Carol was doing her best to stay out of her son's affairs, but it was difficult when she knew she could help, if only he would confide in her! She stared at her phone, thinking of her latest unsuccessful attempt to find out what the issue in his marriage was. He refused to say.
Knowing all she could do was hope it would work out, she went back to preparing her dinner for one. Ever since Andy had moved out to live with his wife, the house felt too empty. She knew she was compensating for the quiet by poking her nose in his business, but what else was she supposed to do?
It didn't help that in the last few months his visits had gotten less frequent, and she hadn't even seen his wife, Becca, since the wedding. The last she heard they were going to try to have a baby, and now she was frozen out.
It wasn't fair, really. She'd had a child, and could offer support and advice! And yet, every time she even tried to bring the subject up, she was shut down. If she pressed, he just said goodbye and hung up. She considered herself a strong, patient woman, but this was pushing her limits. If it continued much longer, she might have to play her ultimate card...and pay them a visit.
Once she had dinner ready, she took it to the TV room and sat and ate while watching a show. She used to eat at the kitchen table, but it got too lonely. The rest of the night was quiet, and she retired early to get up for work the next day. Her bed was cold and empty, a fact that had been distressing after her husband died, but seemed normal now. Curling up under the covers, she cocooned into a warm ball and went to sleep.
The next morning, she woke up sure of her next move regarding Andy. If he wouldn't confide in her, she would go to him. It was silly for them to just throw away her help! She sent him a text explaining her plans to go visit them that weekend. It was a funny way to think of a fifteen-minute drive, but the way they'd removed themselves from her life made the distance feel longer.
At work, she put her phone away, as usual, and didn't pull it from her drawer until the end of the day. She found 15 text messages and 3 voicemails waiting for her, all from Andy. Aha! She'd gotten his attention. Reading the messages quickly, all she saw were excuses.
'Becca's not up to it', 'Not a good time', 'We have plans.'
Listening to the voicemails, it was just more of the same. It was almost enough to make her give up. Almost. She called her son back, happy that he picked up right away.
"Son, I am coming to visit, nothing you say can change that," she said firmly.
"Mom, no. Look, I know you mean well, but it really won't help anything." He sounded frazzled.
"How am I supposed to know what will or will not help, if you won't tell me what it is? You know I can help."
"It's not about your help, Mom, it's just..." he trailed off, clearly upset.
"Just what?" she asked.
His voice was weary when he answered. "Just that things are tough right now. Becca is doing better, but she's getting some crazy ideas. If you come, she'll tell you, and it will ruin everything."
"I don't understand. Doing better with what? What crazy ideas?"
Silence, and then, "It's a whole thing, but the most important bit is we can't have children."
Carol's heart fell through her stomach, and she had to sit down quickly from the shock. "Oh, son, I am so sorry to hear that. I didn't know. I would never have pestered you so much if I knew. You should have told me."
"I...it's complicated, Mom. Look, she's desperate, and is willing to do anything for a baby. I'm getting worried."
"I don't want to push...but have you explored all the options? IVF? Adoption?"
Despair filled her son's voice. "Yes, we've looked. Adoption takes too long for her and IVF is too expensive."
"Honestly, Andy, why didn't you come to me?"
"I wanted to, but I just couldn't..."
Curiosity dug its claws into her brain. Carol had to take a beat, to calm herself, before asking, "Why not? What is going on? Talk to me, Andy!"
Anguish filled his voice. "She's got a crazy idea in her head, and is convinced it's the right way to go. I didn't want you to find out."
"Oh, come on. Can it really be that bad?"
"It's bad. Believe me, it's bad."
"Well, let me decide how bad it is..."
He sighed, deep and long. "I can't tell you on the phone. Can I come over? It'll be easier to explain, and then at least I can tell Becca I tried."
"Of course. I'm just leaving work now; I'll be home in 10."
"'Kay, see you in a bit."
"Okay." Carol hung up, head swimming with conjecture over what her daughter-in-law's crazy idea might be. She made the drive home in closer to 10 minutes due to worry for her son. He'd sounded so dejected, almost defeated. Whatever was going on, she would do her best to support and encourage him.
Once home, she put some water on for tea and waited for him to arrive. The water was just coming to a boil when she heard Andy's car pull in, so she poured the tea for them both and took the mugs to the kitchen table. When he walked in, he looked like a man walking to certain death, which made her melt with sympathy.
She rushed to give him a hug, reminded of how big and strong he was when he hugged her back. When she pulled away, she urged him to sit. "Tell me what's going on, surely it can't be that bad," she soothed.
"It is. Just, give me a minute. I'm not sure how to even say it." His usually cheerful face, with the sparkling blue eyes she loved so much, was drawn and tired.
"Why don't you start at the beginning. I won't say a word." Carol smiled encouragingly.
He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his short hair, the same shade as her own dirty blonde. He looked around at the house he was raised in as if seeing it with new eyes before taking another calming breath. "Okay, so I mentioned Becca can't have kids..."
Carol nodded, keeping her promise.
"She has a condition that makes it...hard to conceive. Have you heard of vaginismus?"
"Ummm, it's like, an inability to have penetrative sex?"
"Yeah, essentially. Her body tightens up when it comes time to do it, and there's no way I can...you know. We've tried, but it's just too painful for her. We went to a doctor, and she said it's not physical, it's probably psychological."
"Oh, no," Carol murmured.