Her I Could Trust

I had a lifelong problem with women: I never seemed to be enough for them, or inadequate in some way. It was like God had something against me.

It actually started in high school but I chalked that up to the fickleness of teenagers and the immaturity of high school romance. It wasn't unusual for a boy and a girl to be 'in love' one week and dating another person the next. Sometimes it seemed like the whole point of 'getting together' was so you could 'break up' and then 'get together' with someone else. So I didn't put much stock in it at the time. But when it continued in college I started to realize that the common denominator in all of these failed relationships was me.

It started my freshman year. I met Tirzah Gonzales during orientation. We hit it off right away and started dating. She was a beautiful light-skinned Hispanic with long curly hair. Her breasts were large and actually kind of saggy for her age and her butt was a little on the wide side. I found her sexy as hell.

We started dating immediately though we didn't go exclusive. After all, we had just started college and didn't want to tie ourselves to one person right away. But after a month or so we both agreed to stop seeing others.

About a month after that we had intercourse for the first time; neither of us were virgins and we meshed very well together. She was certainly enough for me and I had thought she felt the same way. We were together about 3 months before I found out the truth.

The nature of college life is that schedules are inconsistent and parties are plentiful. Tirzah's family was fairly wealthy so affording college was not an issue. My family was not, so I was on grants, scholarships, and loans, along with working a part-time job.

Tirzah and I had spent Friday night together and I was well sated and assumed she had been as well. Of course, Saturday was the big party night on campus but this weekend I had to work. She was disappointed but knew it was just the reality of my situation. We could still go to a party; it would just be later in the evening when we got there.

We spent much of Saturday together until I had to go to work at 3:00pm. I was scheduled to get off at 10:00 and the store wasn't far from campus and I could be there in about 15 minutes.

As luck would have it, our inventory systems crashed (I managed the stockroom) and IT said it wouldn't be up and running until at least the next morning, so the boss decided to send us home a couple hours early. I called Tirzah and didn't get an answer but raced back to campus anyway. I went to her dorm room (she lived in the same building I did, just 3 floors up) and her roommate told me she and her friend, Elena, had gone to the Sigma Phi Epsilon party.

I headed over to the SPE house and walked in the front door. As I came in I saw Elena in the living room, and she paled as I approached her. She seemed nervous.

"Henry, what are you doing here so soon? I thought you were working until 10:00."

"I was but we had some issues and got out early. Where's T? Her roommate said she was here with you."

Her eyes shifted very slightly toward the staircase then back to me.

"Yeah, she was here earlier, um, but I think she left."

Her eyes nervously darted toward the staircase again and I realized why. The SPE house was 2 stories, with the first floor being the common areas and the bedrooms, and only the bedrooms, on the second floor. If she was upstairs there was only one reason for it.

"She's upstairs with a guy, isn't she?"

Without waiting for her answer I started toward the staircase but Elena quickly grabbed hold of me.

"Henry, don't go up there, please. She's just, well, exploring a bit. But she really likes you, okay, and if you see her right now, well, some things are better left unseen. Stay here with me."

I ignored her pleas and ascended the stairs. I ran into another friend of Tirzah's upstairs and she seemed equally shocked to see me. I kept the anger out of my voice but was insistent.

"Which room is she in, Melissa?"

"Henry, don't..."

"Which room, Melissa?"

With a resigned look clouding her face, she pointed toward one of the doors and I walked over to it. It wasn't even locked. I opened the door and got an eyeful, realizing why Elena didn't want me to see anything. In my mind I probably would have imagined her with just one guy, and maybe I could have convinced myself she wasn't entirely willing or at least not enjoying it and managed to somehow get past it..

But neither of those was the case. Tirzah was on her knees and was in the process of getting three-holed and her movements and grunts and groans made it clear she was enjoying it. There was no small part of me that was pissed that one of the guys (I didn't know any of them personally) was in her ass and she had so far refused me that particular treat.

The door opening caught the attention of the guy in her ass and the guy in her mouth, though they weren't even fazed. I gave each of them a nod and backed out, closing the door. I walked slowly down the stairs and back out the front door, past both Elena and Melissa and the concerned looks on their faces, and walked back to my dorm.

It was nearly midnight when there was a knock on my door. I knew who it was but opened it anyway and let her in.

"Hey baby, I thought you were going to catch up with me when you got off work."

She moved in to give me a kiss on the lips and I quickly turned my head to take it on my cheek.

"What's the matter, baby?"

"Sorry, not much interested in kissing a mouth that had someone else's dick in it just a couple hours ago."

"What are you talking about, Henry?"

"Didn't you see Elena or Melissa before you came over here?"

"No, I didn't, and what was that about a dick in my mouth."

"I was at SPE tonight, Tirzah. I saw you in the bedroom."

"Oh, Henry, I'm sorry that you saw that. I would have preferred you not. That must have been difficult. I know I wouldn't want to walk in on you with other girls."

I stared at her complete dumbfounded. What the hell? Sorry you saw it? Must have been difficult? No apology; no explanation, just sorry you saw that, must have been difficult."

"So, you're not sorry you did it, just sorry I saw it?"

"Sorry I did it? Hell no, it was amazing. I mean, one on one you're the damn best baby, but I can't believe how amazing it was to have all my holes filled at one. It was the most amazing experience I've ever had. But I do wish you hadn't seen me."

"So, you're cool with cheating on me? It's no big deal?"

"Cheating on you? Baby, no, this was just sex. I wanted to try three guys at once and the opportunity presented itself. I had 3 guys coming on to me and you weren't there. I don't feel anything for those guys. It was just for the experience. And I plan to have more."

"Even though I don't want you to you're going to do it again? What happened to being exclusive?"

"We are exclusive. I don't date anybody but you. I told you I love you and I mean it, but I don't want to get to be 30 years old and married with kids and be wondering what it would have been like to gangbang or pull a train or eat another woman. I would love for you to do it with me but I know most guys would have a hard time seeing their woman with just one other guy let alone more than one. Like I said, I wouldn't want to see you with other girls. I just need more than one guy right now, but my love is only for you."

"I noticed they were fucking you in the ass, but you've never let me do that even though I've asked."

"I know, baby, and that I'm sorry about. I had wanted it to be special for you because I had never done it before, but I had to do it to have the full experience of having one in every hole. It was just bad timing that this happened before you got to take me there."

"Bad timing? You know, Tirzah, I have no problem with someone who does those things. I agree that now is the time to try it. But you should either be single or get the okay from the guy you're with. When we decided to be together it was just supposed to be you and me. I do love you, Tirzah, but I can't take this. When you've done what you wanted to do give me a call and we'll see where we stand."

"Okay, Henry, but I really think you're overreacting."

She walked out the door, pausing to run her fingers over my cheeks.

**********

I dated some more but never had a steady girlfriend again until the summer between my sophomore and junior years. I was still working at the store and we hired a new employee named Sue Buerkert when some of our regular employees went home for summer. Sue was tall and slim with light red hair and not much in the ass or breasts department. But she was pretty and smart, and I took to her immediately. She also was a natural redhead, which I found out later.

I still ran the back room and Sue was hired as a salesperson. The store sold modestly priced clothing and Sue had a real sense of style. More than once I saw her help someone find a really nice outfit that they would never have thought of themselves. She often worked the evening shift (as did I) so we saw a lot of each other.

She tended to take lunch out of the store at one of the food shops nearby while I usually brown-bagged it in the backroom (I was on a budget after all). One day, not long before lunch, she came in the back door.

"Henry, I have a couple of questions: One, do we have any more of the black blazers that are on special? And two, why haven't you asked me to have lunch with you?"

"Uh, yes on the blazers, but only in the larger sizes, and because I didn't think you'd say yes."

"What gave you that idea?"

"I've heard you talking about some guy named David and it sounded like you guys were hot for each other. I don't invade another guy's territory."

"David and I were pretty hot and heavy for about 2 years, but he couldn't keep it in his pants. We broke up before I even started working here, but I guess I have spoken with the girls about him. But I'm single as single can be, so how about that lunch?"

We had lunch together the next few days. Then she had a day off and she came to have lunch with me. That evening as I was leaving she was waiting on a bench outside the store.

"You're taking me out on a real date tonight."

She stood up and she looked great. She wore an emerald green sleeveless top with a black miniskirt, white lace stockings, and 4" heels. We stopped by my place so I could shower and dress and we went to a club. We didn't even get there until 11:00pm and at 2:00am we were still going strong as the place was shutting down. We got into my car and we took off down the road. We talked briefly about how much fun we had before she got to what was on her mind.

"So, are you taking me home and dropping me off, or do we finally get to go someplace and fuck?"

The answer to that question was obvious, and we were still at it when the sun came up. And such began a 3-month love affair that I naïvely thought might be headed for marriage. Silly me.

I guess I should've expected it. Sue never entirely stopped talking about David so it was pretty clear she wasn't over him. One night as summer was coming to an end I was off but Sue was working. I stopped by the store to say hi and confirm we were on for that night but she wasn't in the store. I asked Sara, one of the other sales people, and was told she had just gone to lunch.

Since I wasn't there I presumed she had just hit one of the food places in the food court. I tried calling but she didn't answer, which seemed odd but was not really a big deal. I knew where she liked to park so I thought I'd check and see if her car was there and it was. I could also see her sitting in it so I thought perhaps she was eating in her car for some reason.

I walked over and as I approached I could see she wasn't alone and she sure as hell wasn't eating. Damn it, not again. I calmly walked over to the car. The doors weren't even locked and they were so wrapped up in what they were doing (they were in the backseat and Sue was on top of him and facing him, and the up and down movements left little doubt) that they never saw me coming until I opened the door.

The guy looked over at me startled and Sue at least had the decency to look horrified and guilty.

"I presume you're David?"

"Uh, yeah, and you are?"

"Sue's boyfriend for the past 10 weeks or so; or I guess I should say ex-boyfriend now. It looks like I've been replaced."

"Henry, I..."

"Don't worry about it, Sue. I'm not surprised. I would've expected you to respect me enough to break up with me before doing this but maybe my expectations are too high."

I closed the door and quickly got into my car, which was parked nearby. I waited a minute, just out of curiosity to see what she'd do, and I guess I broke the mood because moments later she emerged from the car and looked around, obviously trying to find me. I drove off and presume she saw my car pull away.

The next day I was working when she came into the back room. She wasn't on the schedule so she was obviously there to see me. She found me arranging some shelves with overstock.

"Henry, can we talk for a minute?"

"I don't see the point but if you want to talk while I work I can't stop you."

"Do you have to work? Can't you take a few minutes to listen?"

"I'd rather not. Just talk so we can get on with our lives."

"I want you to know that what happened last night, well, it just happened. I have really strong feelings for you, Henry, and I'm hoping we can get past this. I don't have feelings for David; I have no interest in a relationship with him."

I stopped unpacking the box I was working on and turned to look at her. She seemed genuine, which I couldn't understand.

"Then why, Sue? If you have these feelings for me and none for him, why would you do this? It sure looked like you were feeling something."

"I'd rather not get into that kind of detail, Henry. I just want you to know it was a mistake and I'm sorry, and it's you I want to be with."

"Sue, how can I be expected to trust that it was a mistake and won't happen again if you won't tell me why? All you've told me is that it didn't mean anything but you've given me no real explanation."

"Henry, I...Fine, I'll tell you, but I think it'll hurt more than it'll help."

I took a seat and set a chair out for her, and we sat down.

"Baby, I love making love with you. You make feel so good and loved, but...this is so hard. Honey, David has...well, he has a really big dick. It's almost 10 inches long. We were together for 2 years and I got used to feeling a man that deep. Yours is wonderful, baby, it is, and it would be more than enough for most any other woman. But he gets me in places no one else ever has and I got used to that."

"Well that's just great. So I wasn't enough and you went hunting down your asshole ex-boyfriend to take care of what I couldn't."

"No honey, I didn't go looking for him. He actually came into the store. I hadn't seen him since we broke up but he found out from one of our mutual friends where I worked and came in to see me. He asked me to have lunch with him, and even though I knew I shouldn't, I heard myself say yes. He said he was sorry, had made the biggest mistake of his life by cheating on me, and he wanted me back. I told him no, that I had a good guy now, and then he started just asking if we could, you know, have sex one more time. I said no at first but he kept pushing me, reminding me how big he was and how much I always enjoyed it, and I got kind of horny thinking about it. Before I knew it I had agreed to one more time, and that's where you caught us."

"I guess you can't hold his cheating against him anymore, huh?"

"I guess I deserved that. He sweet-talked me like he always could. But I don't want him, honey, I want you. Can we try and put this behind us?"

"You know, Sue, as much as I would like that it's not going to work. You say you love me but you were able to be talked into cheating on me for just a bigger dick. You told me yourself the more you thought about it the weaker your resolve got, the more you wanted it. It'll happen again sometime down the road. Things will be fine but you won't be entirely satisfied because I'm not big enough, and you'll start to resent it and eventually go looking for it. Wouldn't you agree?"

"I'd like to think I'd be stronger than that, but you may be right. I just don't want to lose you."

She seemed genuinely remorseful so I told her I forgave her and we'd always be friends, even though my heart was breaking. And it still made me feel entirely inadequate, just like Tirzah had done. I swore that I'd be staying away from women for a long time.

**********

A long time ended up being 3 years. I had graduated with my mechanical engineering degree and had been working in an entry-level position for Alpha Logistics. It was a good job making good money and with lots of opportunity.

I was excited because my sister, Cherie, and her husband, Paul, moved back to town for a job opportunity just as I was graduating. They had 3 kids: Molly was 6, Graham was 4, and Ella was 2. Cherie and I had always been close growing up even though she was 7 years older than I was. She had married Paul when she was just 21 and Molly arrived 2 years later.

When we were growing up she tried to include me whenever she could, even when hanging out with her friends. I think the teenage girls she hung with thought it was weird at first, but eventually it was just expected that I'd be hanging out with them at the mall or that I'd be in tow when she went to a friend's house to go swimming.

Paul worked long hours so I started spending a lot of time with Cherie and the kids. It helped me deal with my lack of a social life and I really enjoyed getting to know my nieces and nephew.

It was about a year later that Cristina was hired at Alpha as a customer liaison. Generally engineers are not known for their people skills, so Alpha employed these liaisons to act as a buffer between the engineers and the customers. They knew enough about what we did to speak intelligently about it but their real strength was their people skills. And Cristina had those in spades.

Cristina had straight black hair that went a few inches past her shoulders. At work she word long-sleeve silk blouses and tight but professional skirts with panty hose or stockings. She didn't have much in the breast department as far as I could tell but those skirts hugged a nice, round ass.

I was actually part of the support team for a senior engineer named Charles McKee. Charles had been in the game for a long time and had been a great means of support when I was first hired. He would probably retire soon and I hoped for a good recommendation from him to help me move up in the company.

Cristina was assigned to a different team than ours so I saw her rarely at first. It was mostly in the lunch room or passing in the halls. She would often smile at me and I would smile back but we rarely spoke. I found myself talking about her to Cherie when I would go visit.

"Why don't you ask her out, bro?"

"Because she'd never say yes."

"You don't know that. I know lots of beautiful women that say guys rarely ask them out because they assume they'll get turned down, but the girls say they would say yes most of the time. Give it a shot."

I promised I'd think about it but I really had no plans to do anything. I suppose I was questioning my ability to satisfy a beautiful woman like that, especially considering my history.

About 6 months later she was re-assigned to Charles's team so we started spending more time together. Most of her time was spent working directly with Charles, but Charles was 25 years older than she was and happily married so there was never anything improper there.