Things are getting dangerous out there. I refer, of course, to the passions of political correctness. Like about sex.
This is not about me. A guy I see occasionally told me.
It is a warm, inviting June evening in East Hampton, where I live, and my friend is at a small party on his private terrace over the bay (costs less than over the ocean).
Not super comfortable, for him, right now-except wine and martinis, your choice, and evening settling in peacefully...
He and his wife, Selena, have guests: Selena's friend, Karen, her husband, Michael, and their big, strapping gay son in his twenties, Peter. Comfortable chairs, chaises if desired, drinks and snacks all around. Some perfect pink and orange clouds over the far reaches of Peconic Bay.
Why not super comfortable? Well, Karen is woman in her early fifties, strikingly attractive in a fashionably skinny way. Her dirty blond hair is clipped short. Though small and slender, she has failed to suppress her full boobs, still firm hillocks with nipples pressing for attention under her blouse. But about that she gives not a poop, right now.
My friend, Bill, is in his early forties. Good-looking, athletic. He does not approve of gays. He has reasons he claims come from his experience as editor of a journal on brain science. He does not dislike gays; but he thinks that clearly they have a "disability" (missing a piece of the brain that motivates reproductive behavior) but deserve no prejudice or discrimination, at all. Imagine how pleased gays are to hear that.
Unfortunately, Karen has heard from Selena, who has known Karen since summer camp in the seventh grade, when they first got together to sneak into the woods to meet guys from a boy's camp.
Karen, who never dreamed of having a gay son, is like a lioness about Peter, over-the-moon with indignation at Bill's view of gays. She could kill this less-than-human bigoted jerk.
And now, this enticing evening, lifting the Chardonnay, she is going on and on—in her charming, lightly humorous, viciously castrating way—about how she LOVES Bill, of course, but he is SO homophobic, full of fears, deeply insecure about his manhood. She laughs, jokes about the size of his dick, and says Bill, a benighted male supremacist—would rather DIE than suck Peter's cock-just to take a silly example.
Bill's wife, Selena, nods. She is with Karen. Yes, Bill has "nice qualities," but enlightenment about LGBTQIA is not one of them.
She listens sympathetically as Karen stomps all over Bill's masculinity. Peter, the young gay guy, is twice as mature as anyone else. His mother is raving on, talking as though Peter gives a shit about a blowjob from Bill, and Peter is still able to enjoy the evening. His "disability" is limited to inclination to reproduction.
Suddenly, Bill is saying, in keeping with the evening's banter, "I would be intrigued to suck a man's dick."
"Oh, yeah!" snorts Karen with a horse laugh.
Bill says, "If Peter takes it out and orders me to go down, I go down."
Karen's lovely, refined face, with the cute blond pixie cut, is now flushed bright red. Before she can say anything, Bill says, "It's a boner fide offer."
"Karen's little body is now animated. She rises to her feet, "Don't make a joke out of this Bill!"
"Getting me hot," says Peter, with a grin. He must be the most lad-back guy on the planet.
As I said, Bill is a shapely guy, good-looking—and not all straight guys offer a gay guy a blowjob.
Karen is recovering. Regaining her footing. She says, her voice trembling a little: "Sure, if it's okay with Selena. You are excused! Go and do it!"
"No," says Bill, shaking is head. "Nope. This was a public challenge. I must do it here. Show no embarrassment. Right where you can watch and see I'm doing it right."
For the first time, we hear from Karen's husband, Michael, a kindly country doctor with a practice in Newport, Rhode Island. He is chuckling with appreciation of what life brings. He says: "It's a boner fide offer, Karen. It's a challenge." (One has a sneaking suspicion that Michael has had it up to here, or even higher, with Karen's preaching.)
"I'm okay with it," says Selena, rolling her eyes as she looks at Bill.
Karen is going berserk: "So I have to watch, while..."
Her son, Peter, who should be freaking out, says calmly, "You don't have to watch it, Mom. We'll forget. Points for Bill."
Karen is lowering herself into her chair, reaching for the wine. It is a climactic moment.
Bill says, "While do it, I want to be able to look at Karen's tits. That's what turns me on. Just like sucking Peter's dick turns him on. It's all natural and okay."