From that time on, things again were different between us. We had gone from siblings to two youths exploring sex to actual lovers. Yes my sister became my lover. But that very afternoon we had to have another talk. Susan still wasn't easy with this situation and her torments kept bringing thoughts of disaster.
"This doesn't mean we can just... do anything we like you know," she said at lunch, again frowning in debate with herself. "You made me a promise earlier. Does that still hold?" she asked.
"Yes Kathy, if it will allow us... if it will allow me the pleasure of finding... love with you... then yes of course," I said, resolved.
"Oh Michael, you just don't know the torment I go through wanting you and yet fearing that desire. I hope you know I do want you... it isn't you that I don't want. I just wonder... what's too far... oh my god, for a brother and sister!" she lamented.
"Well, we know this whole thing is outside the realm of the average couple so I think we both need to look at this with different eyes," I said trying to phrase my thoughts.
I had her interest with that opening. She sat looking at me waiting to hear what I was going to say.
"We both care very much for each other as brother and sister, but I think our new relationship brings us even closer, don't you agree?" I asked giving myself time to think of my wording.
"Sure, sure..." she said tentatively as if trying to think of why she felt the hesitation in saying that.
"We're already lovers, Kathy," I said opening it up. "I think we've both decided that what we have done and are doing is acceptable to us, and the rest of the world should stay out of it, right?" I probed.
"I suppose so," she said in thought.
"Well that's the first step. You need to be convinced that you want this. I know I am. I'd feel like I lost part of me if we had to stop now," I explained. Then went on: "But if you really want it that way, I wouldn't want you hurt. I'd rather give it up than lose your respect for me, Kathy."
"It's just that everything we've been brought up believing is being turned upside down. How do you handle that so easily?" she asked trying to quell the turmoil within.
"Easily??" I began. "Oh it hasn't been easy, sis. I've fought with myself not only feeling guilty about just that, but also dragging you into my new feelings. The way I look at it now is, how can any love between two people that is so strong be considered bad by any standard?"
"You know, you're right! For a younger brother, you have a lot of incite," she said smiling then leaning in, kissing my cheek. "No one has the right to tell us we can't love each other any way we want."
She smiled, somehow relieved, as if a weight had lifted. "Feel like some more fishing little brother?" she asked.
"If you're going, I'm going," I said in almost a smitten schoolboy tone.
We gathered our equipment and headed to the old gravel pits once again. We gathered just enough bait once there to bait our poles and then set them up deadline on forked branches in the ground in our favorite spot, then went and sat under the tree nearby to watch and wait. This time however we seemed to sit closer, almost snuggled in.
She was wearing her short shorts and a cotton top that showed her plain white bra underneath. On her feet she wore brown leather sandals with no socks. As always, I had on my jeans and T-shirt. It was hot and the humidity made it feel all the hotter, even in the shade of the tree. My inclination was to put my arm around her but I knew it would be uncomfortable for us both.
There was a patch of wooded area well off to one side of the pit. Not a big woods, but more of a section between the gravel pit and a farmer's land beyond. "Ever been back there?" I asked her.
"Where? Over there?" She didn't even refer to it as a woods like my buddies and I had since we were kids.
"Yes, Gary and I used to play back there years ago I remember. All I can remember is that the shade made it feel cooler," I laughed.
"Lets go check it out then," she said getting up.
We put rocks on the handles of our rods to keep that 'big one' from pulling them in and then headed off to the trees. It was a stand of old timber left there apparently when the original farm owner cleared the land. Tall oaks, sycamores and maples stretched up forming a tight canopy over the area. The density of the leaves shading the floor of the area plus the leaves packing over everything pretty much prevented underbrush from thriving within.
Entering was like going back in time for me. We built camps back there, dug holes for hideouts, had nights where we camped there and just generally made it our spot. To me the atmosphere was one of fun and adventure even today.
Walking along we found one of our 'camps'. It consisted of old plywood we had gotten from some nearby construction site that had been nailed up in three sides and a flat roof - the roof of which had since rotted and pretty much collapsed into the interior.
I got Kathy to help lift the roof up and out of the interior which still stood pretty much in tact. I walked in. It was of course only 4 feet high, the width of the plywood. I squatted down and told Kathy to come in. I informed her of the privilege: she was the first girl ever to enter the premises!
I had he sit down also and I said, "Now imagine we're sitting in here this way with that roof over us. This was our hide out."
"Just you and Gary?" she said giving me a weird look.
"Yes, just Gary and I. Some people didn't go into places like this with 'evil' thoughts in their heads," I said grinning, and she blushed.
I leaned over from my squatting position and kissed her lightly but romantically and said, "Now you're the first girl ever to be kissed in here."
She replied, "Well you sure haven't learned much from all your kissing practice," and she leaned over pulling my arms around her and placing her mouth on mine. In this position she was fairly laying across my lap.
Our mouths opened and all of nature disappeared. I was holding my sister, my lover in my arms. I pulled her shirttail out with my free hand and she made no attempt to stop me. I slid my warm sweaty hand in under the top and against her tummy. She made a long slow quiet moan into my mouth that sounded almost like a monotone hum.
As my hand slid up cupping her bra clad breast, she suddenly broke off the kiss and sat up. In my head I thought, "Oh no, more regrets" but she didn't even turn to me. She pulled off her top and leaned over waiting for me to undo her bra. I fumbled even having a clear view and both hands to work it, but got it undone and she hung both the top and bra up on a splinter of the side then laid back against me once more.
Then, reaching up with her arms, signaled me to come down to her and kiss her. I did with an arm behind her and my free hand placed directly over her bare breast. We resumed our kissing where we had left off, or maybe even a notch higher. My tongue kept time with the movements of my hand while her tongue darted in, out and around mine.
