Time seemed to stop. I felt my mouth drop open and I stopped breathing. Peter had his eyes closed and I could see the strained, pleasure filled look on his face. I knew that look. In fact, up until this very moment, I owned that look. Then there was my mom-in her swimsuit, a modest tankini, still wet from what was likely a trip to the hot tub, on her knees and her head bobbing up and down then shaking a bit as she went all the way down.
I could tell she had him in her throat.
Then I could hear it. The slurp and gag with each bob and Peter's groaning. Again and again.
I didn't know what to do, so I turned around and walked out. Dad grabbed my arm but I pulled away and just walked. What the fuck? My stomach hurt. My hands were clinched and I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. I heard voices behind me, but I didn't turn around. I needed to just get away.
I walked down the sidewalk, then across the street to the beach where Dad and I just were. I took my flip flops off and started to run. I couldn't get the image out of my head. The look on Peter's face as..as...as...my mom was sucking him. The irony wasn't lost on me. Of course it wasn't. I mean, not 10 minutes ago wasn't I doing the same thing to Dad and then Peter before that? Wasn't I having sex with both of them? Wasn't I freaking out about being caught and people being hurt and wondering how long I could keep it up?
I fell onto the sand and pulled my knees to my chest. I looked back the direction I came. The door to our house was closed. I wondered what was happening now. How was Dad feeling? I am sure he had no idea either. Right? I mean he would have said something right?
I frowned. Wait. Why am I so upset? I took a deep breath. Then another one. But I could not stop shaking. I kept seeing them in my head. "Peter..." I whispered aloud, "I thought you wanted me. I thought you were mine."
I stood back up and kept walking. Motion helped. Sitting there made me want to throw up. This whole fucking thing made me want to throw up.
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Wandering down the beach after seeing something traumatic was somewhat therapeutic. It was like the more distance I went from the house, the further I was from the emotion. Or something. I don't know. I neared the end of the beach, which I knew was like 2 miles from the house. There was a dock jutting out into the ocean, and after circling around onto the street I went out onto the dock and made my way to the very end. The moon hung low on the horizon and reflected silver light off the water. I looked at it for a long time and listened to the waves. Slowly the sound of my mom and brother slipped back into the background and out of my mind.
I was still angry and in this space I knew why. I was jealous. Sure, it didn't make sense, but that was the way I was feeling. I felt betrayed and hurt. Yes of course I had my secrets with Peter. But that was just it. I thought it was our secret and there were no other secrets. I told him everything. In fact, I gave him everything. How long was this going on? What I thought we had didn't seem so special anymore. I thought this crazy thing we did and were doing, I thought it was just between us.
I shook my head. "This whole thing is so fucked up."
I thought of my father. What was he thinking when he saw that? Did he know? What about what he and I had just shared? Where did I stand in all this?
Tears ran down my cheeks and I wiped them away quickly. I mean, what did I think was gonna happen? Where did I think this was going to go? I let out a loud sigh and kept looking over the silver water. Why was I jealous? I mean I knew my parents still made love and that didn't bother me. Right?
"Fuck," I whispered.
I couldn't go back. I couldn't look anyone in my house in the eye anymore.
I turned around and leaned against the pier looking back toward the town. I was suddenly utterly alone. I pushed off from the pier and made my way toward town. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I couldn't just stay still. I had to be...somewhere else.
I wasn't sure what time it was, but there were enough people about that I assumed it was still early. Things were a haze, I looked in windows, stopped in shops but I didn't really see anything. It was like all the world just lost its color. I stopped in front of a shop window and looked at myself. I mean, did I think that I was that special? Was I that hot? I pushed my hair back behind my ears and let out a breath. I mean, I know I am pretty cute...but what the hell am I even thinking about?
"Hey there."
I realized a guy was standing next to me. He was cute, like 20 something in board shorts and t-shirt he had obviously worn all day at the beach.
I glanced at him, "Hey."
"I have seen you around here haven't I?"
Really that was where this was going? "Probably not," I replied and looked at him. I wasn't really in the mood to flirt.
He laughed, "Ouch! Ok, so I guess that was lame."
"Yep," I replied. I turned to go, I had been in enough awkward conversations today.
"Where are you going? My name is Brad by the way."
"Hi Brad," I said as I walked back toward the beach.
He hustled to stay next to me but I wasn't in the mood. There was way too much going on to even look at this douche bag.
"Hey wait!" He jogged up next to me. "Why so rude?"
I took a deep breath and kept walking. "Sorry Brad, not a good day at the moment, I don't think I would be all that fun to talk to."
"I doubt that!" He said with a laugh. "You look like a cute good girl, but I think you have some fire in you."
A good girl. I turned and looked at him. "Brad, leave me alone." I turned back and kept heading back toward the beach leaving Brad somewhere behind me. He said I look like a good girl. A good girl. The phrase struck me. It hit a cord. Why? Was I good? I mean, if the last two days was any indication, obviously I was fucked up. Does a good girl really suck and fuck her brother and father? I stopped at the edge of the road, looked both ways then crossed back on to the beach.
"Actually," I said outloud thoughtfully. "Yes she does." I loved them both. Differently but the same. I knew that now. I mean I always knew but this was different. I loved them and I think I want to be good to them. I want to be a good daughter, to actually not just a selfish bitch, but to be a loving good daughter. Dad deserved that. Where was he?
I looked out of the water. Then there was Peter. I loved him. I wanted him to get everything he ever wanted. I always did. I was jealous because mom was there, doing what I thought was the thing I could do for him. But no. What I can do for him is to share him. We are family. I mean this is fucking crazy, but it feels right. If I loved him, I would want to understand.
I looked back to the direction of the house. I needed to go back. I was a good girl, but I could be better. If Peter and mom had a thing, then it was better that I knew...better that we all knew what was happening. No more hiding.
I started to walk back. I wasn't sure if I was ready to talk this out with my parents or even Peter. But it needed to be done. This whole thing has just been building and I needed to get it all out in the open.
The rest of the walk home felt long. My nerves were all over the place and my stomach was churning. I saw the car in the driveway and the lights were on. I guess everyone was home. I walked up to the door and stopped, took a deep breath then turned the handle.
The living room was empty. I saw mom's bikini top was still on the floor, but the couch was empty. I closed the door behind me, kicked off my sandals and looked around. "Hello?" I said weakly.
I heard voices from upstairs. Maybe the "talk" was already in session. I figured Dad was trying to make sense of all this too. I wondered suddenly if he had told them about us. Would he do that with me not there? Fuck.
I ran up the stairs, turned toward the voices in the master bedroom. "Daddy? Mom?" I said as I opened the door.
Peter was sitting in a chair, naked and his hand on his cock. My mom was on the bed, on all fours staring at him as my dad pumped her hard from behind. Her boobs went in every direction as he gripped her flesh with his hands and thrust. Sweat ran down his chest and I could see he was trying to position his legs better with each thrust.
"Ahh," mom groaned.