Losing Control at the Lae

Derek's strangled, confused voice sobered me like a splash of cold water. He was right next to us, looking down on the sight of his uncle and twin sister stark naked, his uncle's cock buried deep inside his sister's pussy. The look on his face was equal parts shock and lust and I realized that he must have been there for a few minutes because he was clearly aroused, his cock straining against the front of his shorts.

Jayme recovered first. "Dude...ah...could you turn around for a minute, please? Let us get dressed?" He was struggling to appear calm, but his voice was shaking and even before we pulled apart I could feel him trembling. I felt nauseous and suddenly cold.

"I'm gonna just..." Derek said in a voice that sounded like I was listening to it through a tunnel. He pressed his hand over his cock, squeezing it almost automatically, before he turned his back and wandered down the beach a bit while the two of us scrambled to pull our clothes on. My hands were shaking so badly I didn't think I could even manage to dress myself, and I was so horrified that I couldn't even look at Jayme. All I could imagine was my parents' angry faces. They wouldn't understand this. We had been kidding ourselves.

When we were dressed again, Jayme called Derek back and asked if the three of us could talk. I was in a panic, but Jayme took my hand and assured me that he would do all the talking, and I reluctantly consented. Derek was surly toward Jayme and wouldn't even look me in the eye, but he agreed to sit and listen to what Jayme had to say.

"I love her," he began. "And she loves me, and we didn't plan this."

I started crying right away, unable to stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks, although I never made a sound. I think I was in shock.

Derek said nothing, drawing patterns in the sand and then wiping them clean, over and over again.

"We would have told you. In fact, we were going to tell the family at the end of the summer when everyone could have some time to process it."

Still silence from Derek.

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way. Pretty shocking, I guess."

Derek snorted angrily, brushing the sand aside more forcefully, still making no eye contact.

"So can you keep this a secret until we tell your parents?"

Derek stood up then. "You're a fucking sick and twisted bastard," he said hotly to Jayme, pointing at him. "I fucking hate you. And you." He looked me over like I was less than nothing, and then said in a hateful, shaky voice, "You're just a pathetic slut. But I already knew that." And with that he left us trembling and terrified in the sand.

At home it was clear he hadn't said anything yet, which only made me fearful that he would do it at any moment. But he avoided us, telling my mom he had a headache and wanted to stay in his room.

"Everyone's just in a mood today!" she observed. "You two are awful quiet. How was your island trip today?"

"Exhausting," Jayme said truthfully.

"Well. You're both really sunburned. That's probably why you're all so tired and grumpy. You should get some sleep tonight. We're going out with the Carters for a bit after dinner, but we'll be back. I'm sure you all will be fast asleep when we get in."

We both nodded and finished our meal in relative silence. Luckily my mom thought it was sunburn that was the problem. Little did she know.

And because we were truly exhausted, we did go to our beds and stay there, not even a word to each other, though Jayme sent me a text message telling me he loved me and that everything was going to be okay. I read it over and over again until I fell asleep with the phone in my hand.

The next morning I bumped into Derek in the hallway and he shot me a poisonous look and kept going. I grabbed his arm and begged him to talk to me. "Derek, please...please don't be mad at me..."

He turned to look at me incredulously and wrenched his arm away from me. "Dana, how can I not be mad at you? What you've done?" He shook his head. "He's our uncle. I mean, what the fuck?"

"Are you mad because he's our uncle and you think it's gross or because he's our uncle and now it leaves you out?" I countered. "No more Three Musketeers, and all that."

"Both," he shot back. "Why? What made you fall in love with him, anyway? What did I miss? What did I-" he stopped then.

"What did you what?"

"Never mind. Forget it." He wrenched out of my grasp and went to his room, slamming the door behind him.

Jayme and I sent text messages back and forth all day but stayed away from each other. I was terrified that the tiniest thing would set Derek off and send him to my parents with the story. Jayme wanted to let the whole thing blow over, but I was too scared to wait Derek out. I kept pleading with Jayme to say something to him, to try to make him understand that if he could just hold out until we were in North Carolina we would just tell my parents everything and it would be out in the open. No more secrets.

But Jayme wouldn't budge.

So I tried again with Derek later in the day. He was sitting on the deck and I went out and plopped next to him in the other chair. "Brother," I pouted, laying my hand on his arm.

He tried to ignore me, but my calling him "Brother" softened him up. When we were small we called each other "Brother" and "Sister," and every once in a while we still did it, usually when one was mad at the other. I saw his shoulders fall and he made no move to pull away from me.

"I don't want you to be mad at me," I said quietly. "I don't want you to be mad at either of us."

"Well, it's too late for that," he grumbled. I saw that he truly was more hurt than angry. I just had to convince him that it wouldn't change things, that the three of us could still do things together and spend time and it would be like old times, always. Just because Jayme and I were together, it didn't change what Derek and I had with each other or with our uncle.

We sat quietly and I rubbed his arm with my hand, tucking it into the crook of his arm and leaning my head on his shoulder. He sighed and relented, even though he didn't touch me back.

"Tell me why," he said, finally, his voice strangely calm and quiet. "Explain it to me so I can understand. I skip one party and suddenly you two are attached at the hip and I can't seem to get two seconds with you."

"Not true...and you never wanted to spend time with me this summer anyway! Thank God Jayme was around...all you wanted to do was stay in and play stupid video games."

He shot me a hurt look. "It's not all I wanted to do. But I just couldn't stand it. And I didn't know you guys were...I mean, I didn't know exactly what was going on, but I sure as hell knew something was going on. And it just made me uncomfortable and I couldn't be around it. And then to go to the island yesterday and see you guys...see him..." he choked on the words and stopped. "Dana, I think - I swear to God - that is the worst thing I have ever seen in my life. If I live to be a hundred, that'll be the worst thing I ever see." He shook his head and looked away.

"Brother..."

"No! Don't 'Brother' me...you have no idea...to see you...and him...like that...it made me feel like..."

"Like what?" I asked softly.

"It made me sick!" he cried.

I didn't say anything, recalling how turned on he had been. He had seen everything: my bare tits, my wet pussy, my tan thighs spread wide for Jayme...maybe he had even heard me moaning and begging. I had begged like a filthy slut, "Jayme, I need your hard cock inside me...Jayme, I need you to fuck me right now...Jayme, I want to cum on that big cock of yours, make me cum, fuck me now." I had moaned and rubbed my pussy against his dick like a cat in heat and he had teased me with it and God knows how long Derek had been standing there, watching. Getting hard as he watched us.

Derek claimed it made him sick, but I recalled the look on his face, the obvious bulge in his shorts. The look in his eyes that said he would've pushed Jayme out of the way and plunged his cock into me himself if given half the chance. Could it be... that...? But no, Derek was my twin, he didn't think of me that way. That was truly disgusting, that was truly incest, I mean what Jayme and I did was bad, but for Derek and me...we were twins...it was wrong. He didn't. He couldn't.

But. Did he?

"Derek, look at me," I pleaded.

He stubbornly shook his head until I cupped his face in my hands and forced him to look at me. "Is that all? Is that all you felt?"

He closed his eyes.

"You have to tell me," I whispered.

"Sister...I can't..." he whispered back, trying to swallow back tears. They pooled in his lashes. I couldn't stand to see him so upset. I kissed his eyes, tasting his tears on my lips, drawing his head to my breast and cradling him there. He threw his arms around me and squeezed me so tightly I thought he would crack my ribs. "I saw you like that, and I wanted you," he confessed. "I saw him touching you, making luh-love to you...the way you kissed him...I wished it was me."

"No, shhh...Derek...you're just confused... It's just because we were having sex and it turned you on...I'm sure it just happens like that. It's like...it's like seeing porn. That's all." I was trying everything to rationalize what he had just told me. He was a guy, we were naked...I'd heard of guys seeing their moms or sisters naked before and getting turned on...it didn't mean anything...it was just a natural male response to a naked female body...right?

"No," he whispered, burrowing his face to my chest, between my breasts, far more intimately than a brother ought to. "It's not. Don't you remember the night at Jimmy Danforth's party?"

"Derek!" I cried, "You swore we would never, ever, ever talk about that again!" I tried to struggle out of his grasp, but he held me fast.

"I know, I know, I promised, but maybe..."

"No! Derek, you promised..." Now I was crying, the shame of something that had happened long before coming back to me. "We can't," I wept. "Derek, we can't."

"I won't..." he murmured against my hair. "I won't..." He was silent for a moment. "I'm sorry...I only brought it up because you said it wasn't about you. And it was about you, it was only about you. If I just wanted a girl to fu-" he stopped and blushed. "If I just wanted a girl for sex..."

"Derek, I'm begging you, please don't say another word!"

He nodded ruefully, and as I looked at him I realized how I might get myself out of this mess. And I was horrified and excited all at the same time.

Jayme caught me around back later that night and kissed me so sweetly that I thought I would melt. The time away from him had been torture, and even though I was scared to death of Derek discovering us, I couldn't bring myself to stop Jayme when he started nibbling down my neck, across my collarbone, his hand sliding underneath my tank top as he pressed me up against the side of the house and kissed me with more urgency. He pressed his body against mine, his cock already rock hard as he slid his thigh between mine, lifting one of my legs for greater access, grinding into me. I grabbed his ass and pulled him into me as close as he could go, forgetting about Derek, my parents, the horror at the island, everything but the feeling of Jayme.

"Let's just tell them," he begged. "We'll do it together, and everything will be fine."

But I just couldn't. I wasn't ready for them to know. He was kissing me stupid, and he thought I'd agree to anything at that moment, but I held firm. There was no way I was shattering the image my parents had of me. And if they had been that upset about Josh, imagine what they would say if they knew about Jayme. No, I needed to keep it to myself. I needed for everyone to just keep our secrets and let the web of lies stand just a bit longer.

And I was about to add to that web of lies.

*****

There was a time - not that far back, actually -- when Derek was no mystery to me, when he and I were inseparable and knew everything about each other. My twin brother had been my best friend and confidante for most of my life. There were a few things he didn't know about, sure. He didn't know that my first kiss had been his best friend, Pete Sullivan. He didn't know that I had convinced Cate to date him for that brief time during senior year because I was hoping to get him laid (it hadn't worked). And he hadn't known, for all the years we were growing up and all the times my pulse fluttered faster when I looked at him, that I was in love with Jayme. But Derek knew what made me laugh and what made me cry, what made me tick and what ticked me off. He had been with me for my first day of school and my first bike and my first period and my first real heartbreak. He knew when I was lying to my parents and to him and although he rarely lied, he'd lied for me many times. And here he was again, being dishonest because of me.

I thought back to the night he'd mentioned, the night of Jimmy Danforth's party. It was a party during spring break, a week or two after our 18th birthday, when Derek had gotten uncharacteristically drunk. I had been drinking, too, but I was buzzed at most - Derek had been wasted. And since Derek wasn't much of a partier, it had been all the more obvious when he started acting foolish.

By the second time I heard him from all the way in the other room, I knew it was bad. Derek was normally fairly quiet, and this night he was loud and laughing at full volume and saying God knows what. So I excused myself from the group I was talking with and went and got him. At first he resisted me and then he went along with me, his arm wrapped around my shoulder and mine around his waist, crashing into walls and knocking into people until I could wrangle him to Jimmy's family room in the basement. We had all played together when we were smaller, and I knew -- or rather, hoped, since I hadn't been in Jimmy's basement in a good nine years -- that there was a guest bedroom there. All I wanted was to get Derek into it and distract him until he fell asleep, which from the looks of things wouldn't be too long. And then I could keep an eye on him until I could get him back home without Mom or Dad realizing how drunk he'd been.

I managed to get Derek down the stairs (all six feet, two inches of him) by myself without injury to either one of us. And sure enough, the guest room was still there, dusty and dated, the double bed decorated with the same calico bedspread and dust ruffle I remembered from my childhood. I led him to the bed, where he collapsed, laughing, and I pulled his shoes off and stuffed a pillow under his head so he wouldn't choke on his own vomit.

"You're the best sister in the whole world, Dana," he said in a loud, sing-song voice. "The best sister I ever had."

"Derek, you dumbass, I'm the only sister you ever had," I retorted.

"Yeahhh, but..." he trailed off. "You're the best, though. That's why I love you so much."

"Thanks, Brother." I looked around for a wastebasket and a hand towel or something that I could wipe his mouth with if he puked.

"You're so pretty. Maybe that's why I love you so much. Because you're so beautiful, the most beautiful girl in the whole world. My twin sister, the most beautiful girl..." He was mumbling and sleepy, his eyes closing.

Good, I thought. He'd be out like a light. But I couldn't just leave him. I was afraid he'd roll off the bed and hurt himself or get sick or something, so I kept my eye on him for a long time, entertaining myself by reading a battered paperback Danielle Steel novel that was on the nightstand, another relic from the era in which the bedroom had been decorated.

A couple hours went by and I cursed my brother inwardly for all the fun I was missing at the party before the big dummy went and got all trashed. Instead I was here in the basement babysitting him, reading a stupid trashy mom book, tired and grumpy and not even drunk enough for any of it to be fun.

Eventually I crawled into bed with my brother, turning my back to his and falling asleep almost instantly, since by that time I was relatively sure he wasn't going to be sick. It was probably two or three am, the party was still going on upstairs, though subdued, and the last thing I remembered was my brother's slow, even breath beside me.

I don't know what woke me, but it was still dark and I was disoriented. Not drunk, just disoriented in the way that you can be when you're sleeping in a strange place and you're out of your normal routine. And there were arms wrapped around me, and a face nestled into my hair and neck.

For a moment all I registered was a slight quiver of excitement at the nearness and the maleness. A large male body wrapped around mine, one hand across my hip, fingers on my stomach, the other resting comfortably, familiarly, on my breast. Even, deep male breathing. A male scent mixed with the smell of beer.

And a very male hardness pressing against my ass.

I froze and held my breath, suddenly intensely awake. It was Derek, and he must've been confused and pulled me to him in his sleep when he felt me sleeping there. I was to blame for his confusion, and so I should just wake him up. Just wake him up or pull out of his grasp and roll him over. But I didn't. I lay there. I lay there and simply enjoyed the nearness, the hands on me, the desire building in my body.

I will never know why I did it, but I moved against him just a bit. I shifted just a tad so that my bottom nestled into his crotch. And when I did, he burrowed into me closer and his fingers, as if automatically, started brushing back and forth, ever so lightly, over my very erect nipple. I could feel his hot breath through my hair and he moved it aside with his nose and kissed the side of my neck delicately, just butterfly kisses, barely there. It was all the lightest of touches, almost not touching, and it felt so good that I almost forgot it was my brother behind me. I was instantly wet, intensely aroused, beyond rational thought. His hand slid across my stomach, fingertips trailing across my belly, tracing little patterns into my skin, sliding into the top of my jeans, almost to my panties. And that cock pressing insistently against me, telling my body what I could be enjoying if I just...if I just...

I had to pretend I was sleeping, though. I figured he would stop if I let on for even a second that I was awake. He was breathing heavier now, really tugging at my nipple, his mouth on my ear, his erection pressing into my ass. Moaning just a bit, softly and almost under his breath, just enough that it aroused me even more because I'd never heard my brother moan like that...it wasn't a Derek sound. I could pretend...

He struggled to unhook my shorts, and I had to pretend I was shifting in my sleep to allow him to tug them down. When they were over my hips, he paid extra attention to my ass, pulling back from me to rub and caress it before pulling me against him again, pressing firmly against me while his fingers traveled over my hip to my panty-clad mound, just teasing against the top of it, not yet sliding down between my thighs to explore my slick folds or now-swollen nub. But when his fingers made their way to the wet satin I couldn't control myself, and I moaned involuntarily against him, feeling his cock twitch through his khakis.

And then he rolled onto his back and pulled me on top of him, face to face. He kissed me then, and it was not gentle, his mouth on mine ravenous and greedy, his tongue sliding across my lips, probing them open, his hand holding my head in place. I found myself kissing him back, just as hungrily, only paying attention to the pleasure coursing through my body, setting every inch of me on fire. His arms were around me, pulling me against him, his hands cupping my ass and pressing me to his hardness. My shorts were still around my knees and I writhed against him, feeling the length of him through my panties.