Indian Mom's Mid-Life Crises

Sumana had always been content with her life. Growing up in a middle-class family in Bangalore, she had been taught to value education and hard work. After completing her degree in commerce, she had married Shashi, a tech-worker, and together they had built a comfortable life for themselves and their two daughters.

But lately, something had changed. Sumana felt restless, as though something was missing from her life. She had always been a devoted wife and mother, but now she found herself yearning for something more. She couldn't quite put her finger on what it was, but the feeling was there, simmering just beneath the surface of her daily routine.

It wasn't that she was unhappy, exactly. She loved her husband and daughters, and she was grateful for the life they had built together. But the sameness of it all was starting to wear on her. Every day felt like a repeat of the one before it, with nothing to break up the monotony. She longed for excitement, for something to shake her out of her complacency.

This afternoon, as she was folding laundry, she looked at herself in the mirror and thought back to how to façade of equanimity had been shattered a few months back when Savita, their 25 year-old daughter had come to her at a moment just like this, and confided in her that she wanted a divorce. Her husband had been abusive - both physically and emotionally - and she had tolerated all that she could, and now wanted out. In the typical Indian middle-class community - divorce, while not taboo, was still a very big deal. It was all too common for women to tolerate (or be forced to undergo) abuse in the name of "family life" and "greater good".

Sumana did not want that for her eldest child. They'd always raised her to be brave and independent, and if it meant splitting and cutting ties with an abuser - so what?

She heard a knock at the door that broke her out of her reverie. It was Savita, who looking frazzled and upset. "Ma, can I talk to you for a minute?" she said, her voice shaking.

Sumana felt a stab of worry in her chest. "Of course, kanna. What's wrong?"

Savita took a deep breath. "Nothing... it's just, so hard to deal with this whole separation thing. I just wanted to thank you & Pa for being there for me.," she said, tears streaming down her face.

Sumana's heart sank. She had always thought of Savita's marriage as a happy one, until she heard about what was happening.

"Oh, kanna," she said, wrapping her arms around her daughter. "I'm so sorry. You don't need to thank us, okay? We are always there for you."

In that moment, Sumana felt a surge of empathy for her daughter, more so than ever before. She realized that she too had been feeling trapped, hemmed in by the expectations of her family and community. She longed to break free just for a while. She, nay they all, needed a break.

***************

The next evening, Sumana took a deep breath and approached Shashi as he was finishing up some work on his laptop. She sat down next to him on the couch and cleared her throat. "Shashi, I think we should take a family vacation," she said, her voice low.

Shashi looked up at her, his expression guarded. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean, we all need a break," Sumana said. "Savita has been through a lot with her divorce, and Sanjana just finished college. It's been a stressful year for all of us. I think we could all use some time away, just the four of us."

Shashi looked up, his eyebrows furrowed. "Sumana, you know I have a lot of work right now. It's not the right time for me to take off."

"I know," Sumana said. "But don't you think it would be good for us to spend some time together, away from the stresses of everyday life? We could go somewhere peaceful, where we can relax and enjoy each other's company."

Shashi still hesitated. "I don't know," he said again. "It's a lot of work to plan a trip, and I don't have that much time right now."

Sumana felt her frustration rising. "I know it's a lot of work, but I'm do all of it myself," she said. "And I think it's important for all of us to get away for a bit, even if it's just for a little while. No?"

Shashi sighed. "I suppose you're right," he said finally. "But I can't take too much time off work. Why don't the three of you go on ahead? Maybe I can join you all for a few days, over the weekend or something?"

Sumana sighed - when would he ever understand? "That's fine," she said. "We'll make it work. And I'll take care of all the planning, don't worry about a thing."

***************

Over dinner that night, Sumana and the girls discussed the trip. Savita was hesitant, but Sanjana - generally the perkier of the two - was excited at the idea of going to Goa.

"That sounds great!", exclaimed the 23-year old, "It was good fun a couple of years back, when I went there with my classmates."

"I'm sure it was", Sumana thought silently to herself, stifling a smirk. Outwardly, she smiled. "I thought you'd like it. We'll make sure it's a great trip for all of us."

Savita still looked unsure. "I don't know if I can enjoy it, given everything that's been going on," she said, rest her temple disinterestedly on her palm as she ate.

"Listen, we're all here. Sanjana and I will be good company, I promise", Sumana said. "It'll be a good chance for all of us to relax a bit and do something that's not our daily routine..."

Savita moped for a little while longer, and then nodded slowly. "Okay, let's do it. I'll try to keep an open mind", forcing a smile.

********

In the following days, Sumana did all the planning for the trip, from booking the flights to finding a good hotel, getting a rental car....

In her mind, she had outlined the perfect vacation for her and her daughters. They were going to North Goa, away from the bustling beaches in the South like Anjuna, Baga, Calangute etc.

She had found a good beach resort to stay at near Ashvem, and all the reviews said it would be peaceful, and one of the few spots where you actually had uncrowded, but safe beaches.

But with just one day left before the trip, Shashi was still nagging her with questions about the planning.

"Did you make the flight bookings correctly? Double checked?" he asked.

"Yes, Shashi," Sumana replied, trying to hide her irritation.

"What about the hotel? They've confirmed two rooms for you all?"

"That's done too. Sanjana helped me with it - she spoke to the reservation desk herself."

"Did you pack everything you need?"

"I'm working on it."

It was not easy for Sumana to get all this done, while also dealing with Shashi's constant questions. She was getting frustrated and starting to snap. Just when she thought she had everything done, and had packed the last garment in her trolley bag..

"What about....", Shashi started.

Sumana couldn't take it anymore. "Everything is planned, Shashi! For fuck's sake." she said, her tone sharp. "You don't need to worry, okay? We'll be leaving tomorrow, and be there for at least a week. You can join us over the weekend, if you please. I've not booked anything for you - because, I know very well your propensity for last minute cancellations!"

Shashi was taken aback by Sumana's sharp tone. "I'm sorry, Sumana," he said, realizing he had been getting on her nerves. "I just want to make sure everything is okay for you and the girls..."

"I know, but I've got this," Sumana said, trying to calm down, her face sinking a bit, "I just wish you were more supportive."

"I'm sorry," Shashi said again. "I'll try to be more helpful in the future."

Sumana took a deep breath and tried to relax, but it wasn't quite that easy. She was looking forward to a few days of relaxation just by herself. Yes, her daughters being there was definite bonus, and she wanted the mother-daughter bonding time too, but she also craved to do something by her own lonesome. She wasn't sure what it was, but she'd figure it out on the fly. May be Goa would inspire her.

She continued doing a mental checklist, trying to forget about the nagging queries and just focus on the trip ahead.

*********

The trio finally arrived in Goa after a long flight. As they stepped out of the airport, the warm, humid air hit them immediately. They were all dressed casually for the vacation - Sumana in a loose, flowy summer dress, and her daughters in shorts and t-shirts.

Sanjana, generally the more fun-loving of the two had a sleeveless top on that Sumana would probably have frowned upon a month ago - but this was a vacation, and she had no intention of making her daughters feel judged.

Savita was a bit more conservatively dressed in a loose-fitting tee, that really hid the curves underneath them. She was considered somewhat a siren during her college days, and loved wearing clothes that titillated just a little bit. But, since her wedding and broken-marriage now, she'd gone into a bit of a shell. Whatever her own problems, Sumana really wanted her eldest to have some fun too and rediscover her youth on this trip. She was only 25 years old for God's sake! Her whole life in front of her.

Sumana's own summer dress was fluttering a bit in the wind, as they went looking for the rental kiosk, where they had pre-booked a car for the duration of this trip. From behind her shades she noticed a few men side-eyeing her - she was used to that, but every now and then it was a nice ego-boost. At a ripe 46 years, any admiration is fun, she thought to herself. She was probably selling herself short, though. In spite of the two younger women around her, Sumana stood out - she was a bit short, but that did not wane the appeal of her tight figure, which was more than obvious even under the summer-dress. Her large 38D rack was not going to be missed by anyone, and she took enough care of herself enough to ensure her butt and well-toned legs never belied her age.

They got their car, and were soon making their way to the beach resort in Ashvem. Sumana let Savita drive, knowing that the latter really enjoyed it. Even before her wedding, Savi was someone who liked just going off on day-long drives, and in fact that common interest was one of the reasons she thought she'd clicked with her now ex-husband. Oh, well...

The drive was pleasant, with lush greenery and the occasional view of the several beaches one encounters from Panjim Airport, all the way through the Ashvem - Morjim road.

Sanjana was looking out the window, admiring the scenery. She was amazed at how different Goa was from when she last saw it. But then again, that was a college backpack trip, and they'd spent most of their time on the beach shacks, drinking beer and smoking MJ.... Travel was mostly left for the late night, to maximize on daylight hours.

Savita was sitting in the driver's seat, chatting with her mom, who was trying to find recommendations for places to eat, on her phone.

Sumana was excited to be in Goa but was also feeling a bit anxious. She hoped that the vacation would help her find some peace and clarity. She couldn't go on with the morose blanket that had set on her in this last one year. Already her mood had perked a bit, after the leery looks she got at the airport actually made her feel good about herself. It make her a bit sad that random strangers were able to do what Shashi had simply failed at off-late.

**************

When they arrived at the beach resort, Sumana and her daughters checked in and made their way to their adjoining rooms. The rooms were spacious and had a connecting door. Sumana heaved a sigh of relief that everything was as planned, and they were all settled in comfortably.

Sumana freshened up right away, and took a quick shower. Looking at herself in the mirror, she decided that her first goal for this trip was to feel good about herself and her body.

She picked out a black sundress that was a little risque, but not too showy. It accentuated her curves pretty well, and showed off just the right amount of skin.

She examined herself closely in the mirror this time. Her long, black hair - still wet after the shower - was left loose to bounce around her shoulders and back. Her almond-shaped eyes were always a bright feature, but she decided a set of aviator shades would be a good idea out in the sun. She paired it with a pair of black sandals and some simple earrings.

Like most people her age, she was a little self-conscious about her body, but this dress gave her the confidence she needed. She left her daughters a text message saying she would go for a walk at the beach, and they could join her later.

As she made her way down to the beach, she couldn't help but feel a little bit excited. She hoped she would get a few admiring looks, just like she had at the airport. It would be an ego boost for someone her age. She felt a little tingle of excitement run through her body as she thought about it, and instinctively rubs her forearm which had a few goosebumps...

As she walked along the shore, the sand beneath her toes and the salty air in her lungs, felt uniquely liberating. She had left behind her responsibilities and worries for the moment. She had come to enjoy herself and bond with her daughters, and she was determined to make the most of this!

She couldn't help but notice a few admiring glances, and it made her feel alive. She smiled to herself, enjoying the attention, and as she continued her walk, she recognized there was a little spring in her step. She just felt that this would be the beginning of an amazing vacation. Fie upon all those who sneer at self-discovery stories!

**************

As she strolls down the beach, Sumana notices a group of young people playing beach volleyball. As she goes closer, she sees that the players are a mixed group, with both men and women of different ages, but most of them appear to be in their early-to-late twenties. She stands at a distance, admiring their toned-physiques for a while, when she notices one of the women from the group looking her way. The woman smiles at Sumana, gesturing her to join in.

She is a bit hesitant at first, but then decides to go for it. She makes her way over to the group, taking in the setting, wondering if this was part of her "go for it!" attitude for this vacation.

The sun is beating down on the beach, the sand is hot and the air is humid. The group is already a bit sweaty from the sultry heat, but their energy is palpable. They all introduce themselves to Sumana and she finds out they are a group of young people from different parts of the country, and even included some foreigners.

She takes her place on the court and the game begins. Sumana isn't the most experienced player, although she did play a bit during her college days. She tries her best as the ball is passed around. Sumana tries to keep up, laughing and enjoying the game in the first few minutes of action.

As the game goes on, she notices a few of the younger players giving her admiring glances already. She feels flattered and a bit nervous. Beads of sweat trickle down her back and stick her clothes to her skin. The sand on the beach clings to her clothes, and her hair is now tousled and wild from the wind. Despite this, she feels alive, rejuvenated, and young. Her cheeks are flushed, and she is glowing.

Her endorphins are high, and her blood is pumping fast. What ever little hesitation she had, the audible compliments, admiring looks and the none-too-subtle wolf-whistle from the spectators make her feel much better. She feels welcome among the group, and even though she is a stranger, they make her feel like she belongs with their youthful antics.

Soon the match becomes even more intense. Sumana's clothes cling to her even more now, accentuating her curves. She plays with vigor, trying to be as lithe and fluid as she could, her body bending and stretching.

Finally, as the play wound down, Sumana's body was coated in sweat, and her clothes clung to her, making her feel even hotter. She could feel the sand sticking to her skin, having found it's way to all the niches and grooves...

She just couldn't take it anymore. Without caring about who was watching, she just decided to remove her summer dress to get rid of all the sand clinging to her. As she struggled to take it off, one of the younger women noticed her and came over to help. Finally, after some struggle, they were able to get it off, and Sumana felt a sense of relief.

Her body was now exposed in her undergarments - with the sand, sweat, and dirt clinging to her skin. She washed off all the grime with a bottle of water, and the cool water felt like heaven on her skin.

As she cleaned herself up, she noticed a few of the young men watching her, admiring her body. In her cream-coloured matching pair of bra and panties, you wouldn't be wrong mistaking her for someone in their 30s. She could see the lust in their eyes, and it made her feel alive.

She was no longer the middle-aged housewife, but a woman with a body that could turn heads. It had been a while since she has felt so attractive, and the attention is doing wonders for her confidence. She smiles at them, feeling a little daring and provocative.

As she decides to head back to the resort, a young couple ask her if they can accompany her back as they are staying at the same place. They introduce themselves as Pooja and Ashok, and Sumana reciprocates with her name. The sun is now at its peak, and the heat is a bit too much to handle.

They take a shortcut through a narrow alley, and as they walk, Ashok remarks, "You were really good out there! We couldn't help but notice."

Sumana can feel a tinge of excitement coursing through her veins. "Thank you," she responds, turning around and flashing a smile. "I used to play volleyball in college, and it's been a while since I played like that."

Pooja chips in, "You're really fit for someone your age. I wish I could be like that at your age." Sumana blushes at the compliment. They reach a stretch of the beach that's lined with shacks and small shops. She spots a tiny vendor selling cold lemonade and suggests that they stop for a drink. The trio order their drinks, and as they wait, Sumana can feel their eyes wandering all over her. She realizes that her sweat-soaked body and the water droplets on her skin must be making her look even more alluring.

When they resume their walk, Sumana can't help but enjoy the attention, and decides to soak in it. She is pleased with the feeling of being the center of attention for these two young people.

"It's not like she's going to do anything with them", she reassures herself.

As they approach the resort, Sumana realizes that she's her dress has fallen off her shoulder, and is now slumped on the ground behind them. She turns to retrieve it, and as she bends down, she can feel Ashok's eyes fixed on her. She lifts the dress up and slings it over her shoulder again.

"Thank you for the company, kids," she says, turning to head back into the resort. She can't help but feel a bit of excitement. She realizes that it's been a long time since she's felt desirable like this, as she wears her dress and walks back in,

****************

She returned to her hotel room, and thought about heading straight to the shower. She quickly checked in on her daughters, but their room was locked - guess they must be out and about on their own, she thought. She left them message, and then walked into the bathroom.

As she looked in the mirror, she saw that her skin glowed, and it wasn't just the sweat or endorphins. This was something a little more primal. She found herself feeling a sense of arousal that she had not felt in a long time, or one that been there always, unsatiated. She quickly decided to take a hot shower, hoping that the warm water would help her relax and calm her confused thoughts.

As she stripped off her bra and panties, and let the hot water pour down her body. the tingling sensation of arousal only grew stronger. The water washed away the last remnants of sand and sweat, leaving her skin smooth and supple. She ran her hands over her body, feeling the curves and contours.