I still can't believe this happened. I've never been so ashamed of myself. For years I kept my distance from my sick brothers without a problem. I was over them, and I was over the whole idea that we should be spending holidays and birthdays and all that together. They were basically out of my life, and I was better off.
But then Troy, one of my younger brothers, got engaged. He and I don't talk, so I didn't even find out until an old friend from high school told me that my older brother, Will, was in town. He hadn't been back home for years, so I knew something was up. I ended up finding out that both he and my youngest brother Bryce had flown in to meet Troy's fiancée, some local girl named Claire. I was upset about not being told about the little reunion, and I guess that was partly why I wanted to see them all again. It's bad, I know. I wanted to crash their party. Remind them that I was still around.
So I show up at Troy's apartment, and sure enough everyone is there. Everybody was pretending to be nice and appropriate. Except Will. He doesn't pretend to begin with, but he and I sometimes get along--a little--so it was actually kind of nice to see him. Then I met Claire, who I guess was nice, even though I really wanted to hate her. I think I warmed to her only because she was obviously upset with Troy because he hadn't told her about me.
I didn't want to stay long. Even on good days, I haven't felt comfortable being with any of my brothers since high school. Not a lot of people know this about them, but they actually teamed up on one girl. They didn't rape her or anything. She was into it. But just the thought that my brothers did something like that is so awful. And it's embarrassing. That was a big part of why I tried cutting off my relationship with them. The more I hung out with them, the more people I would've met who would've not only known about that kind of stuff, but approved of it. I thought it was downright deplorable, and it made me sick to think I was related to such deviants.
There was one time where I thought maybe they were right to think of me as a prude. I suppose I fit the category; I go to church every week, I've never seen a pornographic book or magazine or movie in my life, nor do I want to, and for a long time I believed in abstinence until marriage.
That whole abstinence promise, I have to admit, kind of deteriorates as you get older, so I finally did lose my virginity right after my 32nd. Birthday (I'm 36 now). But I've only had two partners. I'm not interested in, nor did I ever try oral or anal sex or anything kinky because it just doesn't interest me and I find the idea degrading. But when I did have sex, I admit that I liked it. I wanted to have it more. So I don't think I'm a cold fish, and I think that makes my opinion valid when I say that my brothers are wrong to treat their bodies, and other women's bodies, the way they did...and probably still do.
There were other problems, too. Especially with Troy. He was into everything bad for a long time. Drugs, sex with strange women, and he drank from sun-up till sun-down. He'd disappear for weeks at a time, then come back with some tattoo from Mexico, or God knows where. Bryce, the youngest of us, looked up to him and of course followed suit, so I hated Troy for that, too. We had a lot of fights until finally one day several years ago I had just had enough.
I had talked to him since that day a few times, but this was the first time I'd seen him since then. I still didn't say much to him, but I was happy to see that he seemed to be living a different life. He still had the tattoos, but he wasn't wearing rags anymore, his eyes weren't bloodshot and he seemed in good order. He even had an honest job--a career, no less. And Claire didn't seem the type to hang out with trash.
It was because of this difference that I stayed longer than planned. I thought things had changed. That was a huge mistake.
The problem actually started with Claire. She, too, a liking to me right away, and she snuck me off into the bedroom to talk privately. She wanted to know why Troy had kept me a secret, and since he would tell his side eventually, she wanted to know my side while I was here. I thought it was a great chance to explain myself, and hopefully warn her about who she was engaged to. They had only known each other a couple months, so it was likely she was naive about really knowing Troy. So I told her the whole story.
It was when I described finding out about my brothers teaming up on one girl that set things off. I could tell by Claire's reaction that she knew the story--and that it didn't bother her! I couldn't believe it. Maybe I was wrong to assume this, but I found myself guessing that she was probably a slut, too, since she was okay with this kind of thing. I tried to get past that moment, not wanting to pass judgment just yet, and so I said something to make sure she knew how truly disgusting I felt about the idea of three brothers having sex with the same girl at the same time. And the way Claire blushed and avoided eye contact after I said that told me even more. And then it just hit me. She had done it, too--let my brothers team up on her--and when I inquired about this, she admitted it!
I was sick and furious and I couldn't get out of there fast enough. In my haste, I couldn't remember where my purse was, and as I looked for it Troy asked what was wrong, and I...well, I guess I said some bad things too. I called his little Claire a slut, and that started things off. We started yelling again, and the whole time I'm trying to find my purse and nobody was helping me. They were all on Troy's side!
I just went crazy. I yelled at them and scolded them and told them not to bother inviting me to the wedding. I mean I really went at them. It was so bad that suddenly I found myself to be the only one still yelling, and I was so embarrassed and still so angry that I just left without my purse. Will and Bryce went after me, trying to explain things I guess, but I didn't want to hear them. I made sure they stopped following me when I got to the elevator because I wouldn't let them in, and fortunately another person was already in there. They didn't want to make a scene, so I guess they took the stairs, but I avoided them by getting off on the second floor, waiting around in the hall for a while, and then leaving.
I was out on the sidewalk when I realized that my car keys and all my money was in my purse. I couldn't even take a bus home. I decided to walk around a little and cool off, because there was no way I could go up there right away. I was still so angry and sickened. These people were old enough to know better. Stupid kids might be expected to do things like this, but older people should be mature enough to respect a wholesome relationship. And the worst thing about it was that Claire wasn't just some whore friend of theirs--she was Troy's fiancée!!
About an hour later I finally had calmed down enough to go back upstairs. I didn't want to see any of them, and fortunately I didn't have to because the door was unlocked. Just another example of how irresponsible these so-called "adults" were, leaving their door unlocked like that. I slowly opened the door, was relieved to find nobody in sight, and stepped inside. Just then I remembered where I must have left my purse--in the bedroom, where I was talking to Claire.
Everything was quiet and still. I wondered if they had all gone out to my house and try to talk to me. I hoped not, but just to be safe I decided I would hang out at a coffee shop for couple hours before going home. The bedroom door was open, and I rushed in, my eyes focused on the spot I knew I had left the purse--
And right next to my purse, my brother Troy was sitting on the bed naked, and Claire was kneeling before him. I saw his erect penis, and I was so startled that I screamed, which ruined any chance of me leaving again unnoticed.
Claire turned around and Troy looked up, both as surprised as I was. I wanted to run, to get out of there even if it meant walking home and having them mail my purse. But I couldn't move. My knees were shaking, but they wouldn't carry me away. And worst of all, even though I wanted to look away or close my eyes so badly that it gave me an instant headache, I couldn't take my eyes off Troy's penis. It was unavoidable. And it was so...big. Like it wasn't real. I felt sick, not in my stomach like I would have expected, but in my head, for I was very dizzy, and I slumped against the side of the door. I was in total shock.
I barely remember Claire, who still had her clothes on, rushing to me. She had a concerned look on her face, and she grabbed me, helped me up and guided me back out of the bedroom. My brother just stayed sitting on the bed, his penis still hard, and I kept looking at it until Claire guided me around the corner and into the bathroom. She led me to the bathtub, where she helped me get my head wet, then dried my wet hair. She also gave me a drink of water and some Aspirin.
Everything went blank after that, and I don't know for how long, but when I came to I was alone in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet lid, with a cool wash cloth on my forehead. I dropped it into the sink, still remembering everything that had happened and wanting to be out of there. I opened the door to leave, but stopped when I heard voices.
"Are you crazy? I'm not going to do that!" I heard Troy say. "I won't. You saw how she is. She doesn't want to even be on the same planet as me."
