Chapter III -- The sunset
As I stood on the plain, I looked out at flatlands, to some not very much to see; but to me it was heaven. I'd been in Montana a Year or two now and standing here holding the reins of this horse made me feel a bit nostalgic. Mentally I recalled an old Garth Brooks song, "Much too young to feel this damn old."
For reasons obvious to me the song although melancholy hit a chord with me. I'd spent my time in the concrete jungle and now I wanted to be the only cowboy in Montana that wears an IPod. Well, around here, everybody just called me Jack. Jack Johnson; I removed my rawhide glove and wiped my scruffy face and felt the years creeping up on me.
Fortunately my life had changed for the better. I had my daughter Hailey at my side now. She'd changed everything about who I was and what I was. Before her arrival, I wrote a few articles for some magazines here and there. Enough to pay the bills but I needed something else. We'd worked hard to fix up the old cabin I got from Arlin.
She'd added so many feminine touches that now at nights when I tied Buck to the lashing post out front, I always felt a bit nostalgic when I opened up the door and announced that I was home. I was a lucky man really. Every night without fail, she'd greet me at the door, take my hat, coat or whatever I had in my hands and feed me, fill me with coffee and regale me with polite pleasant conversation.
I thought about how much I had changed as a man also. I liked to think when I looked in the mirror with my scruff and graying hair that I looked a bit like Sam Elliot from all those cowboy movies, but Hailey didn't see it.
It was through her doings that I'd taken up carpentry instead of gardening which she took care of now. Thanks to her there were more canned goods in the house and meat than ever before. We had running water, an indoor bathroom and many modern amenities. I'd even managed a wobbly pantry that was shored up with a block of wood. Hey I'm good, not perfect.
I'd taken over caring for Arlin's horses and I wanted to kick myself for not getting to know them before now.I reach back with my bare hand and rubbed Buck on the neck. He was a good horse, sturdy and fast. I'd gotten him a few weeks ago for Arlin at the auction in town and after a bit of haggling and a couple of cold beers with Arlin, he was mine.
Now I'm not a man who's struck on his on appearance, but I just had to get to town to buy my first leather duster and cowboy hat and boots. I felt like a cowboy, looked like a cowboy, felt like a fossil.
It was no lie that I loved having Hailey here, but at the same time. I didn't want her to spend her entire life out here on the prairie acting as a surrogate wife to me, while I played cowboy. I guess it was time I admitted to myself, that I needed to take on a more traditional father role with Hailey if such a thing were possible after all that's happened between us. Hell at this point, I couldn't have told you which side of the sky the sun set in and here I was starin' at the blasted thing, watching it go down.
I put my gloves back on and climbed aboard Buck and with a light spur sent him racing towards the setting sun. Home was that way. Now if you've never ridden a horse, it's an amazing beast. Powerful, proud and did I mention the speed. With one hand on my hat and the other on the horn of the saddle, I moved with his movements. I hit next on my trusty music player and listened to old Garth sing about standing outside the fire and it seemed so appropriate for the moment while Buck and I raced toward that setting sun looking forward to seeing Hailey once again.
I got home far more quickly than I'd anticipated. But life was good, I felt good and I clicked off my music and got down from buck and pulled my rifle out for the side saddle holder. I turned saw Hailey standing at the door, not looking at all like a wilderness gal, standing there with her torn Motley Crue tee-shirt and shorts on. I took off my hat and gave her the reins to Buck. She led him to the barn and I in turn took my coffee from the rail of the porch and threw off the duster and sipped the hot cup of heaven I'd needed since lunch.
I watched Hailey in the opening of the barn, Oh yea. I forgot to tell you that I'd built a barn. Not a big barn, but big enough for a couple horses and some hay; and my saddles of course. She rushed buck as he ate the oats in the feed bin. She was so completely perfect. She's everything to me. Mentally I didn't know if I could handle her marrying up to someone else. Fact was, I wanted her for myself but that was a pipe dream that wasn't going to ever happen. Eventually her eyes would turn to a younger man that she could have a family with and I had to get used to that.
Truth of the matter was I had gotten so nostalgic that I wanted to get married and have that Norman Rockwell family, you know the one. Still watching her bend and move and care for that horse, had an impact on me like no other. I stood and threw my remaining coffee away and headed for her. She had her back turned and I thought sure enough she heard me coming but when I got about two steps from her and then spoke,
she whirled around screaming like a teamster needing a coffee break and with a balled up fist smacked me right in my nose.
My eyes watered, the pain was so intense. There was a second that we both stood motionless until the searing pain crept into my brain and ignited every nerve in my face. I kept thinking to myself. "Cowboys don't cry, Cowboys don't cry..." Over and over as if that'd make the pain go away? Big moose tears ran out of the corners of my eyes as I did my best to hide it.
