My name is Jane and I've written about my relationship with my son Charlie. He is now 20 and I'm, well, a young 40s. I'm happily married to my husband with whom I share a 21 year love and secretly, 'married' to my son.
We have a loving but socially taboo relationship that would attract scorn from most societies and most certainly from where we live. We discovered our relationship by accident when Charlie caught me using a new toy about two years ago.
As is the case so often, when our darkest thoughts and desires are finally outed, a flood of honesty is released. The emotional explosion that ensues can be difficult to deal with and in my case, lead, still leads, to moments of doubt and guilt. Nevertheless, I have no regrets now and feel liberated knowing that I'm cocooned inside a secret where I can physically express myself to Charlie and reveal myself to you by writing.
I have mentioned in the past that I get erotic pleasure from expanding my notes from a journal into something that illuminates each experience.
If you have ever watched pornography on the internet, you'll appreciate the varieties and degrees of human sexuality that exist in this world. Some of it is clearly wrong by any societal measures and I would be disgusted to know what people enjoy it.
However, I do enjoy various themes and incest is one such subject. I'll describe my observations and you can judge whether I'm seeing these in the same way as you.
The layers and directions of incest are simple -- family members willingly or unwillingly participating in sexual or intimate ways. Fathers and daughters, mothers and sons, siblings, gay and lesbian parent and children, etc.
I of course enjoy mother and son as this is my personal experience. Charlie and I have looked at so many scenarios and of course enjoy the most realistic ones. We look out for videos where the couple look like us -- we are quite regular looking people and so we often find couples we imagine to be us.
There are three types of mother/son we have noted:
Soviet style -- probably the closest to real life but perhaps staged inasmuch as 'she' looks like a mother and 'he' is somebody's son but are they a genuine incestuous couple? She discovers him reading a porn magazine, chastises him, sits beside him, seduces him, gives him oral sex and then they go through the gymnastic process of all positions finishing in an external ejaculation.
Japanese style -- the sexually neglected mother discovers magazines/semen soaked tissues in her son's bedroom, goes through some motherly angst mixed with years of unfulfilled urges, seduces him in the bathtub, retires to the futon and proceeds to whimper through her incestuous defloration.
Euro/American style -- She aggressively pursues him after catching him watching porn/peeking at her in the bathroom/sniffing her panties. She calls him a pervert, dismissively compares him with his father but admires his manhood, decides she wants some of that and lets him go for it.
Real incest porn is different to staged incest porn obviously. For a start, the camera is fixed, placed on a coffee table or chair. There is no third or fourth person in the room doing moving zooms and multiple shots. Real incest porn just 'feels' different.
Real incest is very different, at least in our lives. Charlie and I don't play scenarios -- well, not often. There is no 'catching' each other and there is no mocking. We have desires that we feel comfortable in expressing and sharing and we have days that are casual and some that are passionate. Mostly we make time because he still studies at university and I work from home. We generally know each other's timetables but sometimes we just sneak a little time together dangerously.
A few weeks ago, one evening after dinner, I really needed to do something. Sneaking kisses and touches in far rooms of the house while my husband is home is exciting and usually risk free. All I want is to feel Charlie's lips against mine and to press against him. I love to feel him swell inside his pants as I touch him and sometimes after my husband has gone to bed, I'll stay up late 'working' and we might go further. Like I say, it's exciting and a little risky.
That warm night I snuck out of bed and went to Charlie's bed. It's close enough to my room that if my husband did get up (and we have enough creaking floorboards to be heard clearly), I'd have plenty of time to sit up on the edge of the bed, straighten my nightie and tell him we were having a 'heart to heart'. I can be almost 99% sure that'll never happen.
That night I needed Charlie as badly as I ever had. I'd lain awake while my husband slept soundly beside me. I tossed and turned with my mind on only one thing and although masturbating can scratch the itch, beside my husband I didn't want to be muttering Charlie's name. Since I'd become an adulterous wife, my sexual desires had become more intense and harder to fulfil. That night I knew that only full penetrative sex would ease my craving. I swung out of bed normally; to sneak out would only arouse Hubbie's suspicion if I did manage to catch him between dreams. I walked in the dark down the hall to the kitchen and poured a glass of water. That would be a decoy defence if I needed one to explain why I was up.
Charlie had heard the floorboard creak and woken properly but he told me in the morning that he'd been having one of 'those' dreams anyway. As I waked past his half-open door, I looked inside and, from the glow of the bedside clock, saw him smile.
By the time I quietly returned a minute later, he was standing and ready. By the light of kitchen streaming down the hall, I admired his masculinity and as I approached him, he pulled me to him in a lovers' embrace. He is taller than me and I need to stand on my toes but oh, the way I feel lifted by him makes me float.
