David's parents divorced a week after his 17th birthday. They were upper middle class. You know, a pretty nice life: two fairly new Lexus cars, a 4000 square foot home, a nice boat, private school, and vacations at our beach house.
His mom, Susan, (of course he always called her mom), was just under 40 and his dad, Frank, was a few years older. Everything seemed fine to him, they weren't lovey- dovey, but he never even saw them fighting.
One day David came home from school and his mother told him his had dad moved out and they were divorcing. He had walked in and she was standing in the middle of the living room. She turned to him and said it very fast. She sounded only concerned for him, not teary or sad. She started with "I'm so very sorry." and ended with, "It will be fine honey, I promise."
He just stood there as his world shifted in orbit. Questions raced through his mind. Why? Why so sudden? He didn't hear a word his mother said after the word divorcing. Susan said, "Are you even hearing me?" His eyes focused and he realized he had been completely zoned out. Tears welled up in his eyes, he couldn't even speak. His mouth opened, but nothing came out. Susan stepped close and hugged him tight for a full minute. She said, "It's okay, honey, we will all be fine. Here, sit down and we'll talk. I'll get you a soda."
Just about every day he would walk in, say "Hi, mom," and Susan would walk over to him, hug him, kiss him on the cheek, and ask about school. He loved her and it always made him feel cared for when they hugged and she kissed his cheek. She always had soda and often cookies waiting for him. If David was down or unhappy about anything she never failed to brighten him up a bit. Of course he acted like it bothered him in front of his friends. Sometimes, David and Susan would sit and talk about school or whatever he was excited about.
Afterwards, David would head up to his room. He might stay in playing video games or go hang with a friend, until dinner. Susan was big on family dinners, so they would talk over dinner about whatever. His dad Frank would be there most nights. If David was home or around he'd eat at the table as she insisted. If going out or not going to be home she expected him to at least tell her beforehand and he almost always did.
It was a good relationship, he loved her and knew she loved him. They'd make a little small talk over dinner and the occasional talk about what David saw as his future. His parents were not very affectionate to one another, as far back as he could remember, but he saw that as normal.
Everything was routine, like most of his friend's lives seemed. His friends say their mothers only gives them a hug if someone died. They certainly didn't get a daily kiss on the cheek. David didn't tell them about the hug and peck on the cheek before leaving for school. His mother was sweeter and more affectionate than his friend's moms, he thought.
David sat on the couch and Susan walked back in with a soda for him and a cocktail for herself. She never drank unless company came over, so he figured the talk was going to be hard on her. She talked in that soft tone parents use to give you bad news. She said, "I know you are surprised and upset." The damn tears kept leaking down his face, but he wasn't sobbing or anything. She handed him a tissue and reached over to hold his hand. He got the tears stopped.
David was embarrassed for crying and apologized for it. He felt like guys don't cry. "Don't be silly, it is okay to be upset. You are allowed emotions, you shouldn't be afraid to show them." She squeezed his hand and said, "I knew this has been coming for some time. I am so sorry for blurting it out like that. Your father just left, I was just so worried about telling you and it just came out in a rush."
"Mom, what happened?"
"Your father just came home early, right after you left for school. The first words out of his mouth were, 'I am moving out.' He sounded like he was saying how the weather was. I laughed and he just looked at me. I said he couldn't be serious. He said he has been unhappy for years and he is moving in with his secretary. Can you imagine? His secretary! It's so cliche it's almost funny. He left me divorce papers, they are right there on the coffee table."
"But mom, everything seemed fine. Were you both unhappy?"
"I wasn't terribly unhappy, your father didn't seem so either. Neither of us were happy, though. I had you after we had been married only a year or so. Your father wasn't terribly happy about it, we were not planning it. He didn't act like he was angry or anything, he just seemed less affectionate. He never touched me after he learned I was pregnant."
David interrupted, "Were you affectionate before?"
She smiled a tiny bit and told him, "Oh, we were so much in love! We just seemed like we could not get enough of each other. All of our friends teased us for PDAs and would tell us to get a room."
The smile fled from her face. "All of the sudden he just started being just the opposite. I figured he would come to love you and things would go back to the way they were. He seemed to love you more and more as the months rolled by, but our relationship didn't recover.
I felt like he was a good father to you and he loved you. I tried really hard for a year or two to get him to love me again and I cried sometimes when he wasn't home. After a while it was obvious nothing was going to change. He wasn't mean or anything. He just started acting more and more like we were roommates and less and less even good friends. He avoided my kisses and god forbid I tried to have sex with him. If I did he would just flatly say he wasn't in the mood." She paused for several seconds
His mother had never mentioned sex as long as David could remember, so her doing so was a bit of a surprise. She said, "After having you, well it takes a woman's body a while to get back as it was. I just felt so ugly." Now tears welled up in her eyes, and she made a soft sob, just one.
"Oh mom, I love you!" he said and leaned over to hug her. "Was it me that drove him away? Did I ruin everything?" Having to fight tears again.
She smiled wanly and hugged him tight. "Your are such a sweet boy. Oh David, your love has been the only bright thing in my world. You were the only thing I have really cared about from the day he rejected me. I don't think I could have lived through the loneliness without your love. No, of course it had nothing to do with you. Your father loves you. Having children just wasn't in his life plan and he blamed me for changing that. He said he didn't resent you at all, but I am afraid he did resent me."
