Giving Thans for Lingerie

"Hey, everyone!" called out my sister Erica as she entered my parents' house. "We're here!"

"Oh, that's wonderful," said my Aunt Rose as she moved toward the front door.

Erica stayed at the door with her boyfriend Aaron as the family gathered around. She and Aaron made a good-looking couple. Erica had blue eyes and wavy dark brown hair that stayed close to her head as it tumbled down to her shoulders. She was wearing a thin black leather jacket, a white cotton blouse, and a long, gray wool skirt. Aaron had light brown eyes, dark brown hair that was cut fairly short, and a full beard and mustache. He had gold wire-rimmed glasses with small lenses and was wearing a tweed driving cap, a tweed jacket, a light blue business shirt, and gray wool pants. They were both dressed as if they had left directly from work, which they probably had. They both looked smart and professional.

Erica was introducing Aaron to everyone. "You already know my brother Matt."

I stepped forward and gave Aaron a firm handshake. Erica kept introducing our family. There were my mom and dad, Aunt Rose and Uncle Steve, their kids William and Alexa, and Aunt Nicole and Uncle Grant.

Once that was done, Mom asked Aaron, "Can you stay for a while?"

"No, I'm sorry to say. I really wish I could stay longer, but I've got five more hours to drive. And that's assuming good traffic. No idea how long it will take me to drive to my parents on the day before Thanksgiving." Aaron waved at everyone. "It was nice meeting you all. I'll be back Sunday!" He kissed Erica before slipping out the door.

"He seemed nice," said my Aunt Rose.

"He's very nice," said Erica. "I've always dated bad boys, so he's the first nice guy I've dated. Very sweet and caring."

My cousin William asked, "Why isn't he staying for Thanksgiving?"

Aunt Rose rolled her eyes. "I told you. We'll discuss it later." She turned back to Erica. "So how are you liking your job?"

Erica and the parents moved toward the dining room. William headed back to his video game, and Alexa picked up her book. I sighed and joined the parents in the dining room.

This Thanksgiving was supposed to be when my extended family would meet my and Erica's significant others. Last year, Mom had hosted Christmas for just our family, I had brought my girlfriend Hailey and Erica had brought Aaron. In March, Erica had proposed that Mom host Thanksgiving, so she could spend Christmas with Aaron's family and I could spend Christmas with Hailey's family. At that time, it looked like Hailey and I would eventually get engaged, and Erica and Aaron would eventually get engaged. Mom had invited the aunts, uncles, and cousins to spend Thanksgiving with us. It had been almost three years since I had seen them. Then a month ago, I broke up with Hailey, and Aaron backed out on spending Thanksgiving with my family.

I found a corner to stand in and quietly nursed my beer as my aunts and uncles quizzed Erica about her life.

Uncle Grant at one point asked, "Your mom told us that there was a change in plans, and that's why Aaron didn't stay?"

"Yes. The plan was for Aaron and I to spend Thanksgiving here and then spend Christmas at his parents. But two months ago, his parents announced that they were going to Australia and New Zealand for Christmas. They're taking an eighteen-day cruise. It's been their dream for a long time, and things fell into place for them to go this year. So naturally they wanted Aaron and I to spend Thanksgiving with them. I said that Mom had a big Thanksgiving already planned with family coming in from out of town. Eventually, Aaron and I decided the best thing would be for us to each spend Thanksgiving with our parents."

Erica said that in a positive and upbeat way, but Mom had told me that Erica had been pissed about Aaron changing Thanksgiving plans after everyone had bought plane tickets to come here for Thanksgiving.

"So tell us about how your apartment is decorated," said Mom, discretely steering the conversation to a more enjoyable topic.

I had gone through a similar grilling when I arrived a few hours ago. Well, not quite as in-depth as Erica was getting, as people already knew and respected that I was still getting over my breakup with Hailey. It sucked to be twenty-seven and starting over again on the relationship front, particularly after Hailey and I had been so crazy about each other initially. I sighed. Fortunately, no one noticed as they were focused on Erica. She talked a lot about Aaron - at twenty-six, he was a year older than her and worked in accounting at the same company as Erica did. He was a nice guy who didn't drink or do drugs, which made him quite the contrast to the other guys Erica had dated. Erica spent a lot of time telling the story of their cat Greckle. He had been a great cat, but then they discovered that Aaron was allergic to cats, and they eventually gave him back to the shelter.

I wandered back to the living room, where William was playing a football game on the Xbox Mom asked me to bring. William, at twenty-three, was four years younger than me and three years older than Alexa. He was a football fanatic. He had played in high school, and it was all he talked about, even though he hadn't been very good. Then he went to Alabama for college just because it was a great football school. During those years, all he talked about was Alabama football. Now that he had graduated and had a job, I had hoped that he'd talk about something besides football, but no such luck. His job was typing numbers into spreadsheets all day, and he didn't want to talk about that. So football continued to be the only thing he wanted to talk about.

"What game is this?" I asked.

"Madden NFL. Do you want to play?"

"No."

"Let me show you my team."

William showed me his team. It would have been just as interesting if he had done it in Chinese. After I had all I could take of football, I went to the dining room. The women were working on dinner for tonight. Dad said, "There's four of us, Matt. How about some Hearts?"

"Sounds great."

Dad fetched a deck of cards and was soon dealing. Dad, Uncle Grant, Uncle Steve, and I played Hearts until dinner was ready. Dinner was a chuck roast with potatoes, carrots, and onions and a salad on the side. The roast was really good, and I put away more than my share. After dinner, the three parents started a game of Trivial Pursuit, with each couple a team. The four kids passed on the opportunity. William resumed playing on the Xbox, and Alexa resumed reading her book.

I said to Erica, "I'm going upstairs to check out where I'm sleeping." She followed along as I made my way up to the office. Aunt Rose and Uncle Steve were staying in my old bedroom, Aunt Nicole and Uncle Grant were staying in Erica's old bedroom, William and I were going to camp out in the office, and Erica and Alexa were going to sleep in the living room.

I entered the office with my day bag and my travel duffle. Two cots were each set up with a sleeping bag and a pillow. Not bad. I dropped my stuff next to the cot farthest from the door and sat down in one of the office chairs. Erica sat down in the other and asked, "So what happened between you and Hailey? You two seemed so happy last Christmas."

I shrugged. "We were. We really hit it off initially. But like so many couples, we hit money problems. Or more specifically, we couldn't agree on how to spend our money. Problems accumulated, and, eventually, we decided it wasn't working anymore."

Erica waited for a few moments for me to say more, and when I didn't, she said. "Okay. You've told me what you've told Mom and Dad. Now tell me the real scoop."

I laughed. "The real scoop?"

"Yeah. The gory details. Things aren't going great between Aaron and me, and I want to compare notes."

"Ah, okay." I put my chin in my hand and thought about what I would say. Finally, I decided 'fuck it' and to be honest and blunt. "From the very beginning, Hailey and I really hit it off. It didn't take long until we were regularly spending the night together. It wasn't the sex, though that was great, it was that we both really enjoyed hanging out together. We liked doing the same kind of things and had fun doing them with each other. We got an apartment together, and we were happy as can be in our little love nest. We had issues, but nothing big, certainly nothing that threatened our relationship. And then...how do you and Aaron handle your finances?"

"We have a joint checking account and our own credit cards. Is that what you mean?"

"Yeah, that's what I mean. For a long time, Hailey and I kept our finances separate, and everything was fine. I had bills that I paid, and she had bills that she paid. If there was a surprise expense, we'd each check our balances and decide who could handle paying for it. But once we started discussing marriage, it made sense for us to get a joint checking account and a joint credit card account. And our relationship crashed and burned."

A confused look came over Erica. "What caused it to crash and burn?"

I sighed and then thought about how to describe what happened. "We didn't fight over money, but we made each other miserable over how the other spent money. Hailey would go over every little expense I made and ask me why I had made it. I get where she was coming from. She wanted us to save money for our wedding and our house. But her bugging me about every little expense drove me crazy. I started harassing her about her purchases. 'Did we need another candle?' Hailey was big into candles. And scented soaps." I shook my head. "It hadn't mattered when our finances were separate, but it became a big deal once we merged our finances." I leaned back in my chair. "I think we'd be engaged by now if we had kept our finances separate. We had been so happy up until then. And merging our finances had seemed the right thing to do. It was something we'd have to do eventually. It's just..."

My heart ached so much that I couldn't say anymore. Things had been so great for so long with Hailey that it was still a shock to me that it was over.

After a few moments of grieving, I asked, "Gory enough?"

"Yes."

"So what's going on with you and Aaron?"

Erica leaned forward. "I don't really know. Aaron's a great guy. So easy to get along with. And yet...He doesn't have the fire I wish he'd have. He doesn't push back; he just rolls over. If his boss asks him to work late, he works late. His parents asked him to come visit them at Thanksgiving after I thought our travel plans were set, so he's spending Thanksgiving there. I guess...I don't know...perhaps he's too nice? I'm not really sure. I've never dated a nice guy like him. Now, I wish there was more bad boy or at least more backbone to him. That he was more demanding and less easy to push around. I don't think anyone sees him getting promoted from his current job, whereas I feel like I'll be made a manager soon. It'd be weird to make more money than him."

"Hey, it happens. We're no longer a society where the man is always the breadwinner."

"I know," Erica said in a way that indicated she knew what I said was what she should believe, but she didn't. My sister looked down for a few moments. "In college, I thought I'd be fine with making more money than my husband, but it's not sitting as well with me as I thought it would."

I decided to move on to another topic. "Bummer about Greckle."

"Yeah," said Erica sadly. "We have some fish now."

Erica sounded less than enthralled with the fish, but I decided not to pursue it. "Let's go back downstairs and see if anyone missed us."

* * * *

Early the next morning, I was in my parents' backyard, raking the leaves. Erica came out, walked over to me, and said, "Good morning, Matt."

"Good morning to you too."

Erica was holding a cup of coffee and sipped from it while she watched me work. "Your proposal didn't go over well last night."

"I hadn't expected it to." I pitched to my parents, aunts, and uncles that the US government should take the penny out of circulation. If you bought something and paid cash for it, you'd round up or down to the nearest nickel. That would free up a slot in the change drawer, so the US government should take the dollar bill out of circulation and replace it with the existing dollar coin. As that would free up a slot in the bill drawer, the US government should encourage banks to have their ATMs give out fifties instead of twenties. "It's my job at family gatherings to pitch crazy ideas so everyone will have something to discuss. Everyone seemed to enjoy shooting it down."

"I thought your idea made a lot of sense. The main argument they made against it was that they are used to the way things are. But as you said, they would probably quickly adapt to the new status quo if those changes were made." Erica took another long sip of coffee. "Did you sleep well last night?"

"Slept great. I asked William to tell me Alabama's football team's strengths and weaknesses. He enthusiastically launched into an incredibly boring monologue, and I was snoozing in no time." Erica laughed. "How about you?"

"Uuuuh...not so much. Alexa claimed the couch, so I slept in a recliner. Didn't really suit me. And once we were lying down for the night, she told me about the book she's reading, Andrea Dworkin's

Intercourse

."

"Never heard of it."

Erica sighed. "Not my cup of tea. The central thesis is that heterosexual intercourse is a central part of men's subordination of women and defining their status."

I raised my eyebrows. "Seriously?"

"Seriously. I should say heterosexual intercourse as depicted in books, movies, and pornography. I've known some women who've read that book for one of their classes, so I'm familiar with the arguments. Dworkin has a lot of evidence to back it up. But it's not a subject I want to discuss when my relationship is going through a rough patch."

I chuckled. "I can see that." I raked some more leaves into my pile. "Is Alexa a lesbian? It's hard to imagine her having a boyfriend with that kind of attitude." Alexa was average height, a little chunky with brown shoulder-length hair and black glasses. Average looking. Would probably have a tough time finding a boyfriend even if she wanted one.

Erica opened her mouth, but no answer immediately came out. Eventually, she said, "I think she's probably asexual. I can't remember her ever discussing a boyfriend or a girlfriend."

I looked down at the leaves and said, "What she really needs is for someone to fuck her senseless. But she's probably too sexually repressed for that to work."

"You're a therapist," said Erica in disgust. "That's a terrible thing to say."

"I agree. It's terrible that she's too sexually repressed for someone fucking her senseless to straighten her out."

Erica gave me a dirty look. "Why do you always think about sex?"

"I don't always think about sex," I said indignantly.

"Is fucking women senseless something you do in your drama therapy sessions?" I was a drama therapist.

"Oh noooooo," I said while making a big 'O' with my mouth. "People already think drama therapy is a bunch of crazy nonsense, and that's with us keeping our sessions very tame. I'd never do anything remotely sexual."

When Erica didn't reply, I moved over to another part of the yard and started a new leaf pile. After a few minutes, Erica asked, "Why does it always have to be about sex?"

I shrugged. "We are designed to have sex. And to make babies. Falling in love is this crazy thing our mind tricks us into doing so we'll have sex, make babies, and then raise the babies until they're old enough to survive on their own."

"You and Hailey didn't make any babies," said Erica with relish as if she was enjoying pushing back on my argument. "Were you two not doing it right?"

"Oh, we were doing it right. Sex with Hailey was the best I've ever had. Best she's ever had. But no babies because Hailey wanted to line up permanent shelter first. Meet a mate, get permanent shelter, have babies - that's what humans are designed to do. The more we force young people to not do that, the more messed up they are."

"And the more they need drama therapists," Erica said as a light barb.

I shrugged again. "There's only so much we can do." I stopped and leaned on the rake. "The average age of first marriage for a woman dropped after World War Two, eventually reaching twenty-one in the sixties. The average age for men has been about two years higher than that for women basically as long as they've kept statistics on age at marriage. Since the sixties, the average age for marriage has gone up and up, and now it's thirty for women and thirty-two for men. I think it's because the price for starter homes has gone up and up during that time. People are waiting to get married until they are in a position to get married, buy a house, and then start a family; boom, boom, boom." I went back to raking.

After a while, Erica asked, "Where did this all come from?"

"I...my relationship failing with Hailey really hurt. I'm still hurting from it. Things were so good between us for so long. But I think what tore us apart was that we had gotten set in our ways in terms of how we spent our money. When we tried to start saving for our house, that caused each of us to push the other to change their spending habits. And it wasn't a change either of us were willing to make. So this absolutely wonderful relationship crashed and burned."

"Why didn't you go back to how you were handling your finances before?"

"The damage was already done. The magic was gone. I talked to Hailey about us seeking counseling, but she preferred to move on. Find some guy that makes as much or more than her." I stopped and leaned on the rake again. "Here's my latest crazy idea. The government should give young couples who marry after they are twenty-two, the money to buy a two-bedroom residence. Young people will start marrying again. And having kids when they are in their twenties. And they'll get along better with other people their age as they'll all have kids. And parents won't spend years and years after the kids go off to college with not much happening in their life as they'll have grandkids." I went back to raking.

"Will you propose that tonight to the rest of the family?" Erica smiled tauntingly.

"Oh no." I chuckled. "Mom, Dad, and the rest would just reject it flat out. There wouldn't be any discussion." I stopped raking again. "Do you remember Jerri?"

Erica thought for a moment. "The girl you dated your senior year of college?"

"Yes. We never seriously considered the idea of us dating after I graduated. I was going to another college to get my master's in Drama Therapy." I resumed raking. "But what if we could have gotten a starter place if we married after she graduated?" Jerri had been a junior my senior year. "We could have long-distance-dated for a year while we made wedding plans, married after she graduated, and started our post-college lives together. Then we wouldn't have gotten set in our ways before we married. It would have been exciting taking on the working world together."

Erica chuckled. "You've got marriage on the brain." It was a gentle rebuke.

I raised my hands. "What can I say? I'm ready to settle down." I raked a couple of times. "Speaking of marriage, have you thought seriously about marrying Aaron?"

"Yes." Erica stood pensively for a while. "He's the first guy I've seriously thought about marrying. I think that's why I started dating him. All the bad boys I dated earlier definitely weren't marriage material. From the beginning, I could see Aaron being a faithful loyal husband and a loving father. I still do."

Despite her doubts last night, Erica now sounded quite committed to Aaron. Had last night been about the frustration and embarrassment of Aaron not being here to get to know her family and she was slowly getting over it?