"So my brother and I had sex." Hannah wrote out plain and simple as she tried to write her first diary entry. It had been 3 months since the night of the storm. For 3 months Hannah kept this secret. After countless restless nights, she had hoped writing about it would bring some sort of catharsis.
By now she knew that their risky activity had no consequences. She was inexperienced but she knew enough to understand what could happen if sex was unprotected. She wondered if it ever crossed her brother's mind. If he ever noticed her looking in the full body mirror for any changes. If he ever thought about what he may have left inside her.
"I don't even know where to start." She sat at her desk and really tried to go through the details of that night. Up until then she had only gone through the emotions of the aftermath. It was hard enough having a secret so dark. Hannah was now feeling other things she never felt as well.
"I didn't know what horny meant until my v-card was swiped." She winced as her gel pen scribbled. She recalled the morning after. Her emotions, among other things were raw. She was grateful she could tumble in bed all morning. She thought long and hard about all the things that were touched for the first time.
"That was the first time I..." She recalled that by mid-day she had still not left her room. It was warm as her mother always turned the central air off when she was at work. This was different though. Hannah laid in her bed in a layer of dew. Her boy shorts contoured her thick thighs and she brushed her sweaty blonde bangs away so she could peer up at the ceiling with her big blue eyes. She tried not to think about how bad she felt about what they did, but she was still ripe with her and her siblings' scent.
When she reached down her panties were drenched. She had never seen her clit before but when she looked down it subtly tented the front of her panties. She grazed it over the fabric with her fingertips but couldn't stand how sensitive it was. Still the heartbeat that it seemed to be the source of, begged for attention.
Although she thought she would die; she gently slid her hands down her waistband. It slid between her two fingers. It was only a matter of seconds before she felt the odd sensation in her belly and nether region. She tried not to make any noise as her opening firmly contracted.
Her guilty deeds made her feel bad enough. The fact that she was a squirter made it even worse. Not that she knew what a squirter was. She tightened her big butt and thrust her hips into the air. Her fresh cooter squeezed for joy and she felt hot fluid drip down her thighs and on to her bed. Just like last time. She remembered landing her tush down on the bedspread and splashing into a puddle.
Hannah laughed over her journal entry. "That's right. I peed." She grimaced. Everything about the situation made her cringe. It did feel good to let it out though. It was like having someone listen to her troubles. She closed out her first entry sincerely. "I don't know why we did what we
did. It felt wrong until it felt right. I can't help but feel like I'm his now but he still hasn't talked to me about that night." She looked up from her book but still had something to say. "It's probably better this way but if we never talk about this
As she put her pen down she reached over and grabbed a dirty towel from the laundry closet and put it between her feet. Hannah still felt guilty about masturbating but it was the only thing that cleared her head now. As she spilled onto the floor she imagined all her anxiety being juiced out of her. "This is really messed up." She thought.
Hannah would have continued writing, but after a few days she felt like she had written down anything she could have ever thought on the matter. The final thoughts she always landed on was about how he might feel about the matter. Was he just as ashamed as she was? Would they ever confront each other about it? Or worse; would it ever get "weird" between them like that again.
Hannah knew she probably shouldn't purify what they did by saying "it got weird". It sure was easier to swallow. Incest certainly was "weird". Despite the neverending mental gymnastics she played in her head, Hannah finally felt like she was in a good place. A place where the rain that started 3 months before it started to break. Unfortunately life was just as predictable as the weather.
Summer rolled around and by that time things seemed to settle back down where they should be. Hannah and her brother even started talking again. The little arguments they had about
things like bathroom time and who ate the last cookie returned. It almost made her smile after they'd have one of their little tiffs about nothing.
Still Hannah looked at her brother hard to see if there was a break in the lining. Some crack where she could peer into him and see how he truly felt about that night. Shed shutter on the few occasions leering at the fabric of his soul. He was an iron curtain of mystery on the topic.
Like the years before there were plans to stay with an aunt up north in the mountains. Their mother always saw fit to have them stay a few weeks as they'd now be home all day while she works long hours. Their cousins Amy and Andrew were older and out of school, but Hannah was still excited to see them as they were always fun to hang with.
When they arrived they received a warm welcome from their aunt. They'd be staying in the spare room together, and that didn't seem weird at all. That's what Hannah told herself at least. Nothing ever changed in that room including the large bed tucked in the corner for them to share. Hannah insisted to her beating heart that it would be fine. They were sister and brother after all.
They spent most of their day catching up with their aunt. Hannah had to convince herself before she told her aunt how "same old same old" life had been. The minute she had the opportunity to break away she put on her swimsuit. She practically lived in it when they were up in the mountains.
It was a black halter top that secured her pale breasts and a high waisted bottom. The back of which exposed her lunar cheeks as it was cut like a thong. Off Hannah went to spend the day in the small grove of trees at an old picnic table. She basked in the secluded sun and looked up at the low clouds descending from the elevations in the distance.