Insomnia. It was common amongst caffeine addicts and such, but I never thought I would get it. Consequently, when I was diagnosed with it, I was surprised. My doctor told me that I had too much stress in my life and he didn't want to prescribe me with anything.
Now, being 19, I didn't think that there was a lot of stress on myself, but my mother insisted that I come home and take a semester off of college. She was one of those paranoid parents, but of course I didn't mind because she was gorgeous. She was about 5'3 and had 38c breasts with a nice firm butt and in very good shape. All together, a perfect body. She was only 36 and all my friends wanted to bang her, but anyways, back to the story. I came home and as before, I stayed up all night watching TV.
You see, with insomnia, you're never really asleep, but you're never really awake either. You're off in your own little world where everything looks the same as what you just saw. I cursed this stupid disease and thought that I was being punished for some dumb thing I had done like jerk off to having sex with my mother, which I did a lot, until I saw an infomercial about subliminal messages. I think for the first time, I was actually paying attention to something.
The salesman was promoting a stupid gadget he had for losing weight using subliminal messages to make yourself want to work out and such. I didn't care for that because I was already in perfect condition at 6'3 weighing 230 with only 5% body fat because I was the captain of the football team at school, but being a psychology major, I realized, this could work. I couldn't wait until morning. I spent the rest of the night working out the final details of my plan. When it was about 10, my parents still weren't up, and I went to an electronics store. I bought a microphone, one of those nature tapes, and some cassette tapes. I came home and my dad was up.
I hate my dad, so when he said hi to me, I ignored him and went into my room. I put my plan into action. The first tape I made suggested to my dad to go and buy a hooker, but get caught by the cops. I finished this tape and went back downstairs. My mom was up and had a nipple hard-on that I noticed, but tried not to make a big deal of. I went to my dad and gave him the tape saying,
"Here dad, I saw this on some commercial last night. It's supposed to help you try and lose weight by making you want to work out." My dad is no where near as good of shape as I am. He was about 5'10 and weighed about 300 with hardly any noticeable muscle. "Thanks, maybe this insomnia is good for something."
He tried joking. I laughed a fake laugh and my mom noticed and said, "That's not nice Edward. Kevin is working hard to get rid of this thing and you're making jokes about it." My dad, being the whipped guy he is said a measly apology and left the room. I thanked my mom, then went to shoot pool.
I came home at about 6 and my dad wasn't home. I asked my mom where he went and she said, "He went to the city for something. He wouldn't tell me what." I almost couldn't hide my joy. This meant that the tape had worked. I quickly ran upstairs again and made the final tape. The one to make my mom want to have sex with me. I came back down, ate dinner and then, me and my mom went to a movie. When we came home, my dad still wasn't back and there was a message on the answering machine.
"Hello, this is officer Oby. I'm sorry to bother you Ms. Banks, but your husband has been arrested for paying one of our undercover officers for sex. You can post bail for him here in the city, but I don't think you will want to, so I'll call you again when he has his trial date. Thank you, and I'm sorry again." My mom was furious, as I planned. She went right to the liquor cabinet and had three double shots. This is a lot for my mom because usually, she has a martini and that's it for her. I gave her the tape with the nature sounds and subliminal messages on it and got her to calm down.