Session 1
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The day the spiral began was the day I caught my own mother watching "Step-son" porn. I didn't traditionally catch her, as in, walk up behind her rubbing her bean or however women masturbate. No, I happened to see a porno in the history (when I was clearing my own...lol!).
And the timestamp happened to be on a day when I knew Dad was at work, sis was at college, and I was holed up in my room, trolling Discord. So, Mom was the only one around.
I should have just deleted it. I know that. But also, I got this heady rush thinking 'Mom watched this.' And so, I watched it, too. The video was strange, kinda made me giggle thinking back on it, but apparently porn does satire?
Like, some smooth assed, kinda feminine kid was stuck in the dryer. I guess he was trying to dig out that last sock. He called out for help, Mommy came in--that old script. But the director that day must have really wanted to lean into that whole subverting expectations trend. At first, it was subtle, you know, the roles being reversed, step-son in the dryer instead of step-sis.
But then, it got crazy. It was a real eye opener for me, what with all the...things...the mom in the video did, all the ways she worked her own son over. As a hint, it was definitely more of an "eye opener" for that kid in the video than it was for me who was watching it, if you can believe that.
That day, a seed was planted in my brain.
It started out as one of those intrusive thoughts, you know, those morbid ones where you metaphorically smack your head to rattle it out of there.
This was really inconvenient. See, I'm homeschooled. It's my senior year. I'm an 18 year old virgin. Never even kissed a girl. Fucking pathetic, I know.
And the part that kills me is I'm not bad looking. I mean, sure, if this was the 80's I'd get my ass kicked a lot, but these days, slim androgynous boys are all the rage. I guess culture's changed from glorifying alphas to subs? I dunno.
But yeah, I mean, outside of being a bit gangly and awkward, I should have fucked by now! I mean, the fuck? What's it take for a girl to like me? To want me? To want to do things to me like the mom did in the porno?
So yeah, uh, being homeschooled and really only having Mom and sis in my life, there were times when Mom was going over math or physics I'd look her in the eye and think 'those are the eyes that watched a son getting gaped.' But the thought that really turned me on was knowing that she sought it out, that she liked it, that she was attracted to boys that looked like me.
And when those thoughts would continue to fester, I'd smack my head for real.
"Oh!" Mom once said, "are you okay, Cubby?"