From Loss To Love

This is my first story, and is dedicated to Betsy, a friend who has hopefully enjoyed exploring fantasies like this with me over the past few months

As the rain lashed against the windows of the grim college room I was sitting in, my mind drifted. The lecturers voice faded into the background, organic chemistry seemed unimportant right now. I was worried about mum. Just over a year ago dad had left us. Left us for one of his co-workers, it had been going on for months apparently, until the day he confessed to mum and I, told us he never wanted to hurt us.....it just happened. Well he did hurt us.

Mum had gone into a shell, lost all confidence. She worked hard in two jobs to keep our heads above water. I chose not to speak to dad again, mum wanted me too, but she understood and respected my feelings about him, so we never mentioned 'him' in conversation. She was sad, lonely even, but always tried to smile and tell me she was alright. I wanted to help, be there for her, make her happy even.

The sound of scraping chairs on the floor, was when I realised that the college day was over. I said my 'see you tomorrows' to my friends and wandered home. I knew I had to try harder at college and concentrate more, just passed my 18th birthday, planning on going to uni, I had to climb out of this slump. Mum would be working until 7, so when I got back to the empty house, I found a note and a chicken stew in the oven. I told her not to bother, but as usual she has gone out of her way. Okay them, eat then study all night, that will be my plan. I warm the stew, and take it up to my room. I devour the stew, and decide to grab a quick shower, before the drag of studying.

I quickly undress, and go to the bathroom. I notice that there are no fresh towels, but remember seeing some on top of the fresh laundry which ,I had noticed on mum's bed,as I walked past her room, she must not have had time to put it away earlier. I push the door of her room wider and enter. I grab the towel on top of the pile and pull it off. As I do, something falls to the floor. It was 2 pairs of mum's panties. I bend to pick them up, the silky fabric, feels nice on my fingertips. My eyes linger on them, one black pair, one white, tiny briefs. I suddenly feel a familiar tingle, almost butterflies. I stare at them, my penis begins to grow, my mind screaming contradictory thoughts. I place them back, my penis still growing and I hurry back to my room. I sit, trying to compose myself.....

'It's your mum Craig.....it's your mum.,'...

The words escape from my lips, my penis now fully erect. How can this be happening, I mean mum is an attractive woman, as my friends like to wind me up about, but attractive to me....that's a whole new ball game, and one which I was struggling with right now. My penis, is almost painfully hard now, excitement overruling sense, I rush back to mum's room, place the panties on the bed and almost instinctively, slowly start to masturbate, it feels different somehow, much nicer, I focus on the surprisingly sexy and feminine underwear on the bed, thought appearing in my minds eye, and then I explode, shooting my sperm high into the air, it seems to never stop. Eventually the climax subsides, then immediately feelings of guilt, shame even. I realise I have to clean up, the bed and floor are covered. I grab some tissues from my room, and hope that I have managed to leave the room as I found it.

The following days were filled with feelings of guilt, but, and I found it difficult to admit to myself, excitement too. When I was home alone, it was difficult to stop myself creeping into mum's room again. I tried to knuckle down and study, but eventually my mind would drift to thoughts that shouldn't be there. Then I cracked....after several cans of lager, an empty house and lowered inhibitions, i found myself exploring the top drawer in the wardrobe unit, the colours and textures, silk and lace, a black lacy g string which had my already racing heart speeding up even more.

'Wow mum,' I whisper to myself,

I came within seconds of moving my hand up and down the erection in my hand. Another clean up operation to start. This continued on and off for weeks, the alcohol was no longer needed, but the guilty feelings still stayed with me afterwards. But the nights of finding a lacy suspender belt and stockings, or a lacy g string, imagining mum in them, I just couldn't help myself.

'Craig.......have you been.....in my room for anything lately,'.....

I could barely swallow the last bite of mashed potato as we sat at the kitchen table, it felt like a cricket ball in my throat. I force it down.

'In your room mum.......er no.....why would I ......be in your room,'

The silence seemed to last an eternity.

'It's just that.......some ....things.......are not quite how I left them,'.

'Then we must have a ghost mum,' .

I feel my stomach tightening. I feel her eyes on me...

'yeah.....a ghost,' she whispers.

'Gotta get that college work finished mum,' I shout as I quickly climb the stairs.

I flop onto the bed, that's it it tell myself, it has to stop now. It doesn't of course, within a few days, I have stashed a pair in my room, a favourite pair, black quite sheer and lacy.

Friday the 18th of May, that's a day that will stay with me, that moment when I went to my secret hiding place, and realised my prize wasn't there, the sudden feeling of nausea when I realised what must have happened. What the hell do I do now.

Of course I didn't have to do anything, trying to brazen it out by strolling into the kitchen, was doomed to failure.

'Craig.......could you come here for a minute,' my stomach tensed again.

'What is it mum...I have a ton of work to catch up on,'.

'I won't keep you long..I promise,' she replies. I sit down slowly

'I was.....oh god....there is no easy way of saying this , so I will just say it......i found these in your room......when I was cleaning.' The panties drop onto the coffee table.

' I ......have no idea......,' mum cuts me short.

'This has been going on for a while Craig.....I knew weeks ago....but....it's only now I have the courage to talk to you about it.'

' I am not angry with you.....i just don't.......understand.'

' I know things have been tough for us both, but we need this out in the open.....if you can be open and honest with me.....and I hope that you can.....i would....like....need to know.' My face burns it is so red.

'You don't have to be embarrassed about this,' she whispers.

'If you want me to be honest I will mum,'.....I take a deep breath.

'At first I think I just wanted to, protect you, be there for you, I know you have been very unhappy lately. Then something just clicked....I don't know how....or why.....I don't think I ever will, but I started to see you as a beautiful, kind.........attractive woman, as well as my mum. Oh god I am so sorry, you must be so ashamed of me.'

I see a tear rolling down mums face,

' No Craig.....no......I .....just wanted to understand......thank you for your honesty......and that was a lovely thing to say.......nobody has said that to me in a long time. I don't see what you see when I look in the mirror these days.'

' I promise it won't happen again mum,' I whisper.

I look up and see more tears in mum's eyes., Sensing my anxiety , she takes my hand.

'It's okay......i'm not upset........i just know that I have the most wonderful son, now I think we both need to get some sleep and let this settle, will you lock the doors if I go up.'

'Of course mum, go and get some rest,' We both take deep breaths.

'I just want to ask you to respect my privacy.....so no more sneaking into my room, '

I nod weakly 'Of course mum,' I whisper.

As she climbs the stairs, she glances at the her underwear on the coffee table,

' You don't have to put those back in my drawer,'...mum's voice tails off as she disappears into her room.

When eventually I slump into bed, emotionally drained a little while later, does the enormity, or the significance of what mum said starts dawn on me.

The days and weeks following, that night seemed to pass very quickly, we were perfectly fine with each other, mum seemed much brighter in herself, and in turn that made me feel better, I was able to study more, my college work improved.

The divorce settlement finally came through, and mum secured the house for us and a cash lump sum, which eased the financial pressures. Things were getting better. It was mum's birthday in a week, and I wanted to do some special. I knew that she could do with a break away from work and home, a trip away maybe, we both could do with it to be honest.

Not too far as mu didn't drive, and not too expensive. York seemed ideal, I know she said she has always wanted to visit there. I spent the evening looking for hotel rooms, and as it was fairly short notice, the only ones I could find were either twins or doubles. Well a double room was out of the question, so a twin it would have to be.

Mum was late in from work that evening and looked a little tired, I had prepared some food, and we sat in front of the tv, talked about our days, and finished with a few chocolates. I had a nagging feeling that she would tell me it was a terrible idea, but I brought up in conversation, how she looked like she needed a break. As I told her, I could see her eyes light up.

'Oh Craig......that is a wonderful idea,'

Well it's your birthday mum,.....I hoped you would like it.'

She leans over and hugged me,

'The best birthday present ever,' she whispers

'I can't wait'.

Seeing her so happy made me happy too, and the following week seemed to fly as the day approached. The day before the trip, I finished college early and arrived back home to find that mum must have been back and then popped out again, as I passed her bedroom, something caught my eye.

Mums travel case was on the bed, with what looked like new underwear next to it on the bed, I could just make out the tags, could just see it was black and lacy. My heart started thudding, the feelings I had tried to suppress, were back again.

I promised mum I would respect her privacy, but, maybe if i just peeked in a little. I immediately felt almost sick with excitement, as I pushed the door open a little, I heard a key in the front door almost froze in shock, but managed to skip across the landing to my room, my heart thumping as I sat on my bed. I realised my cock was hard, I masturbated, cumming hard.

Eventually I went downstairs said hi to mum, we ate chatted about our days, and about the arrangements for tomorrow. 'The train is at 11.00 am son, so we need to be ready for the taxi to the station at 10.15'. ' I know mum, you always have everything organised'. For the rest of the evening I catch up on some college work, and get an early night, sleep comes easy.

The next day goes like clockwork with mums organisation, the taxi is on time, the train is on time, and we arrive in York on time. A further taxi to the hotel follows and we check in. Mum seems happy, as we enter the lift, chatting away, a little nervously maybe. Mum checks the key number, and we find the door.

' I could only get a twin mum......., so we will have to manage,' I smile trying to make a joke of it.

The door opens and we enter. I immediately notice the bed situation, this is a double room.

'Mum....there must have been some mistake.......I booked a twin.....I will go back down to reception and get it changed.'

As I drop the bags, mum grips my hand......' 'No Craig....it's okay, I am sure we will manage somehow.'

Oh no.....does mum think I did this deliberately....my mind was racing, but before I could dig myself into a deeper hole, mum took control of the situation.

'Come on.....lets get changed and see what this city has to offer.'

I regain my composure, ' Yeah, it's your birthday treat mum....your rules.'

I sit out on the balcony while mum got changed and then we swap places, eventually leaving the hotel to explore. We spend the afternoon, exploring the city, visiting the Roman historical sights, the cobbled streets with quirky shops, popping into a couple of bars for a drink, losing track of time. Outside of a restaurant, I gaze at the menu. Mum tries to pull me along.

'Craig...that is way too expensive for us.'

'It's not mum....come on,' I drag her in as she protests.

'There should be table for 2 booked under the name of Johnson,' I confidently confirm to the waitress. The look on mum's face is priceless.

'Craig......you shouldn't have.....I wasn't expecting any of this.'

' I know mum.....it's your birthday remember.......SUPRISE.'

Mum grips my hand as the waitress led up to our table. I am handed the wine list and I confidently order a bottle of Australian red.

'You sound like you have done this before son,' mum enquires.

I laugh, ' Er no.....i am just bluffing mum.....and in any case ...you are the first lady I have taken to dinner.'

Mum smiles, taking my hand, ' thank you.......thank you so much for this.'

'It's my pleasure mum.' I reply.

We slowly work our way through three courses of the best food I have ever tasted, talking about anything and everything, hardly noticing that we are halfway through a second bottle of wine.

' You look amazing tonight by the way mum .'

I raise my glass....'happy birthday mum.' Our glasses clink together.

' I can't thank you enough Craig.....you have made me feel....I can't really explain......so much happier.'

' If you are happy......I am happy mum.'

We finish of the wine and I ask for the bill. We decide to head back to the hotel for a nightcap, and enjoy a cocktail each in the bar, before heading for the lift. For the first time this evening there in silence as the lift climbs.

' I'll sleep on the couch mum...the birthday girl can have the bed.'

Mum looks at me.....' That couch is tiny.....I am sure the bed will be big enough for us both.'

Silence again as my throat seems to tighten, then the lift bell 'pings' and we step into the corridor, walking to our room, and I open the door.

' I don't mind the couch mum.'

' Hey it's fine there is plenty of room in the bed.....you get sorted first and then I will.' I nod, my stomach churning slightly, as I start to brush my teeth.

'Your turn mum,' I shout as I leave the bathroom.

Mum smiles and takes my place. I stare at the bed, it seems smaller than when I first saw it. I kick my shoes off, and put the tv on, lowering the volume. I can't very well sleep in my jeans so I take them off, followed by my socks, leaving me in my black boxer shorts. I then climb into the soft bed, lying on my back, and gaze at the tv.

I notice movement in the mirror on the wall opposite and realise at this angle, I can see mum in the bathroom, through the slightly ajar door. My heart seems to skip a beat, as I see mum standing at the sink, she is in the lacy black bra and panties I noticed on her bed the previous day.

The fabric barely covering the shapely bottom beneath. I try to avert my eyes, by looking at the tv, but I am drawn back. I feel the familiar urge of sexual arousal, and my cock starts to stiffen. 'Oh no.......not now.....' my my mind reeling, knowing I should look away but unable to do so. Mum moves out of sight and I hear the bathroom light click off.

I quickly turn onto my side. Luckily my penis starts to soften, just in time.

'Are you still awake Craig,' mum whispers.

'Yeah mum...shall I switch the tv off,' I ask.

'No, not just yet,'

I feel mum climb in next to me. I turn onto my back , and we start to watch a film. I had forgotten what it was like to have someone beside me in bed.

It's nice,' mum whispers.

I nod nervously, mumbling 'yeah' under my breath.

My eyes feel heavy, and as I start to drift off, my mind wanders to what I saw in the bathroom, I am dreaming, imagining touching the soft skin, my fingers sliding into the top of those sexy panties. Something makes my eyes open. I see the light of the tv, the volume turned down low. Mum has her head resting on my shoulder. I feel cool air on my legs, the duvet, must have moved. my eyes move down, I stop breathing. I am erect and my penis is sticking out of the side of my shorts.

'Oh no....oh please be asleep mum', I think to myself.

I carefully glance to the side, mum's eyes are open, and looking directly at my now painfully hard cock. Mum, sensing that I have stopped breathing, looks me in the eye,

' Oh god mum......I am so sorry......i must have been ....dreaming.......I knew I should have taken the couch....., I will get out and sleep there.'

' Craig .....no......don't worry about it........you were dreaming.......you said ' mum' in your sleep. You were dreaming about me.' My heart is thudding in my chest.

' I never thought I could be attractive to anyone again......I couldn't take my eyes off,' .....she glances down, ' off .....you.'

I watch as mums fingers move down my chest, over my stomach, to the thick pubic hair.

'It's ok,' she whispers in my ear, as her hand grips my penis. I gasp.

'It's ok,' she whispers again.

'I'm here for you now.'

Her hand moves slowly up and down, very gently masturbating me. My breath comes in shorts gasps, it feels, and looks amazing. Slowly and gently her hand moves. The duvet slides of mum and I gaze at her beautiful figure.

She smiles, my eyes glance at her breasts, covered by the black lacy bra.

' I can take it off........if it will help you.' she whispers. I nod slowly and mum lets go of my penis to unclip her bra, before letting it fall.

'Oh.......so beautiful,'' i gasp. Mum smiles again, looking me in the eye, before taking hold of my penis and starting to masturbate me again.

The sight of her breasts, the soft white skin, sends me over the edge, I feel my balls begin to tighten, 'oh my god,' I gasp.

Mum senses this and whispers in my ear again, 'It's okay son.......i know you need this.......I understand.'

I cum like I have never cum before. I hear mum gasp, ' Oh Craig........yes......just let it go,'

I see the cum shooting from me as mums hand moves quickly now. Eventually the spasms subside, I am breathing hard. Mum leans over for a tissue and cleans up where she can. '

Craig.......I know.....i shouldn't have done that....but....I ..I can understand your feelings.....I wanted to .....be close to someone again.....does that make sense.'

'Yes mum.......it does.....and it was amazing......you are amazing.' I see a tear roll down mum's face.

'And you are the best son in the world, you say the nicest things,' I hug mum tightly, and we lie on our backs her arm wrapped around me.

We lie in silence for a while and then I brush my fingers over mums stomach. She moans very slightly, my hand moves to the soft skin of her breast. Gently stroking, I hear her breathing change.

I whisper in her ear, 'it's okay mum,' repeating her exact words to me....'it's okay.......i'm here for you now.'

I see a smile on her lips, she opens her eyes and looks into mine ' I know you are, and I can't think of anyone else I would rather be with right now.'

My hand caresses the soft skin, the hard nipple, I gently kiss it, suck on it, mum strokes my hair 'That feels so nice,' she whispers.

I explore every inch of her breasts with my fingers and lips. I move my hand back down to her stomach, reaching the top of her panties. I can feel mum trembling slightly, I move the sheet back, I just need to see. I am erect again, and I can feel mums gaze on me as I admire the black lacy panties, sitting up slightly so that I can see better.

'Very sexy,' I whisper as I run my fingers along the top elasticated edge, mum smiles,

' Thank you Craig,' she replies, looking me in the eye.