It was a story that got into the media that set my mind ticking over on the subject of incest.
Briefly, a mother had been arrested for engaging in sexual intercourse with her son. The media was of course putting on its shock-horror front, whilst obviously reveling in every last salacious dribble it could ring out of the story.
A major factor was that the son was under age and the "professionals" were eager to let everyone know that the boy would suffer "severe trauma" as a result of this sexual activity. The boy's whole life would be affected and the chances were that he would never be able to engage in a happy and stable sexual relationship.
I suspected that if the boy's life was to be "permanently marred" by what had happened, it would be more as the result of the media attention and the predictions of the "professionals," that would do the marring.
The boy had been "Taken into care," and had been hidden away from the media, but a reporter from one newspaper managed to slip past the blockade and got the boy's story.
The boy stated that he was in love with his mother, and that during the time they had been lovers he had never been happier, and no matter how long his mother's sentence he would be waiting for her.
The mother was in fact given a two year sentence which was suspended on the understanding that she went nowhere near her son. Within days she and her son were together again and, so it was claimed, had recommenced their sexual activity. The mother was sent to prison to serve out her sentence.
I tried to look at the situation objectively. What had really happened? If the boy and the mother were to be believed, two people had given expression to their feelings for each other in an act of physical love. The main problem was that the boy was, according to the law, under age.
That's an interesting point in itself. The age at which one may engage in sexual intercourse varies form one culture to the next and sometimes even within the culture. As far as I've been able to ascertain, it ranges from twelve years of age to eighteen.
It was this story that set me off on my quest to try and understand incestuous relationships.
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I at first resorted to the literature on the subject, and a number of factors emerged.
Firstly, the majority of incestuous acts reported were of females who had engaged in sexual acts with a male relative – father, uncle, grandfather or brother – and a few reported such relationships with a female relative – mother, aunt, grandmother, or sister.
Most of the reports involved under age females who had been forced into the act.
The number of boys reported to be involved in incest was considerably lower than girls. The reason given for this was: that boys are more reluctant than girls to report; and that adult females are less inclined to seek an incestuous relationship with young males.
It is conjecture on my part together with some reading between the lines, but I suspect that boys do not report as freely as females because they in fact enjoy the relationship and have no desire for it to be brought to an end.
Delving into the psychology of incest, and in the light of the mother and son relationship like the one I heard of through the media, I soon learned that there is a special bond that exists between mothers and sons.
Why should this be so? Perhaps because the child began its life in the mother's womb and this is about as close as one can get physically to another person? But daughters are also carried in the womb, and yet their relationship with the mother appears to be qualitatively different; so why the special mother/son bond?
The answer appeared to be sex. The son is sexually drawn to the mother. During his childhood the child is not consciously aware of the sexual aspect in his bonding with the mother, but as he grows towards sexual maturity his desire for the mother may become explicit.
On the mother's side there is also a sexual attraction, as witness the mothers who experience jealousy when their sons begin to engage in sexual relationships with other females. No woman is good enough for their son, except one, themselves.
I assume that in the majority of mother/son relationships their mutual desire never becomes sexually explicit, but there are situations in which the temptation is succumbed to.
I have in mind those women who although highly sexed, and through particular circumstances, do not get the gratification they need. Having a potent and loving son around must be tempting indeed, especially if the son shows signs of being drawn to her sexually.
On the son's side, he is already attracted to the mother and especially in cases where the son, for whatever reason – perhaps shyness – is not engaging in sexual activity, the mother might seem like a safe sexual harbour in which he might anchor.
In addition there are many situations in which mother and son might simply want to give expression to their love in the sexual act.
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I went on to consider why the law forbids incestuous relationships and why religion proscribes such acts.
It is said that any children born of such relationships are likely to suffer from physical, mental and emotional defects. This matter is hotly debated by the experts in the literature. As far as I can see the jury is still out on this one, but even given that it is true, in times when contraception is safe, and sexual intercourse can be engaged in with little chance of a resulting pregnancy, why is a loving act between two people so heavily frowned upon?
There are those who simply say, "Because it is an unnatural act," but is it, and how do you define an unnatural act?
Let me put it this way; it does not make sense to have a law that forbids an act in which no one wants to engage. The mere presence of the law or proscription indicates that people desire to and do engage in that act.
This led me on to search the internet and especially the erotic sites. I must admit that at first I was surprised, even shocked, at how many of the stories and pictures focused on incestuous acts and how often that material was viewed.
I think what troubled me was how often those stories and pictures presented, for example, a sexual relationship between a mother and son, as something ugly or dirty. Why is such a beautiful act "dirty"?
But then I suppose there are people who view any sexual act as dirty whoever is engaged in it.
What these erotic sites made me realize was that there are thousands, no millions of people, who at least think pleasurably about incest; who are as it were involved with it at second hand, and some who engage in it first hand.
In looking at some of the feedback on these stories I felt cynically amused to note that some feedback pours invective on the writer for writing such "foul" material. It makes me wonder what the critic is doing reading the material in the first place if he or she finds it so abhorrent?
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Finally I set up a hypothetical situation in which incest might potentially occur.
These are the major elements in my hypothetical:
A woman, shall we say, aged forty two or three. In her youth she was not particularly attractive, being skinny and somewhat gauche. Doubtful of her sex appeal she easily succumbs to a mature man who declares his love for her. With him she becomes sexually active for the first time, and soon becomes pregnant.
On learning of her pregnancy the man disappears from her life. Since she is not under the age of consent no police or other legal action takes place. There are some desultory attempts to find the man to try and get him to pay some child maintenance, but these attempts fail.
Having been so badly hurt she no longer trusts men, and so makes no attempts to enter into another sexual relationship.
For some years she is in receipt of single parent's welfare payment, but as her child, a son, enters his teenage years, this money stops. She must now begin to support herself and her son.
In this situation she has one distinct and unexpected advantage. Like a number of women who in their youth are considered to be "plain Jane," the years have been kind to her.
No longer a skinny girl, in her maturity she has filled out to become a pleasantly buxom woman. In short, like certain fortunate women, she has come to her best in her middle years.
During her years on social welfare money she has not wasted whatever opportunities came her way. She undertook a number of training courses that were provided free. I do not suggest that these were of tertiary standard, but they did provide her with some useful minor skills.
She was efficient with the computer; she knew something of office procedure; she had a pleasant disposition and above all, mature good looks. When the time came for her to seek work, although she had no real experience apart from the training courses, she got a number of offers.
The one that she accepted was at the local medical clinic which she and her son had attended since he was a baby. Her work we might lump under the general description, "Receptionist," but there was more to it than that.
In today's world medical practice is made increasingly complex, not through the advances in medical science alone, but by the demands of government bureaucracy. Much of the paper work is left in the hands of the "receptionists," now including our single mother – let us give her a name – Alexis.
No longer a naïve girl, she is intelligent and picks up the details of the practice routine, and with this her self regard increases.
