I Am a Zero

I could hear the rain outside before I opened my eyes. The soft tapping on the glass of my window was soothing and made me want to just lay a bit longer. My butt was covered in John's dried cum and it pulled at my skin as I moved my legs. I reached back and felt it with my fingers and smiled. It was evidence that last night had happened the way I remembered it. I thought about Jeff coming in first and then John shortly after and I rolled to my back and opened my eyes.

Staring up at the ceiling I smiled to myself knowing that my brothers were still asleep and they were satisfied. I had done that for them. It seemed like such a siimple thing to me, something so obvious and as I thought about it I had a hard time understanding why we hadn't always done this. I felt close to them and at the same time useful. I knew I was naturally a caregiver or maternal or something. I liked to cook and clean for them. I always had. This just felt like a natural extension of those things.

If I was honest, it felt like the most natural thing I have ever done. This is what I had been looking for.

Almost.

I bit my lower lip and kept thinking while I counted the cracks in the paint on the ceiling. There was still something missing. No that wasn't it. All the pieces were here. But things weren't fitting together just right yet. It was a puzzle. Like the puzzles I would do at my grandmother's house. Like the puzzle that was on the table in the living room. All the pieces were there. I knew they were because I counted them.

"I am a zero," I said in a whisper. "I don't count for anything on my own. A zero is a nothing."

I got up and got ready for the day. I took a shower and cleaned off all the evidence from the night before. There were only 3 more days left before this trip would be over. That realization hit me and left a pit in my stomach. I didn't want to think about it but at the same time I knew there was a time limit. This gave me more of a sense of urgency than I was prepared for.

Urgent for what?

I didn't know.

I got out of the shower and decided to wear a bra today. My boobs were perky enough and I liked it when my brothers snuck glances at them as they bounced while I moved or laughed. But this morning I wanted to wear a pretty bra. Really the only one I had. It was black with lace trim and very good underwire support. It was a cleavage bra. I felt pretty when I wore it. Perhaps they would think I was pretty too. The truth was that I didn't care how I felt in it. I cared about how they felt seeing me. That was the important thing.

For a minute I considered just wearing the bra and underwear and then going down stairs. But that didn't seem right to me.

Why not? I wanted to be honest. I wanted them to look at me. I looked in the mirror and thought about my brothers looking at my chest while I put their breakfast down in front of them. I thought about pushing my breast into Jeff's mouth so he could suck my nipple right there at the table while I stroked him. The thought made me wet. I thought about John and Jeff sucking on my breasts while David watched.

David.

It hit me.

John and Jeff were convinced David would not approve of any of this. I knew better, obviously. But what I didn't know is how David would feel about me being with John and Jeff. I didn't like that he didn't know. Yet, I felt like he was more complicated than the other two. I was afraid to tell him.

I wanted to talk to John about it. I needed to. But John had told me not to tell David already. He was very clear about that.

But maybe he needed to know about David and me. John didn't have all the information.

"What if he gets mad?" I asked myself as I put on my shirt and some shorts. I sighed and resolved to be honest.

I frowned. I wasn't good at this. I wanted to just tell all three of them that I wanted to be there for them and that I don't want to hide it. I wanted to tell them that I was a zero and I needed them. It was my purpose. I think. I needed them to help me understand. I also needed them to know that we couldn't go back to the way it was before. I didn't want to. I couldn't.

"I am not good at this," I said again with a frown. On the one hand I felt like I was on the verge of something incredible. Something that I needed deep down in my soul (if there was such a thing) and yet it was still just out of reach. It was out of reach because things weren't in the open. They needed to be in the open.

I walked out of the bathroom and almost fell over in surprise as John was slipping into my room. He was closing the door quietly and then jerked up when he saw me.

"Shit Katie!" He said in a half whisper half yelp.

I took a deep breath and sat down. "You scared me," I said.

"I..uh...sorry...I" He stammered.

"Don't apologize," I said to him dogmatically.

John nodded and it looked like he was swallowing down an apology for apologizing.

I glared at him playfully but still slightly annoyed.

"I wasn't expecting you to be awake yet," he said. He was wearing sweatpants and it was clear he had an erection. There was a point sticking straight out from his crotch. I suddenly understood the phrase, "Pitched a tent." I had never understood that one before now.

I looked at it and then into his eyes. "The rain woke me up I think," I said. "Besides I was a little hungry so I was going to make breakfast."

John nodded. I could tell he was wanting to say something but wasn't sure how to get started.

I decided to help him.

I pulled my shirt off. "Do you like this bra?" I asked him as matter-of-factly as I could.

John looked at my chest for a long time and he nodded. "Absolutely," he said finally. He looked like he had to pry his eyes off my chest before looking me in the eyes.

I liked that. The truth was I wished he just kept looking at my breasts. "John, you don't need to look me in the eye. Look at me however you want to. I mean it." I was an object. I was there for my brothers to use. I was realizing that more and more.

When you realize what your purpose is, you don't want to be anything else.

John nodded. He looked at my chest and then back at my eyes. He stood up in front of me. "Open up your mouth," he said to me. His voice was low and lust-filled.

I complied.

He pulled down the front of his sweat pants and began to stroke his erection quickly. "I really liked cumming on you last night," he said. His eyes were fixed on my open mouth.

I nodded slowly.

"Look at me," he said to me. I could feel the intent and lust in his tone. It was like he was revealing his true personality to me. The real John.

I looked up at him. I held no expression that I knew of other than my mouth was open like a young bird waiting to be fed.

He took a half step toward me and continued to stroke his dick very quickly. The tip of his erect penis was close to my face and I could feel the wind from the quick strokes of his hand.

I didn't move. I just looked into his eyes.

"Fuck. Katie, everytime I am around you I am hard now," he said to me in a whisper. "Knowing you are in the next room just makes me so damn hard."

I didn't say anything. What would I say to that? I was glad to be here for him like this. My mind started to drift to what this would be like next week when we all weren't in the same house. I didn't like that thought. I am a zero. I am nothing without...this.

John was getting close. I could see it in his face and he was stroking himself faster. He grunted and leaned forward. "Oh shit," he muttered.

Suddenly he began to cum. A thick splotch of his cum hit my upper lip and my nose. It was very warm, almost like soup.

My brother pushed on the back of my head and the tip of his dick was in my mouth, filling it with his warm pulsing viscous liquid.

Time seemed to stand still as I looked directly up at him and his eyes were locked onto mine. I felt his fingers hit my mouth again and again as he stroked himself and came.

I didn't suck and I didn't swallow. I needed him to tell me what to do. I wasn't able to do anything else and I didn't want to. This is what and who I was.

Soon it was over.

John continued to slowly work on his softening shaft and I kept my mouth open, my lips partially wrapped around him. "Swallow it," John said to me firmly. "All of it," he added.

I swallowed what he had given me and then I wiped the remainder from my lip once his dick was out of the way.

"Too bad Jeff and David are here," John said as he watched me lick my finger.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I want to do this all day," John said.

"We can do this all day," I replied. "They can too."

John looked back at me, opened his mouth to speak and then hesitated. I saw the realization hit him slowly. He took a step back and then asked, "Even David?"

I nodded. "Yes," I said. "David and I have been together already."

John's face went red and then white.

"I wanted to talk to you about it but I didn't know how. But now you know," I said to him as he took a step back and put his penis back in his sweatpants.

John didn't say anything.

"John, I can't hide any of this from any of you," I said to him. I felt like a door was opening inside of me. A door that needed not ever be shut. "I haven't said anything to him about you or Jeff. We haven't really talked about it. But I want him to know and I don't want any secrets between the three of us. I know you said that David was different, but he isn't. Not to me."

My brother sat on the bed beside me. I knew that John and Jeff were close and David was always an outsider. David was the oldest, the alpha but it was more than that. David always made fun of John and Jeff, always treated them like he was superior. Maybe he was superior. People aren't all equal in their social positions. It was too complicated to think otherwise. I knew I was beneath them. I was less. Not less of a person. Not like some sort of dumb, wrong headed, over engineered social justice argument. That stuff was over my head and not relevant to me. I was a number. We are all numbers and I was a zero. David, John and Jeff were all numbers too. Not more or less human. But there was an order. A pecking order perhaps. I don't know. I don't understand these things. But not understanding is different than knowing something was true at some level.

"John," I said as I put my hand on his. "David is not going to change anything about what happens with you and I."

John swallowed and I felt good. Somehow I had guessed pr perceived the concern.

"The same way that Jeff hasn't changed anything," I added, trying to reassure him. "I am your sister and the amount of my love or my sister-ness to you doesn't change because I have two other brothers."

John put his hand on my cheek and smiled at me. "I love your mind."

"I think, we should all four of us, talk about this," I said. "Please."

John took a deep breath. He nodded. "You're right," he said. "You're right."