Part Two
Fixation
Masturbating with Jeff was instantly a nightly activity. I found that he enjoyed my company and the second time it happened he asked me to join him in a very, "Only if you want to," kind of way. Of course I wanted to. So we watched some porn and soon he was stroking himself and I was rubbing away. I realized very quickly that I was not very interested in the porn we watched and I rarely actually watched it. I was much more interested in watching Jeff pleasure himself. I found it so arousing to see his hand move up and down his dick and the intense look in his eyes. It was like something was missing all day, like a good meal and now he was finally allowed to eat. The same was true for me. Work was losing my interest altogether and I just looked forward to coming home and watching my brother jerk off.
A few days later I found that I wasn't as interested in even rubbing myself as I was just watching him. I was intrigued and aroused by his moment of climax. The way his body would lean forward and his hand would speed up. Then he would grimace and get a kind of glassy expression in his eyes before cumming (usually into a wet towel and sometimes a sock). I didn't like the sock because I so enjoyed watching the cum spray from the hole of his penis, coupled with the way his dick pulsated and his body moved--it all was very amazing to watch. When I was at work I would find myself losing track of things as my mind would drift to watching my brother. I would mentally count the strokes or the number of spurts of cum from his cock. It fascinated me. So much so that I got in trouble several times with customers.
I forgot a drink order and the male customer, some sort of college aged athlete and his friends called me a "Stupid cunt. We come here for the drinks and we won't tip you if you forget things you awkward bitch!"
I found that other waitresses weren't berated the way I was. I didn't understand why I seemed to elicit responses like that other than my matter of fact way of speaking and the way I would respond to complaints. Even on nights when I wore outfits that showed more of my cleavage, I found I was losing my touch with remembering complex orders and customers would treat me harshly. On one such occasion I had misplaced the bill, I was trying to count the number of seconds it took for Jeff to have a climax so I was replaying the scene in my mind when I placed the bill next to the register and then gave an empty bill holder to the customer. He was an older man wearing some kind of suit and I assumed he worked in the office building next door. He was with three of his friends and they had been drinking heavily. I apologized for misplacing the bill and before I left to find it he grabbed my arm and said, "What the fuck are you good for? You haven't paid attention to us at all. What the fuck does it take for you to pay attention, you big tittied bimbo?"
I wasn't sure how to respond to him so I pulled away. I wasn't worried about his aggression, he was just drunk and was clearly stressed at work. But the question remained in my mind: What am I good for? I thought I was a good waitress but now I was wondering if that was true anymore.
I came home that night with fewer tips than I had made in a long time. Jeff was already waiting for me on the couch with his computer ready, he had some hand lotion that I had given him and a towel spread across his lap. I smiled at him and his eagerness, but I couldn't hide my disappointment about the night's tips.
"Hey Kates," Jeff said eagerly, "I have been feeling kind of frustrated today, still no interviews...so I was hoping to take my mind off things and watch some porn. Maybe together?"
I wasn't sure why he was a bit sheepish about asking me to watch with him. We had already done it enough times I thought the time for that had passed. Clearly I didn't understand people very well. But it felt good that he was so happy to see me and that he wanted to jump right into the thing that had distracted me so much at work.
"Sure," I said. "Let me get changed and wash my face."
He nodded with a smile and what looked like relief in his face. I wondered if he had been thinking about this as much as I had.
I went into my room and changed out of my work clothes and into some yoga pants and a soft cami. Before I put the top on I decided to take my bra off to relax a bit more. I stood in the bathroom looking at my breasts. They were bigger than other women my age and it was nice to look at myself without a shirt on. I felt like I looked heavier than I was when I wore a shirt. My nipples were hard from the cool air from the air conditioning and it made my areolas almost perfectly round. I thought about the last angry customer calling me a "Big Tittied Bimbo." I knew I wasn't stupid, but I understood why he called me that. I did have bigger boobs and I had acted like a forgetful bimbo tonight.
"What are you good for?" I asked myself in the mirror. I frowned at the question. Not that it bothered me to ask it, but more that I didn't know the answer.
I turned to the side and looked at my breasts and my profile. I knew at some level my boobs were good for getting better tips and usually the nice customers were nicer to me when I wore a top that showed them off a little. But tonight that hadn't worked at least not when I needed it to. I sighed and put my cami on. My nipples were poking a bit through the top but I didn't care that much. It wasn't too noticeable and besides, Jeff was my brother and he didn't look at me like that. I was getting more and more comfortable with him being here. I liked that.
"I wonder if I am lonely?" I mused in a whisper and then I walked out to the living room to join my brother.
He looked at me with a smile and I noticed his eyes shifted to look at my chest for a moment and then back to my face. I liked that.
"Um," he said a little awkwardly. "So I was kind of thinking about watching this one." He clicked on a link called "College Co-Eds Go At It."
I nodded and said, "If that is what you want." I found that I wasn't that interested in the video. That wasn't what I had been thinking about all day. I had been thinking about my brother jerking off. I sat down beside him and faced the video. I was horny but as the video started I found that the absurdity of it lost my interest. The plot revolved around studying for an exam but it was clear they were there to have sex. The man wasn't even wearing any underwear when his pants came off. I also noticed that generally the videos started the same. There would be some kissing but usually the girl would immediately suck the guy's dick for a good portion of the video. I wondered why that was because I had noticed it in almost all the videos I had watched (other than the bondage or "harder" type of videos--they seemed to have a different rhythm to them altogether).
"Are you not into this one?" Jeff asked me, breaking my train of thought.
I realized I had just been watching it like I was watching TV or a gameshow or something. I felt a tension in my body, but I wouldn't have described it as horniness anymore. It was something else.
"Not as much," I said. "But it's ok, you can watch it. I am happy to sit here with you."
Jeff frowned. He hadn't started to masturbate yet, so his dick was still in his pants. "What's wrong Kates?"
I looked at him and frowned. "I just didn't have a great day at work," I said. "I'm sorry I really do want to do this with you. I am just a little out of it right now."
He nodded, "What happened at work?"
"Just some customers were angry with me," I said in my matter of fact manner.
"Well that's shitty," Jeff said. "Why would anyone ever be angry at you?"
I frowned then said, "I forgot a couple things." Before he could respond I asked him, "Do you think I am a bimbo?"
Jeff shook his head, "What?! No you aren't. That's rude. Did some asshole call you that?"
I nodded, "It's ok, Jeff. I am not upset about that. I did forget to give him his bill. I was distracted today."
Jeff frowned, "With what?"
"You, I think," I said.
"I'm sorry Katie, I know I have been here for longer than we thought and I know this new thing we are doing at night is really weird. Here I am trying to make you do it again and I am not even asking you how you are doing. I'm sorry, I--" He said quickly.
"It's not any of that, Jeff," I said, cutting him off. It wasn't like me to cut him off but I didn't want him to think I was upset or that I didn't want him here.
His demeanor changed a little and then he asked, "Well what is it?"
I looked at him for a moment and then said, "I really like our times at night. I know you think it's weird or fucked up, I don't think it is. But I was just thinking today that it isn't the porn that I like to watch. It's you."
Jeff's eyes went wide, "Um what?"
"I mean that I like to watch you masturbate. I think it is really beautiful and it makes me much more excited than watching porn. That's why I like our nights. I like seeing you feel good and I like to watch you cum," I said. I could tell he was taken back or confused or something. "So maybe tonight, you can watch whatever you want. I just want to watch you."
Jeff was quiet for a while. "I--um--I am not sure what to say. That's a little weird but also I kind of like that." He smiled. "So you are going to rub yourself while you watch me?"
I thought for a moment. "Maybe I will masturbate. I'm not sure. But I know I have been thinking about you jerking off all day. So much that it was distracting me."
Jeff had an odd look on his face. I couldn't discern it. It was a small smile but also a sly look, like he was thinking about something. "Um, ok," was all he said.
I smiled and sat beside him. He started the video again and started watching it. I leaned back against the couch and watched the video and my brother. After a minute, or so, he unbuckled his pants and then he looked at me and took his hard cock out. I noticed he had a small bead of precum on the tip. He was pretty excited already.
He put lotion on his hand and then started to stroke his penis slowly. Up and down. Up and down. I noticed he was moving his hand differently than usual. I thought about those nature videos I used to watch and how animals would act differently when they knew people were around observing them. It made them act unnatural, which was against the point of them being observed. I didn't like that Jeff was acting differently now that I am watching him.
"I am not a person," I said mid train of thought.
"What?" he asked me, still stroking his dick slowly.
"I mean that I am not a person like," I started, intending to explain the nature video thing but I decided not to, "I mean, you don't have to change because I am watching. I like how you do it normally."
Jeff shook his head, "This is so weird."
I didn't have an answer to that. I didn't think it was. But I knew that I was different than most people.
"Please, Jeffy," I said to him in my little sister voice that I used sometimes when I wanted something.
"I will try," he said. He turned back to his computer and picked a different video. I didn't care to look at what it was.
It took some time for Jeff to focus fully on what he was watching but soon he was jacking off like normal. I watched him closely. The movement of his hand, the way he tugged on himself so firmly made think his dick must be really strong or rigid to take that much pressure. I could see that it was getting bigger--thicker. He went faster and faster. I leaned forward. My heart was beating quickly. I could see the gooey little juice flowing from the tip, more precum, signaling to me that he was feeling good and getting close.
I watched the tip closely. I wanted to see the moment he came. I looked at his face and then his hand and then his cock and back. I heard him grunt and he shifted his weight. He leaned forward and with his free hand he grabbed the towel that was draped across his thighs.
"Don't," I said suddenly. "Don't cover it or catch it."
"I don't want to fuck up your couch or..."
"I will take care of it," I said. "Please."
