Jason's Journals

The third to suffer his wrath was his cousin, Ellen. He sat alone in his room writing his journal entry in the green journal.

Today I joined the Marine Corps. Officially, I am property of the United States government. I told them that I wanted to go to Iraq to fight on the front lines. My life without a Dad sucks. I hope I never return. I hope I die on the battlefield.

The only person I will miss is my cousin, Ellen. She is everything to me. She is the most beautiful woman in the world. If I were to marry, I would want someone as good looking and as nice as her. I love her, but not as a cousin loves his cousin, but as a man loves a woman. She is my ideal woman. I wish she were mine to love in the physical and sexual sense of the word.

Ever since I knew what sex was, I lusted over her. I only wish she wasn't my 18-year-old blood related cousin. More than a few times, I stole glances of her through the keyhole. I've seen her in her panty and bra, I've seen her topless, I've seen her bottomless, and I've seen her naked. She has a wonderful body. I only wish I could have sex with a woman as lovely as my cousin. I wish I had a dollar for all the times I jerked off over her. I love it when she wears her tight blue jeans that shows the top of her thong and her low cut blouse that shows her demi-cup bra.

The first time I jerked off over her was when she emerged naked from her shower. She thought she was alone in the house. She didn't know that I was there and looking to see what I could see. I waited on the stairs hoping that she would open the bathroom door while putting on her towel. I never expected her to come out naked.

"Jason!" She screamed. "What the fuck! You could have told me you were there on the stairs."

"Sorry," I said running to my room to jerk off over her nakedness.

Then, all those times when she stood in the direct light shining through the window or when she opened the refrigerator door at night, her nightgown became so transparent that I could see the entire side outline of her big B cup tits. She's always walking around me in just in her nightgown.

Then, there was that hot summer when she slept naked and I walked in her room to wake her up and she threw her slippers at me. I was always seeing something of hers that she was unintentionally showing. She made me wonder if it was accidental or if she was an exhibitionist and showing me her body on purpose. I relived that image of her naked form whenever I played with my cock. I jerked off over that for months.

Then, there are all those times that she was careless about not closing her legs when she sat across from me and I saw her panty. Sometimes she sat across from me in her nightgown and I saw her pubic hair. Man, she made me so hot and horny and she did not even know that she was driving me crazy with lust for her. Later that evening when I was alone in my room, I always jerked off over the images of seeing her panty or her pubic hair.

Only, I'm tired of jerking off to the images of my hot cousin. I want to know what it is like to be with my cousin with her as my woman. Now, going off to war, I'll never have a chance to know what it is like to be intimate with my cousin and to feel what a woman's body feels like in my hands. No one wants to have sex with a virgin.

If only I had a Dad, I could go to him and ask him to help me and give me advice in how to seduce a woman, but I am surrounded by woman with no one to ask.

It doesn't matter. Chances are that I will be a casualty of war. Chances are that I will return home in a body bag. I will probably be the first virgin Marine to die in Iraq.

Had I been stationed anywhere other than the middle east, I'd have a chance to be with a woman, but they don't like their women sleeping around, especially with an American. There are strict rules about that sort of thing. They'd cut my head off if I tried. Only, I'm always so horny and I don't want to lose my head over my horniness. If only I could know what it is like to be with my sister before I left for war, never to return.

I wonder what it is like to feel the body of a naked woman, to feel her tits and to take them in my mouth and suck her nipples. I wonder what it is like to see her pussy up close, to touch her pussy, and to eat a woman. I wonder what it is like to have intercourse with a woman. I wonder what it is like for a woman to touch my penis, hold my penis, and stroke my penis. I wonder what it feels like to get a blowjob. I wish I had someone who could help me and teach me about things before I left for war and before I died.

I want my cousin. I want Ellen. I dream about her every night. I dream about sucking her tits, playing with her pussy, and fucking her. I dream about her sucking my cock and cumming in her mouth.

I cannot even bare the thoughts of having sex with any other woman other than my cousin. I wish I could have sex with her. I wish there was a way that Ellen and I could do it without anyone else knowing so that when death comes for me, at least, I will know what it is like to have had sex with a woman. Who better to teach me about the birds, the bees, and women, then my beautiful cousin? I would die peacefully knowing that I told my cousin that I loved her and that she was the one who showed me how to love another woman.

His journal entries played his cousin knowing that when she read it, she would feel guilt and pity for her cousin. They were the same age. They knew the same people. They were very close.

He knew that by planting the seed of him wanting to have sex with her, knowing that she had never had sex, she would fantasize about having sex with her cousin and hopefully act upon the thoughts. What did she have to lose? He may not return from war and no one will know that she had sex with her cousin. Moreover, she would have helped her cousin through a bad time.

Oh, Ellen, I love you and want to be with you, if only for one night. I wish I could see you naked, feel and suck your tits, caress your ass, and know what it is like to bury my cock deep inside of you and pull out before I cum in your pussy so that you can take me in your mouth and finish me off with a blowjob. I wish I could cum in your mouth.

Oh, well, it is not to be.

The guys in basic training will give me a terrible time when they find out that I'm a virgin and that I've never even touched a naked woman. I don't even have to tell them, they'll know. When they talk about being with women, I'll have nothing to say to prove that I've been with a woman.

Jason knew what to write in his green journal to get to his cousin. He was smart. He hid the journal where he knew she would find in his bottom bureau drawer under his sweaters. He still hides his marijuana there when he has any and she always steals some. That was the place where she found his secret stash of drugs and gave it to his mother, after she removed some for herself, of course. It was befitting that she find his journal there, too.

To be continued...