Jeff
I drove home with a lot on my mind. I was normally very good at compartmentalizing work from home and filing away one experience in order to be ready for the next. But today it was hard. I wasn't exactly sure why. I thought about the men at the table and the way they looked at me. There was inference and nuance there that I just missed. I know I missed the sub text in conversations all the time and this was no different. What bothered me wasn't what I had missed or even the note the man had left me. What was bothering me was how much things with John and Jeff were impacting me. I wasn't able to compartmentalize them or those experiences.
Even as I sat at a stop light I couldn't help but have my mind wander to John and if we were going to have time alone on this trip. My heart pounded in my chest and my mouth watered at the thought of seeing my brother, being there for him and opening my mouth for him. I sat at the light after it turned green and was jolted back to the present by an angry driver behind me leaning on the horn. I shook my head in some sort of vain attempt to get the thoughts of John out of my head and kept driving. But it was no use. I was hungry. Not for food. I found myself wanting food less and less. I was hungry for my brother John's dick. I was hungry to give him what he wasn't getting at home. I needed to taste him. I needed to taste his pleasure again.
I thought again of the book I had read about the female athlete: When you discover your purpose, who you really are and step into what you were born to do. Everything else becomes unnecessary and it starts to fade away. I felt that way so clearly. Everything that wasn't a part of what was happening with John and Jeff was fading away. It was like trying to grab onto water, it would just slip through my fingers.
So much so that when I parked at my apartment I had almost completely forgotten that I was at work or what had happened. I was thinking about seeing Jeff and it wasn't until I felt the wad of cash in my pocket did I remember that I had been working that morning.
"What is happening to me?" I asked no one. I looked in the rearview mirror for a moment. I frowned. I wasn't doing well at work. That wasn't like me. But I was failing. I was losing it. What was I even good for if I couldn't do my job well? I thought about school and how so much of the conversation toward graduation had revolved around what college you would go to or what job you would have. In fact the conversation was so constant that the implication was that working and being productive in that manner was the purpose of each of our lives. Unless we knew the answers to those questions we would never know our purpose and never know what our value was. I didn't know the answers to those questions. I never did.
What was my value? "Receptacle," I said to myself as I thought about the man's note. I needed to look the word up in the dictionary. So I did, right there on my phone.
Receptacle: One that receives or contains something.
I looked at it for a moment and smiled faintly. I felt my lips move and my breathing slowed down.
I got out of the car and walked into my apartment building. A minute later I walked through the door to find Jeff on the couch. His bags were packed and sitting by the door next to mine (I had mine ready in the morning before I left).
"There you are Kates! I was about to text you," Jeff said looking up at me from his computer. His eyes moved down my body and then stopped on my chest as usual.
"I am here," I said to him, unsure why he was going to text me. I wasn't late. I was never late. "I just need to change my clothes and I will be ready. Have you heard from John?" I asked as I walked past him.
"Yeah I told him we would be over a in a bit," Jeff said. "Hey before you go change, I need your help with something."
I stopped in the hallway and turned around then said, "Sure of course. What is it?" I stopped when I saw him stand up, his hard cock was protruding from his unzipped pants. It was clear that he had been stroking it for a while. It was red and swollen and he gripped it hard at the base near his open zipper.
I didn't move. I couldn't. I knew now that I needed to wait for his direction. It was simpler.
"I have been like this all morning," He said as he walked over to me, slowly jerking himself. "Porn doesn't do anything for me. I can't cum to it anymore. I have been trying."
I nodded, acknowledging that I heard him. My mouth was dry. My mind was blank. What was I doing? Where were we going? I had to do something...I didn't care. I looked at my brother's swollen member and then back at his face. "You don't need porn," I said to him. "You have me."
He smiled at me. It wasn't a warm, loving smile--though I knew he loved me. This was his smile that acknowledged we understood each other.
"Get on your knees," Jeff said directly.
I did. I looked up at him expressionless and he looked down on me. We were assuming our positions. This felt right to me. This felt true. This felt normal. This interaction felt real. It felt simple.
"Open your mouth," he said to me as he unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down to his knees.
I opened my mouth.
Jeff was stroking the full length of himself quickly. I didn't watch his penis, I looked only at his face. I felt calm. At ease and yet full of anticipation. He had only ever cum on me. I had tasted bits of it only because he had cum so much on my face, but never did he tell me to open my mouth for it.
I liked that he told me. I didn't have to guess at what he wanted. I didn't have to try to understand what I had seen in porno and movies to somehow associate that with what he would want. I didn't have to do any of it. I just had to be available, to listen and to follow direction. I could do that. I needed to just do that.
Jeff stepped close to me, his free hand rest on the top of my head and his fingers curled a little in my hair. My head tilted back slightly, my mouth still open and I just looked at him with blank anticipation. There we no thoughts in my head. Nothing. I could hear the heart pounding in my ears and the fapping sound of his hand on his dick as he stroked it just a few inches from my face. I didn't care about anything but this moment. I wanted my brother to do what he needed to do and I needed to be here for him.
"Keep your mouth open and stick out your tongue," he said as he leaned forward.
I did so. I could feel the wind of his hand as he beat his swollen cock.