"Oh, uhm. Yeah, haha. Just realizing how cold it is and how grateful I am to have a brother like you!" I quip nervously, stumbling over the words. "I can walk the rest of the way you know. I'm awake now."
All but ignoring me as we reach the top of the stairs, he replies, "Heh! Happy to take care of you. But are you sure that's all sis? You seem...I don't know... nervous or something?" Sammy says quizzically and furrows his brow.
With my heart beginning to jackhammer wildly in my chest, "Uhmmm, must just be from the cold! I might've gotten pneumonia if you hadn't rescued me ya know! I think I'm just startled from being woken up and everything. I'm fine Sammy. Honest." I say as we finally reach my bedroom door.
Sammy leans a shoulder forward and grasps the door knob to gain entry. I realize that I've been dumbfoundedly staring at him with my head resting against his chest this entire time. I would imagine that if you wanted to create a picture dictionary, you could place a picture of Sammy under the words handsome, gorgeous, perfection and oh so many others.
His dark brown hair and beautiful emerald green eyes are mesmerizing. Breathtaking in fact. His lips are full and his jaw squared. I guess I've shamefully never really took notice on just how beautiful he really is. Of all times to notice such a thing it would be now! Just my luck! It is hard looking away and my nerves are getting the better of me. I feel my nipples pebble and goosebumps break out across my skin. I find that I am acutely aware of the warmth my body is leeching from his. Before I even know what I'm doing, I catch myself closing my eyes and inhaling his scent deeply. It's not until I open my eyes back up that I realize that Sammy has been staring back down at me oddly. We've stopped just inside my room now and I start panicking, wondering how long we'd been standing still and what my brother is now thinking. How much has he seen?! Does he know where my mind just went or that I was smelling him?
WTF is wrong with me?!? I think. Get a grip Jossie! I tell myself. In my nervousness, I gulp a deep breath of air and clear my throat. "You can put me down now..." I sputter.
As if finally clueing into the weird vibes, Sammy drops my legs gently to the floor. "Alright Jossie, I'm gonna run down and grab your towel and phone. You really should get changed. I'll be right back in a minute." Sammy says, trying to fill the silence.
"K." I squeak out as I watch him exit the room.
I don't want to move. I am too wound up like a bungee cord that might snap, but after finally starting to take stock of myself, I shiver and suppose he is right. The last thing I want is to be sitting around miserable for a week from catching a cold. I stumble from my former statuesque like stance and make my way to the dresser, pulling out a pair of white panties from the top drawer and then a white nightie dress from the third drawer. I place my nightie on the edge of my bed as I walk to the mirror. I reach it as one immediate thought enters my mind. Hot shower. Ooh yes! That sounds heavenly! Just then, I hear a knock at the door and know tha it's Sammy. I tell him to come in.
"Here's your phone and sunglasses. I threw your towel in the hamper. You need anything else?" he asks.
I look back at him through the bedroom mirror with my white panties mid air. He looks red faced and nervous.
"Thanks Sammy, no. I'm actually going to go take a hot shower though so I'll see you in a bit. Maybe we can watch a movie or something before bed." I say smiling genuinely at my big brother. I really do adore him! I don't understand what is happening to make this all so weird but I want to break the tension and steer us back on track.
He looks somewhat easier, as though he's released a long held breath from his body. His shoulders even seem to visibly relax. "Sounds good! Matty probably wont be home in time though. He had to meet James and Mark for band practice. See you in a bit sis!"
"Oh, ok." I say, remembering Matty and his band "Set in Stone" have practice again this week before their big performance at Alva in three weeks. They really are awesome. I can't really choose any one band that they would line up with. They are sort of a mix between BMTH, Breaking Benjamin and Sleeping With Sirens, but impossible for me to really describe.
Matty is the lead vocalist and sometimes plays the guitar too. He's a jack of all trades really and not just in regard to his band. He's got jet black hair and icy grey eyes. God help you if you look too deeply into them as you really could drown. He's got a strong jaw with dimples that could melt an iceberg. He's tall and thin but very cut. He's got that typical swoon worthy rocker style but underneath all of those layers you'll find the heart of a teddy bear. Only a few people really know that about him. Just those close to him really. He shows it to me though and tries to hide it usually. His act has never fooled me of course as I know him too well.
If he isn't at band practice or playing a gig, you can usually find him at home or with Sammy. They like to work on cars or check out new bands and go to concerts. Sometimes I tag along too. Anytime I want to join in, they never seem bothered by it. I guess I'm really blessed when it comes to my brothers. I've never really felt like I was their annoying little sister. More like one of the guys growing up. I guess you could expect us to be really close since our parents died a few years back when their company plane crashed during a business trip in Canada. Matty stepped up and took custody of Sammy and I, and with what our parents left us, we were able to live comfortably.
Sammy is only 11 months younger than Matty at 20. I just turned 18 three months ago and was fixing to graduate this year. We learned to take care of each other and between the three of us, our day to day lives are pretty smoothly run. I take care of most of the housework and cooking. Sammy takes care of the outside house work, like the yard and pool. Matty earns a fairly steady paycheck playing with his band so he gets away with mostly just helping take care of the vehicle maintenance and often though will still Sammy with some of the yard work. We are a well oiled machine. We have to be. It is just us against the world now.
Life is just life. It wasn't however really until this last year or so that I started to celebrate my femininity. I had been so wrapped up in learning how to step into the woman's role in the house. There was the cooking, cleaning, laundry and shopping to do. There are no off days when you are responsible for running a home and during that initial time after losing Mom and Dad, I was grateful for the distraction that all of the responsibilities afforded me. I had my two men to take care of after all and it was my top priority. I want them to be happy and feel responsible to meet their every need. During the end of my junior year though, I began to realize that I had stopped taking care of myself. I had become complacent in all things comfortable. I had never really dabbled in makeup extensively nor did I have time for it. Once I had gotten through the grief of losing our parents and once I finally learned to juggle my household responsibilities, I was able to start taking stock of my personal upkeep. I began wearing makeup - not too much though as I preferred a more natural look, and I started playing with my hair. I loved braids and loose beach waves. They are my go to look. I started altering my fashion sense as well. I don't dress scantily, but I admit to loving my mini skirts, short shorts, lower cut tops and sun dresses. I started to feel like a new person. Taking care of myself and getting to express myself outwardly felt freeing. I was finally able to look in the mirror and feel good about myself. It has allowed me to be someone other than just the girl who lost her parents and was trying to hold it together. Now I am finally just 'me!'
Matty and Sammy seemingly took notice of the changes in me because they started becoming much more protective than usual. I noticed them watching me when I wasn't looking at them. I guess they were just worried about me and I learned to ignore their gaze. Or rather, now I've just gotten used to it. I've heard rumors that Sammy warned the male population in school away from me. I don't really believe it though. I'm just a plain girl that most people don't pay any attention too. I'm too intellectual and introverted in my opinion. I know I'm pretty, but just in a plain, average way.
Its funny really, I used to wish I was one of those girls that could stop men in their tracks and make them trip over themselves, but I soon realized how ridiculously shallow that was and more so, who would want a guy so focused on just looks anyways? Honestly! I can't imagine he would have much depth to him.
Closing the bathroom door and turning on the shower, I peel the wet bikini off of my body and quickly step in under the hot spray of water. The spray works against my muscles and relieves the strain that my afternoon swim has placed on them.
Oh my, how good that feels after being chilled for so long. I rotate around, allowing my body temperature to become one with the water before grabbing my shampoo and squeezing a dollop into my palm. Placing it back on the shelf I begin to massage it into my scalp. Rinsing and repeating with the conditioner. I take my time and grab my body wash and loofah. I make nice work of cleansing my body of the days grime. I wash my face and then grab my razor. I lather my legs and work up and down until they are smooth. Rinsing off and getting ready to get out, I have the thought to shave south of the equator. It could wait a day or two but for some reason I have an impossible need to do it now. With razor and cream back in hand, I take the extra minutes to do a good job.
