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"Stacey! What have I told you!" Lana cried out in a loud, exasperated voice.
Stacey got up from her clothes-strewn bed, walked amongst the randomly discarded undies and shoes on the floor and stood close to her Mum. Very close. Right in her face.
"I dunno, Mum. What have you told me?"
Lana, not taking a backwards step, replied vehemently, "Tidy your room. For Christ's sake! You've just turned eighteen years old! You're not a child anymore. Time to get your act together, young girl and start behaving like an adult."
The raised voices brought Ian, the man of the house, Lana's husband and Stacey's dad, to see what the problem was this time. It seemed that he was always playing the peacemaker these days.
Ian didn't like conflict. He always tried to calm the somewhat fractious relationship that had recently developed between mother and daughter. Just in the last month things had really escalated. He was at a loss to understand the cause of the sudden change in antagonism. Stacey was normally so easy going, fun, reliable and neat but lately, something had put all of that good behaviour into the past. Was it related to her birthday a few days ago? Now that she was suddenly an "adult", was she suddenly resenting still being tied to the apron strings of her Mummy and Daddy? Was it her hormones? Ian didn't know much about those things, but he knew enough to know that women were on a whole other level of complexity when it came to hormones and all that stuff. He didn't think it was puberty. Stacey was eighteen, but she still looked a lot younger. He thought Stacey had been menstruating for a few years, but he wasn't one hundred per cent sure. Her tits, admittedly still small, had come on nicely in the last few years for a girl with such a petite body. He bet her driver's licence was getting a workout now that she could legally go out to pubs with her girl-friends. But that stuff couldn't be the cause of the sudden behaviour change.
"What's going on here?" Ian said in what he hoped was a calming voice.
"The usual," Lana replied forcefully. "This little piggy is refusing to clean her sty and I've had enough."
"Are you calling me a pig?" Stacey rejoined.
She was really spoiling for a fight, Ian thought. To avoid one, Ian cut in before Lana could reply, hoping that cutting her off at the pass could defuse the mushrooming tension, "Look, Stacey, your room is a bit of a mess. It's really unacceptable. Please do as your Mother asks and clean it up. Do it now, OK? It will only take fifteen minutes."
"Or what?" Stacey replied petulantly. It was unlike Stacey to bite back at her Dad and it took Ian aback.
"Or I'll give your tail a thrashing," her Mother jumped back in. "You might be eighteen now, but you're still small enough to go over my knee," Lana threatened.
"You wouldn't do that."
"Oh, yes I would. I'm sick of your behaviour lately, Miss. If you want to act like a child, I will treat you like one."
"I'd like to see you try."
"Don't tempt me. But I'm warning you, you're damn well going the right way, if you want a good spanking, young lady."
"Look you two, why don't you just take a few deep breaths and sort this out calmly and rationally," Ian interjected reasonably. "The neighbours must love hearing you two argue all the time. You both should just calm down."
"Don't you tell me to calm down!" Lana snapped back. "This is between me and her. I don't remember asking for your advice, Mister. Your policy of appeasement isn't working."
Ian was stung by his wife's rebuke.
"Yeah, Dad," Stacey joined in, "butt-out. Go and watch some porn on the interweb or something."
"Don't you talk to me like that, Stacey."
Involuntarily, Ian could feel his own anger rising. All he had been trying to do was to bring peace, but the warring factions were both turning on him. It just wasn't cricket.
"Well, Ian, if you weren't here, she wouldn't be able to speak to you," his wife informed him. "Go away. We can sort this out ourselves."
Ian was getting hotter and hotter under the collar of his pink polo shirt. He glared at them both.
"You still here?" Stacey said to him sarcastically.
The brat! Ian could feel his fists clenching as, uncharacteristically, his upset state of mind was edging over the tipping point.
"Forget about him, Stacey," Lana said rudely, "and listen to me. You, young lady, are going to start tidying-up right now by picking up those undies." Lana's order boomed in a loud voice.
"Kiss my arse," Stacey, caustically retorted to her mother. As she said it, she spun half around, bent over and presented her cute tushie towards her furious Mother. Ian noticed Stacey was wearing tight, high cut denim shorts.
"Why you little trollop! You should be kissing my arse," Lana hissed backed at her.
"Enough!" Ian thundered. "This is becoming childish. I've had it up to here with the both of you. "
Startled at the sudden, noisy outburst, both women ceased arguing and turned towards him. He stood there, slightly trembling with anger and quite unused to their suddenly passive, undivided attention.
"This argument is OVER! Instead you can both kiss each other's arse. Maybe that will drive some sense into the two of you and put an end to this constant bickering. I tell you both that I'm utterly sick and tired of it."
"Oh, don't be stupid," Lana said and made to move away.
"Where are you going? I didn't say you could leave. Get back here and kneel on Stacey's bed, this minute. Now!"
"Better do what he says, Mum. Dad looks pretty mad. He might pop a vein. I've never seen him like this before," Stacey seemed to have instantly reverted to being her Mother's bestie.
Lana looked at them both, then slowly, uncertainly, went to Stacey's bed and climbed on to it like a slinky cat. She remained on all fours her arse facing both husband and daughter.
Stacey stared at her Mum's wide arse.
"Well. what are you looking at, Stacey?" her father asked. "Go over and kiss your mother's arse. After everything she's done for you over the years, it's the least she deserves."
"For real?"
"For real. Do it."
"Ah, it's not very hygienic, Dad," Stacey protested weakly.
"I don't care," Ian replied, determined to end this female bickering once and for all. "You wanted your arse kissed. Well, you can get the ball rolling by kissing your Mother's."
"I didn't mean it literally," she confessed, pleading.
"Didn't you? Too late for that now. I've have enough of you answering back and speaking rudely to your Mum," Ian replied. "She doesn't deserve it. It's causing too much disharmony. Time for you both to create a bit of harmony."
Stacey sensed her Dad's determination and moved uncertainly over towards the bed. She stumbled on some of the clutter that lay strewn about on the floor. She looked back at her Dad, who nodded sternly for her to get on with it. She bent down and briefly kissed the raised bum cheeks of her mother. Peck. Peck. One for each side.
"That's not kissing your mother's arse, Stacey. That's kissing her dress. Lift her dress up and kiss her arse... and kiss it properly. Not those little old grandma pecks. Do it. Now."