This story, as is all stories, isn't written for everyone. If you enjoyed it, thank you very much and you're welcome. If not, thank you for visiting.
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I was on my knees bending over with both hands around the shaft. I took two or three breaths and I tensed my muscles and squeezed and pulled like hell. Nothing. I sat up and relaxed for about two minutes determined to go ahead. I moved around to the other side. It was a different angle there because it wasn't straight up. I wiggled it back and forth without using up any real muscle and wrapped my hands around it again, more towards the top and flexed my arms a few times to build up the oxygen, or whatever the hell it does, and went at it again.
This time I didn't try to pull it into me but pushed and pulled and wrestled it over one way then the other and it finally got out and I went flying backward on my butt. I was lying there with my knees in the air, legs wide, dress down in my lap without any pants on laughing my ass off.
My neighbor, behind me in his yard, said, "You all right Mrs. Burns?" He was on his side of the fence and thankfully couldn't see my party favors, as my husband Charlie refers to them, only the back of my head and knees.
I said, "Hi Danny. Yes, I'm fine. I finally got that tent stake out I've been after since last summer. I think it got driven down between some rocks or through some shale. It was almost frozen in place." By then I'd turned over pulling my dress down and was up on my elbows holding the stake.
He said, "You shoulda hollered. I'm so old I probably have a tool for it somewhere with all the stuff I've gotten over the years."
"I know," I said. "It was either that stake or me. I wasn't going to give up but thank you for suggesting. How's Bea?"
"She's fine," he said. "All cleared up and back to normal. I got her one of those kitchen wall plaques that says, 'One beautiful person and one old grouch live here'. That cheered her up but we argue on who is who. Call me before you hurt yourself."
"Ok Danny," I said. "Thanks."
I got on my side and swiveled and sat up and froze again. A problem I've been working on for a month or two. Something just slipped in and out of my mind about it. Almost unrecognizable but there it was. I had this thought that my husband, Charlie, was after our daughter Sandy. Or in love with her. Or having an affair. It explained a lot but so did evidence in a murder trial when the defendant wasn't guilty. Your mind can make it what you want. Nothing else fit but that didn't really mean anything. I just hadn't gotten it yet.
I went in the house and stripped and put my duds in the washer and headed for the shower. I would never get all the dirt out of my knees and wrists. I was cleaned up and dressed and at my computer when Charlie and Sandy got home. He picked her up about twice a week. Mostly she walked for the exercise. She's a law clerk but didn't sit all that much. Up and down getting and returning law books to the shelves.
I caught myself trying to read him when he was around her but kicked myself and shook it off. I'm a criminal defense attorney and catching little clues and oddities and inflections in someone's voice is a big part of the game and it is a big sophisticated game. Everybody says so. At least all the lawyers.
It was raining kind of hard but not a downburst when we went out to dinner. We got in the car in the garage so no problem there. When we parked at the restaurant it was on the side where the door was flush with the building with no overhang. Charlie got out with his big golf umbrella, opened it and came around for me. He had it over himself and the door when I got out. I shut the door and he opened the back door and Sandy got out.
She closed the door and smiled at him and he put an arm around her waist. There was plenty of room under the big golf umbrella for all three of us. A few car lengths to the door. I opened it and went in, Sandy slipped out of his arm and came in, Charlie thumped the umbrella to get the water off and strapped it and we went on in. He didn't put his arm around me. I blinked several times and kicked myself again. This was silly.
I'm 42 years old and exercise for 35. I'm 5ft10 and stately looking working the court room. I've got a pert butt for the men jurors and I keep my breasts flatter in court for the ladies. My hair stops at my shoulders so it doesn't fling around when I get to working a little hard on a witness. Sandy is about the same but only 22 and lets her breasts out all the time. Charlie is 43 and the family business is publishing and he gets his exercise on a regular basis and it shows. He's got a pert butt too.
I didn't have any pants on. I seldom wore them in court. I didn't want jurors watching my pantie lines. I think Sandy picked up my habit. I wash our undies and there's never many of hers in the wash. Come to think of it her chair and his face each other in the flake room where we flake out. Maybe he gets in some views up her skirt. Nice view there. I was doing it again. I sipped some wine and joined the conversation. When my mind was off somewhere Sandy and Charlie let me be in case I was thinking about a case or something. Maybe when my mind was off somewhere it was causing Charlie to dote on Sandy since I wasn't paying attention to him. Arrggg, will I never stop.
On Monday morning I thought about a private detective. I used several very good ones, trustworthy. By Monday afternoon I designed a set of cameras and mics in the halls, her bedroom, and the sofa in the flake room and her bathroom door to see who went in. By Tuesday morning I knew about divorce divisions in case he jumped with her. By Tuesday afternoon I thought of lie detector technicians I knew. By Wednesday morning I went through Therapists I knew. By Wednesday night I got to marriage counselors.
On Saturday morning I had it all figured out and was happy again. I also knew the absolutely worse thing I have ever done in my whole life is become a damn lawyer. I knew way too much.
If I was misreading it everything would still work. If Charlie loved her that way then he wanted her. She doesn't hardly go out at all and may be a virgin for all I know. I would get them together for sex. He would have wonderful sex and be happy. She would have sex and be happy. If it continued that was fine. If it didn't that was fine. We would all three know about it and know each other knew and it would stop driving me crazy. I just had to figure out how to get them together. It was about sex. Nobody was going to be able to resist. I was a happy camper. It was going to be fun too and our marriage would be fine.
Sandy and I were washing her car. We had shorts on and tops and were getting wet. Our bras were starting to show. We were always like this washing her car. I was waiting until there was a little sex in the air and here it was. I said, "Would you be interested in helping me with your dad?"
"Sure," she said. "What do you want me to do?"
"Well, it's a little something you don't know about. Maybe I should explain but you can't ever tell your dad. It's like this. After you're married for a while you kind of get used to each other. The flame is still there but sometimes we have to put another log on the fire. When we start to slow down I usually find a way to boost it back up. I leave a magazine open with sexy ladies' underwear or a pair of my pants on the shower head in the bathroom or an off color movie or something."