"Monica," I heard my father's calling from the kitchen, "Dinner is ready."
I closed my physics book, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. God! I never knew college would be this hard. "Coming," I called back, happy to be able to get away from all the horrid equations and mumbo-jumbo leaping out at me from the pages of the book.
My father is an "old school" type of person. Dinners are not the tv dinner stuff many spend so much time loving to hate. He cooks! Dinner for two is more like a feast than just a few minutes wasted on feeding the body. This is one of the sides of him that has always amazed me and my friends.
"Made you Apple Pie," he said when I was seated at the table.
"Dad. You didn't have to do that."
"I know," he replied with a shrug of his shoulders. "You're worth it."
"Am I?" I moaned out, still fighting the physics stuff roaming freely in my mind.
"Oh, studies getting to you, huh?"
""It just. . . You know, it just sucks." I said hotly. "I'll never get all that stuff learnt."
"Well, tell you one thing, if it sucked you'd sure be happier than this." He said with a light laugh as he spooned the mashed potatoes onto his plate.
"Dad!" I said, trying to contain my giggle.
"Well, I am right."
"What are you going to do tonight?" I asked, trying to change the subject from me and my studies.
"Oh, I don't know. Was thinking about taking a walk up to the old school house and watching the moon come up."
"Full moon?"
"Yup. It's one nice night to just take a walk and think things out."
I took a deep breath. Maybe I needed to get away from those books. "Can I go with you?"
"Sure," he said in surprise. "We haven't done that in a long time, have we?" In my mind an idea started to form. No matter how much I tried to push it aside, or cover it with facts and figures, it simply grew stronger. "Dad?" I finally asked. "Do you mind if I not spend the whole weekend studying? You know, just spend time with you like it use to be."
"That'd be awesome," He replied with a smile.
"It's not the sixties," I teased, picking on him for using the word "awesome".
The physics book laid on the coffee table unopened as I help Dad clean up after dinner. My mind was shocked at how much I had missed doing this with him. Deep behind my brown eyes, memories were woke up. Stretching from their long naps, they brought back a softness I had once known. A softness this old man had given me even after my mother had up and walked away from us. Memories cascaded from my mind as a million happy thoughts of this tiny farm, maybe eight or ten miles southwest of Marshall, Michigan, reignited the child inside of me.
Yes, this tiny farm. I loved it here. A few hills, and a big, dark woods that I had played in when I was much younger. I loved to sit under the trees and look up at the sky through the green leafs. Here I had ran and played as I picked maybe a million tiny flowers which, unknown to me, would be wilted before I could get the little treasures to the house.
I did have a "special" place here too. Behind the woods was this tall, old hill. Along the south side of it ran an old stagecoach road. Poplar and Wild Cherry trees grew in abundance here, creating many places for me to sit and daydream my youth away. Sitting on my hill in the fall, I would take in the red and yellow colors of the trees as I looked up and down the now deserted road. I had wondered about all the people who had once traveled upon it's earthen path. Where had they come from? Where did they go to?
Yes! It was long past due to get away from physics and just be me. We put the dishes in the dish washer, cleaned up the kitchen and sat down in the living room and talked like we had not done in years. When it came time to go on our walk, I was entertaining the idea of us not going anywhere, but just sit here and talk about all that we had seen and done since I had been much younger.
It was dark when we started up the road. For late May it was a crystal clear night, the stars twinkling down at us like they had done years before when I would sit outside and look up at the stars, wondering if, on one of them, that there was someone sitting and looking up at our sun, wondering if. . . It was a wild feeling to feel such thoughts yet again.
When we got to the old school house, now having been converted to a church of sorts, we sat on the old concrete steps, talking and listening to the symphony of night creatures calling out for each other. Dad was so calm and relaxed now. I had not seen him slow down since Lord knows when and, soon the song of the night blended him into my mind as the memory of what I had thought of him earlier in my life resurfaced, only now I wasn't a little child.
I felt my face redden as I locked in on my thoughts. How could I have such thoughts about my own father! Yet, as I tried to force the thoughts from my mind, they only grew even larger. No matter how hard I tried, my embarassement quickly turned to lusty feelings. Try as I might, I wanted to have this man- my own father- in ways I could not have. I wanted to hold him, have him touch me and, most of all, I wanted to wake up beside his naked body. By the time it was time to go, the orb of the moon had started to rise above the horizon.
"You okay?" Dad asked as we started down the hill.
