It is so hard to express everything I feel, deep inside. My mother passed away while giving birth to me 20 years ago. Mostly I feel guilt ridden that I caused her death. I also feel like I have taken away something special from my Father that cannot be replaced.
Through all my struggles it has been my Father that has always been there to support me, guide me, and seek whatever aid I needed. He has been more to me than the only parent I have ever known. His kindness and enduring love have been my guiding light. There is also something very special that we share, the same birthday!
As the years have gone by we have created a bond together that goes deeper than any relationship I have ever witnessed. My friend's parents, my own Grandparents, my close friends with their boyfriends or girlfriends; none of them share anything close to what I share with my Dad.
As long as I can remember, every night at bedtime Dad would come into my room and read me stories, he would stay as long as I was awake. Now at college when I am having a hard time falling asleep I will call him and calm myself to sleep hearing his voice describe to me any favorite story about the two of us doing something fun together.
As a young girl I would always want to go to his bathroom on the weekends and sit on the counter has he shaved. We would chat away about what the day was going to bring us and I would just gaze at this man who means so much to me.
I remember when I turned 12 I decided to ask him if I could glide the razor over his face one time. I had no idea where that came from; it was something that just popped out of my mouth. Dad rinsed his razor, passed it to me, and then stood directly in front of me while smiling in a way that I knew he trusted me completely.
That moment, that experience, even though it was only a few strokes is still deeply embedded in my memory. That was an act that brought us even closer together. We developed a bond of trust that few people ever have a chance to enjoy.
Dad is an endurance athlete, a cyclist. His passion has also found its way into my soul; I too competitively ride. He is in such incredible shape my girlfriends just stare at him and wonder how he could possibly by my father when he looks so much younger than he is.
He is average height at 5' 9" but he only weighs about 145 pounds. He is all lean muscle and veins. His skin is tight and tanned without a wrinkle, but he has several scares from the inevitable crashes that cyclist have to endure. I do get rather jealous when I hear my friends whispering how much they would give to share his bed for a night.
I too am average height for a girl at 5'4", and I always feel average in the looks department. But my Dad constantly reinforces that I am the most beautiful young lady he has ever seen. He adores my long wavy light brown hair so I have promised to keep it that way even while I'm at college.
Training together and race days have always been special. There's first place or finishing first loser; we both hate being first loser or worse. Our training rides are aggressive and we have spent long hours on the road together. That is not chat time, that time is dedicated to pushing ourselves to be the best we can be.
Dad has always regretted not keeping up with the Piano lessons his Mom made him do. I could see his stubborn streak was in full gear when he wanted out of that part of his life. With that he has instilled another passion in me. I love music, I love playing the piano, and I am so happy he finally decided to follow in my footsteps and has once again started playing the piano.
Together we are very social. Dad loves taking me to our local Yacht Club for dinners and events. Sailing has always been a time for us to chill out and just listen to the wind and water while we free our minds from the confines of the daily grind.
When Business associates come to town I am always included in the dinner plans. I think he just likes showing me off and watching me blush when compliments are tossed around the dinner table! It does feel good though that I am a part of everything going on in his life.
As long as I can remember Dad and I have put together an incredible Birthday event. Our parties have included all members of our family and friends to more private evenings that we want to share alone. But this year just had to more than special; I was turning 20 and Dad is turning 45.
I can't believe how much of this year has been devoted to planning our Birthday. I thought maybe a nice dinner out, he originally was putting together a big family surprise Birthday party till I found out and spoiled everything! Never leave your phone alone with your inquisitive daughter again Daddy!
Finally the perfect idea came to both of us. We wanted to go away to a warm sunny Caribbean resort. Why not just let go of our frugal ways and celebrate the way we really want. We spent the first few searches just getting our minds wrapped around what we wanted. That led us to Sandals Resorts of course, all inclusive living and eating while sunning ourselves all day long.
I found the perfect location, Barbados, far far away from everything we are used to. A place where we can go and hide from the world; just enjoy being ourselves. I spotted Dad on the computer one night as he was searching for a room(s). He found the perfect room, one that had a private patio that you could just walk into a long winding river pool. Kind of excluded from the rush and buzz of the main beach and pool areas. After all if we wanted to go to the beach we could do that at any moment.
Initially he nixed that idea because those rooms only come with one very big king size bed. But everything else was just too incredible to imagine. The privacy, the huge bathroom with walk in-shower, the soaking tub with a view of the river pool, and our own in-room bar! Fortunately I know just how to wrap him around my fingers and get what I want.
I know it sounds out of sorts, but I had slept in my Dad's bed often when I was little. I would crawl in as a toddler early on weekend mornings or whenever I got scared from the storms. I know it has been a few too many years since that has gone on, but I really didn't think one moment about it, and who cares anyway, it was just the two of us and we would never have to discuss any of our trip with anyone!
I have never seen my Dad blush so much as when I told him I went ahead and booked our reservations. I got the suite he nixed, but honestly it was the suite I wanted. He laughed finally and joked that when people saw us at the resort they probably would be thinking he was just a lucky old man who found a beautiful young mistress! When I heard that I felt something inside my sole that still has not gone away.
I have dated a few suitors, but none of them could stand the test of time. They never understood my training schedule, my studies, or my devotion to my father. None of them ever got past first base because none of them ever wanted to really get to know me or appreciate me for whom I am. I decide what pleasures my body is getting and giving, not their hormones.
But after hearing my Dad's laughter and words, my soul would not let go of that special feeling. It got to the point where our goodnight kisses became more and more important to me. I started to feel closer to my Dad than ever before. I found myself reaching to grab his hand everywhere we were walking together. His phone calls to me at school started to last longer and longer.
Then one night while at school when I had a hard time falling asleep, I called him, his words became softer and softer. My words back were softer and softer. That was the first time our "I love you" absolutely rocked my soul. My body quivered, we stayed on the phone longer and I felt that wonderful tingle between my thighs for the first time.
Neither of us could wait for the next night. Again I called, Dad answered on the first ring. We settled in to our "How was your day" conversation as I started to pull the covers over my naked body. I then took the lead that night.
