Forbidden Lover
"Oh my gosh," my daughter, Haley, said as she got in the car. We'd finished loading the groceries into the trunk and were just starting our drive back from the grocery store. It was the weekend after Thanksgiving and we were stocking back up on things, especially for Haley. Being a single mom, it was a little more difficult for her. Her mom and I were doing everything we could to take care of her. "How did you and mom ever do it when I was a baby?"
I laughed. "It wasn't easy, I'll tell you that. Even being married."
"How did she stay sane?" Haley laughed, half-heartedly. "I am so worn out. I don't know what I would do without you two."
"It's worth it for us, too, pumpkin," I said. "Having you and Benjamin around is so nice. We're very happy to help any time we can. Especially if it means being able to spend time with him."
"I just... I really appreciate you for helping me," she said. "I've had to grow up so fast in the past year. But it really has been worth it. I'm so happy to have Benjamin in my life."
"He's such a cute boy," I said.
"Just like his daddy," Haley laughed softly.
I glanced at her, then looked back to the road. Her having the baby like she did was not something I wanted to think about much less talk about.
"And I'm so glad mom took him to Aunt Jenny's today," she said excitedly. "It's like the first time I've had without the crying and... oh my gosh, the biting. You know, what would make this even better would be if someone else could breast-feed him. My boobs are just so tender, Dad." She grabbed her breasts and squeezed them a little as if working the aches out. "And my nipples. I mean, he just clamps down on that thing and kinda bites it. Even though he doesn't have teeth it's just... ow..."
I knew what she meant. Lisa, her mom, complained of the same thing when she was born.
"They've gotten so big," she said, lifting and squeezing her breasts as if measuring their weight and size. "It's so different. I've barely gotten used to them. I had to practically buy all new clothes."
Out of the corner of my eye, I watched her playing with her own breasts through her clothing. I had to admit it, I'm a breast man, and her breasts must've grown two sizes since she became pregnant. It was extremely noticeable and, I had to say, extremely arousing. She was my daughter, but I love boobs pretty much any way I can see them.
"But, I'll stop complaining now," she said. "I just want to spend the whole day with my Dad. Like the good-old days. Oh my gosh, when was the last time me and you just spent time alone together?"
She let the question hang in the air for a moment. She remembered before I did.
"I remember the last time... it was just us... on the couch in the living room," she said, smiling as if she was enjoying the memory. "Thanksgiving... last year. It seems so long ago. Do you remember?"
Yeah, I remembered. I've tried to block out that day so many times, but I can't. It should have been traumatic for both Haley and me... but for some reason, it wasn't. I remembered it very fondly.
"We were sitting on the couch, watching a movie together," she continued. "And... mom and Aunt Jenny were out shopping all day long trying to catch all the good sales. I got tired and I laid down on your lap."
It seemed like a long time ago, but it really wasn't. The memory was very fresh in both of our minds.
"And I... I felt you... I felt you Dad," she smiled at me, "for the first time."
"Oh, God, baby," I said, shaking my head. "We shouldn't... we shouldn't talk about this."
"What? Why?" she asked, shocked I'd say something like that. "It's just us. Why don't you want to talk about it?"
"It... it happened ok?" I said. I was scared. I was really scared. "I... I just don't want anyone to find out."
"It's just... you're talking about it with me," she said. "It's a big deal, Dad. So, you want to just go through life and never talk about it with me?"
"Not really, no," I said gruffly. I didn't mean to sound sour. It was just a moment I wasn't proud of... a moment of profound weakness.
"You're trying to tell me that you don't even think about it?" she asked. "You don't even want to acknowledge that by the time mom got back home that night I was pregnant? Dad, how can we just pretend that it never happened?"
"I'm not pretending it didn't happen," I said. "It was just... wrong. And I... I just... if anyone ever finds out, pumpkin."
"Dad, it wasn't wrong," she said. "I mean, it doesn't have to happen again, but you don't have to feel bad about it. It was just something in the moment that we both needed."
"Pumpkin," I said, shaking my head slowly. I didn't even know what to say. But bringing this up, talking about what happened a year ago, wasn't going to do anyone any good. "But the things I made you do."
"No... you didn't make me do anything," she said. "It does take two and I was just as into it as you were. We both needed it."
"It's just..."
"Dad, I have to admit something to you," she said. "It... it feels like you've been avoiding me... or something... ever since you got me pregnant. And I don't... I don't want it to be that way. I want it to be like the old days."
"I know, baby," I said. "I'm sorry. I just feel guilty. You know?"
"That's not all, Dad," she said, laying her hand on my arm. "I don't know about you, but when I think about... that day... it gets me... you know... excited."
"Oh... pumpkin," I said, shaking my head slowly.
"Why are you acting this way, Dad?"
"Because, pumpkin. If your Mom finds out... it'll kill her."
"Can you not worry about anything for just a second and listen to me?" she asked, getting a little upset with me. "I know that it's hard to have things be the same as before... and I know I'm not your little girl any more. But I can be so much more for you now. I can be a woman for you. And Mom doesn't ever have to know. I just need you. I need you so bad. I want to feel you inside me again."
I looked straight ahead. What she was saying... what she was implying... was, frankly, getting me excited again. Even the guilt from the last time wasn't enough to stop me from feeling this way. I loved her... so deeply... and I wanted her so badly. I still fantasized and masturbated to the things we did last year.
"I know you want me Daddy," she said, sounding like a little girl again. "I just... I just want to know that you still love me... even after what happened."