This story, as is all stories, isn't written for everyone. If you enjoyed it, thank you very much and you're welcome. If not, thank you for visiting.
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Something was off between my mom and dad. At first I thought, 'ok, they're splitting up'. They weren't arguing. They had no financial problems. I know they love each other, I've seen them in action. Well, daytime around the house action. They go out to dinner and stuff and came back in great spirits. Sometimes they take me along but I like them to have each other as much as they could.
I decided the best thing I could do is stay out of it, if there was an 'it' to stay out of, but the very first thing I did was corner mom and say, "Mom. What's going on between you and dad?" I wanted to put a little comic relief on it so I said, "Are you pregnant again?" Mom hasn't been pregnant since me and that was about 20 years ago. Well, it was 20 years ago and a couple of months on top of that.
Mom was putting a new back on a book. She was really good at it. Leather. She's done some quite important books for the local library. She stopped and looked at me and smiled a big smile. She said, "Hanna, thank you. That's nice. Made me laugh. No, nothing is going on between me and Jim. My hips are keeping me from having sex with him and I'm sort of giving him orgasms other ways. I'm experimenting. It's a little strange for him, and me too actually. That's all."
I did not in any way want to know that. That was way out of my comfort zone. Other than watching them from my bedroom window splashing water in the almost dark pool out back late one night there has never been any indication of relations between them all these years. Sex relations stuff. They really knew how to hide it, believe me I tried to find out.
Mom hurt her hips. Both of them. She's on a structured recovery program and supposed to be back to absolute normal in two or three months. She didn't kill the horse. Also, she can't ride anything right now, horse or dad. She didn't say that but it seems that's the case. I said, "Well, uh. Mom, I guess I should get going."
She sat, looking at me and said, "Got you didn't I? Sorry if I spiked your brain." She was still smiling. She said, "I can't move around a lot in bed so I'm mostly limited. If he had an orgasm we'd have to change she sheets a lot so that was a problem. I thought condoms would help. They did. They seem to take the sex level down a notch. Slows him down. We haven't used condoms for a lot of years. For a while it was nice and it went well but we, or actually he, got used to it and the sex level dropped another notch. Now it takes longer."
"Mom," I said. "I really don't want to know all this."
"I know," she said. "I thought I would throw it your way and see if your generation had any insights. How to increase the erotic level of us middle aged dinosaurs. I know how to tweak your dad but that path isn't available to me right now. I thought about a lap dance or vibrator or something unusual for him. I want to be careful so when I get back to normal I still have a little draw that he likes. Mull it over. Let me know if you think of anything."
I mulled it over for a couple of days. I knew something mom didn't. I could talk to dad. It started a long time ago. I asked him a question just to embarrass him. A lot. A friend of mine did that to her dad so I thought I would try it. Didn't work, dad answered the question easily and told me a lot I didn't know. We were instant and forever buddies and he never gave me away to mom about any of my questions.
I called dad and made a lunch date with him at the ball park when they were practicing. We had hot dogs and fries. Horribly good stuff. Getting in the stands was free. I didn't always have something special to talk to him about when we had lunch but he usually knew when I did and just waited for me to start.
"Dad," I said. "Mom's been talking to me about your orgasms. She says she's got you up to 6,254 as of this week. Over 22 years that's 284 a year or 23 and a half a month or 5 and a half a week. More when you were courting and got married and less today so that's an average. I can guesstimate gallons of semen if you want. Is that true?"
Dad almost choked on his drink. He barely got his swig down before he got his handkerchief out to wipe his eyes and mouth. He looked off down the field taking a few deep breaths. I waited patiently. He finally turned around with a smiling smirk and said, "You have the most playful sense of humor. I suppose I'm not surprised. She's a little concerned. I'm not."
"Anything I can do," I said.
"Don't be silly," he said. "Of course not. She has to go through the convalescent and she'll be fine. She's worried about me. I'm perfectly happy the way things are."
"I thought you would be," I said. I ate a couple of bites. "Do you think we could talk about it, you know, for mom's sake? Not too much. Just a little to see if we can get mom a little more relaxed about it. This is way out of my ball park so if you want to shut me up I'll understand."
"I wouldn't do that. Family. She told you everything, right?"
"No, not everything," I said. "Just the good stuff." I had one of those kind of grins on my face. I couldn't help it. Dad had an ear-to-ear smile shaking his head. I said, "She asked me if I could increase the erotic level, somehow or other."
"She said that? What in the world was she thinking?" He said. "She's making more of it that it is." He paused for a while. "Hanna, we can't do anything like that."
"Of course not," I said. "She didn't suggest we do anything. She said me. Let me ask you a question. If I was there, beside or behind you, just breathing and thinking about cloud formations and things like that would it be more erotic for you?"
Dad wet his lips, then waited, then took a bite of his hot dog. He ate and looked around the field, watching batting practice. "Want another hot dog," he said.
"Oh, no," I said. "I have to watch my figure. One a week is my limit." Time went by and dad didn't answer the question. I said, "Don't forget it might be enormously erotic for me. I wouldn't mind feeling that way for a while." I ate the last of my hot dog. I said, "We could give it a try. If it doesn't work then it doesn't work. Other than that we never talk about it. It might not be all that hard." He paused and smiled at that last remark but didn't say anything.
Dad said, "You know, some of these new hitters are pretty good. I think we have a chance at a good season this year." Looking at his watch he said, "Whoa, look at the time. I need to get back. Meeting. You finished?"
"Yep," I said. "It was a very nice lunch. Thank you dad."
I called mom the next day at lunch time and told her almost all. I like to keep a few things in reserve. She was thrilled and brightened up over the phone considerably. I was surprised. I guess I didn't see how much this had concerned her.
She commenced to explain her routine, right over the phone. She had a way to sit upright and a way to recline slightly with dad either on his side or angled towards her or on his back. The room was always very dark. She got him going and got on a condom and did the deed. Mom's words. I bit my tongue not to laugh out loud. I was going to ask about oral but thought it was none of my business so didn't. We made no arrangements and she didn't give me any instructions so I guess it was up to me, and dad of course, what to do. She would let me know when. Sometimes her hips bothered her more so she held off when they did.
***
Dad is 43 years old. He's 5ft10 and weights 144. Nice thick hair with a nice waist and slimish buns. Nice shoulders. I'm a couple of inches less and a few pounds less, almost a spitting image of mom. They have a king sized bed, wider than a California and plenty long. Lots of room. It has one of those body forming tops, a good one, not too deep. I didn't know what to wear so I put on a thin top and short pj pants, loose, so I could move around easily.