It was a Saturday like many others when I shuffled into the kitchen in the late morning after a long night at the computer. I first needed a cup of coffee to wake me up properly, but I was still almost half asleep, fiddling with the coffee machine.
"So, finally among the living?" my slightly older sister Rachel asked me rhetorically from the kitchen table.
"Do you have to scare me like that?"
I hadn't seen her sitting there. As she always did at the weekend when she came home from university, she sat at the kitchen table in her baggy outfit, her eyes fixed on her cell phone while her shoulder-length black hair fell into her face.
"There's nothing I'd rather do than that," she said with a big grin.
She'd been a bitch since she was in college. Our relationship had never been the best -- I lived my life, and she did whatever she wanted. At least that was my impression, since she had the "good kid "status from our mom.
She had gone through quite a development during college. But I could only observe it from a distance, see how she became more self-confident. Basically, I just didn't care as long as we didn't get in each other's way.
My relationship with my mother had changed dramatically over the past few months. She disagreed with my decisions and couldn't even understand them. My goal was clear in my mind's eye: I had been working steadily since last year towards becoming a pro gamer. I knew you'd judge: "Not another deluded teenager living in a bubble."
But after initial teething troubles, I had finally worked out a good plan, analyzed an incredible amount, and no longer went into the venture blindly.
Behind me, my mother came out of the garden, where she spent most of her Sundays, to get her stressful job out of her head for a few hours while gardening. At least, that's what I assumed.
"Michael, we need to talk today. I can't believe you've just woken up and already let yourself go like this again!"
"I'm not really awake yet. Give me a few moments, and then we can have another round of 'What are you going to do with life 'or 'Why won't you finish college this year?"
"Not in that tone, son! I'm worried, and... I just don't see where this is going. You're just wasting your life..."
And so the discussion went on, which I didn't want to have and wasn't even awake enough for. My sister Rachel stayed out of it as usual and doomscrolled through the morning. I couldn't blame her.
As soon as my coffee was ready, I choked off the conversation and just disappeared straight out of the kitchen on my way to the first floor. This, of course, made my mother even angrier, but I couldn't let it drag me down if I didn't spend time in the same room with her.
Fortunately, she didn't go after me but left it as a pitiful attempt at conversation. As a lawyer, she probably lacked the stamina and strategy when dealing with her own children. At least, that's what I thought up to that point. Maybe she was just too tired at the weekend.
When I got upstairs to my room, I sat at my regular place at the computer desk, which was almost in the middle of the room. I had placed it there so that the sun wouldn't shine on my monitor and nobody could see what I was doing when someone entered my room. This was mainly due to the fact that my mother had chosen a house that didn't have regular doors but instead had satin glass sliding doors. These could not be locked either. It had always been important to her to treat each other respectfully, but this made activities that usually required absolute privacy into constant ninja training.
I took the first sip of coffee and thought, "Fuck, I forgot the milk."
Then I went downstairs, hoping my mom had returned to the garden. At the bottom of the stairs, though, a conversation made me stop.
"I'm not willing to feed him any longer if he's not at least willing to do his mandatory time in college. At his age, I didn't have a good idea exactly what I wanted to do either, but I was curious and tried many things! Damn!" my mother was annoyed.
"He says he has a plan..." my sister remarked half-heartedly.
"Oh, an idiotic idea like that isn't a plan. It's just daydreaming -- nothing more. If he's not careful, he'll lose all his chances! But I won't let that happen. And neither will you!"
"Me? What on earth have I got to do with it?"
"You're his older sister, and you should finally start acting like one and exert some influence over him."
"Influence? Ha! You can forget that. That's not how our relationship works."
"Then make sure that changes. I need comrades-in-arms, not indifference," Mom said, hesitating briefly.
"Either you help me set your brother on a good path, or I start revising my decisions regarding your freedoms and privileges. Starting with your trip to Europe next semester break!" my mother scolded.
"What? You can't do that. How am I supposed to do that?"
"Talk to him! Show him that your path is paying off. I don't care what you do as long as it has an effect on him! Either his attitude changes or your trip is canceled."
"You can't be serious! Why should I suffer because the loser can't get his life under control?" Rachel defended herself.
I grinned -- of course, that would be stressful for me, but I could handle that. The prospect of my sister getting a smack in the face was an excellent possibility, given her behavior over the last few years.
I crept back up the stairs so they couldn't catch me and drank my coffee black with relish, as black as my soul. I smiled to myself and started my training for the day.
I wish I'd known what I was in for.
### SUNDAY
After my first year at an excellent but incredibly boring college, I had no motivation at all. My grades were good, but I couldn't keep going. How can you push yourself day in and day out to do something that is incompatible with your beliefs and values? How could you pay into the system of mindless wage laborers and earnestly seek happiness simultaneously?
I wanted to find a way out of the study rooms and then the offices that were becoming the same. So far, however, I haven't been interested in anything other than my games. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't an absolute nerd. I had friends, played on the football team in the past, and went out occasionally. But the only passion I really felt was for gaming.
Initially, gaming was just an escape from my boring everyday life. Still, the more I saw the industry develop, the more I wanted to be a part of it. However, I didn't want to design or develop games -- I wanted to excel in them.
One of my favorite games since the first version came out was Castlenite. In the first two years, I got better and better and was able to climb the leaderboards quickly, but then I hit a wall that prevented me from taking the final step. I spent hours and hours playing online with others, trying to get better.
It wasn't until I got feedback from a few players of the upper ranks and started playing in teams that I suddenly understood where my personal blind spot was. I had been concentrating too much on the shooter part of the game the whole time and thought I just needed to have better reflexes and be able to make quicker decisions. I was not wrong in principle, but I was neglecting the construction part of the game.
After this eureka moment, I made a good training plan and spent all my time trying to improve my skills over several months. That's why I took a semester off -- after all, I couldn't drop out of college immediately because then I wouldn't have had my mom's support, which was crumbling anyway. I was probably starting to get carried away. But my results were getting better and better, and something was moving.
After reaching the Arena Champions division with a fresh new account, I started playing systematically in Cash Cups. These were smaller tournaments that took place worldwide and regionally and often offered prize money in the five-figure range. I wanted to make a name for myself there to participate in a DreamHack Online tournament as the next level of success.
My dream was to take a leading position in the Champion Series or even the World Cup. I trained with my squad every Saturday and, as usual, sat in my cozy gaming chair at my desk in front of the monitor. Things were going pretty well for us when I heard my door slide to the side.
"Hey, fuckface, where's your phone charger?"
I sighed and tried to ignore her.
"HEY!" she shouted louder, and I pulled my headphones aside briefly.
"Leave me alone, I'm gaming right now. Come back in half an hour."
"I can't wait that long. I was just training, and my phone went off," she said, approaching the desk.
I was trying to build a tower higher and needed to concentrate. But she kept standing in front of the desk, and it irritated me so much that I hid in the game to get rid of her. I took a deep breath to shout and looked at her -- at that moment, she took my breath away.
I had not seen my sister in an outfit like this in recent years, and certainly not in the middle of her fitness routine.
She wore skintight dark green sports leggings that allowed her pale skin to show through the mesh fabric on her thighs. She had her hands on her full hips and seemed annoyed.
But that only made her look more beautiful: her delicate features and shiny hair tied back in a ponytail. Her full lips, cheeks slightly flushed from sport, and piercing green eyes, which I had wished to hell so often, suddenly seemed like a beckoning from heaven.
