'Mom, were you once a porn star?'
"Mom?"
"Yes, Neil." Son seemed to have difficulty in starting.
"Mom.".
"Yes, son." She waited but son was still unable to come out with what he had to say. Then he did.
"Mom were you once a porn star?" There was no apparent reaction from mother. Son thought she had not heard him properly. Now that he had started he found his tongue loosened. "As actress in porn movies Mom, and as a model for nude photos." Mother came to life. She smiled a bemused smile.
"What makes you suspect I was one?"
"Like most men my age I watch porn. I got this disc, a classic collection, which was quite enthralling. Not crude stuff as in most of such movies but delicately done without the faintest trace of coarseness. I watched it again and again and then suddenly I felt I have seen the artist somewhere. I was quite annoyed that I was unable to place her, and then a shock passed through me when I realised it must be you. In spite of the age and different hair style and other attempts to conceal the identity it was unmistakably you. Also the artist had three dot moles in line on the right breast the same as you have."
"What was your initial reaction?"
"My first thought was to keep it my secret, but then I felt I must tell you."
"I didn't mean that. Were you shocked? Did you find it revolting that your Mom was a porn artist?"
"Surprise certainly, but revolting no. I do not know why but I felt, well I do not know how to put it; yes, excited is the word."
"Do you find it still enthralling, that is if you still play it?"
"I play it Mom, more than ever before and I find it still enthralling; if anything more so."
"That's interesting. But I was not aware that there are still viewers for my work."
"These classic collections are popular. You must have been a rage in your time. Could you tell me more Mom about your experiences as a porn artist?"
"Are you sure you want to know?"
"I do Mom, very much." Mother closed her eyes as if arranging her thoughts. Then she sat up and looking into his eyes she spoke, but gradually she was speaking to herself as if in a dream.
2
"I was two years old when I immigrated to this country with my parents," she said. "Though we came from the South of Bulgaria we were ethnic Turks. But after generations in Bulgaria we spoke Turkish so heavy with Bulgarian words that Turks cannot understand us. My parents never got to know English well. My father knew just enough to carry on as a truck driver. My school mates made fun of my English accent and teachers found my sentence construction difficult to change. But boys thought I was pretty. I had many friends. By the time I left school I had lost my virginity several times." She laughed. "A girl can lose her virginity only once of course but you know what I mean."
"After school I got a department store job as saleswoman in the wrist watch section. One day a lady came to my department. I had seen that lady several times in the mart but this was the first time she came to my aisle. She went round for a while and then she came to me. She had not come to buy. She wanted to meet me after my duty was over. She said she had a job offer that she will explain when we meet.
"We met. She asked me if I would mind if she made a strange request. I said she could go ahead. I must have smiled when I said that for she smiled too and from then on we were very relaxed. Quite bluntly she asked me if I would be willing to be a porn artist. She said if I was willing I could take a screen test on my next off day. So saying she produced three crisp hundred pound notes. She said it was a fee for the test. It did not entail obligation of any sort. Then without my asking she told me what they will pay me if I join. It was a fabulous amount. I agreed to the test.
"It was a large room, almost a hall. A man and a woman sat on folding canvas chairs like the ones on which I have seen movie directors sit when on outdoor shoots. There was another ordinary chair for me. Other than that the room was bare. The windows were large but the thick curtains were drawn. The man who must have been close to fifty asked me to call him Bob. The woman was Becky. That was not their real names. In that establishment every one had an assumed name. (When the time came for it I chose the Turkish sounding name Isfar.) After a few questions about my family the lady asked me to go to the side room and wrap myself in a bath robe and nothing else and walk across the room. I did so. She asked me to disrobe and take the walk once again. This time I was tingling all over. After that she asked to take the chair in front of them. I sat naked but I was now composed.
"Do you know the exact nature of the work you have applied for?" asked Bob. I told them what I expected to be doing. He then spoke.
"We think of you as an artist and we expect you to behave like one. If it comes to our notice that one of our girls even on off duty hours makes herself available we terminate her services. The men are volunteers; students and those holding white collar jobs. We do not pay them and they do not pay us. They do it for the sport. Please never forget that you are an artist and nothing else. Our men are expected to treat our girls with the courtesy artists are entitled to."
"Becky wanted to know if I had any reservations about the wide variety of action that take place in porno films. I said no anal, no discharging semen on the face even if it is cream, and no bondage. Bob made a note of it and assured me that they would respect my feelings. They restated the financial terms which remained unchanged in spite of the narrowed agenda. I left to take up my duties the next day. I was feeling very jittery as I made my way to the studio the next morning.
"The girls in the locker room were no different from that of a department store. They were a happy lot. Job satisfaction was not a factor apparently. They wanted to know of my experience. When I told them one of them said that I would find working conditions more comfortable than the back seat of a car. I said I wanted to know about the men. One girl, a tall one with the unusual name of Milton who seemed to be sort of spokesperson for the group explained that the men were mostly college students. 'Cultured types,' she said, 'who treat you real nice you know. They give you the feeling that you are royalty.' She told me that the firm specialised in film that women and couples enjoy watching, and men too who are bored by the unceasing sex that most porn films provide.
"The make up room in addition to chairs had couches understandably, and full length mirrors. There were two make-up artists. One of them asked me to go to the make up cubicle, shave smooth and then come out naked. When I came out the girls 'oohed' and 'aahed.' I was surprised that women who were naked themselves should react this way, and then I knew the reason. That was a surprise. My vulva was the object of their admiration. In porn circles criteria of woman's beauty are different. The face and waist and hips and bust are of course important but there is more to the female body than those. How much the breasts sag is as important as its size. The breasts of the ideal size must have just that amount of sag as mine did. Then the all important vulva.
"For the first time I came to know that vulva are as varied as faces. Mine it seems was a standout, literally. The greater its convexity the greater its beauty. Mine was so convex that on side view the vulval bulge is prominent. The labia must be fleshy as mine was, and the slit not only straight and smooth edged but must dip down sharply and deeply. The clitoral hood must be visible but not be too dominant. I was pleased that nature has done well by my vulva. Suzie's was not. She mourned. Her labia were flat and the inner leaves so luxuriant that they seemed to pour out of the slit filling it completely. Another girl, Margo, had also a standout vulva but with different items. Her speciality was her jet black curly pubic hair. Her arm pits were full of hair too. The make up artist was working on her. She was combing her pubic hair and parting it in the middle. In many Middle Eastern countries hairy girls are popular, especially in Turkey where my people live.
"The woman in the makeup room handed over a skirt and T-shirt (and nothing else) that I was to wear. I entered the studio thus attired. I saw my partner for the first time. Sid was of medium height with a slight stoop and large eyes. Not one of the manly types but I took a liking to him straightaway. He blushed faintly as we shook hands. His hands were soft. He wore pants and full sleeved shirt. He could not be more than twenty one or twenty two. The director handed over our scripts. It was a bedroom scene. The man was supposed to be a scholar who was having his first sex on his honeymoon night. His bride however had experience but the young man assumed that like him she was a virgin. The fun in the movie was the girl's attempts to guide him without getting him to suspect that she was a woman of experience. The dialogue was clever but was not difficult to memorise. The director gave us permission to deviate from the script as our moods dictated. Soon we were ready for action. After some pointless dialogue we started undressing each other. It was then that I saw that the cameraman in our midst. Even such a simple act as undressing needed several takes. Every take was making the scene less and less romantic, for me anyway.
"Men who dream to be actors in porn films have to think again. Sid who like me was on his first day must have come to Earth with a thud when he realised what he had let himself in for. When I pull down his pants his erect penis had to spring out thereby making a dramatic entry. This did not happen because his penis was only turgid. The director asked him to make it stiff. 'You help him,' he told me. I gripped his penis and rubbed. It rose. When it was adequate I let go and he pulled up his pants. When I pulled down his pants his penis did a better job but the director was not satisfied. We went through the routine another couple of times before he accepted the shot. Then we sucked and he licked and as I lay on my back with thighs spread out and he came on top. His penis was quite rigid as I inserted it. Each of these moves needed several takes. It was absolutely boring.