"... and when you hear the number 'zero', you will open your eyes and wake up, feeling refreshed."
I was using my softest voice, speaking slowly and deliberately as I rounded off the session with my daughter. I had been working with her on and off for months, spending time in the evenings before she went to bed.
"Three... you feel the energy coming back to your arms and legs..."
When I started adding hypnotherapy to my practice, it hadn't been with this in mind. I had intended to expand my customer base, not use it on my own family.
"Two... you're beginning to feel lighter, coming out of your sleep..."
Little did I know it was going to be the best career move of my life. The self-improvement market had really taken off over the past few years; instead of reading self-help books, people contacted therapists like me to help them with their problems. My income more than doubled as a result.
"One... you are beginning to wake up, becoming more and more alert...
I say 'problems'... what I mean is 'insecurities'. Hypnotherapy had become mainstream now. People didn't just use it to deal with trauma or anxiety, they came to me for all sorts of things: dealing with stress, trying to stop smoking or biting their fingernails, gaining confidence... That's what we were doing here. Alisha wanted to become more confident.
"Zero."
"Mmmh..."
She slowly opened her eyes. Those lovely brown eyes of hers. And she had such a beautiful face. I was glad she hadn't gone down the route so many of her friends had done, using fake eyelashes, lip fillers and that kind of crap. My daughter was gorgeous. And that wasn't just fatherly love talking; she had inherited her mother's natural beauty and hardly even needed makeup to look good. Lying there on the couch in the dimly lit living room, she was so beautiful, I'd get all teary-eyed if I started thinking too much about it.
"How do you feel, honey?"
"Mmmm... so relaxed... Thank you, Dad..."
"You're welcome. Now you should get ready for bed."
"Yeah..."
I stood up and went to the kitchen to get her a glass of water while she took a minute. When I returned, she was sitting on the couch, stretching and yawning. Man, was she pretty. Supple and graceful, neither too fat nor too skinny; slight, youthful curves around the hips and chest...
At first, I hadn't believed her when she told me a couple of years ago that she hadn't started dating yet. A girl like that, I would have thought I'd have to beat the boys away with a stick. Apparently, though, she did that perfectly well on her own. Whenever someone had asked her out, she had said no - not because she didn't want to, but because she was nervous.
This is actually pretty common. People who come to me for treatment would have meltdowns at the very idea of speaking in public, breaking out in cold sweats if somebody asked them a question in meetings. Some had such low self-esteem that they didn't see themselves as viable partners, thinking that if somebody showed an interest in them, it would have to be some kind of prank.
Hypnotherapy could actually help. I'd had a great deal of success so far, and most of the job is actually done by the patients themselves. Mostly, it's not that they don't
know
how to talk in public - it's not that they actually
are
unattractive or unable to perform a certain task, it's just that they
think
they are. Once they get rid of that little monster on their back who says: "You're useless, you can't do this.", it gets a lot easier.
Your boss asks you to tell your colleagues what you've been working on for the past three weeks? Easy. You've done the work, so you know the stuff, now it's just a matter of saying it out loud to the group. That attractive woman next door drops hints that she'd love to go out some time? And you'd like that too? Okay, well, then simply ask if she'd like to have dinner with you this weekend. Easy. In theory.
Alisha had always felt awkward as a teen. Gangly. Weird. Limbs all out of proportion. And sure, for a little while that might have seemed to be the case. Her pelvis took time to widen, of course it did. And her breasts didn't immediately turn from nonexistent to full-fledged hooters, that doesn't happen to anybody.
Puberty can be a real bitch, causing the body to develop in all sorts of weird ways. A few years in, though, her body had really started to settle in. Now at 18, she had blossomed into a beautiful young woman. She, however, still felt like that awkward gangly teen she had been some years ago. This had turned her into something of an introvert, even though she really wanted to be outgoing and social.
Alisha used to be much more of a social butterfly when she was younger, and I could tell she really wanted to find her way back to those times. She also wanted to resume her hobbies, like swimming and cheerleading. When her body started developing, though, she immediately felt awkward in those tight outfits.
Hence, hypnotherapy. She knew I was doing well with my patients, so she had persuaded me to take her on as well. At first, I had been pretty dismissive, because I didn't feel like she needed this kind of help, but after seeing the tears build up in my little girl's eyes, I hadn't been able to refuse.
So there it is. We spent one or two sessions a week here on the couch, working on her insecurities. I was chipping away. Moving slowly. Trying to get her to realize the truth. The thing is, that can be hard. No matter how many times you tell a person that they're beautiful, the message just doesn't penetrate. It's something that they have to manage to tell
themselves.
So rather than repeating "you're beautiful" over and over, we just worked on her general confidence.
Alisha said she really wanted to go on dates. She just didn't have the nerve to ask anybody out, and after years of denials, none of the boys who were likely to be interested would dare ask
her
, since they were used to her shooting them down if they tried.
Also, the way she acted around people wouldn't necessarily attract them anymore. A lot of people are fairly plain-looking, but have tons of charisma that makes everybody think they're stunning. How you behave, how you dress, how you smile, how you walk... these things are just as important as your looks. They're all a part of how people perceive you. As Alisha had started to behave more like an awkward dweeb than a sexy teen, it seemed she had become less desirable over time. That's what
she
thought, anyway.
Now, this wasn't really about changing her personality. She was already in there - that daring, outgoing young woman she wanted to be. This was more about letting her out. Helping her crack through that shell the shy, awkward teenager had created to avoid standing out. It was about lowering her inhibitions. Getting rid of those little monsters on her back who would tell her not to do that thing she wanted to do. Make her feel less awkward in social situations.
"Do what you really want." was the typical message. That's the kind of thing we worked on in our sessions. "Take the initiative. See your goal and go right towards it. You are a strong and confident woman - just like your mother. Nothing can stop you."
It sounds like a bad motivational speech, but it was just the sort of thing that I felt might work for her. Alisha's social life wasn't suffering because she was ugly or mean, but because she lacked confidence, and I felt that was a shame. Such a fine young woman really shouldn't feel like she can't go on dates.
Okay, so it felt a bit weird at first. A dad isn't supposed to make his daughter more likely to date boys and wear clothes that make her more desirable to people around her, is he... But after the first couple of sessions, it really started to feel like I was working on one of my ordinary patients. This was just the kind of thing I was helping them with every day.
And she
is
a fine young woman, I thought to myself. When she lay there on my couch and I had her under my spell, I tried to stay objective and judge her like I would any other female patient. What I saw was a beautiful eighteen year old girl, who was
supposed
to date people and hang out at the mall with friends. Soon, she'd be going off to college. Socializing, dating... and yeah, having sex. While it was a bit difficult to think about my daughter as a sexual being, more than anything, I wanted her to be happy.
I left the living room and followed my daughter upstairs. We had spent almost an hour today - a bit long. I thought it was going pretty well, though. Alisha was beginning to show some signs of improvement, going out to see her friends more often without having to be encouraged. I was eager to see what the effects would be after several weeks of hypnotherapy.
I stood in front of the mirror and brushed my teeth before bed. I was already thinking about what kind of things I could encourage Alisha to do in the coming weeks. Maybe ask out a boy she liked? Nah, too early. Maybe just a few smaller steps, like... Hmm... like what?
"Do the thing you want to do." I repeated to myself, as if rehearsing how to say it next time.
It should be calm, but encouraging. I tried a few more sentences, in my best radio voice:
"You are in charge. You can do what you want. Don't let your inhibitions stop you."
No, actually, I shouldn't say it like that, should I... Positive reinforcement is stronger than negative. Mentioning the problem could remind her of it. Telling her that she has inhibitions could make her feel like she wants to hide again, behind that safe, comforting shield she'd created for herself.