probably need to talk..."
Who would we even invite? We're not exactly social butterflies, and as sad as it sounds, we're kind of each other's best friend. Especially since the lockdown.
"About your sex lives."
Yeah, Mom, strange is right. Jesus Christ.
I became potently aware of everything my body was doing, as if every automatic function just got switched to manual. My breathing, blinking, and especially my eye-line. Mom had always been chill about sex; she was happy to explain everything to me, she'd discussed it alongside puberty with me before, and had made it clear that masturbation and experimentation were all completely natural. But this was different. This was in front of my sister. And I had a feeling that things were going to get even stranger.
"Why would we nee--" Tess began, but quietened down when Mom continued.
"I take it, you're both virgins?"
"Yeah, of course," Tess replied.
This was no surprise, she'd never had a serious relationship before, and like I said, she wasn't the type to go to big parties. A heavy silence hung in the room, until I realised it was my turn to speak.
"Uhh, yeah. Yeah, I'm a virgin."
"Well," Mom continued, now staring down into the coffee mug she clenched tightly with both hands. "At uni, you might meet people who you'll want to have sex with, and, well, they will probably have more experience than you two. And, don't get me wrong, I understand why not, but neither of you have really had experiences with the opposite sex. Well, not that sort of experience, anyway. So, I thought it might be a good idea, if..."
Her hands were shaking, as she spoke, "...If you had those experiences, together."
There's no way I heard that right.
"You want us to have sex?" Tess asked.
"Not 'want' exactly, I just think that it would be healthy to--"
Holy shit. I did hear that right.
"It's just... that you two are so close..."
Mom thinks I should fuck my sister?
"I've always thought your first time should be with someone you--"
Wait, when Tess asked that question, she didn't sound angry or disgusted. She sounded intrigued.
"You're both young and attractive people, and it's okay to experi--"
Would she actually go for it? Holy shit is this actually going to happen?
"Obviously, I don't need you to tell me about it, an--"
I've never even thought of her like--oh god. Eye contact. With Tess. This is awkward. God she is so red-faced. Am I blushing that hard?
"All I'm saying..."
She is beautiful, though. God, she's beautiful.
"...Is that you two..."
But she's my sister. My twin sister, it'd be wrong to be--
"...Getting intimate..."
Fuck, I don't know what to think. What if she's not okay with it? Jesus, Mom. Why would you even bring this up? It's insane!
"...Might just be..."
But through all the taboo, and the insanity of it; thinking about her, about me and Tess, coming together like that. It just feels so--
"...Good."
"I-I-" I stuttered on my words. "I th-think tha--"
"It's not something you have to discuss with me. I just wanted the two of you to know, that if you wanted to, you have my blessing." She got up from her seat, and left the room.
We didn't say a word to each other. For a while. We both sat still, staring at that mug of coffee. I looked up at my sister, but she didn't look at me. I couldn't tell if she was deep in thought, completely shell shocked, or just ignoring me. I broke the silence.
"So, what do you think?"
I didn't get my answer for another two days.
It was about midday, I was eating cereal in my pyjama bottoms, Mom was out. It was just me and Tess at home, and given her history, I wasn't expecting her to be up before two. Not that it would make a difference; she'd barely spoken to me since the suggestion.
But, contrary to expectations, she opened the kitchen door and strolled in, completely obliterating my peace-and-quiet plan for the day.
She didn't say anything for a while, but she was my sister, I knew the difference between not having anything to say, and not knowing how to say it. Finally, though, she piped up.
"I've never even seen a penis before."
I put down my spoon.
She wore a baggy t-shirt, with some band logo on it. Whether she had anything on underneath was a mystery, but if she did, it definitely wasn't a bra. Her nipples stood perky and proud, her--it was at that moment, I realised I should stop looking.
"I mean, I have in porn and stuff, obviously. But never in real life, in like, a sexual way." Her words sounded surprisingly unplanned, given that she had two days to prepare them. Always the procrastinator.
"And I'm afraid that if I see that side of you, I won't be able to unsee it. And I love you, and I love what we have, and I'm scared I'll lose that by doing this. But, I'm twice as scared I'll lose it by not doing it because I can't stop thinking about it, and I really want to do this, but I know that it's wrong, and you probably don't even want to, and--"
"Stop," I said firmly. I stood up, walked over to her and embraced her in my arms. "You're not going to lose anything, okay? I'll love you no matter what. You know that. I'm not just going to stop loving you, sis. I didn't stop when you broke my Xbox when I was twelve. I didn't stop after that jump scare last month. And I didn't even stop when you caught me singing along to Tina Turner in my underwear that one time."
She laughed into my shoulder.
"And I'm not going to stop now. Okay? No. Matter. What."
Another long silence. Man, this family is good at those.
"Okay," she finally said. "In that case..." She left the hug and looked me eye to eye. "...I'd like to have sex with you."
I gave her a warm smile, and kissed her. As we kissed, my hands began to lower towards her ass. We explored each other's mouths--admittedly, somewhat clumsily, but full of passion and love. My hands found their way to the bottom of her T-shirt, and began to slowly bring it up.
"Woah. Woah, woah, woah," she said, breaking the kiss.
"Sorry, did I do something wrong?"
"No. I-I- I don't know. This just feels, really fast. I want to take this slow. How about--"
A smile broke out across her face. "How about you start by showing me that." Her arm stretched out; index finger pointed at the huge bulge that had developed in my pyjama bottoms.
"Ah," I replied, noticing my erection for the first time.
Being one of those times where your hormones outweigh your embarrassment, I had no trouble obliging. With barely any hesitation, I hooked my thumbs under my waistband, and unveiled my cock. Now, this is the point where I'm supposed to tell you just how long my member is, but to be honest, I've never felt the need to measure it. All I can say for sure-- it is more than enough for Tess. Never before have I experienced an ego boost quite like the literal gasp I heard, upon my pyjama bottoms hitting the floor.
"Holy shit," she breathed. "That's..." instead of finishing her sentence, my sister closed the gap between us, and took my cock in her hands.
"So much for just seeing."
She shot me a glance--the first time she had looked away from my manhood since she saw it.
And I quickly added, "Not complaining, of course."
Slowly, she lowered herself to her knees, beginning to take long, exploratory strokes of my cock.