THIRTEEN
'Return'
I come in the door and there are two suitcases sitting on a trunk in the entryway.
"Mel? Mel!"
"Oh, uh..."
You sound nervous. I worry you're leaving me. I can not imagine why you would.
"Mel?"
"I'm... uh... I'm in the kitchen, Dad."
I swing in through the door and stop - dumbfounded.
You're wearing your short denim wrap-around skirt and a halter-top with straps that tie in a bow in the front under your boobs after crossing in the back. I'm so used to see you naked for over a year that I'm startled.
Are you getting ready to go?
Is that what you're going to tell me now?
"Mel?"
You're standing straight and nervous with one hand on the open pantry door.
"Uh... Dad... I... well..."
I take a deep breath, prepared for the devastating news that I will never recover from.
"Sweet, just tell me."
You, very nervous, look into the pantry and take a couple of steps away.
"You used to call ME, 'Sweet'."
My heart stops.
My breath stops.
My brain stops.
Mel's mother steps out from behind the door.
"What the FUCK?!! Why the fuck... What are you doing here?"
She stood there, deflated.
Her fantastic body refused to submit to be hidden by her outfit.
She wore a loose light blue blouse, a navy skirt just past her knees, hose and a solid pair of black sensible shoes.
Her hair was cut to look like a helmet, straight cut bangs, straight cut just off shoulders. It was black, died from flaxen to black, cut from the ass long it had been when she left.
"Hair?"
"He told me -"
"I don't give a damn what he - what ANYONE 'told you'.
'Why the hell are you here? What do you expect?"
"I want to come back, to sta- YAaahhhaa!!"
I slap her face as hard as I can - harder - it is totally instinctive and contains all the frustrated anger that's built up since she left.
She stumbles back to bang against the wall.
Mel gasps in shock. She has had no idea what would happen - but this wasn't expected. She takes a step back and watches wide-eyed.
"YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! WHAT THAT WOULD MEAN!"
Leaning against the wall, her hand to her already red cheek, she makes a small meek nod.
Mel is watching, clueless.
And frightened.
She has never seen me angry.
She has been slapped, spanked, whipped and cropped by me - she's never seen me angry - she has never seen this volcano.
[I will refrain from putting the rest of this rant in CAPITAL letters, but understand, this was all delivered with fire coming out of my eyes and ears, just a bit louder than a klaxon. Neighborhood dogs joined in.]
"You come back here expecting to fucking stay you bring your shit and dump it in my door and fucking talk to my daughter and stand around in my kitchen fuckin' hiding behind the pantry [I slam the door shut, so hard, it bounces back and hits my hand. I slam it again and it sticks.] and what the fuck did you do to your hair and what the fuck's up with that PTA make-up [I slap her again - this is the second time I've hit anyone in anger] get your damn ass out of here now and never even fucking THINK of being anywhere I might [I draw back to strike in anger for the third time] see your stinking ass or..."
"DAD! Stop!"
I freeze. I had forgotten you was there. I'd forgotten where I was. I'd forgotten everything except my frenzy rage against this piece of crap shit whore.
I am embarrassed.
Particularly to have behaved this way in front of my daughter.
"Mel, I'm sorry. Sorry to you. But this bitch is..."
"Dad. Calm down. Sit down. Let's have tea."
I sit, glaring at the bitch, who stands, still leaning against the wall, her hand to her left cheek where I'd just slapped her. My hand is between my thighs - damn it stings. And my bones hurt.
Neither of us move, we might have been a photograph except you keep shuffling around making tea.
The flames aren't shooting out of my ears anymore, but I'm no less hot.
You set the tea down in front of me. You sit at the end of the island counter and set a cup for her across from me.
She doesn't move from the wall.
You look back and forth between us getting more anxious.
I know you do not know what is behind what is happening.
And I know you want THIS to stop.
"Mom, sit here," you indicate the chair
She look at me with fear, afraid to move, afraid to...
I nod towards the stool and she moves to sit, both hands around the cup.
We sit in silence for a very long time, maybe a year, maybe two minutes.
"You want to come back here?" [stern]
"Y-yes." [timid]
"And you want me to just let you the fuck do that?"
"Yes." scarcely a whisper, scarcely a breath.
"I didn't hear that."
"Yes."
"'Yes' what?"
"Yes, I want you to let me come back."
Was that a decade that just passed or a second?
"Dad..." I have never heard you plead, but now... "Dad. Please can she stay. For a while."
I look at you, considering.
"You want her to be here?"
"I don't want you to throw her out on the street tonight."
"What do you think can happen?"
"I don't know. Not this."
I look back at her mother.
"You know what this means."
"Yes, an-..."
I smack her - no where near as hard, but firmly. Not in a rage, but calm.
"You want to come back?"
She nods.
"And you know what it means."
"I --- YAAaaah"
Yeah, I slapped the bitch again. More like a love tap. 'Cept harder.
"You know what it means."
She nods, tears welling over.
You are shaking your head, shivering, nothing makes sense to you.
I know that.
I know it never will.
"You want this, Mel?"
"I don't want you to kick her out. Or beat her up."
I look at her appraisingly. Considering.
"Strip."
She gets off the stool and starts to unbutton her blouse.
I slam my hand down on the counter.
"I didn't say 'undress' I said 'STRIP'!"
She starts to sway, twisting at the waist, leaning to the side with her hands at her top button. Well, the third, she'd already unbuttoned the first two.