Irrisistible Impulse

All characters in this story are over the age of eighteen

"What's the matter with me, I must be out of my mind," Claudia muttered, not for the first time.

She was standing at the kitchen sink looking out of the window at the back garden and the pool where Denton was vigorously swimming his morning laps. It was delightful to watch the seeming ease with which he swam. Soon he would be getting out of the pool and would stand there drying him self before coming in for his breakfast.

As he got out of the pool Claudia tried not to look at him, but as well try to stop a starving man from eating a meal placed in front of him. Claudia, unable to look away from his superb physique, marvelled at how he had changed so markedly in four years, from a skinny kid of fourteen to a young man. She also wondered that she had given birth to such a fine male specimen.

Claudia could see the bulge in the groin of his swim shorts; he had an erection as he usually did after his swim, and her response was always the same. Her eyes fixed on him her hand went down the inside of her jeans and panties and she began to slowly stroke her wet genitals. "I love him and want him, I want him so much," she murmured softly.

"Good morning darling." Harry her husband had cheerfully entered the kitchen ready for breakfast.

Claudia started guiltily and quickly withdrew her hand from her jeans muttering a husky "good morning." Harry was always cheerful the morning after they had made love the previous night, but for Claudia his very satisfaction was another cause of guilt.

The cause of the guilt was that having sex with him carried within it a lie. True he thought that he could still bring her to orgasm, but what he didn't know was that it wasn't really him but Claudia's fantasy that achieved orgasm for her. She had to fantasise Denton.

Fortunately Harry had thus far not detected this ploy, and Claudia, who was fond of Harry, sincerely wanted him to get the maximum satisfaction from their sexual couplings that took place two or three times a week, but she felt that she cheated him. To make it trickier it was becoming increasingly difficult to restrain herself from crying out Denton's name when she climaxed.

Why she could not get sexual satisfaction with Harry without the Denton fantasy was something of a mystery to her, but she had noted that it began when she first started to be attracted to Denton, but if she tried to find some moment, some incident, when that attraction began, there was nothing she could point to. It was as if it had gradually developed until it became an irresistible impulse and sometimes she wondered for how much longer she could go on pretending with Harry.

She had become so troubled about the attraction to her son that she'd read up on the subject. Genetic attraction seemed to apply in her case, except that genetic attraction usually occurred when two related people met after a long separation, and she and Denton had never been separated for more than a few weeks ever since she had given birth to him.

Finally Claudia gave up trying to work out times, events and reasons why and simply surrendered to the situation as it was. In any case Denton had never shown any overt signs of being sexually attracted to her. If this to some extent disappointed Claudia she realised that this apparent lack of sexual attraction to her was her security. She had no wish to endanger her marriage over an adulterous and incestuous affair with their son, but if ever Denton did demonstrate a sexual interest in her she wondered whether she would have the strength to resist it.

The problem was that there always hovered in her mind the fatal words, "Even if it is only just once."

Harry, in his cheerful mood, came to her and kissing her on her cheek said, "Thanks for last night, it was great."

To thank her had been his quaint habit from the first time they had copulated and at one time Claudia loved that acknowledgement, but now it only added to her guilt feelings. She used to respond jocularly, "I aim to please," and although she spoke those words now, and in a sense she still aimed to please her attempts to please were artificial, and the words almost choked her.

* * * * * * * *

They sat at the table and started to eat breakfast, making remarks about the weather and what lay ahead of them for the rest of the day.

"Got to read up on the case notes," Harry said, "and then off to the jail to interview the client."

"Guilty or not guilty?" Claudia asked.

"Between our selves," Harry said, "I think guilty; he says he's not guilty, but most of them say that at first. If he insists on a not guilty plea I'll do the best I can for him, but I'll probably suggest he makes it a guilty plea, he'll get a lighter sentence if he does."

"And if he insists on pleading not guilty and he's found guilty?"

"Hmm, attempted murder, anything between ten to twenty years; the odd thing is that he seems such a nice guy; it's hard to believe he tried to murder his wife, but you can never tell. Some of the nicest people I've ever defended have been killers, but in his case there was some provocation."

"What sort of provocation?" Claudia asked.

"Oh, he was a company rep and had gone away to negotiate some business for several days and finished earlier than expected. He arrived home to find his wife in bed bonking with their son; he went berserk."

Claudia felt the blood drain from her face. Harry looked at her and asked, "You okay darling you look pale?"

"Oh...I...er...I am feeling a bit fragile, I might be sickening for something."

"I hope it won't spoil your holiday," Harry said.

"Well, it's probably nothing but I'll see the doctor just in case, and it's a fortnight before we have to leave. I do wish you were coming with us."

"So do I," Harry said, "but you know how it is, a big case load and all that, and I can't tell when I'll be free. But if I can see my way clear I may be able to join you at some stage."

Having finished his breakfast Harry rose, grinned and said, "Well, off to the slave pit." He kissed Claudia on the cheek and said, "Let me know what the doctor says," and as he started to leave Denton came bounding into the kitchen.

"Morning mum, morning dad, off to save some poor sod from jail?"

"I hope," Harry replied. "Take care of you're mother, she's not feeling too good." With that he left, singing off key,

"When I, good friends, was call'd to the bar

I'd an appetite fresh and hearty

But I was, as many young barristers are

An impecunious party..."

His voice faded away.

* * * * * * * *

Claudia turned to her son and asked, "Pancakes?"

"Please, with lemon," Denton responded, adding, "What's this about you not feeling so good?"

"Oh, it's nothing really," Claudia replied as she began the pancake making, "just some passing thing."

"Better get it checked out with the doc," Denton said a note of concern in his voice.

"I will...I will." She laughed lightly and said, "If I don't see the doctor I'll get cross examined by your father wanting to know why not, I'll phone the doctor after breakfast and see if he can fit me in."

There was a pause and then Claudia went on, "There's something I want to talk to you about; it's the holiday."

"Oh, it's still on isn't it?"

"Yes it's still on but I was wondering if you'd rather not go?"

"Why would I rather not go?"

"Well it was planned that the three of us would go but with your father tied up with a murder case or whatever it is, I thought perhaps some other time."

"What you're saying is that you'd rather not go without dad," Denton said.

"No, it's not that," Claudia said hastily, trying to sound convincing, "I just thought it'd be nice for the three of us to be together."

"Mum," Denton said, "It's always been the same. Every time we make an arrangement to go to the shack, either dad has a case come up, or you're off to one of your women's conferences. I'm either there with you, or with dad, and so what's different, there's always something gets in the way."

Denton was grossly exaggerating but Claudia sighed and said, "I know darling and your father did say he might join us, depending on his work load."

"He's said that before," Denton said sourly. His eyes fixed on his mother he went on, "Are you saying you'd rather not be there alone with me?"

Claudia reacted instantly. "No...no, of course I'm not saying that, I just thought..."

What Claudia thought she could not express and so she had to come up with something else, so she said rather lamely, "I just thought that you'd rather have dad with us."

"Perhaps I would," Denton replied, "but since he can't be with us I see no reason why we have to cancel."

Claudia gave up. "All right, if you're happy about it we'll go and hope dad is able to join us."

"That's what I think," Denton replied, and that seemed to close the matter.

Claudia didn't phone the doctor.

* * * * * * * *

Breakfast over and Denton off to high school for his last couple of weeks, Claudia headed for the shower. She wondered if she had done the right thing in letting the holiday at Rose Bay go ahead. She saw that being alone with Denton possibly for a month at the isolated shack and her sexual preoccupation with him, might lead her to make a move that could end in disaster.

"Surely I'm stronger than that," she told herself, "and besides, what would be the use since Denton shows no sexual interest in me? If I did try something with him it would certainly end in disaster and in all probability ruin the loving relationship we already have."

Those thoughts did not prevent her from doing what she had done many times. In her bedroom she stood naked viewing herself critically in front of the long mirror.

Reflected back at her was a woman approaching forty years of age; five feet seven tall she was no longer the slender girl who had married Harry. Her hips seemed to be wider, her waist plumper, and her breasts, once taut and upstanding had grown larger and sagged a little, but their nipples looked as pink as ever and still stood out strongly. Harry often jokingly told her he had married her for her legs, and it was true that they were the sort of legs that men seemed to be attracted to, as she had often experienced when she showed a little too much leg in male company.

She moved closer to the mirror to view her oval face. The words pretty or beautiful were inappropriate but the bone structure on which beauty is formed revealed itself in high cheek bones and the well-defined but delicate line of her chin. Her dark hair was cut short and brushed back from her face in strong natural waves. She could see faint lines between her eyebrows and running from her nose to the corner of her mouth, and she had never liked her slightly aquiline nose, she did however approve of her mouth shaped like an upturned bow with, she was pleased to say, sensual lips.

She turned away from the mirror wryly giving herself a C plus and telling herself that she was a fool to think that Denton would ever be attracted to her, his middle aged mother, when with his looks and physique he could get almost any young girl that took his fancy, and that she should content herself with Harry. Such thoughts she'd had many times before, but they did nothing to end the yearning for her son.

* * * * * * * *

Denton's time at high school came to an end and was celebrated at the school graduation ceremony and a family party afterwards. Then the preparations for the holiday at Rose Bay were upon them. Claudia still wondered if she should have been firmer about cancelling, not because she had any doubts about what Denton might do, but doubts about her own feelings for him and how being alone with him those feelings might be exposed by some unwary word or action on her part.

The night before they set off for Rose Bay Harry took Claudia twice. Claudia had always made a point of putting on and taking off the condom, an operation Claudia had to perform twice that night. Afterwards, as she was taking off the second condom, Harry laughed and said, "That should hold you until I can get to the shack."

Claudia's thought that it was more to "hold" Harry than her because both times she'd had to fantasise Denton in order to come.

The morning of their departure Harry was his familiar cheerful self after his night of copulating, and Claudia got her usual thanks. Sadly Claudia thought, "Yes, thanks for a good performance because performance it is."

The SUV was loaded with their gear and supplies and the family fishing runabout on its trailer was hooked on behind. Denton took the wheel as his mother and father said goodbye, and Harry's farewell was somewhat more ardent than his usual going to work goodbye. He kissed her and whispered, "I'll get down to the shack if I possibly can, and I'll give you a bell if I can make it."

He waved to his son and called out, "Take care of your mother."

Denton called back, "Will do," and they were off for the three hour drive to Rose Bay.

There was little conversation between mother and son apart from comments about the passing scene: what had changed and what was still the same. For a while they listened to music on the car radio, but for the most part they seemed very introspective, each locked in their own thoughts.

The shack, or as it might be more politely called, "The Cottage," was approached along a dirt road that was itself a branch off from a secondary road. The cottage was set amid the scrub that bordered the beach giving the appearance of being isolated, but the appearance of isolation was deceptive.

About a kilometre farther along the road was what was rather unimaginatively called, "The New Block." This was an area set aside for housing development for people able to afford the astronomical price of the land.

About half a kilometre away from the cottage in the other direction was the cluster of houses that had once constituted the township of Rose Bay, but now it was being called "Old Rose Bay." Along with the houses was the local store that included some petrol pumps and a post office.

All this meant was that the cottage, that had once been really isolated, now had some company plus some modern facilities like electricity and telephone. What it didn't have was mobile phone coverage, and television reception was haphazard and water was derived from roof tanks.

The cottage itself consisted of two bedrooms, living room, kitchen and what are called, "The usual offices." A short sandy track led from the cottage to the beach. Claudia and Harry had bought the place soon after Denton's birth as their holiday place.

* * * * * * * *

The SUV arrived at the cottage about mid-afternoon in a cloud of dust. Claudia and Denton alighted rather dusty themselves. As Denton began carrying in their gear Claudia did the rounds of the cottage seeking spiders' webs and any signs of mice. She found plenty of spiders' webs, no sign of mice, but fine sand had found its way into the cottage and lodged in the corners of the rooms; a job for house proud Claudia wielding a broom, dust cloth and pan.

The midsummer sun was beating down on the corrugated iron roof, and the cottage lacking insulation and an air conditioner was stiflingly hot. Of course they had always intended to fix these things, but somehow had never got around to it, so doors and windows were flung open in the hope of some friendly cool breeze finding it way into the place. No such convenient breeze obliged, at least, not until the evening when a light wind came in off the sea.

The distributing of their gear and supplies seemed to take for ever, and in the oven heat of the cottage mother and son were perspiring heavily. To cool off Denton elected to go for a swim. Less energetic Claudia opted for a shower.

Finishing her shower Claudia wrapped a towel round her self and made her way across the living room to her bedroom where she put on panties, shorts, and t-shirt. She renounced a bra because she found this item too uncomfortable in the heat.

As she exited her room Denton came bouncing in with the local headline news: yes the sea was still there, a lot of seaweed was piled up at the top of the beach, and there was a lobster fishing boat at anchor in the bay, and he could see quite a few boats on the whiting ground, and someone had told him they were catching squid a couple of kilometre out and tomorrow he would try and catch some. This passed for top line news when you were in Rose Bay.

Claudia heard little of this news recital because Denton, in keeping with the fashion favoured by his peers, was wearing very skimpy swim shorts. He had an erection and what presumably he didn't know was that the head of his penis was poking up above what passed for a waist band, although hip band might be a better description.

Approaching the size of a golf ball Claudia could not keep her eyes off that pale purple terminus of his penis, her imagination providing an image of what was not visible. Not for the first time she wondered what it would be like to have that substantial man meat in her vagina. Would she be able to take it all? Would it hurt? She realised that she didn't care if it did hurt as long as she could have it "just once."

Denton woke her out of her salacious reverie; "Hey mum, what about dinner, I'm starving."

Claudia had prepared a few meals in advance and they were residing in a freezer box. "I'll heat up a pie," she said, "but it'll take a while."

"I'll go and get changed," Denton said, and disappeared into his room.

Claudia opened the freezer box, took out a pie and put it in the oven to heat (no microwave). The rest of the contents of the freezer box she transferred to the fridge-freezer and then she opened a can of peaches for dessert.

Denton hadn't emerged from his room and given his erection Claudia didn't need to guess what he was doing. "Lucky him," she muttered, because she needed to do the female equivalent to get her over the arousal the sight of Denton's manhood had inspired. She began to wish they had cancelled the holiday if this was how things were going to be.

* * * * * * * *

The meal over there was the final tidying away of the things they had brought, and then a somewhat rambling conversation about what they would do the next day. Claudia knew exactly the first thing Denton would do; he would have his morning swim, this time in the sea instead of the pool. He suggested that she should join him but she declined saying, "I think I'll stay in bed late, then there's your breakfast and then I want to give this place a thorough clean, and I might have a swim after that.

"I might go after the squid in the afternoon," Denton said, "why don't you come with me, its fun."

Claudia said she might join him in that, but her mind was not really fixed on the next day, she was focused on what she had seen earlier.

Unexpectedly Denton said, "I think I'll turn in, the sea air always makes me feel drowsy when we first get here."

He went to his mother and bent to kiss her goodnight. He kissed her on the lips, which was unusual, and Claudia wondered if she had imagined it, or had his lips really lingered on hers longer than might be expected of a goodnight kiss.

She was tempted to make the kiss last longer but was worried about what that might lead to.

Not long after Denton had retired to his room Claudia went to hers. In bed her thoughts went, as they often did, to Denton and what she wanted with him. She felt that she was on a boundary: a boundary between a filial kiss and something more; a boundary between self restraint and incest; a boundary between her husband and her son.

At home her bedroom was not alongside Denton's room, but here in the cottage she was no more than a slender wall thickness from him, and so she could faintly hear the rhythmic sound of him masturbating and the moans and the indistinct words as he ejaculated.