I Am A Zero Pt 06

David

The next morning I woke up early and just stayed in bed. It was the first time I had done that since I could remember. The house was quiet, and I knew my brothers were all still sleeping. They had been up much later than I had and all three drank a lot as well. I turned to my side and looked out toward the early morning light streaming in through the partially closed blinds. I needed to close the blinds and draw the curtains tonight. I would probably sleep later. But the morning was peaceful. I liked knowing my brothers were sleeping nearby.

More than that, I liked that I had helped them sleep well. I thought about John as I sucked his dick the second time. The truth was that I didn't so much suck his dick as he fucked my mouth. He was much more aggressive than the first time, holding my head and moving me into one position or another as he kept thrusting. Finally I knelt beside the bed and he held my head and fucked my mouth while he sat on the edge. I just closed my eyes and gave into the steady rhythm of his dick hitting the back of my mouth and his balls on my chin. Between those sensations and the sounds of my brother's grunts and breaths, I felt like I was in a simple, prescribed, emotional space. It was a kind of peace that I realized I always had been looking for, but never really found. Yet the word peace didn't feel right. I frowned and rolled over to my back.

Yes there was peace in that moment in the sense that I wasn't worried. My mind wasn't racing and I wasn't forced to make decisions about what someone was saying or what they felt or how I was supposed to act. My mind was almost just blank. Empty. I bit my lip and thought about John's hand gripping my hair in those moments when his movements became erratic and urgent. That was the moment I enjoyed most and I fastened my lips around his cock. I made the face as I thought about it and realized my lips were in an O or perhaps a zero. Zero made more sense to me. The image and the number struck a chord. Zero. Then he grunted, held the base of my chin and the hair on the top of my head and he began to move his hips involuntarily. My blank mind would almost come alive because I knew what was going to happen. He was about to reward me and then he would. John came so hard that second time, bucking his hips wildly and the hair on my head was so tight that it hurt. It was a good hurt. Like an overdue deep tissue massage. When he came, John gave these grunts with each pull of my hair and thrust of his hips paired with the pulses of his dick--like he was pumping his cum into me. No. Like he was pumping his cum into my zero. He added to me. I was nothing and then I was something.

It was more than peace that I felt. Even when he was done, before he left he just said, "Thank you Kates, I am going to sleep so well now." I knew he was sleeping well. I had done that. Assisted in it. It felt good. Purposeful. It was more than that. But I didn't have the words. I never had the words.

Once you find the thing you were made for, everything else begins to fall away. I made my mouth into a zero again.

There was a knock on my door. My heart raced.

"Kates," It was David. "Are you up?"

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. "Yes," I said, sitting up and stretching.

My oldest brother stepped into the room a bit sheepishly. "How did you sleep? Did we keep you up last night?"

"I slept well, thank you and no I didn't hear anything," I said honestly.

"Good," he said. He took a deep breath and it appeared that he was gathering his thoughts. "Hey I just wanted to say sorry for kind of blowing up at you last night."

"It's ok," I said remembering his look of embarrassment at my question about his sex life. "I am sorry that I was being too personal. I know we don't really talk about that stuff and..."

"No," David said strongly. A chill ran through me as my eldest brother, the Alpha of our family held up his hand for me to be quiet. "You don't need to apologize about anything. Kates, I know how you are. What I mean is I know you don't think about things the same way as other people and I need to be better about that. I know you weren't trying to pry, you were just being...you. I know better and I shouldn't have been such a dick."

I didn't know what to say. David wasn't the apologizing type. Yet even as he did all I could see was how direct he was. David was always so clear and so decisive. In some ways I was like him, but in many ways I was different. I was less than.

"Thank you for saying that," I finally replied.

He nodded. "I didn't want to ruin the week by being a dick to you for no reason. Especially after you told me you were having a hard week at work. That is just shitty and selfish."

I smiled at him.

He walked over and pulled me up and against him and gave me a hug. He held me close to him. I was suddenly conscious that I wasn't wearing a bra and I knew he could feel my body. I liked that. I wanted him to feel me. If he wanted to. I was here.

He held me.

"Are you ok David?" I asked.

He held me and nodded. "Yeah Kates," he said. "I am now. I had a long week too, to be honest and it is nice to just hug you know?"

I nodded. It was nice. "David?" I asked as I leaned into him.

"What is it?" He said to me tenderly.

"Are you ok? I mean with Erika and everything?"

He held me for a moment longer and then pulled away slowly. "Not great honestly," he said, looking away for a moment and then focusing on me. His face was a little red. "I think your question last night hit a nerve."

I nodded. I almost said that I was sorry. But he told me not to apologize. I didn't know what to do.

"That's why I reacted like I did," David said and then he smiled and added, "I won't do that again. Not on this trip at least. I promise."

I smiled at him.

He let go of me and turned to leave.

"David?" I said and he turned. "You know that I am...here for you right? You can talk to me or, I don't know, whatever you need. I am your sister and I am here. Ok?"

He looked at me for a long moment. I couldn't read his face. Then he finally said, "Thank you Kates, I will remember that."

I watched him go and before he left he turned and smiled at me. I noticed his eyes darted down to my chest and back up again. It was very quick but unmistakable. Then he closed the door and was gone. I felt a warmth run through my body as I sat back down on the bed. David has always been untouchable in my mind. He went through life so directly and unflinchingly that it never occurred to me that he struggled with, well, anything. He never seemed to care what anyone thought. This was especially true in his marriage to Erika. She was a difficult person to be around and I knew the two of them fought. Before they got married they were advised to take a step back and to take their time. Naturally David married her anyway. I just assumed they were ok. I frowned. I shouldn't assume anything about people.

I got up and went to the closet to put some clothes on. The truth was that I didn't want to. I was comfortable in my long night shirt and underwear and it was just my brothers. I looked in the mirror and realized that you could see my breasts and the faint outline of my nipples through the shirt. I smiled. That is what David looked at. I knew Jeff really enjoyed my breasts. Perhaps David could too?

"Don't assume," I said out loud. I thought about John's strong warning not to tell David anything.

I took off my cozy shirt and got another t-shirt that I often wore in the mornings and some short shorts. I went to put on a bra but as I was putting it on I stopped. Something in me didn't want to wear one this morning. I didn't feel like it. Two out of my three brothers had already seen them naked so it wasn't like I was needing to be modest. I put the bra back and decided that when and if we went out later I would just change clothes anyway. Right now it was about being comfortable, it was about being with my brothers as I was.

I stopped in front of the mirror and fidgeted with my hair. As I was. I thought about that for a moment and made a circle with my lips in the mirror. As wide as I could. It wasn't a circle. It was a zero. I wasn't sure what it meant exactly but I knew this: I am a zero.

I looked at myself and then said, "I am a zero."

Then I went downstairs.

Zero

Much of the day light hours were spent in and around the house. The property was near a lakefront and though it was too cold to swim, that didn't stop us from going out. My brothers' collective maturity dropped significantly when the three of them got together and they often relegated to random wrestling matches and throwing things into the lake. Needless to say they were happy to simply be and one thing I heard all three of them say was it was so nice to be "Out from under the judgment of the wives." I wasn't sure what this meant in specifics but as I watched David and John roll around wrestling while Jeff made silly comments and movie quotes I figured it meant that they were free to be silly and immature and not told they were less than for acting that way.

As I smiled and watched them I thought of many examples when Erika or Chelsea would tell my brothers they were acting stupid or immature or that they needed to grow up when they would get into these types of games. I never really understood that concept and I just figured I would at some point if I was ever married. But now when I watched the joy on my brother's faces to simply be who they were it occurred to me that they were enjoying the same freedom I was experiencing: they weren't subject to other people telling them how they needed to act or how they needed to feel. I frowned at the thought when I realized that their marriages encapsulated those feelings. If you felt like you couldn't be you with your spouse, then where could you be you?

"Home and family I suppose," I said to myself.

"Not in the wrestling mood, Kates?" Jeff asked me suddenly. I had not noticed him sitting beside me on the picnic table..

I smiled and looked at him. "Not particularly," I said.

"Are you having a good time?" He asked as he watched David and John get into wrestling positions and doing, what only could be described as some sort of cartoonish powering up moves. They were both laughing.

"Yes I really am," I replied. "It is nice to be away from regular life I guess."

Jeff nodded.

"Yeah I was trying to think of the last time it was just the four of us, not just here, but just anywhere together without mom and dad," Jeff said thoughtfully.

"The last time was almost two years ago," I replied. "We all went out for pizza. That was right before John got married."

Jeff nodded and smiled. "Kates, your mind is amazing. Just how well you remember things: dates, numbers, details."

I smiled and leaned against him for a moment. "Thank you," I said.

"So," Jeff said slowly. "I am hoping that you and I can find some time later today to be together."

I looked at him. I could see he had an undercurrent of that look in his eyes. I nodded and said, "Of course." I looked back at John and David and then decided now as good a time as any to tell Jeff about John. "Jeff, I need to tell you something."

He faced me and gave me a look like I was going to give him bad news.

"I don't like hiding things or not being honest," I began. I thought about what John told me about just being myself.

"I know," Jeff said slowly. I could tell he was thinking about something.

"I just want you to know that what you and I do when we are alone," I began, took a breath and then continued, "I do something like that with John too." Instinctively I reached for Jeff's hand and took it in both of mine. "It started after you and I and I didn't think too much about it, but now that we are all in the same house I feel like I don't want to have to hide things from you two."

Jeff was quiet. Just like John was.

"David doesn't know and John told me not to tell him so I won't, though I don't like it," I continued.

"John knows?" Jeff asked suddenly.

"Yes," I said. "I told him last night."

Jeff looked over toward his brothers then asked, "What did he say?"

I looked at Jeff and replied, "He said it was ok. He agrees with me that we shouldn't have to hide, at least not between the three of us. He also said that he wants to talk to you about it at some point after, well, I guess now that I have told you."

Jeff nodded and was very thoughtful. His face seemed to turn a shade of red and he clenched his jaw.

I kept holding his hand. "Jeffy, I don't hide things. It was making me feel really bad and confused. I don't know how to sneak or lie or any of that and I just feel like it is better this way."

Jeff took a deep breath and nodded. "Does this change anything? I mean between us?"

"Yes," I replied quickly. "It makes things easier."

Jeff smiled. "I guess it does. It is just weird."

"Why?" I asked. I didn't understand why not lying was weird.

He looked at me and laughed softly, "Nothing. I appreciate the way you see things, that's all."

I frowned at him for a moment, not understanding his meaning. I didn't understand why this was weird. If anything it felt more normal to me than almost anything else I did.

"Do you want me to talk to John before you and I...are together again?" Jeff asked.

I shook my head. "Jeff, that is between you two. I told you, I am here and nothing changes for me other than I am not going to lie to John about it if he asks. That's all." I looked back at John and David. David had John in some kind of hold and John was yelping. "Also, Jeffy, if you need me for that, or anything else. Don't ask. Just tell me."

"I know you have said that," Jeff replied. "I just want to be sure you are comfortable or in the mood or whatever. I just want to be respectful."

I understood what he was saying to a degree. But not really if I was honest with myself. I looked at him, "Jeffy, I feel when things started with us or however you say it. Something happened to me. Something clicked."

Jeff was quiet, still watching his brothers and listening to me.

"Something that I am still figuring out. But one thing I do understand is that I feel a sense of purpose that I haven't ever felt before. What I mean is that I don't want you to ask me because I don't need a choice in the matter. My answer is always yes."

He looked at me. I could see that look in his eyes. That hunger.

"I don't want you to respect me like that. I want...," I looked away for a moment trying to find the right words or word. I looked back into his eyes, "I have...purpose. I want you to use me."

He swallowed dryly. "Now?" He asked.

I held his gaze. "Whenever you need me," I answered.

"Now," He said firmly.

When you find your purpose. Everything else seems to slip away.

He got up and started walking toward the restrooms at the edge of the park. I hopped off the table and followed him as quickly as I could. My heart fluttered and my hands shook. I couldn't remember what we were exactly talking about. I didn't care. It was like my brother was a planet and I was trapped in his gravity. I needed to stay close to him. He needed me.

We walked briskly and wordlessly to the restrooms and I followed him in. The restroom was empty and Jeff looked around for a few seconds and then went into the large stall at the end. I followed him in.

"Sit on the toilet," he said, closing the stall door.

I sat down and looked up at him. I didn't see the walls of the stall, I didn't smell the odors of the seldom cleaned public bathroom and I didn't hear any footsteps of other men coming in. Everything slipped away. I just saw my brother's eyes. I saw him unzip his pants and I saw his erect penis as he took it out.

He took a step towards me and I opened my mouth for him.

"Look in my eyes," he ordered.

I looked. I saw him and he saw me. This was us.

He jerked himself quickly as I sucked on the tip of his penis. He seemed to not like his hand and he pushed himself further into my mouth. He swallowed and then touched the back of my head firmly and started to move his hips. I realized what he was trying to do so I bobbed my head with him and didn't suck so much as make a zero with my mouth.

A zero that he inserted his cock into.

I am a zero.

He began to thrust a little faster and I remained as I was, just feeling the edges of his cock against my lips and the inside of my mouth. I kept looking up at him as he thrust. He looked down on me as he thrust. His face was reddening and he was breathing faster. I knew he was getting close. I felt my body responding. My pussy was wet and I was sweating. My heart beat quickly.

He was thrusting faster. His hand was on my head, his other on my chin like he was feeding me his dick.

I looked up at him blankly as if I was beckoning him to fill me. The truth was that was exactly what I was doing. I am a zero. Add your cum to me.

He grunted and he bucked his hips wildly. Out of rhythm. Then he came. He gripped my shirt collar in pleasure and groaned as his semen filled my mouth and mixed with my spit. I was going to drool all over myself.

"Swallow it," Jeff said in a thick whisper.

I swallowed it. I swallowed again. Then again. Then one more time and he was finished.

His chin was pressed to his chest as he looked down at me. I looked up at him and held his cock in my mouth. We held our gaze for what felt like minutes. But I didn't have the capacity for time. My mind didn't work that way in these moments. Then he slowly pulled his cock out of my mouth. I wiped my lips.

Jeff opened the door and looked around. There were several men standing in the bathroom looking back at us as we exited the stall. I had no idea they were there until now. I didn't care. They were snickering and making comments.

Jeff took my hand and led me out of the restroom without a word and we went back to find John and David--still wrestling on the grass with no idea we had gone.