Special thanks to IJS0904 for editing this story and serving as a sounding board for all my crazy ideas.
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The ride home from Jesse's house was a blur. I got off the interstate, grabbed some take-out and a bottle of Macallan 15, and headed home.
I walked in the door, threw the bottle on the counter, fell into my recliner, and inhaled more than ate my lunch. At some point, I had turned on the TV, but couldn't tell you if I was watching cartoons or the UFC. I was oblivious.
I threw away the trash, grabbed a tumbler, and stared at the bottle of scotch. Immediately behind it was a full liter of Jack. That was for later. I half-filled the tumbler with ice and topped it off. It was half empty before I took a step.
I spent over an hour in the shower trying to wake up and clear my head, but that accomplished less than nothing.
As soon as I had refilled my glass and sat down, my phone rang. I damned near jumped out of my seat. It was my friend, Mark.
"I was starting to wonder if you made it back in one piece. I stopped by twice and you weren't there."
"I'm alive, and as best as I can tell, everything made it back with me. Except maybe my long-term sobriety."
"It went that bad?"
"No. As a matter of fact, it went very well. Maybe a little too well. Or a lot."
"The wife and kids won't be back until late tonight. I'm going to grab some beer and head your way. We're going to watch the Cowgirls and Beagles play to mutually assured destruction, and you're going to talk."
"Grab me a bottle of the usual."
"Small, medium or large?"
"Large."
"I can't wait to hear this story. See you in 30."
-------
Mark let himself in as usual. He walked in through the kitchen and threw his beer in the fridge.
"DUDE!"
He had just seen the booze sitting on the counter. The scotch was already a third gone.
"I didn't know you drank Macallan."
"Only on special occasions, and only straight."
"When did you pick up that bottle?"
"When I grabbed lunch."
His eyes narrowed.
"Should I go ahead and book you a room in rehab just in case?"
I laughed and shook my head.
"They would kick me out the first night."
"So... Was she that damned good that you're ready to propose? Did she ruin any hope that another woman could rock your world the way she did? What am I missing?"
Mark didn't know the full story. All I had told him was that I was taking Jesse to her reunion and about Alex. He knew Jesse and I have been close for a long time, but I had failed to mention we were cousins. On purpose.
I stared at him for a minute, then picked up my phone. I found a picture of her on social media, something he avoided, saved it to my phone so there wasn't a name visible, and showed him the picture.
"Good lord, man. How have you not been chasing that for the last 20 years?"
"It would never have worked."
"But it did last night?"
"You could say that."
"I want details."
"You know I can't do that."
"Yeah, I know. Mr. Knight in Shining Armor. I'm going to have to assume you got some."
"There was a lot of alcohol, a hotel room, and no sleep. I'm still getting all the details straight in my head. When I do, you'll be the first to know."
"It's that complicated?"
"You have no idea. Can we just watch the game?"
"Your house, your rules."
As we watched the game, I gradually filled him in on some of the details of what happened. By the time he was ready to leave, Mark had a pretty good idea of what had gone down, but still no clue as to why it was bothering me.
Mark stopped as he walked past me on his way out, reached out, and patted me on my shoulder.
"We've known each other for over 30 years. I haven't seen you like this since you and Alicia first hooked up. The two of you were perfect for each other. The stupid bitch was too self-absorbed to see it. Don't let what happened with her affect how you handle Jesse."
"Whatever is going on in your head, get it straight. I know you'll tell me when you're ready. In the meantime, have fun. She's in your head, and that isn't necessarily a bad thing."
"Thanks, Mark. I don't know what I would do without you."
"Be sober. Or at least something resembling sober."
"Ain't that the truth."
After he left, I went into the kitchen for a refill. Over half of the bottle was gone. The thought of going to work the next day hung over made me change my mind.
Sleep didn't come easy that night.
-------
I met Alicia Ross at a trade show in Atlanta. She was a 25 year old sales representative for a company my employer often did business with. I was two years her senior.
Alicia was a tall, leggy, long-haired brunette with a gregarious personality and looks that would stop traffic.
Myself, Alicia, and our respective bosses went out to dinner that night. As it would happen, she was from the same suburb as my mother.
As we parted company, I asked for Alicia's phone number. She happily gave it to me, and our relationship was off and running.
We spent three years together before I decided I wanted to make things permanent. I prepared an elaborate proposal. I made reservations at a fancy hotel in the city for us to spend the next weekend together and celebrate our engagement.
I asked for Alicia's hand in marriage in front of her parents and older sister. She declined. I was heartbroken and, when I found out why she said no a few days later, humiliated.
The hotel room was already paid for, so I decided to use it. I did so in the hope that three days away from home would help me clear my head.
That Friday, I was sitting in the hotel bar polishing off my fourth drink of the evening when Alicia's sister sat next to me. She had tried calling me several times during the week to check on me. I neither answered nor returned her calls. I couldn't handle dealing with anyone from her family.
Her father had helped me plan the proposal, including the accommodations, and he told her about the hotel. On a whim, she decided to see if I had gone there. I wasn't necessarily happy to see her, but I didn't refuse her company.
By the end of the night, we had begun a weekend-long sexcapade. We never left the hotel, and rarely left the bed. For me, it was nothing more than a release, a way to relieve some of the stress of what I had just been through. For her, it wasn't that simple.
When the weekend was over, we parted company after a very heated argument. We haven't spoken since. I openly admit that it wasn't my proudest moment.
I had never been in a relationship that lasted as long as the one with Alicia and haven't since.
-------
As soon as I walked in my door after work on Wednesday, my phone rang. It was Tanya.
We had exchanged numbers years ago, and we texted each other fairly often, but we'd never called each other, or had a private conversation for that matter.
"Yes ma'am?"
"What did you do to my mother?"
"What do you mean?"
My stomach was starting to do somersaults.
"On Sunday, I called her, and she put me off. She called me on Monday, and we spent three hours on the phone. She was a chatterbox the whole time, but I honestly can't remember a single thing she said. She was just talking to talk. She didn't say anything about the reunion."
"I was worried, so I went down there yesterday. She was bouncing off the walls. I was finally able to get her to talk to me about what happened Saturday. She was a little vague on the details, but she kept saying how much she enjoyed spending time with her friends, being able to let loose for the first time in a long time. When I asked how things went with you, she said you were the perfect gentleman, but that's it."
The sinking feeling was starting to subside.
"I played my part and stayed out of the way. Saturday was about your mother, not me."
"Not good enough. I can't remember ever seeing her giddy and anxious at the same time. It's like she wants to tell me something but can't. Or won't. I feel like this is my responsibility, and I want to know what happened."
"When are you heading back to school?"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Answer the question, then I'll tell you."
"I'm getting in my car right now."
"There is a diner just off the interstate on the right. Exit 93. It's 20 minutes from my house. You have to pass by here on your way back. I'll see you there in an hour."
"Don't be late."
-------
I was already sitting down when Tanya walked in. I stood up to hug her, but she sat down immediately.
"Talk, mister. Now."
"Well let's just completely ignore any pleasantries and go straight to the accusatory tone of voice."
I handed her a menu.
"Order something. My treat."
"I'm not hungry."
"Yes you are. You're a broke college student. If you're not hungry, you're not awake."
She glared at me while I motioned for the waitress. Needless to say, she ordered enough food for three meals.
"I hope you don't mind," she said sarcastically.
"Not at all. I have you to thank for the great evening your mother and I spent together. It's the least I could do to repay you."
That statement got her attention.
"I'm listening."
"Jesse has a lot going on in her life right now. It's been over a year, but she still isn't over Alex. She has work and two kids, plus you to a degree, that she still has to take care of. You are still her child, and she will always feel responsible for you."
"Your mother has almost no time to herself. She's just recently started to rebuild her circle of friends. The reunion was the perfect opportunity for her to build on that."
"Continue."
"I'm going to ask you a question that, at first, may be hard to answer and may seem off subject, but I need you to be honest. If I wasn't your cousin, would you find me attractive?"
Tanya stared at me for a few moments before answering.
"I don't see what that has to do with anything, but yes, I would."
"Your mother is a beautiful woman. You know that. In fact, I'm pretty sure you are more than a little jealous of her because of it. Am I right?"
She dropped her head, staring at the table.
"I'm not reprimanding you for it. But, at the same time, you have no reason to be."
"Thanks, I guess."
Our food showed up, giving her a chance to get over her embarrassment.
"Men have always chased Jesse. She was afraid if she went to the reunion with a random date, she would have to deal with him trying to get her attention. She didn't want that. She knew if she went alone, she would have to deal with either former classmates or boyfriends and husbands hitting on her. She didn't want that either."
"Your mother needed a shield, and one that was believable in the part. I was just that. I kept the men at bay so the hens could play. They looked, but we made sure they didn't think about touching."
"And how did you do that?"
