Nunzio pulled up to the funeral home, checking out his slicked-back black hair in the mirror as he did. Bitchin', he thought to himself as he got out and slammed the door, vaulting over the short hedge in front of the Balzini Funeral Parlor and walking inside, whistling.
Inside, all eyes turned toward him, the young buck of the Parilli family, all balls, no brains. They turned back the other way, trying not to notice Nunzio glad-handing his way through the crowd, doing the "Hey, how's it goin', huh?"routine with everyone.
Everybody had Nunzio's number, except Nunzio. He couldn't understand why people shunned him, didn't know he was an arrogant, sexist asshole, even by Italian family standards. He pushed people the wrong way, he was arrogant, aggressive, a real pain in the ass.
The women especially hated him, the way he tried to make them all, especially cousins. Nunzio was a celebrated cousin-fucker in the Parilli tribe. And that's what was most despised about the brash, ballsy 22 year old.
Like this day. At the funeral of his Aunt Theresa, the elderly lady who'd cared for him during the troubling times of his parents' messy and loud divorce, as the woman was laid out cold in the casket, Nunzio was down the cellar, trying to put the stones to Maria, his air-headed third cousin on his father's side.
"C'mon, Maria, you know we were meant to do this, doncha?" Nunzio breathed into his 18-year-old cousin's heavily perfumed ear as he ground his tight-panted crotch into her in a darkened hallway. "You want it, you know you do."
"Not here, Nuney, not here," she grumbled, pushing herself away. "Fucking dumb-ass fucking dago, our dead fucking aunt is on the slab not 10 feet fucking above us and you're down here trying to plank me. No fucking class, you shitbag."
"Nice language," Nunzio said indignantly. "OK, back at the house then, right?"
"Right," Maria smiled and sashayed out the door.
Nunzio hit on all the other available young female cousins just to be sure he wouldn't get banged before trying to slip the salami to young Maria later.
They all rebuffed him. He didn't care, he had a promise and to Nunzio a promise was as good as pulling his wilting cock out of a spunk-infested pussy and lighting a Camel. He was golden.
Or so he thought. Maria huddled with her mother, her aunts and other female cousins upstairs as Nunzio came up. A smart man would've noticed the gathering and seen smoke signals from the angry looks on their faces. Nunzio just waved and made mental notes of who in the pack he'd like to fuck. After Maria, of course.
Back at the girl's house, the usual assortment of funeral meats were laid out, the capicola, the prosciutto, the salami. There was pasta up the ass and then some, and nothing had a cholesterol count of less than a million. All the fat relatives gathered round the feasting table first, stuffing pork-pie hands in the lettuce-ringed meat platter and coming away with fistfuls of death-on-a-roll. The "skinny minnies," as the fat relatives called the thin
ones, stayed in the parlor, smoking and bullshitting. That's where Nunzio was until Maria showed up. He gave her the eye and they broke off separately to meet in her bedroom.
"Oh, yeah, baby, that's it, that's it, stroke it, stroke it," Nunzio hissed, eyes closed, as he embraced his sexy cousin, humping into the hand she offered, closing her fingers around his hard cock and jerking him in his pants.
"Mmmm, you like that, Nuney, huh? You like my hand on your cock, playing wit' it?" Maria breathed into his ear as Nunzio bent his moaning face into her shoulder.
"Fuckin' A, Maria, yeah, baby, you know I do, I do, I dooooooo..." he growled, fucking her palm through his pants.
"You like maybe this?" she moaned, reaching down a little further and giving his nuts a little squeeze.
Nunzio froze. He had his nuts squeezed before, a little, and he liked it. Maria knew her stuff.
"Fuck, honey, you do that so fucking nice," he growled, reaching down to unsnap his pants, dancing backwards to fall on her lacy bed, peeling his tight trousers down his skinny legs.
His long, thin cock popped up.
"Shit, Nuney, no underwear?" Maria giggled, sitting next to him on the bed.
"Nah, slows things down, if you knows what I mean," he winked at her, leaning up on his elbows to watch her slender hand close around his prick.
"So, Nuney, you like it when I do this?" Maria teased, pumping his pork with one hand, cupping his nuts in the other and squeezing them.
"Oh, fuck, yeah, that's it, baby, that's it..." Nunzio growled, tilting his head back until it left a grease spot on Maria's white bedcover.
"How's about this, Nuney, you like it when I do this?" Maria asked again, palming his balls a little harder, putting the pressure on slowly.
"Uh, yeah, baby...geez, that's a little much, huh, not so hard, OK?" he said nervously, pulling his head back up, his chin in his chest as he watched with widening eyes as Maria's hand closed around his swollen orbs.
