Multiplication
Jeff lay on top of me. My legs were wide open and he pushed himself into me slowly with one hand guiding his erection and the other beside me gripping the sheets of the bed. His sweatpants were around his knees and I heard him straining as he used his legs to push himself toward me in a kind of thrust.
He had come into my room shortly after everyone had gone to bed and without a word I was sucking him. I could feel his need and his urgency, like he had been waiting and wanting to do this all night. I thought he was going to finish in my mouth like usual but suddenly he pulled me off his dick and had me lay on my back. Then he said, "I need to fuck you Kates."
I wanted him to. I found that my pussy was perpetually wet now when I was around my brothers so my readiness was never the issue. The truth was that my readiness wasn't about being wet. It was more than that. As my brother drove his erect penis into me, I felt a kind of satisfaction or perhaps a fulfillment that, in retrospect, I had been longing for as long as I could remember. I never fit wherever I went. I never knew what to say, how to say it or what others meant when they spoke to me. I was always searching, always working to be understood and to understand. But the truth was: I am a zero. A nothing. When I walked into a room I didn't tip the balance in any direction.
Jeff grunted in my ear and I felt his warm breath over my neck as he kissed my flesh and sucked on my skin. I felt tears running down my cheeks. Not from sadness. I wasn't the type of girl that cried at much or really at anything. I didn't have feelings like other girls did. That wasn't it. I was crying because I was being filled. My pussy was a zero and Jeff's dick was a one. He was adding to me. My body responded to his but so did my heart.
I felt a warmth run through me. It was like an orgasm but it was more. It was different. It was suddenly as if I had been starving and now, for the first time, I was eating and I wanted more. I needed more. A zero without a one is nothing. As Jeff was pumping his cock into me I was now a something. I had a value.
When you discover what you were meant for, you don't ever want to do anything else. Food loses its taste, water loses its refreshment.
My hands slid down Jeff's sides and my fingers began to clutch his butt.. I wasn't urging him on. I was clutching my brother's ass cheeks so he would not pull out of me as he thrust. The near emptying and then refilling from his erection driving into me sent hot waves of pleasure through my body.
"Kates," Jeff moaned in my ear. "I'm gonna cum. I need to pull out. I am going to cum!" he said in more breaths than voice.
I gripped his ass tighter and opened my legs as wide as I could.
"Kates, I need to pull..."
"Cum in me, Jeffy," I said to him as I held him. "Cum in me, please!"
He groaned and then spasmed and I felt the warmth of his semen as he came in my pussy.
I held onto him as he pumped all he had into me. My body drank him in like I was some kind of parched desert devouring water for the first time...
...and then it was over. Jeff lay on top of me, his member still inside me and he breathed heavily. I could feel his sweat and smell him as he lay there trying to catch his breath. It was like all the anxiety, tension, fear and nervous energy he was carrying left his body and now he was laying there, calm and content.
This made me hold him tighter. This is what I was for. It was more than simply being something I could do for him. It was my purpose. I know tears were running down my cheeks but I couldn't stop. I couldn't help it. It was too dark for Jeff to see me crying and I wondered if he thought it was all sweat too. I didn't know. I didn't say anything. There was nothing to say.
He climbed off me and sat on the edge of the bed to pull his sweat pants back up. I closed my legs and lay on my side looking at his dark form.
"See you tomorrow, Kates," he said and then he got up and left my room.
"See you," I said to his back. I knew he was smiling as he left. I could hear it in his voice.
I lay there looking at the door for a few minutes basking in the feeling of...I didn't know what the feeling was exactly. But it was a good one. All the girls and women I knew were so good at naming their feelings. My mother used to tell me that "A woman's strength was in her ability to feel in ways men don't."
I didn't think that was true and if I was honest, at that moment I thought it was a pretty arrogant thing to say. I knew my brothers were feeling something now and it was a good feeling.
The problem I had was the feeling waned.
I shifted to my back and looked at the ceiling fan spinning in its endless journey around and around and around. I pulled my panties on, smiling at the warm stickiness from Jeff's deposit in me. It was like I wanted, no, needed to keep it in me.
"I am a zero," I said in a whisper. I pictured my pussy in my mind as another circle--a zero. Just like my mouth. It needed to be added to. It needed another number. Without another number next to it was a zero anything at all?
