I guess I should start by introducing myself. I'm a 40-year-old widow who has been raising my teen age son single-handedly for 5 years now. My husband, Dan, died after an agonizing battle with cancer, but he left us well provided for, so we have had no material worries. My son has been great once we both got past the worst of the grieving, and he has done all he could to become the "man of the house." He's now 18, but even when he was younger he did a great job of being low-maintenance. He got good grades, stays out of serious trouble and has good friends. At the moment he's living at home with me and working to help save money for college.
I work hard at my job, and find that to be a good way to channel my life's energies at the moment. Although friends continue to encourage me to date, I do not find the prospect appealing at all. I don't feel a great void in my life, but do yearn for physical touch--everything from hugs to sexual relations. That is the hardest thing to integrate into my present life in a healthy way.
My wonderful son, Jason, gave me a very thoughtful Christmas present this year, but I'm sure he never foresaw what use I would find for it, and what it would mean for us.
I've had some backaches recently, and I can't get massages as often as I'd like--I absolutely adore them. One day in the mall we looked at massage chairs, and Jason wanted to get one for me to use. He was really disappointed to find out how much they cost--they were way too expensive for his meager budget.
For my Christmas present, though, he found a massage mat that lays on the bed and massages from head to toe. There's also a heat setting that is wonderful. The massage comes from 7 points along the body, and one can vary the intensity of vibration. There are also settings to focus the vibration at one area or another, or to let it move wave-like along the mat at various speeds. It's great for a sore back.
The other day, I had done a vigorous workout and was feeling a little tired and achy. Jason was at his friends' house for the evening, so I took a hot bath and relaxed. When I came back into the bedroom, I saw the mat and decided to have a massage.
I slipped off my robe, laid down on the mat face-up and started the heat and slow vibration. I could feel the vibrations radiating through my body, and felt wonderfully relaxed. I pulled the blanket up over my naked body, and closed my eyes. After a brief time, I started the wave vibration slowly.
I must have dozed off for a minute or two, and when I awoke I realized that the wave vibrations were feeling very good when they reached my buttocks. In fact, I realized that I was having feelings that I had not experienced in quite some time. I smiled to myself and set the vibrations to remain in that area--I was curious to see how these feelings might develop.