I park my cheap car next to a tall redwood tree and walk toward my brother's big-ass mansion in the mountains, thirty miles out of Seattle. Darren Drake's $26 million residence is built on top of a thirty foot-high waterfall, like a twenty-first century reimagining of Frank Lloyd Wright's Fallingwater masterpiece. This is the first I've visited him since he became one of those overnight Big Tech billionaires, creating AI software that's rattling the very foundation of society and making it easy for fifth graders to forge book reports about
A Bridge to Terabithia.
Darren opens the door with a big smile, wearing blue jorts and a Seattle Krakken t-shirt. That 26 year-old computer mogul is a sexy hunk; shattering the nerdy mamma's boy stereotype. He looks like he could slam Sidney Crosby into the boards, then hustle down the ice and score a game-winning goal.
"Oh my god, your new place is fucking awesome, bro!" I beam while gazing about his big living room full of luxurious crap. The soothing white noise hiss of the waterfall emerges from a nearby sunken patio that literally dangles over a rushing creek.
"Thanks, Katie. I bought it at a steep discount. Five million below the original price, after the previous owner stabbed his wife to death in the master bedroom."
"Five million for slashing."
Darren chuckles at my dark hockey joke. "Come on, let me give you a grand tour of my lavish digs."
He takes me by the hand and guides me through thirty rooms on four levels above the creek, with plenty of picture windows gazing out at the Washington wilderness. Sort of like that house where the vampire teens lived in
Twilight
. Lots of rare comic books and vintage coin-op games are scattered among the rooms. Enough to fill an old-school video arcade five times over. He doesn't have a wife or a girlfriend (at least no "girlfriends" that I've heard about,) so he fills that void with mental junk food.
Darren ends the tour in the master bedroom, where the CEO of Clayridge Technologies hacked his hot blonde wife 36 times with a butcher knife, after he caught her getting fucked by two butlers at once. I picture my brother's bed soaked in blood, sending shivers up my spine.
My eyes drift over to a bunch of 80's 8-bit relics, and my jaw drops open when I see a
Spy Hunter
cabinet next to a Japanese dressing screen.
"Oh my god, Spy Hunter is such an underrated classic!" I beam while stroking the wooden display case of that car shooter game.
"They stopped making these cabinets around 1990. Go ahead a plunk a quarter in."
"What a bargain. Wiping out thirty years of inflation."
I grab a quarter from a nearby styrofoam cup and slide it in for one credit. The James Bond-inspired game comes to life in all its 2D block-pixel glory. The tinny
Peter Gunn
theme song plays over and over as my white sports car chases a bunch of commies in blue cars down an endless interstate highway with no exit ramps.
"Too bad mom and dad couldn't make it out here this weekend. They loved playing Spy Hunter when they were kids," I muse nostalgically.
"They didn't have unlimited quarters like I do now. Far, far from it."
I feel like a kid again, having tons of innocent fun with my older brother in our parent's humble apartment on the east end of Seattle. Video arcades were mostly gone by then, but mom and dad bought us all the vintage game collections for our home console. When we got tired of joysticks, we wrestled each other all over the place, WWE style. I pretended I was Chyna, squaring up with Big Boss Man.
I loved Darren so much. More than most sisters love their brothers. Then I got my first period, and I started having incestuous fantasies about him. Quite frequently. But I never acted on those fantasies, or even mentioned them to anyone. I buried them under a ton of books, on my way toward becoming an english professor at the University of Washington. But no matter how hard I tried to push them away, those taboo urges always returned.
Those immoral and illegal thoughts distract me from Spy Hunter. My sports car gets hit by machine gun fire from a stretch commie-limo. It spins off the road and explodes in a crude 8-bit fireball.
"Too bad, sis. Your retro gamer skills have gotten rusty since you became a boring english professor."
"I've been teaching people how to think, while you've been making software that turns them into lazy brain-dead slobs."
"And getting a shitload of cash for it. More than the entire GDP of Somalia, Burundi, and the 'Democratic' Republic of the Congo."
Darren plunks another quarter in the glowing red slot and gets much farther than I did. I admire his ruggedly handsome face and strong arms as he blasts dozens of Soviet spies off the highway. Whipping the steering wheel around to dodge a bunch of blue Ferraris with razor-sharp spikes jutting out of their hubcaps.
He could have been a real soldier in the real army. A hardcore military brat. But software was his real passion. I picture him doing push-ups in camouflage fatigues, and then I picture him naked in a communal boot camp shower room, shooting the breeze with twenty soapy nude dudes. A tingle of naughty desire flares between my legs.
"That's as far as the game goes before it starts an endless loop, so I techinally won it with a single quarter," he boasts proudly. "Weren't the 80's great?"
"I'm glad I wasn't alive then, with all those bad hairstyles, neon leggings,
Breakfast Club-
ripoff movies, and corporate cocaine parties."
He gives me a curious look while scratching his dark beard. "Your hair is so pretty, Kate. You're like a blonde Pippi Longstocking."
He grabs my golden pigtails and gives them a playful tug, yanking my head back. Just like he did when I was ten. Making me laugh like the silly schoolgirl I used to be, not too long ago.
"I bet you're still ticklish under your arms," I utter slyly. I jab my fingers into his armpits and tickle them hard, making him laugh just as giddily.
"Oh god, stop, Katie, stop!" he shrieks in boyish glee. I finally stop thirty seconds later. "Please don't tell anyone that the CEO of NorthMax Technologies has ticklish armpits."
"You have more important things to worry about at NorthMax, like Russian hackers and clueless D.C. 'activists'."
"Yeah, whatever," he mutters while twirling his brown curly hair. "Hey, that reminds me . . . I forgot to show you my bitchin' hot tub."
"Hell yeah, bro. I never miss a chance to jazz out in a jacuzzi."
Darren grabs my right hand and leads me down a long neo-art-deco staircase, descending toward the gurgling creek rapids. He takes a left turn at
Daytona USA,
then another left turn at
Turbo Outrun. W
e step outside to a gorgeous sunset in a secluded mountain valley, near the edge of the waterfall. His hot tub is camoulfaged into a rocky slope, with grey paint that blends seamlessly with the natural stone.
"Daaayum! That the sweetest hooker cooker I ever saw."
"That's exactly what Destiny said last night. I paid that call girl a cool two grand."
"Seriously?"
"No, I'm not
that
dirty. Why don't we take a dip right now?"
A sudden realization dims my enthusiasm. "Oh shit, I didn't bring a bathing suit. You should have told me you had a hot tub when you invited me here for the weekend. I would have bought my favorite itsy-bitsy pink bikini," I beam while wiggling my ass so cutely.
"That's okay, sis," he replies with a sly grin. "I never wear a bathing suit in there."
Oh my god. "Are you fucking serious? You wanna go skinny dipping with your
sister?
"
"I don't see anything wrong with that. Men and women used to swim in the nude together all the time in public bath houses, before all this phony prudishness got started. It's about time for America to do as the Romans did."
"Oh my god, Darren. You're turning into one of those crazy Epstein-esque billionaires."
"Come on, Katie. I saw you ogling my Adonis-like physique. I know you wanna feast your eyes on this six-pack cheese grater."
I laugh incredulously, trying not get horny while picturing my hunky brother butt-naked, glistening with chlorinated water. A strong surge of estrogen reaches my brain, overpowering my rational reluctance. "All right, all right. It'll be a fun memory to dwell on when I go back to my tiny apartment and those stuffy college classrooms."
"That's the spirit. Now show me your hot body. I've been dying to see it ever since you were elected Prom Queen."
I laugh again in total disbelief, then I slowly remove my "Reading is Lit!" t-shirt. He takes off his Krakken hockey jersey, revealing impressive biceps, pecs and abs.
"
Wow,
" I murmur in subconscious admiration. Before I know it, my black cotton bra is lying on the cool mist-dampened stone ground.
"Nice rack, sis," he snickers playfully.
"So I've been told, by the Prom King."
He unbuckles a leather belt, unzips his blue jeans, and pulls his boxer shorts down with them in one quick motion. His penis is impressively large "at rest."
"Nice dick, bro. It must be like ten inches at full mast."
"9.1 inches, to be exact."
"God damn. 9.1 on the richter scale."
I reluctantly take off the rest, letting my black panties slide down to my ankles with a pleasant gasp. I've been fantasizing about this for so long, but I never thought it would happen at a ginormous mansion on top of a fucking waterfall. My brother glances at my hairy blonde crotch, and shoots me a big smile.
"I'm glad you don't believe in all this pube-shaving madness," he remarks.