Footlong (Part 3)
Kathryn M. Burke
"You know, Samantha, that your Aunt Clara is coming by tomorrow."
Samantha slapped her forehead. "Omigod, I totally forgot!" She gazed plangently at her mother. "Mom, what are we going to do?"
"What do you mean, dear?"
"Oh, come on, Mom! Aunt Clara isâwell, the word 'prude' wouldn't even begin to cover it."
"You exaggerate, dear."
"I don't think so. I'm half inclined to think she's a virgin!"
"She's not a virgin." Florence's voice was tight.
"Have you ever seen her with a man?"
"N-no."
"And I don't suppose she's a lesbian."
"No, she's not a lesbian. No problem if she was, but I'm quite sure she isn't."
"So I repeat: what we are going to do? I mean, about Julius."
"Don't worry, dear, we'll manage."
Clara was Florence's sister, two years her elder. Ever since Samantha had known her, Clara had come across as some kind of gorgon, disapproving of just about anything that by the wildest stretch of the imagination could have been called sexual: women's clothes (tank tops, miniskirts, low-cut blouses, even tight-fitting jeansâand don't even mention lingerie), cosmetics, bad language (even "damn" and "hell" were
verboten
in her presence), and on and on. On those rare occasions when Samantha had brought a boyfriend over to the house when Clara was there, the poor boy was made to feel as if he were a mix between Charles Manson and a
Playgirl
model.
So there was a real concern as to how Clara would respond to Julius's presence, especially as Clara was planning to spend a full week at the house. She wouldn't give a damn (oops!) that Julius was black; but the fact that he was occupying Samantha's bedroom would surely elicit a towering condemnation of her niece's utter spiritual degradation. And if Clara ever found that he occasionally occupied her sister's bedroomâoh, man, would there be fireworks!
For all Florence's apparent lack of concern, it was clear she too was apprehensive of what Clara would do or say. Florence had felt the need, in a phone call just before Clara arrived, to clue her sister inâquickly and hesitantlyâon Julius's presence, and the frigid silence that had met Florence upon the delivery of this news was not encouraging.
So when Clara finally arrived one morning, both Florence and Samantha received her as if their executioner had come to the house. They both knew that Clara wasn't big on demonstrations of emotion, so they each gave her a tiny little peck on the cheek after she'd entered and doffed her coat.
Julius, poor man, hadn't been warned at all of the potentially hostile reception he might get. Thinking well of everyone as he customarily did, he sauntered out of the kitchenâwhere he had been finishing a big breakfast he'd prepared for himself and the two womenâto greet this new female. As he caught sight of her, he extended a hand and said, "Hello, ma'am, I'm Julius."
And that's when something strange happened.
Clara, rising up to her full stature (she was a robust five foot ten, although quite slender), suddenly seemed to stumble as Julius approached her. In fact, her knees buckled, and she would have fallen to the floor if the ever-resourceful Julius hadn't leaped forward and caught her by the waist, holding her upright by drawing her close to himself.
Samantha clapped a hand to her mouth as she saw the spectacle.
Omigod! Aunt Clara is going to chew his face off at this unwelcome intimacy, even if it was meant to save her from injury.
But Clara did nothing of the sort. Instead, after her initial surprise she snaked her arms around Julius's neck and clung to him even more tightly than he was holding her. Samantha could see Julius's puzzled expression as he clutched his girlfriend's auntâand both of them were even more astonished when they caught Clara giving Julius little kisses on his neck that she somehow hoped wouldn't be noticed by anyone.
After more than a minute, Clara reluctantly pried herself out of Julius's grasp.
"I'm so sorry, Julius," she said in a subdued and almost submissive tone, "I must have tripped over my feet. Thank you for coming to my aid."
"My pleasure, ma'am," he said, a bit dazed. "Didn't want you to hurt yourself."
Everyone tried to pretend that this little incident had never happened, but over the next few days it became clear that Clara wasâat least as far as this impressive young man was concernedâa changed woman.
Even more than Florence before she'd welcomed Julius to her bed, Clara now began fawning all over him in every possible way. As a forty-seven-year-old woman with apparently little experience in romance, her actions were occasionally awkward and even embarrassing, but to Samantha, at least, the overall message Clara was sending was unmistakable.
My God, I think my aunt wants to go to bed with my boyfriend.
It is difficult to convey the cognitive dissonance that this thoughtâwhich Florence had come to alsoâwas causing. One afternoon when they were alone, mother and daughter tentatively worked their way around to the subject.
"So . . . what is it with Aunt Clara?" Samantha said.
"I wish I could tell you," Florence replied. "I've never seen her this wayâalmost never."
"You really don't think . . .?"
"Think what?"
Samantha shook her head, saying largely to herself, "No, it's impossible."
Florence knew what her daughter was thinking. "I don't know that it is."
"Mom, you can't possibly believe that after all this timeâ"
"What do you mean, 'all this time'?"
"You know what I mean! I'm still not sure she's
ever
had a manâbut I can't imagine she's had one for, what? twenty years or more."
"How could you possibly know that, dear?"
"Okay, I've obviously not lived with her. But the way she's always behavedâ"
"There may be a reason for that."
"What reason?"
"I don't think I should say."
Samantha glared at her mother. "Mom, what do you know that you're not telling me?"
"I don't
know
anything. I have my suspicions, that's all."
"Suspicions that she's gone to bed with a manâor more than one?" Samantha laughed incredulously. "I literally can't even conceive of such a thing."
"People are always surprising you, dear. Don't think you know them, or know everything about them."