Helping My Brother

This story follows a chapter 1 and chapter 2, which I would recommend reading first.

Back to Reality

I am in a relationship with my brother.

Sitting in the passenger seat as we head back home from the best sex in my life, looking out the window watching the trees go by. Everything seems so verdant and green. My body zinging as I sit here.

Back to the real world and I look over, he is looking straight ahead; one of the most beautiful men I have ever looked at. And no one can ever know the butterflies I feel; or, how when we look at each other - no matter what - it will never be the same. So, here I am, 'helping my brother.' My brother. There is no book called The Joy of Incest. So, how did I get here? I mean it has been completely consensual, I offered, he accepted. I have always loved my brother, that does not change and it never will. The physical is like this bonus - it does not feel wrong, at this moment it just doesn't; and, I won't downplay the physical, but it is pure romance and love.

I feel like I have entered a rarefied world. I feel like we have become the oldest of old lovers. Forbidden love, and now I begin to understand. We will go home, live our lives, have our worries and cares, work, all of it. And create this false wall at the back of our hearts, where we can go and no one else. How do I feel about THAT? Something so intimately a part of me, to cut it out and bury it down inside. This will be on the fucking tip of my tongue forever more, my whole body feels it, feels him. I look at my legs and think this will not be easy.

It's not for everyone. HA! It's not supposed to be for anyone. I take Nick's hand for a moment, give it a squeeze let go.

He smiles, "You all right?"

"Yeah."

Look to the window again, he's thinking all the same things.

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Home Again

Nick drops me off at the house, I take my bag of things from the back seat. I want to lean in and kiss him on the lips and thank him for the best weekend of my life, tell him how changed I am. How beautiful he is, what a man he is, how fucking sore I am. I want to do a cartwheel into the yard.

Instead, I say again, "Thanks," and turn away.

Awww, Fuck it.

I look at the house, no car in the driveway, no movement anywhere. I turn back to the truck, open the door and shielding myself there stand on the sideboard to give him a soft lingering kiss, one hand on each cheek. "That's for a nice weekend," saying it as sexy as I can between kisses. It's so cute, that one moment burned in my memory, standing there in my little summer dress, blond hair fallen down my back, like a first date, all tingling and happy. Nervous as hell, still not wanting things to end.

He says, "It was nice wasn't it?" We have this lingering moment of silence, my eyes on him as he continues, "Can I ...." pausing at the ridiculousness of it. He's my brother for Christ sake. He starts again, and our minds are connected, "Can I, see you sometime this week?" A date, a tryst, a fuck, a coffee. It all runs through my mind.

"I don't think so, not this week." He has his hand pressed to my tummy, rubbing me there over my dress, as I twist my hands together, wanting to get to yes. Still standing there on the sideboard. "I got a lot of things to catch up on. I can't even remember my kids camp schedule." [did I just fucking say that] and I pause and recover, "I'll call you in a few days. K?" It comes out wrong, but suddenly I'm tired and just need time to myself as I step back away from his touch, back onto the ground and close the door. I feel small and vulnerable.

"It was great," he says through the window. Smiles his smile at me, and his teeth take on a whole new meaning, as he rolls his window up and is gone.

Is there ANYONE I could tell this to? No. But, hell, it's not like I go around talking about my sex life with my husband.

But.

At least everyone in my life knows I 'do it' with him. I laugh to myself as I trudge to the house. Hell, they all think Nick is 'doing it' with Suzanne.

Then I notice sounds from the house. Fuck.

I realize they are home, and have the first little mini panic at the riskiness of what we had just done.

I can hear the kids before I get to the door and shake my head.

Mixed between, I will never do it again and when-and-where can we go to be alone and do it again, is the constant - No One Can Ever Know. I will lie, baldfaced lie to ever let anyone know, to ever hurt Nick, or my family, or my/our life. Is there a price for sin? Do we pay for our sins? The crazy thing is I never once felt guilty. Until, this moment, I am looking at my two little ones throwing their arms around me calling "Mommy!!"

God will sort it all out later.

Right now, I just have to live my life. I ask the kids and they tell me Dad is home. Fuck, he was home too?

I have dinner and groceries, and Dave is somewhere in the house. This moment of, did he see? Calculating angles from the upstairs windows. It will be like this now. I am thinking of my husband - finally - and I suddenly miss him and want to feel him, kiss him, smell him. I feel a momentary twang thinking how we will probably have sex tonight and how fucking sore I am.

I put a hand to my head. I go to our room ostensibly to find Dave, but close the door, set down my bags open them quickly and throw all the nighties, bikinis, underthings covered in cum and my sex scent, into the laundry - bottom of the pile. Hide us. I feel like I still smell like a fucking feral cat. And sit down on the bed. Mine and Dave's bed, run my hand over the cover. What is this? I imagine myself laying naked with Nick. THAT can never happen, not in THIS bed. But I cannot get the image of him out of my mind. The night demon. It is probably what I will call him.

I pick up my diary flip to this weeks page and write, 'Had a great time fishing with Nick' and I pause to look at it. I can't even be true to my diary anymore. To the right I draw a little image, a fishing pole, and suggestive looking little fish. My hairy little blonde fish. I sigh. A secret code for myself, in my own diary.

Diaries are made to be read by others.

I can't allow that to happen.

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First Time

I finally find Dave and learn my little new world of secrets will be tested sooner than I realized. Suzanne had called and wants us all to get together this week. Dave agreed to Thursday, four days away! I pause, of course it will be fine.

The week is a blur, and it is not like I thought of it every moment of every day. No, it was more like every five minutes of every half hour of every day. And when Thursday arrives, I feel this twinge, an ache, desire. A wanting I had never felt before. All hidden away. They arrive, and HE walks in with Suzanne, his hand at the middle of her back. Such a cute couple! Normal, utterly fucking normal. Postcard normal: kids, mommy, daddy.

I had on a nice summer dress, honestly, I picked it out for him. I also made damn sure I looked good, really really good.

His eyes meet mine, and fuck, I melt. Melt into those eyes and quirk a smile at him. Full of hidden meaning. My cheeks grow warm and that is what we share. Seconds of desire, knowing desire, wanting. Wishing a finger snap could freeze the world. I turn, walk into the house behind them and more than anything I want to be with him, I'll be honest, it was a kick in the gut.

This was all in my heart, my brain, my stomach, every invisible piece of me. To everyone else we very much acted normally as ever before. After ten minutes, it was not even difficult. It was only the beginning, to get the ball rolling, and the moment the wheel began to turn it just continued. Deception is easy. My brother and I have a lifetime of being close, as a brother and sister, we have always been with one another, done things together. We know each other better than anyone in our life. In fact, we will have a million opportunities to ....and I close down the thought as I feel a wetness grow between my legs. Not now! I glance his way, notice his easy smile, his grace, his ease. It all snaps into place, and I breath a little easier.

But in the midst of all this normality, wondering, almost as if: Did it ever happen at all? It all begins to feel like a dream. And in snaps a little piece of guilt, with a mild determination to pretend it never did.

What the hell is he thinking?

Is it: I don't fuck my wife, I fuck my sister now??

--

I am in the kitchen, with Suzanne, and Nick walks in, pauses, stands by me. ME. I feel him at my hip.

I turn slightly, acknowledging his presence. I know he intended to come in here and catch me alone.

As coolly as I can manage, lift my eyes to him, "What do you want?" I wanted to lean back against him, touch him, smell, brush against him. Reassure myself. I mean it has been four days since we have been 'together.' I look back, and those eyes say it all.

"Just seeing what you two beautiful girls are fixing." Though he says it to me and the whole time his eyes are on me, and the warmth of the gaze, as we shared a truly loving connection. An entire conversation carried on as Suzanne dutifully lists the menu. So, we have this, a world of connection. Anywhere and anytime we are together. Our eyes, secretly so silently acknowledging our secret life, that it is OK, that he wants me. That we will figure things out, that we are in this together, that we are in Love. All occurring in this whirlwind of motion. Like it CAN all stop, where WE are the ones frozen in space and time.

While we are together, alone with one another.

I laugh at myself as he pokes his head in two more times, sees his wife and ducks back out.

I KNOW what he is up to, and am enjoying this little game. You fox!

I am his little bird, and he is waiting to find me with my wing down.

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Helping in the Pantry

The moment arrives. Well, I sort of give it to him. I needed to get some things down in the pantry in the basement. A room near the garage in our ratty basement that remains unfinished. Just utilities, laundry, boxes of junk, an old freezer and my pantry.

Even as I am walking down the steps I know.

I take my time, walk slowly, hope he is not distracted. Hope he notices. The butterflies in my stomach are churning.

His little bird. I feel so small and feel my fingers tingling. My wing is down. My wing is down. All alone.

This is so wrong, my thoughts are all over the place. If he comes down I think, and a rush of adrenaline hits me, we will be breaking the first rule of our being back. But, then I am thinking he might not notice.

But I am wrong:)

"Hey." His voice rumbles and he steps out from the darkness.

I am standing right by the freezer, below one of only two windows down here. I did not turn on any lights and there is only the glow of the basement half window above me, giving this light bluish glow. The pantry is back away from the stairs, tucked behind a concrete wall which has a narrow opening to the room. Shall I say isolated?

I don't move, standing with my back to him. I say, "Hey" back and feel him lay his hand at my hip. I turn my head to the side, and twist it slightly toward where his hand lay and sigh, "This is soon." I say it so soft. It feels like the boat somehow. The way the light glows, the silence. Like time has stopped. But we are not alone. His fingers curling around the bone of my hip.

"I wanted to see you."

"You seen me upstairs." But I know what he means.

"Not what I ... I..."

"I know what you mean," and pause a beat, "So. Here I am."

I still have my back to him. Feel his presence right up behind me, feel so fucking aroused and his hand moves down, under the hem of my dress and up the bare flesh of my thighs. Oh god! His fingers on my bare skin, it is too much.

I have a moment, a panicking, rational moment. I whisper, "Nick. We have to behave. They are right upstairs." But I can feel his hand on me, and lean forward, relish in the feel of his touch. Oh, the feel of his fingers brushing up my skin, the tips of his fingers sliding along the inside of my thighs. I am thinking, won't he be surprised!

"I just want to look at you." I lean myself further across the chest freezer. Fuck. Everything in my brain says no. I want to say we have to go back upstairs, but I am excited. I have something for my brother. He throws the back of my skirt up over my hips, and I remain there. Surprise! I had nothing, NOTHING, on underneath. Had I thought this might happen? I just wanted the secret pleasure of standing with him bare beneath my dress, to be naked with him even if in secret. I honestly had not intended for anything....oh, and his low groan. His breath, he exhales like the snort of a horse.

"You are a bad girl," he says low, and I laugh.

"You have to hurry. Have your look."

Ahhhh, and he does not wait, but cups his hand right over my pussy from behind, the wispy hairs of my puss splaying out from between his fingers. Palming my little peach, so nice and ripe and wet, with his whole hand. Fuck. So juicy! God I am wet. I close my eyes as he grips me tighter, as I begin undulating my hips against it, his middle finger splits me wide open, finding my clit. I love the way he can touch me now, and spread out my legs and lay flat across the top of the white chest, rocking my hips in rhythm with his touch, arching my back and feeling the gush of juices lubricating his hand between my legs. I am giving him a nice show I think. When he takes his hand away again, my head drops and I lose all sense. When nothing is happening, I look back. I see my brother fumbling with his pants! Oh my god!!

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," my voice is strained. "We can't," I protest. I can hear his zipper, and his cock poking out of his pants.

"Sara." It's all he says. I do nothing, holding myself there, if anything, spreading my legs a bit. Permission. He says nothing more, I don't move. I feel so hot, flustered. Ready. My mind racing, they will be wondering upstairs.

I feel him moving close and tip my ass up. "Oh, Nicky." He positions himself and fills me right up. Such a sudden thrust, so big and so hard. Uh, entering me with a jolt. Oh god when it is fast it is so intense. All stretched out. Yes. Filling me in one thrust and lay my head down flat, my mind registering he is inside me. Bracing my hands for it, as he's pumping into me, fucking, fucking hard. Oh god, fucking my cunt. His chest is leaning down along my back, thrusting and I feel his breath at my ear. This stream of words, "I've wanted you so bad, you feel so good. You don't know what you do to me." His low rumbling chest, the vibration is amazing. The way his body feels.

All I can do is whimper. "Oh. God. Nicky. Cum in me. Quick. I want to feel it. Fill me." I can't think about anything else.

He grabs my hair, oh so wonderful. His fingers wrapped in my hair pulling me back. I am pressing into him so hard, held to him, my head bent back. God how I love that, no one has ever done that to me before and in no time, a breath, he is gushing cum into me, my body is full of him, my mouth open, panting. The ache of my pussy is back, it has been getting a thorough ravaging this week. My tongue is held over my lower lip, feeling each spurt, and then he is slipping out. I am still so fucking horny, I want to cum so bad. I want to roll over and ride him, looking back I can see his cock is still so hard. He is tucking it in and zipping up. I am still laying there obscenely naked, my dress up over my hips.

Oh, we do not have time! I am so fucking aroused and hot, and I want more.

So this is a quickie.

I had never done anything like this before in my life.

I stand on unsteady legs, do not have time to clean up. Brush myself, smooth the fabric, untangle my hair, tuck some loose hairs behind my ear. My ears feel hot and red, my eyes are liquid pools, I feel like the ultimate slut, and lean into him, kiss him languorously. I want to run away. Cum is running down my legs and I let it. Gathering up the boxes and jars, remembering THESE were my reason for being down here in the first place. Handing him a few of the jars.

I grab a tissue on the way through the basement and wipe quickly a bit between my legs and toss the tissue into the laundry basket. Fuck. Nick is following in my wake, realizing how he watched me just then hitching my dress and wiping between my legs. He has seen everything now.

I turn the corner to the stairs, get to the top and Suzanne is there.

!!

The shock of which genuinely startles me. I am staring at her wide eyed feeling as if she can read my mind or see through walls. She knows what we have done!

All she says is, "I was wondering where you got off to?"

"I had to get some things and..." my mind is faltering. I need to get into the bathroom.

Her eyes drift to Nick, he continues, "She couldn't find a few things, I helped her. Another set of eyes."

She turns to leave back into the kitchen and I turn to Nick.

Nice lie I think, and say so to him with my eyes. When Suzanne is out of the kitchen I say, "You were very bad," still smoothing my dress out still naked underneath. And every time he looked at me now he would know that, and I quirk a smile at the thought.

"Dinner will be soon," I say.

"I'll tell the others." And he is gone.

The problem is. I wanted a fuck so bad I couldn't stand it.

The rest of the evening was going to be torture.

--

At dinner Nick says to me, "So, should we go out for our usual breakfast this Saturday?"

His eyes pleading, his words nonchalant. SATURDAY! Two days, in two days. Alone together with him. I feel everyone knows what we are doing, what we have done. How can they possibly let us do such an illicit thing? My insides jumping about, and I am so horny. I still want to cum. I can feel the ache of my clit, still feel as if his hands are on me. All these thoughts, invisible. Never mind we have had breakfast together on a regular basis for the past five years.

So while we are together and alone, I say, "Uh, I, I mean...." I am so flustered.

And then Dave says, "Aw, go ahead. Looks like you two keep your weekends for each other. S'fine, I got you all week."

And I say, "OK," smiling uneasily.

Permission.

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First Breakfast

Saturday comes and I am up early. No one even gets up, this also is normal. Nick and I are the ones who fish, who boat. We are the ones who rise early in the morning with the sun, who walk in the woods. And I stand at the mirror with butterflies in my stomach, and tremblingly apply a bit of makeup. A little lipstick, a little mascara. Not too much. A yellow dress, a not too subtle reference to my yellow bikini, I think to myself. I've pulled on the tiniest pair of panties, and a half cup push up bra. I feel beautiful and sexy. I want him to feel what he felt on Thursday.

Walking downstairs to the car I am thinking: Calm. Calm. This is fine. I take a breath, drive into what will be a waking dream and walk into our usual place, The Summers Egg, and to our usual table where he is already sitting.

Everyone knows us, and I realize we are not alone here either. It is already different than I imagined. We are known everywhere. He is my brother even at the Summers Egg.

I settle in and look across the table, an endless memory. Does not even seem like a memory. He has a coffee in his hand. I feel us, and yes, WE are still alone.

Secrets make you alone wherever you are.

"Sara!" He says it so calm. "I wasn't sure if you would make it."

I was going to say, why would that be, but knew better. "Don't be silly. I can have breakfast with my brother." And suddenly have no idea what to do with my hands, and pick up the menu which I have memorized for years.