Just Between Us

I sighed heavily as I flopped down on my brother's bed, not caring how obvious a ploy for attention it was. Ryan glanced over his shoulder at me, then turned back to his computer. It seemed like having his little sister barging in unannounced the way I tended to should have been irritating but he rarely seemed all that annoyed. Maybe he was just used to it.

"What's up Ash?" he asked.

"Well," I started, "it's Friday night and I'm sitting around at home. So basically nothing's up. That's the problem."

"Ah," he said, as though that explained everything.

I waited for him to continue but he remained silent.

"I'm almost surprised you're not out with one of your many adoring girlfriends," I said, hoping to provoke a response. "They all busy?"

"Something like that," he agreed, not taking the bait. He did at least turn his computer chair to face me. "I'm pretty sure you're not really concerned about my love life though."

"Yeah, mostly just mine," I admitted. "Or lack thereof. I don't get it, my friends don't seem to have any trouble finding boyfriends, how come I do?"

"I wouldn't worry about it. You're only eighteen, you've got plenty of time. There's lots of guys you haven't even met yet."

"Yeah yeah," I muttered, hearing the same advice I'd received more than once before.

When I thought about it a little more however, I realized he might have a point even if it probably wasn't the one he intended. There were indeed a lot of guys out there.

"Do you think it's me?" I mused. "Am I just being to picky? I mean, I know there have been a couple who were interested, I just didn't really like them enough to want to be with them. Maybe I'm hoping for too much."

"Fuck no," he answered immediately. "I know what boys are like around your age, I used to be one of them. Mostly they're exactly as immature as they seem. I don't want to see you with some asshole just because you think that's your only option."

As if the couple years between us made all that much difference. Maybe things would get better in time, but I wasn't counting on any miracles.

"Maybe it is my only option though," I insisted. "You can't know."

Ryan stood up and leaned over me where I was still lying on his bed.

"Yes, I can," he stated as though it was unarguably true. Then he kissed me.

It was only a soft kiss, and it was over almost before I understood what was happening. Still it was enough to confuse the hell out of me.

"I'm gonna go get something to drink, you want anything?"

He was standing up again and looking down at me as though everything was completely normal.

"Uh, no thanks," I said stupidly.

I watched him go even as I continued trying to process what he'd just done. It was bizarre feeling to have my older brother kiss me, but it was even weirder to feel disappointed that it had been as brief as it was.

It wasn't as though I had never done anything with a guy before. I had exaggerated slightly about my complete inability to get a boyfriend, it was more a matter finding someone I wanted to spend time with for longer than a date or two. The problem was that unlike any other time I could think of, this kiss had actually felt like I had always assumed they were supposed to; like the other person involved actually cared about me. Granted that could simply be because I knew my brother wasn't just trying to get into my pants and maybe that's all it was. Maybe I was reading more into the whole thing than I should.

It's not like Ryan meant anything by it I'm sure, most likely it was just an attempt to reassure me. Like a comforting hug that got pushed a little too far. It probably didn't mean anything more than that.

I hung around for a while when he got back hoping he might say something, let me know what he was thinking. Our conversation mostly stayed on other, safer topics however and I ended up going to bed both slightly frustrated and a lot less certain of the world around me than I would have liked.

****

On Monday I got home just before supper time after spending a few hours at a friend's house after school. The rest of my weekend had passed by slowly, if uneventfully, and I hadn't quite managed to work up the courage to talk to Ryan. The memory of him kissing me still lurked constantly at the back of my mind.

As I passed by the living room I noticed my brother sitting on the couch watching tv. I almost kept walking but I knew I needed to talk to him sometime and it might be less awkward doing so somewhere other than in his bedroom. Pretending like I just happened to be passing by, which I sort of was, I casually walked in and sat down beside him.

"Hey," he said.

"Why'd you kiss me?" I blurted out, not trusting myself to work up to it slowly.

Ryan stared hard at me for a second, then glanced over his shoulder to make sure neither parent was in earshot. I already knew they weren't and also knew from experience that we would probably hear them coming before they could make out what we were saying.

"Because I wanted to," he said simply.

I raised an eyebrow at him giving him a look like there had better be more to the explanation than that.

"What do you mean you wanted to?" I asked.

"I mean I love you and I don't want to see you unhappy. It's not that complicated." He let out a deep breath. "Although, looking back, kissing you may not have really been the best way to go."

"I dunno, I kinda liked it," I admitted.

He gave me a strange look and for a second I regretted saying anything.

"So did I," he finally said. "Doesn't mean we should."

Ryan turned away from me, making me think he was done talking. I was okay with that since I had the information I'd been after. Now that I knew he felt at least partly the same way I did, I at least had something to work with.

I jumped a little when I felt his hand land on my knee but didn't otherwise move from where I sat. I was wearing a skirt that had ridden up a little when I sat down and his palm lay on the bare skin of my leg. He didn't look at me but pretended to be interested in whatever show was on, making it difficult for me to know exactly what he was doing.

His hand started making little circles over the area just above my knee, stopping occasionally to squeeze gently with his fingers. Shrugging to myself I scooted closer to him just a tad, ignoring how my skirt rode up farther on my legs. I spread my legs a little wider at the same time and tried to relax as his hand started working its way slowly up the inside of my thigh.

I wondered how far he would go or, perhaps more to the point, how far I would let him go. Ryan said it himself that we shouldn't be doing this, or maybe that we shouldn't be enjoying it. Something like that. Yet I loved feeling his hand on me despite the gnawing certainty that whatever he was doing, it was wrong. Letting him do it to me wasn't much better either.

Suddenly I heard footsteps in the hallway and almost bolted from my seat. That would have been more suspicious than simply remaining where I was however and I managed to keep my reactions in check.

"Pass me the remote," I hissed.

Ryan didn't even question it and handed the remote to me with his free hand, still stroking my leg with the other. I started flipping channels purely to give me something to focus on and to try to look like that was the only reason I was there. The footsteps grew closer and I knew it had to be dad not only from the direction he was coming from, but also from the sound; mom stepped much softer than he did.

Fortunately he didn't come in and soon there was nothing but silence from behind us once more. All he would have seen was the back of our heads from the hallway anyway. I risked a peek over the back of the couch to confirm before turning back to my brother.

"Almost thought you were going to run, felt you tense up," he said.

"I wonder why," I muttered. "You know how much trouble we could be in, even if we haven't really done anything."

"I know," he confirmed.

Of course he knew, we both knew. Yet here I was sitting next to my brother with his hand up under my skirt where we could easily be caught if we weren't careful. Once again I faced the problem of how much I was okay with, how far I would let Ryan go. His hand had been steadily making its way toward the very top of my leg and all of a sudden I felt his finger brush against the material of my panties. I held my breath waiting to see if he would continue, simultaneously hoping and worrying that he would.

"Supper!" I heard mom call.

I bit back a sigh of frustration as all my anticipatory energy dissipated almost instantly. I should have known we didn't have that much time but somehow it hadn't registered properly. Ryan stood up with a final squeeze of my thigh and headed to the table not looking nearly as irritated as I felt. It wasn't fair getting interrupted like that, not in the middle of something so important to me. Then again, given that I had just been letting my brother feel me up, maybe it wouldn't hurt to take some time to regain my senses. Maybe it had been a case of temporary insanity or some other bullshit excuse.

As soon as I stood up I knew I was just kidding myself. I felt the damp spot left on my panties as the material shifted and it served as a physical reminder of just how good it had felt having his hand on me. Wrong or not, I wanted to experience that feeling again.

Getting through supper was predictably awkward, sitting directly across from Ryan and trying not to behave abnormally. Luckily I don't think our parents noticed anything was up and I made it through unscathed.

I got stuck with doing the dishes afterward and, in a move that would have been unheard of most days, Ryan actually stuck around to help. Granted I why he did, but I saw mom give him a curious look before shrugging and leaving the room. He cleared off most of the table and piled the dishes on the counter as I ran some water in the sink and started washing plates.

"That skirt looks good on you," he said after a few minutes.

I looked over to where he was standing against the counter watching me and actually felt myself blushing slightly. I couldn't even think of the last time he'd remarked on my outfit, let alone as a compliment.

"And here I thought you were only interested in what was underneath it," I said.

"That too," Ryan agreed.

He stepped around behind me and my heart started beating faster as I waited for several agonizing seconds for him to do something. I was almost ready to turn around when his arms wrapped themselves around my waist and he stepped in closer toward me until I felt his chest just barely make contact with my back.

"How far were you going to let me go back in the living room?" he whispered.

I shrugged, honestly not knowing the answer to that any better than he did. After a moment his hands dropped from my waist down to the bottom of my skirt, one on each leg. It was getting increasingly difficult for me to concentrate on the dishes I was supposed to be washing and I soon gave up, instead bracing myself against the counter on either side of the sink.

My skirt got pulled up higher and higher with each passing minute, Ryan's exploring fingers one again approaching the area where my legs joined. We were far more exposed this time however and I started to worry about the possibility of getting caught out here with nothing to hide behind. Already the bottom of my skirt was bunching up around my waist where my brother's wrists had forced it and I knew that would be hard enough to try and explain. When I felt the waistband of my panties being tugged down my concern won over.

"Maybe we shouldn't," I said unconvincingly.

I turned my head as far as could without shifting my stance to find Ryan giving me a dubious look.

"We don't have to if you don't want to," he assured me, clearly not believing that was the case.

"It's just, we could get caught. Maybe somewhere else..." I trailed off, glancing meaningfully in the direction of our bedrooms. Either one would be fine with me.

"Is that all?" He smiled broadly at me. "Do you think I'd let that happen?"

I shook my head in response, realizing that he would have taken that into account already. For all I knew our parents had gone for a walk or something and I had simply missed them telling us. I certainly couldn't recall most of the conversation that went on as we ate. Or maybe he was just planning on paying attention and making sure we weren't interrupted unexpectedly.

"Trust me Ash?" he asked.

He nuzzled gently at my neck as he waited for my reply, making it very difficult for me to think straight.

"Okay," I answered, my voice barely a whisper.

My panties started once more sliding down my legs, this time with no resistance from me. I half remembered my earlier question of how far I would let Ryan go and, even though I still didn't have a definite answer, I suspected he could probably get away with quite a lot. Especially if it all made me feel this good.

Ryan was soon crouched down behind me as my panties neared my ankles and at his indication I stepped out of them. I had a sudden flash of embarrassment as I realized they probably held a noticeable damp spot even though the more rational part of my brain understood that, all things considered, it was kind of a silly thing to worry about at this point.

He stood up behind me, his hands returning to their positions on my upper thighs, without giving any indication what he'd done with my underwear. He wasted little time in bringing one hand to my now exposed pussy and tracing its smooth contours with his fingers. Gradually I felt them grow damp, spreading what could only be my own pussy juices across my skin. I wondered just how badly I was leaking down there but didn't dare check.

One of his fingers pushed lightly against my slick opening but went no farther than that. He leaned closer to me, pressing our bodies together until I felt his breath on the back of my neck.

"You still a virgin?" Ryan asked quietly, his lips mere inches from my ear.

I was confused for a second or two since I thought he knew I had never been with a guy, I had complained about it often enough, but I quickly realized he was actually referring purely to my physical state. It was probably a reasonable question to ask actually since it would affect how easy penetration would be.

"No. Just because I haven't had sex yet doesn't mean I'm completely innocent," I told him. I'm pretty sure I came off as more defensive than I meant to, but thankfully he let it go.

Slowly my brother's single finger pushed into my hungry pussy as his other hand continued to caress my leg. My hips started rocking almost by themselves, helping to get him inside me faster and craving more. As though he could read my thoughts a second finger soon joined the first, still not quite enough to fully satisfy me but getting closer.

After letting Ryan finger-fuck me for a few moments I shifted my stance slightly to jam my butt against his crotch. I could feel his cock easily even through his pants and took quite a bit of pleasure in how clearly hard he was. He might be able to reduce me to a gooey mess, but he wasn't completely unaffected by me either.

His hips gradually started rocking back and forth in response to my movement, sliding his erection against my ass. I didn't know exactly what it would feel like inside me but I found myself trying to imagine it, trying to pretend my brother's fingers thrusting in my pussy were actually his dick. In the back of my mind I wondered if I dared offer to give him a blowjob just so I could actually see his cock and feel it in my hand. If he was anywhere near as horny as I thought he was he would probably let me.

Before I could get too much further in my speculations I felt the familiar sensation of my orgasm hitting. It was the first time it had ever been the result of someone else's hands and I was unprepared for how intense it was. I was glad I was already leaning over the counter and that Ryan was there to support me or I might have simply collapsed on the floor.

"You okay?" he asked, perhaps noting how close I had been to falling over.

"Yeah, I think so." I forced myself to stand upright and turned around toward him on unsteady legs. "Maybe I should sit down for a minute though."

"Go lie down," he insisted. "I'll finish up here. I don't want to have to explain why my little sister collapsed in the middle of doing dishes in a state of, shall we say, sexual arousal."

I realized that I could feel a drop of liquid running down the inside of my leg, no doubt coming from my pussy. Ryan obviously knew just how turned on I had been and there was a hint of teasing on his face, but he also looked genuinely concerned too.

"Alright, I'm going," I said.

I stood up slightly on my toes before leaving to give him a light kiss, just barely more than an innocent display of affection between siblings, before making my way slowly to my room. I was kind of surprised we hadn't been caught, it felt like we stood there forever in plain view in the middle of the kitchen. Somehow we had gotten away with it. I spent most of the rest of the evening wondering what was going to happen next.

****

Our encounter in the kitchen seemed to calm us both down for few days. Ryan didn't start avoiding me or anything which I had been a little worried he might, if anything we probably spent more time together. He wasn't shy about letting his hands wander either when given half a chance, and I made sure to provide plenty of opportunities. Maybe it was simply that nothing since then had approached the same level of craziness and seemed more normal in comparison. If normal was even a word that applied to our situation.

I started dressing sexier for him when I could get away with it; tighter tops, shorter skirts, 'accidentally' forgetting to wear panties, that sort of thing. I didn't have as much experience at it as I would have liked since I never really had anyone I wanted to show off for before but I think I did okay. It didn't take much to entice him really. All I ever got to feel were his fingers though and I spent more and more time thinking about what it would be like to go further. Eventually I gave in and brought up the subject in conversation.

"Hey Ryan," I said, hoping I sounded casual.

"Yeah?"

He was driving me home, as he had been doing more often lately, and didn't take his eyes off the road. I still wished I had my own car but not nearly to the same extent I usually did.

"You seeing anyone right now?" I asked.

I was pretty sure he wasn't but he wasn't always as quick as I was to talk about his relationships. Besides, it seemed like a good, if somewhat roundabout, way of getting onto my desired subject.

"While we've been messing around you mean? No, I'm not," he said.

"Okay, 'cause I've been thinking about... what if we did more than just messing around."

It was really difficult trying to continue as though it was just an everyday chat and I'm not sure I was succeeding all that well. I forced myself to look out the window to avoid studying Ryan's reaction like I wanted too.

"Like how much more?" he asked after a short pause.

"Like enough that I wouldn't be a virgin anymore," I said quietly.

For some reason I felt weird about just asking him to fuck me. Probably it was that fear of rejection lingering at the back of my head, I wasn't certain how I would react if he said no. There was no way he could misinterpret what I was suggesting though, or at least I was pretty sure he couldn't.

"Are you sure?"

"Why not? I know people keep saying it's not a big deal even at my age, but I'm tired of it." I knew he wasn't really referring to me having sex so much as it being with him, and I could tell that my argument wasn't doing much to convince him either. "Look," I sighed, "I know it's weird, but I think I'd like my first time to be with you. You make me feel good and I know I can trust you. You told me you didn't want me to end up with some random asshole didn't you?"