Mie & Savy

Note to Readers: This is the twelfth chapter of a series and is presented from Savy's point of view.

This chapter covers the same period as Chapter 11 and many of the same events. The differences are primarily in perspective and the level of detail devoted to certain events.

*****

I hadn't seen Josh since New Year's Eve in North Carolina. In the few weeks since the spring semester had started, we hadn't run into each other in the performing arts center and had no classes in common.

I had emailed him once in January offering to meet him for lunch if he wanted to talk, but he never responded. I ended up giving the box of his things that I had collected to a mutual friend from ensemble to return to him

Now he was standing next to mom on the day of my engagement to Mike.

I froze. What do I do? What do I say? Why is he here now?

My eyes found Mike, right next to me. His hand was on my arm and I felt his fingers gently squeeze me.

Behind me, I heard Max.

"Mike, may I borrow your sister for a moment?"

I swiveled to look at him. He wasn't smiling, but he had his usual friendly and determined demeanor.

I felt Mike's breath on my ear.

"Don't worry, I'll be right here."

I didn't want to step away from him for even a moment, away from the strength that he gave me, but I knew that I had to.

"Okay."

Just that one moment with him comforted me. He would always be there for me, there was no need to worry.

I allowed Max to direct me towards tables with guests. I had done this before and tonight would be no different. I would smile and graciously thank them for their support of both myself and the music program.

Max lead me from table to table as I shook hands with countless people and thanked them for their compliments.

"Savannah, you were absolutely unbelievable. Thank you so much."

"Savannah, you have an incredible future ahead of you."

I tried to ensure that every person had at least a few moments of personal time, but I was constantly trying to position myself so that my eyes could seek out Mike. I had lost sight of him for a few minutes and when I tried to find mom, she was gone, too. Were they talking? I wanted to be there when we told her...

Eventually, I saw mom walk into the room, followed by Mike. She didn't look overly happy, but she didn't seem to be distraught or upset, either. I immediately doubted that he had told her about us. As he walked behind her, Mike focused his eyes on me and smiled broadly.

I could hear him in my mind when his lips formed the words, "I love you."

I smiled back at him.

I love you, too. I want everyone to know.

Mike and mom returned to their table while I continued mingling with Max. Every time I caught Mike's eye, he smiled at me and the apprehension I had about the conversations that needed to happen with both Josh and mom melted away. Whenever I wasn't shaking hands with someone, my right hand held my left and I ran my fingers over my ring.

Finally, I had greeted everyone and I could return to my friends and family. I focused on Mike as I walked to their table. He sat straight up in his chair, his suit jacket hanging perfectly off of his frame.

Mom rose to greet me first, throwing her arms around me and saying, "Savannah, I'm so proud of you."

I thanked her and received similar compliments from Jeff, Mia, and Maria with hugs of their own. I laughed when Mia said I looked like a model and didn't seem to want to let me go. Maria and I were the same age, so our relationship was more equal in a sense, but Mia always seemed to be my proud older sister. I loved both of them and looked forward to asking them to be my bridesmaids.

Then I was next to Mike. My instinct was to throw myself into his embrace, but I saw Josh out of the corner of my eye. This couldn't be easy for him and I didn't want to make things any harder. I was fully aware now of the impact I had had on Mike when he had to see me with Josh.

Mike's hand was on my forearm and I felt his fingertips on my bare skin. I yearned for his touch, always. He leaned close to me and whispered quietly in my ear, "I love you." Even when we were being coy about our relationship with others around, he found little ways to touch my heart with the simplest of gestures.

I wanted to kiss him, but I held myself back. I simply looked up at him and said, "Thank you."

I sighed softly to myself and moved around the table. Josh rose to face me. I felt a wave of guilt, knowing that I had once been the one to bring a lopsided sheepish grin to his face, but now he simply gave me a blank look, devoid of emotion.

"Josh, will you come talk with me?"

He barely nodded.

I turned and headed for the door while Josh followed a few steps behind. In the hallway, there just wasn't enough privacy for what we needed to say, so I quickly turned to him and said, "Let's go to the hall." Again, his response was just the slightest nod. My heels clicked on the floor and reverberated through the hallway as we walked.

I stepped into the hall where I had just performed while wearing Mike's ring. I went to the stage and turned my back before hopping up and sitting on the edge. My hands rested on my lap.

I watched as Josh moved to the edge of the stage, too. He leaned against it, several yards away from where I sat.

I knew what I needed to say, but was trying to figure out the exact words, when he spoke. It was the first time I had heard his voice since he had walked out of the room after I had broken his heart.

"Savannah, I'm sorry if I startled you. Max asked me to come tonight and I went back and forth on whether or not I should. It was good to see you play again."

We sat quietly for a moment and I collected my thoughts.

"I'm so sorry about what happened."

His quiet response broke my heart. I looked directly at him, watching all of his reactions. He made steady eye contact with me for the first time.

"I'm sorry that I asked you to leave that night. I shouldn't have. I should have stayed and talked to you."

"You didn't do anything wrong. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. I had been avoiding everything that had happened with Mike for so long, for years, but then when I confronted it..."

"You feel about him the way I feel about you."

I felt my jaw tremble. Oh no, I hope not. I truly hoped that I wasn't the one for him.

"Josh, you'll find someone, someone who can make you happy and will never hurt you, someone you can love and have a beautiful family with."

That had to sound like a horrible, empty platitude to him. I hoped against hope that it was true. He deserved that life. Maybe he and I could have been happy together, but it wasn't meant to be.

"I'll never stop loving you."

"I know. I'll never stop loving you, either. You will always be so special to me. What happens in the future doesn't change or take away the time that we had together, the happiness that you gave me."

His lips were pressed tightly together and tears began running down his face.

"I'll never forgive myself for hurting you, because I want you to be happy."

He wiped the back of his hand along his cheeks. We sat quietly, with me watching him while he only gave quick glances in my direction. My heart broke for him; he deserved so much better than this.

Finally, he sighed deeply and moved away from the stage, walking to me and standing directly in front of me. He looked down at my hands and saw my ring.

"You're going to marry him."

I ran my fingers over my ring.

"Yes."

"I want you to be happy, too. I wish it were with me, but I want you to have everything you want in life."

Oh Josh... you're such a good person.

He shuffled his feet and his legs were nearly touching my dangling feet. He leaned forward and I watched as he came closer to me. He softly pressed his lips to my cheek and then stood straight.

His voice was soft, "I love you. Goodbye, Savannah."

"Goodbye, Josh."

I had one brief moment to see the sadness written on his face before he turned away from me. I watched every step until he turned the corner and was out of sight. I closed my eyes and felt tears run down my cheeks as I heard the door open and then swing close, clicking shut.

I would still see him around the music program, even if not in class or ensemble, then possibly just from running into each other in the performing arts center. I knew it would be impossible for us to rebuild any kind of friendship, but if I did see him, I would do my best to be a friendly face.

I sat and cried, remembering so many of the moments that we had together.

After some time, I heard the door open again. I needed the jolt, because it had been long enough that it was time for me to return to the reception.

I looked up to see Mike coming towards me. My Mike.

Thank you for coming for me.

He walked slowly towards me and I tried to smile just a bit at him. He looked wonderful in his suit and some of my sadness was lifted as I felt the love for him that was so central to who I am.

He sat next to me on the edge of the stage and I pushed myself as close to him as I could before sliding my arm around his and resting my head on his shoulder. Being with him is the single most comforting thing in my life.

He asked me, "You okay?"

I looked up at him, into his beautiful eyes, and he leaned down to kiss me gently.

"I will be."

I will always be okay as long as I have you.

"I love you, Mike."

I laid my head on his shoulder again and felt his cheek rest on top of my head. There would be time to tell him what Josh and I had talked about, but for now, I just needed to be near him. I felt my confidence return as the aura of his love surrounded me.

I slipped off the stage and stood before him, sliding my hands around his. I smiled at him.

"I'm going to marry you."

He moved to his feet and enveloped me in his arms.

"Yes, you are, because you are the love of my life and that's the only way it can be."

The only way it can be. From the moment I was brought into his life, this was our destiny. We have so many choices to make in life, but it was never a choice for me to love him. He would always be everything to me.

My hand found his and our fingers interlocked. We walked together back to the reception.

At the door to the reception room, I felt Mike's fingers loosen their grip on me.

No. It's time. It's time for everyone to know about our love, to know that I would be his wife, that everything I do is for him.

I held his hand firmly and looked up at him.

"It's okay," I assured him.

His fingers tightened around mine again and he pushed open the door for me. This moment was everything to me.

As soon as we moved from the mildly lit hallway into the bright reception, I felt the eyes of everyone on me, on us. I lead Mike to the center of the room, never taking my eyes off of him. I stopped and turned to face him as he looked down into my eyes. Everything about him, his kindness, his intelligence, his height and his subtle strength... everything soothed me and gave me confidence. He made me a better person, simply by being with me.

I pulled down on his hand as I stood up on my toes and my lips found his. I kissed him and felt the security of his love.

When I backed away and stood before him, the brief look of shock on his face was immediately replaced by a wonderful smile. I could feel a smile creep across my mouth, spreading to my cheeks, my eyes, and my entire body.

We'll never be apart again.

I saw Mike's eyes move to the side and I turned my head to follow his gaze to see Max. Now is the moment.

I held up my left hand towards Max, my ring sparkling in the light. I doubt if it was shining anywhere near as brightly as I was. I reveled in this moment for Mike and I, a moment that took us years to earn.

Suddenly, we were surround by an entire room standing and clapping, not for me as after my performance, but for both Mike and I. My head spun, searching the crowd for the smiles of our friends and family, but my eyes kept seeking Mike, my Mike.

Max reached us and placed a kiss on the back of my hand.

Mike and I were quickly enveloped by a crowd of people offering congratulations from all directions. I wanted to introduce everyone to my perfect fiancé, my inspiration. Even as I shook hands and showed my ring, I couldn't help reaching up to touch Mike, caressing his cheek with my fingers. He never took his hand off of me, holding my hip or brushing the small of my back, keeping his body firmly next to me.

And then I looked up to see Jeff and Mia. They had been our best friends and then during our dark times, were rocks for both of us. They were are family and always would be.

The first time Mike let even the tiniest bit of space between us was for Jeff to embrace me in his long arms. The moment he released me, Mia was squeezing the both of us tightly.

"I love both of you. I can't wait to be at your wedding."

Mia finally let go of us and I was able to see Maria. She took my hand in hers and ran her fingers over mine, tracing around my ring. She smiled at me. I didn't know what having a twin sister was like, but I could only imagine it was like our relationship. Without saying anything, she conveyed everything to me. When Mike and I were married, she would be my maid of honor.

I turned looking for Mike and he was speaking quietly with Max. After I heard Max, in his deep bass voice, tell Mike, "Congratulations, Mike," they walked to me.

It was only then that I saw mom for the first time since we had come back into the reception, as the room was nearly empty now. She sat completely frozen, her cheeks wet from tears, but she wasn't smiling.

I know mom, I know you're shocked. We'll talk through this and it'll be okay.

Max turned to go to her, probably to congratulate her, but I quickly reached out to him and pulled him towards me.

He briefly turned to look at mom and I think the realization of her tears and the look on her face hit him. He looked down at me, his smile replaced by concern.

Very quietly, I said, "Max, we need to talk."

He followed me as I went to the door. Outside, I spoke softly.

"Max, she doesn't know about us and I don't think she'll be happy. Mike and I were first engaged more than two years ago. Her response is part of why we broke up."

I could see him beginning to piece together the limited information he had in his head.

"That's why you started playing violin again and why you and Josh..."

I quietly interrupted, "Yes."

"I see, I see. I'm sure this is very difficult for her to process."

"Mike and I will need to speak with her. We didn't really mean for her to find out like this, but he proposed today and..."

Max interrupted, "You played that last piece for him."

"Yes."

"It was marvelous. I want you to know that anything you and Mike need, I'm here for you."

"Thank you, Max."

He smiled down at me.

"Good night, Savannah... and good luck."

"I'll talk to you soon. Thanks for everything tonight."

He turned and I watched for a moment as he proceeded down the hall towards his office. I sighed and pushed open the door to the reception room.

I barely heard mom as I entered the room.

"... to ru..."

She stopped talking mid-sentence and immediately spun to look at me.

As I approached them, my eyes moved rapidly back and forth between mom's shocked face, still wet with tears, and Mike's tense look. I sat delicately on the seat next to Mike and scooted close to him before sliding my hand into his.

When I looked back at mom, her voice was so cold that it sent shivers through my body.

"You can't do this."

Yes, we can mom.

I collected myself and pulled Mike's hand onto my lap.

"Mom, we love you. We would love to have your blessing..."

Please, mom, be happy for us. See our love.

"... but we're not going to ask for your permission."

Whether she approved or not, my life would only ever be with Mike by my side.

"Savy, what did he do? Is this why you and Josh broke up?"

I knew how much she cared about Josh and it was easy to see why. He was so polite and kind to her. Yes, Josh and I couldn't be together because I'm meant to be with Mike, but what did Mike do? I tried to speak calmly, pushing down the anger that was boiling up inside me. She wasn't going to blame him for us.

"Mike didn't do anything wrong, mom. The only thing he's ever done, for my entire life, is love and support me."

And that's what you've done for me, too, mom. Please don't stop now.

Her voice was softer, "But Josh..."

"I wasn't meant to be with him. Mike is the only one for me. I can't live my life without him."

Again, her tone turned to anger and accusation, "Savy, this will ruin your life. You can't do this. He's your... your... brother."

I lost control and my anger took over. I wouldn't let her say that.

"No! I won't let you say that. I almost ruined my life when I pushed Mike away. I was shocked when you told us, but I love him. I love him more because he's my brother."

Mom seemed briefly taken aback at my response, "You don't know what you're saying... this is wrong."

I do know what I'm saying. This isn't your choice and you can't judge us.

"It's not wrong to follow our hearts, mom."

And then she terrified me with her response.

"I can't... I can't be a part of this."

Mom? Please, please understand us! You can be there for us, with us.

"Mom, I want you in our life. I want you there on our wedding day. Please... be happy for us. Celebrate with us."

You need to be there when we get married. You need to be there for me and for us.

"I can't... no... this is wrong..."

My body tensed when she suddenly put her hands on the table and pushed herself quickly to her feet. The anger, the sadness, all emotion left her voice. She spoke as if she were stating a simple fact.

"When you stop this, I'll be there for you, but I won't be a part of this."

No... no... don't go...

Mike pulled me to him as my world began to collapse again. He held my waist tightly while stroking my hair and I sobbed uncontrollably.

Mom...

I was startled when I heard a voice that I didn't recognize.

"I'm sorry, but I need to lock up in here."

I looked up to Mike and he pressed his lips to my forehead, gently kissing me. I looked into his eyes.

He was the only family I had left now.

"Let's go home."

I was barely aware of anything that happened until Mike and I were laying in bed, his arms providing as much comfort as I was capable of feeling. I fell asleep with the echo of his voice in my mind, "I love you, Savy. You are my everything."

His strength was all that kept me going for days until finally she contacted us.

I watched as Mike read an email from her, a grimace on his face. I asked him to hold me while I read her email to me. It didn't matter if she was sorry for how she had reacted at the reception, she had made her decision... and we had made ours. Nothing would ever tear us apart; we are one and that is how we would respond.

"Mike, I want you to respond for both of us."

"Okay..."

I drew on his strength.

"She has a choice: she can support us and be a part of our life or she can believe we're making a mistake and not be a part of our life. Whenever she is ready to accept and support us, we'll invite her back, but until then, she is not welcome to sit and judge us."

As Mike typed our answer to her, I stood behind him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, squeezing myself tightly to him with my cheek pressed to his ear.

Mom had once said to me, "It's just the way it had to be." She was right, but not in the way she thought. If she couldn't love us, accept us, and support us, then this was the way it had to be.

"You're all I need, Mike. I love you."