Mie & Savy

Note to Readers: This is the fourth chapter of a series and is presented from Savy's point of view.

The events of this chapter begin immediately after the events of Chapters 1 and 2 and cover the same time period as Chapter 3. If you have read Chapter 3 and are not interested in the different perspective, you may skip this chapter without missing any significant plot advancement.

*

I couldn't believe what I had done. My lips were pressed against Mike's, my brother's, lips. I just acted on pure instinct.

In an instant, everything was running through my mind, memories and feelings. Especially feelings that I had never been consciously aware of before.

I pulled away from Mike. I didn't want to, but I had to. His eyes were wide in shock. What had I done?

I lifted my hand to his cheek.

He parted his lips and started, "Savy..."

I cut him off. I didn't let him finish. I couldn't let him finish right now because I was too afraid of what he'd say.

"I'll see you soon."

I was out of the car. I set my sights on the door to my dorm, where I could disappear. By the time I reached it, I was squeezing my eyes tight to hold back tears.

I made it to my dorm room and collapsed on my bed. Fortunately, I was alone.

I didn't want to be alone. I wanted Mike to be there with me. That particular thought was terrifying to me. There was no denying how close Mike and I had gotten, especially over the last several months, and then last night, I slept in his arms.

It was obvious now that I was drawn to him and for quite some time, based on my actions. I was drawn to him more than I should have been, but to admit to myself that my feelings had crossed a line that isn't supposed to be crossed... it was too much.

I buried my face in my pillow and I cried. At some point, I had sobbed myself to exhaustion and I fell asleep.

I awoke a few hours later. I got off of my bed and looked in the mirror. My eyes were still red and my hair was a mess. After a trip to the bathroom, with my head held low to let my hair cover my face, I was back in my room and feeling at least somewhat human. I changed into clean clothes, jeans and a t-shirt.

I turned on my computer and checked my email. Nothing from Mike. I checked my phone and it was the same. In a way, it relieved me that there wasn't a long message from him telling me that he couldn't spend time with me anymore.

I sat staring blankly at my screen for a few minutes, then opened a new email to Mike. I got as far as typing, "Mike," before stopping. My thoughts were racing, but my fingers refused to move. I started and deleted that email a dozen times, at least.

I went back to sit on my bed. I had to slow myself down.

Mike.

He was my big brother. I had known that since as long as I could remember. He had been there to help me with homework at the end of the day, when mom was working long hours to provide for us. He had been there when I played in my first concert and was almost too nervous to stand in front of the audience. He had been there when I didn't feel like I fit in at school.

He had become my best friend and whatever problem I had, with school or friends, he listened to me. When Aly and I had a huge fight in eighth grade and it felt like our friendship was over, he talked me through it. Even after he went away to college and I was still navigating high school, he didn't forget about me.

When did I start to feel more?

During my senior year, I'd definitely become more confident in myself, not just knowing that I'd get the grades or play violin well. No, as I began to shed my childhood awkwardness physically, I think I had become more comfortable with myself. I still didn't have the confidence to simply walk up to a boy and ask him out, but... did I already know that I was falling for Mike?

No, down that path lay madness. Hindsight isn't 20-20. It's still clouded by emotions, from both then and now. Did it even matter when, anymore? The fact is that I had kissed Mike. I had done so because I had never felt closer to anyone and it felt completely natural to do so.

Did he feel the same way about me? I didn't know, even if it seemed like he'd been as comfortable around me as I had been around him. That was terrifying, as was knowing that however he felt, our course was set and it would have to be discussed.

We would talk and then I would know. As complicated as everything was, what was next was as simple as that. Still, I knew the rest of the day would inch by, slowly.

I set about organizing the rest of my things. Classes would start tomorrow and that would at least give me something to focus on for a bit. I eventually got all of my books, notebooks, and the rest of my things in order.

I'd settled down enough to realize that I was quite hungry and I decided to venture out to the dining hall for the first time.

I stepped outside and the campus was beautiful. The sky was azure and a slight breeze rustled the leaves in the trees. The grass, bushes, and flower beds were perfectly manicured. Being outside lifted a bit of the weight off of my shoulders.

At the dining hall, I didn't feel much like sitting and eating there, so I grabbed a noodle bowl and made my way back towards my dorm. I spotted a picnic table and sat down before starting in on my dinner. I took my time, nibbling more than eating, but I did manage to finish most of it.

Back inside, I knew it was getting close to time for Mike to be leaving work. I got on my computer and tried to breathe deeply to calm myself. After some time, I saw the notification that Mike had logged on. I opened a chat window and sighed.

"Hey there."

It didn't take long for him to respond. "Hey."

I typed in, "You busy tonight?"

"No. I just got some sushi for dinner. Planning on just watching the O's game."

I wanted to see him, desperately. "Can you pick me up?"

"You don't want to hang out at your dorm? Or with your roomie?"

No, I didn't. She'd sent me an email, anyway, and wasn't going to be in.

"She's going to some frat party and everyone in the dorm is mostly hanging out in their own rooms with their roomies. You don't want to see me?"

I was terrified that he'd say he didn't.

"Not at all, of course I want to see you. But I want you to meet new people, too."

"How about you come over and we can hang out here. Then if anyone wants to meet us, they can."

Us. That word looked different to me now.

Mike responded, "I can do that. I'll be there in twenty, okay?"

I smiled to myself. I was nervous, but... hopeful?

"See you soon."

That was an impossibly long twenty minutes. Finally, my phone buzzed and I saw the text that he was here. I went downstairs and popped my head out the door. I saw Mike and waved at him.

As he approached the door, I held out my hand for him. He took it and came into my dorm. I felt his hand start to pull away, the normal letting go, but I held on. I interlocked my fingers with his, feeling how much larger his hand was than mine. They were strong, from his years of wrestling. I watched as his eyes went down to our hands, then back up to me, but he didn't pull away.

I couldn't help but smile.

I led Mike upstairs to the lounge on my floor, which was empty, then to my room. When we stepped inside, I asked, "You like?"

He grinned. "Yeah, it's very OCD... so, you know, very Savy."

I'm not OCD. I just like things to be where they belong. I punched him on the shoulder.

Mike turned to face me and asked, "So, how much of the campus have you seen?"

"Um, just what I saw walking to the dining hall for dinner."

He asked if I wanted to go for a walk and my heart started to quicken. I knew that we were going to talk. My mind raced over every move he made. How were his eyes, those beautiful eyes, looking at me? Was he standing close to me? Far? Was he holding my hand like a brother? Like a friend? Like...

I said that I would like to and we stepped outside. I let go of Mike's hand and locked my door, then we went downstairs. Once we were outside, I moved next to him again and slid my hand back into his. Again, he didn't pull away. He didn't squeeze my hand, exactly, but he held it... comfortably.

We walked towards the library and in front of it, where a statue of Testudo sits out front. We are both Terps, so we rubbed him on the nose. As nervous as I was, it almost felt like we'd done this a hundred times before.

Mike started to take the lead a little bit, guiding us. We went down the stairs in front of the library and onto the grass of the mall. I love the feel of grass on my feet and between my toes. I kicked off my sandals and bent down to pick them up.

Halfway down the mall, we got to the fountain. Mike sat down, still holding my hand, and I sat next to him, moving close to him. I heard him sigh.

That sigh almost crushed me.

I looked up at him and asked, "Are you mad at me?"

His face, a mixture of concern and... was that sadness?... softened. He smiled gently at me.

"Oh, honey... I'm not mad at you at all. How could I be mad at you?"

He wasn't mad at me. My eyes widened and I could feel words starting to bubble up my throat.

"I kissed you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I just... we're finally here and... together."

It felt like everything inside of me was trying to be said at once. We'd talked for years about both going to Maryland. We'd shared our dreams with each other. What do you do when you're finally there, you're achieving your dreams, and with a person that you care about?

It was starting to get to be too much and I could feel my eyes filling with tears.

Mike bent down and then he kissed my forehead. My mind was briefly blank, exhausted from running over years of memories and what felt like hundreds of emotions. He took hold of my hand between both of his, then reached around my shoulder.

"Savy, I wasn't expecting that. You caught me completely off-guard. I just... you're my best friend. You're my sister."

I felt like that word was all that was standing between us. But what was it? I wasn't denying to myself that we had that relationship, but it wasn't completely insurmountable... at least I thought.

I tried to answer him, to reassure him, but only a whisper came out, "Adopted..."

"Yeah, I know, but we still grew up together. I mean, there's an emotional bond there, right?"

Maybe it was insurmountable, to him.

"Yeah..."

He went on, "But I also know that when I went away to college, I looked forward to our chats every night. I missed you. I really did. And... even though I dated, I never really fell for anyone."

A lump formed in my throat, but I didn't want to interrupt him.

"Then I came home this summer and you were... we were... always together. That month was, honestly, the best time of my life. When I'm around you, I can't think of anything else and when I'm not around you, I can't think of anything other than the next time I'll be with you."

I was on the verge of tears again, but was he saying...?

"Mike, we're here now... together."

"We are. And I don't want to be anywhere else."

My heart, previously pounding inside of me, stopped. I watched as he released my hand and his fingers moved closer to my face, then was touching me. He gently turned my chin up, so that we were looking straight at each other, nowhere to hide. I searched his face, his eyes, which looked greener at night as the blue faded away. Even in the darkness, I could see the flecks of gold.

Then he was moving closer to me... and we kissed.

He kissed me and my body almost gave out. He was gentle, but he held me up close to him. Unlike last time, we didn't break the kiss. I felt his lips part, but still against mine. Then the soft and moist feeling of his tongue on my lips. I melted. Our lips parted a bit and I struggled to maintain contact. I couldn't bear the thought of any space between us.

He gently stroked my hair as he continued holding me and kissing me. I turned my body towards him, then lifted myself onto his lap. I ran my hand around his ear, letting my fingers brush through his hair. My other arm wrapped around his back and I pulled myself as close to him as I could. It felt good to be in his arms. He held me firmly.

As wonderful as all of these feelings were, with the darkness of night had come a chill in the air. I pulled just an inch away from him and said, "It's getting chilly."

Mike pressed his forehead against mine.

"I don't think I'm ready to let you go."

I didn't want him to let me go. I never wanted to be anywhere else other than in his arms. I looked up at him, pressed my lips against his quickly and lightly, and then made eye contact.

"Then don't."

I stood up and my feet found my sandles. I reached to Mike and my fingers were intertwined with his again. He stood next to me. His height comforted me. I was only 5' tall and the top of my head barely approached his shoulders on his 5'11" frame.

We walked back towards my dorm.

I would have thought my mind would have been racing. Everything had changed between us. We'd jumped over the edge, together. That was the important part. We were doing this together and I was surprisingly calm.

The only thing that my mind focused on at that point was the two of us. My hand, enveloped by his, the feeling of his fingers wrapped around mine, reassuring me with their presence. Our steps, slow, steady, unhurried. I pressed myself against his arm.

We got to the dorm and there were some other people hanging out in the lounge, laughing with each other, so instead of taking the elevator I angled us towards the stairs. Up we went to my room.

At my door, I turned towards Mike. I had to stand on my toes to reach up to him and was still not quite tall enough, so I reached behind his head and pulled him down to me. We kissed, deeply, passionately, lovingly. I wanted to taste his lips again and feel his tongue sliding against mine. His hands ran up and down my back, while his chest and hips pressed against me. It felt wonderful.

I unlocked the door and we went inside. I wanted to reassure Mike that this was exactly what I wanted, where I wanted to be. I said simply, "Lay down." He went over and sat on the edge of my bed before moving against the wall and laying down. He never took his eyes off of me.

I grabbed some sleeping clothes out of my dresser, but suddenly it just felt a little awkward to change in front of Mike. Our relationship, on this level anyway, was just an hour old or so, so I moved over towards my closet and stood behind the door.

I changed from my jeans to shorts and I could sense that he was watching me. I looked over my shoulder and sure enough, his eyes were fixed on me. I blushed to myself, but I had to admit that it turned me on that he was that interested in me.

I pulled on a t-shirt, one of those nice fitted women's style shirts with a Maryland logo on the front, and went to him.

I was laying next to Mike, the first time we'd consciously chosen to lay down together, and faced him. I could barely see him in the darkness of my room. I rested my hand on his face, feeling his jaw and his smooth skin. I liked that he shaved every day.

I moved closer to him and kissed him. His lips were thin, but soft. They parted and our tongues were against each other again, tickling each other and learning the other's touch. I ran my hands through his hair, thick and smooth. I loved the feeling of his hair on my fingers. The long bits that slid through them and the short hairs at the nape of his neck.

His arms wrapped around me, that already familiar embrace, different than even this past summer. His body was warm and I was completely content to rest against him, to feel his hands holding my back and my hips.

Our lips separated from each other and then Mike kissed my nose, then my forehead.

He whispered to me, "Goodnight, Savy."

"Goodnight, Mike."

One change, one monumental change. Whether it had been building for years, months, or days, it was the most incredible thing to happen in my life.

I buried my face into his chest and we slept.

__________

I dozed in that soft dream world between sleep and consciousness. I heard a slight jingling. Keys? The door clicked and I briefly panicked. Who was coming into my room?

I turned my face towards the door and a girl walked in. I remembered where I was. College. My dorm room. In bed, with Mike.

"Oh, hi! I assume you're Savannah or I'm in the wrong room."

I could feel myself blushing. I had never kissed a guy before and now the first time my roommate meets me, I'm in bed with a guy... well, not just any guy, Mike. My Mike.

I brushed my hair out of my eyes.

"Hi... yeah, I'm Savy. Savannah."

"I'm Amy."

We'd emailed a bit over the summer, after we were paired in the dorm, but this was the first time we'd seen each other.

"... and who's this?" Her eyes were on Mike.

I blushed harder. "This is Mike. He's my..." A small lump caught in my throat. "... my boyfriend." I hastily added, "From back home."

I squeezed Mike's hand under the covers and he squeezed back.

Amy continued while moving about the room collecting some things, "Hi, Mike. You go here, too?"

Mike answered her, "Uh, yeah. Actually doing my master's."

Amy grinned at the two of us. I guess she was a little surprised that her freshman roommate was dating a graduate student.

"Well, I'm just gonna grab my bag for my first class. I'll be out of your hair in a minute."

I tucked my face under the covers with Mike. He was grinning at me.

Amy called out, "You guys have fun!" and I heard the door close.

I closed my eyes, so happy to be in Mike's arms. I felt him press his lips against one eye, then the other, then my nose. I loved the feeling of his light, tender kisses. His lips were on mine and I was lost in him again.

After some time, I sighed. I had classes to go to, too. I mumbled, "Classes," under my breath and slowly climbed out of bed. I didn't want to leave, but I knew I had to.

Mike stood next to me and pulled me in close for a hug.

"I've gotta get to work. I hope you have fun at your classes today."

I wasn't sure how I'd be able to concentrate, after the turn my life had taken in such a short time. It's hard to concentrate when you're floating a mile off the ground.

I looked into Mike's blue and green eyes and smiled, "I'll be thinking of you."

"And I'll be thinking of you, too." He looked over towards my desk and I guess he saw my schedule, because he continued, somewhat teasingly, "... but you'd better be thinking just a little bit about Calculus, too."

I reached up and swatted him lightly on the nose. "Of course."

He kissed me goodbye and then was out the door. I was alone in my room again, but not alone in my head. He was still with me there, even if we had to be apart for a bit.

I went to my closet and pulled out a towel and my shower basket before heading down the hall to the bathroom. I stopped in front of the sink to look at myself in the mirror. The reflection was me. Same eyes, same nose, same long, wavy hair, but the face in the mirror looked and felt like a completely different person. She looked... jubilant.

In the shower, I sighed as the hot water ran over my body. I closed my eyes and stood there, smiling like a fool. I washed my hair and squeezed body soap into my loofah. As I ran it over my body, I wondered what it would feel like to know Mike's eyes were on my naked body. I'd only ever thought of myself as a short, scrawny girl, but now I was more comfortable and confident. I wanted to feel his hands on my bare back, to feel his fingertips brushing up and down my spine while I pressed against his chest.

I'd seen him in his board shorts, of course. At the time, I'd teased him about how white he was, especially compared to my own creamy tan complexion. I closed my eyes and remembered the last time I'd seen him like that. He was skinny, like me, but there was a fine outline of his pectoral muscles, then a hint of his abs. His hair was normally dark brown, but after a summer of doing chores outside and walking on the boardwalk, it turned much lighter, sandy. During the day, under the bright sky and beside the ocean, the blue in his eyes came out much more. He was like a chameleon, changing to perfectly match the environment around him.